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RE: How "Pushable" are your Limits. - 7/11/2010 1:12:52 PM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline 		QSM, of course You don't have to accept a sub if their limits are too "limiting". i think that You've already said that having accepted a sub's limits, You would always honor them. So, You're not actually forcing a sub to go against their hard limits. But You reserve the right to try to talk them out of it before the relationship starts. If You don't like their limits, and they won't change them, then You walk away instead of beginning a relationship or scene. i would do the same thing. If i was talking to a prospective Dom, and we couldn't get our limits to match up, then i would say "no, Thank You". You have every right to do that. i think we all do.

pam

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RE: How "Pushable" are your Limits. - 7/11/2010 1:25:11 PM   
AQuietSimpleMan


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quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

QSM, of course You don't have to accept a sub if their limits are too "limiting". i think that You've already said that having accepted a sub's limits, You would always honor them. So, You're not actually forcing a sub to go against their hard limits. But You reserve the right to try to talk them out of it before the relationship starts. If You don't like their limits, and they won't change them, then You walk away instead of beginning a relationship or scene. i would do the same thing. If i was talking to a prospective Dom, and we couldn't get our limits to match up, then i would say "no, Thank You". You have every right to do that. i think we all do.

pam


I agree....

I also like saying that I reserve the right to address a discussion on a limit at a later date.

This one goes usually with Needles, Fireplay (Which I don't do anymore), and Blade/Scalpal play, or Knife Play. It is difficult to convince someone that they have nothing to worry about when it comes to these types of play... So I take them to a Demo or an Exhibituion on them. Afterward I have them talk to the Models or the person doing the demo and even if they don't wanna talk I'll ask lots of questions.... then we will discuss what we learned.

I consider this pushing a Limit because I know what the reality of the danger is but you can't convince them of that without giving them what they need to experience the idea in a safe manner.

I have done this with many things.

Like I said the majority of women I have been with had "Limits" when we started that did not remain Limits.

QSM

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RE: How "Pushable" are your Limits. - 7/11/2010 1:26:52 PM   
DaddysInkedSlut


Posts: 1837
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Status: offline 		I think limits should be discussed openly and honestly. I think BOTH the D-type and s-type need to understand what they are why they are there. There are some limits like anal for me that someone could push. However, there are some limits like the canes and crops that could be harmful to me on a mental and emtional level and if a D-type where to push that limit could infact destroy our relationship. I would however, NEVER get involved with someone who enjoyed using canes or crops that would be asking him to give up something that he truly enjoyed and I am just not that selfish nor that naive to think it would never be broached or pushed.

The reality is sometimes limits change, activities may be removed as limits or added as limits as we learn and grow within ourselves, our relationships and within the world around us.There are things I have never done but I dont list those things as limits because honestly I dont know if I would enjoy them or not. I may state from jump the idea doesn't sound appealing to me, however; who knows under the right circumstance. If we lie to ourselves or our partners about those things or our needs I think it could be very ugly for both the D-type and s-type.



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RE: How "Pushable" are your Limits. - 7/11/2010 1:33:54 PM   
gungadin09


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quote:

Like I said the majority of women I have been with had "Limits" when we started that did not remain Limits.


Then they were "soft limits". It is perfectly acceptable for You to try to push those, if You choose. It is also acceptable for her to tell You that she won't do them.

pam

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RE: How "Pushable" are your Limits. - 7/11/2010 1:40:14 PM   
jujubeeMB


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysInkedSlut
I would however, NEVER get involved with someone who enjoyed using canes or crops that would be asking him to give up something that he truly enjoyed and I am just not that selfish nor that naive to think it would never be broached or pushed.


I think this is actually a really good point, and how I feel about it, from BOTH sides. On the one hand, I don't like to get involved with people who have strong desires that are limits of mine, for the exact reasons you said. I don't like asking people to give up what they really want. And on the other hand, I don't think a Dom should want to push me to give up what I want, which is the right to decide the limits of what I do with my body. In the end, all roles aside, it is my body and my mind, and I haven't come to my limits casually.

QSM, I get where you're coming from, and if you're up front and honest with people about the fact that you will be the ultimate decider on which of their limits works for you, then go for it. Personally, I feel just as strongly that I will never get into a relationship with someone who would take away my right to decide what I absolutely will not do, and I am up front and honest about that. I've had soft limits pushed by someone I trusted, and it doesn't work. It creates a distinct discomfort in me that is ruinous to a relationship. So I choose to make it clear that, while discussion is fine, I will ultimately be deciding what happens and what doesn't. To me, if the person isn't choosing to submit to have their limit pushed, the line gets kind of close to non-consent. I mean, if you're deep in a relationship with someone you love and they say "this limit will be pushed or the relationship is over," you might wind up with someone who is compromising to stay in the relationship. I don't want to be in that position.

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RE: How "Pushable" are your Limits. - 7/11/2010 1:50:37 PM   
AQuietSimpleMan


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Status: offline 		juju, where did you get the idea that I would choose what they will and will not do... in the end No really is no for me, but it will get discussed and will be presented differently than they may have had it presented before.

I try real hard not to limit myself to many things.

Moral Limits and Legal Limits are things I tend to be the most respectful of. I would hate to have someone try something and then think less of themselves for having done it.

The possibilities are just so vast it is hard to say what I would push on and what I wouldn't, I think I should point out I have been presented with some interesteing things for limits and I have acccepted them for what they are. Others I address.


It seems that you have offered to me the idea that I would tell her what Limits she is allowed to have and this is not actually the case.... I tell them the things that I enjoy and if they conflict with a Limit I discuss how I would go about addressing them or I ask if I can reserve that for discussion later on, not saying I will demand it just that I would like to discuss it then I have the ability to present it in a realistic way rather than how it may have been presented in the past.

You would be amazed how many women lable Anal sex as a HARD limit because some unloving prick did it in such a way that it hurt her.... badly... I have always accepted this Limit, with the idea that it could be addressed later. I have also asked flat out that before they lable it as an Absolute hard limit that when they trust me enough they let me try and show them an alternative to what they already know. Sure I may have to wait a few months maybe a year but eventually they allow me and not one of them had an issue with it afterward.

The point is that I look as some types of limits as a shield for something else.

But that is my take, it doesn't have to be anyone elses, And the fact is that if that bothers you then it wouldn't be an issue anyway..... we would never have ended up together in the first place.

QSM

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RE: How "Pushable" are your Limits. - 7/11/2010 2:49:48 PM   
jujubeeMB


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan
juju, where did you get the idea that I would choose what they will and will not do...


Everything you've said. I get that you wouldn't force someone, but you do make it very clear that if someone has accepted your collar, she's accepting that you get to push any and all of her limits, even the hard ones. As I said, that's fine, as long as she knows it before you start to get involved.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan
I would hate to have someone try something and then think less of themselves for having done it.


This is what happened in my personal experience. A limit of mine was pushed very kindly but firmly by someone I trusted. We had many discussions about it, and it was never force, but I didn't really want to do it. I wanted to please him. And I thought less of myself afterward, and less of him. That's the risk you run when you push someone past what they've said they'll do.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan
It seems that you have offered to me the idea that I would tell her what Limits she is allowed to have and this is not actually the case.... I tell them the things that I enjoy and if they conflict with a Limit I discuss how I would go about addressing them or I ask if I can reserve that for discussion later on, not saying I will demand it just that I would like to discuss it then I have the ability to present it in a realistic way rather than how it may have been presented in the past.


Right, but what is your goal here? You just want to have a conversation about it? I could easily and happily talk for weeks about my limits and why they're limits, and would have no problem hearing another sixteen takes on how those activities should actually not be limits. It wouldn't change my mind, it would just make me feel bad that I wasn't giving the guy something he clearly wanted. And then I might start to think "gee, maybe I could sort of vaguely compromise this..." and that's where it gets into sticky territory. So what is your goal with the deferred conversation? It sounds like what you're saying is "that's a limit for you? No problem. However, I think we should discuss later why you should change your mind about it." So really, you won't tell her what limits she's allowed to have, but you will eventually try to convince her not to have the limits you don't want her to have. That's not really allowing her to have her limits.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan
The point is that I look as some types of limits as a shield for something else.


Sure. So? Like you said, you're not a therapist. You're not equipped to deal with huge psychological blocks. Plus, you don't like aftercare, so you would be taking a person apart psychologically without even cuddling them for three hours afterward

quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan
But that is my take, it doesn't have to be anyone elses, And the fact is that if that bothers you then it wouldn't be an issue anyway..... we would never have ended up together in the first place.


No, we wouldn't. My lack of masochism and your lack of aftercare decided that one already

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RE: How "Pushable" are your Limits. - 7/11/2010 3:25:20 PM   
AQuietSimpleMan


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Status: offline 		Wow juju,

I gotta admit I wouldn't like me through your eyes either.

Good thing those who know me, know who I am and how they things ACTUALLY work.

If there are any other things I've said on these boards you wanna bring up to paint me like an asshole feel free.

Truth be told, you have quoted an entire post and not heard what I said....

Feel free to take it how you like, but I think just like on the aftercare thread you painted an image in your head that isn't real and have judged me on that ever since.

Either way thank you for your input.

QSM

_____________________________

Guy Stud =Vs= Girl Slut ~~ Debate ENDED!

"If a Key opens many locks, then it is a Master Key, If a Lock is opened by lots of keys, then it is a Shitty Lock"

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RE: How "Pushable" are your Limits. - 7/11/2010 3:58:26 PM   
jujubeeMB


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan
Feel free to take it how you like, but I think just like on the aftercare thread you painted an image in your head that isn't real and have judged me on that ever since.


Er...did I miss something? I don't have anything against you. I wasn't judging you in that thread, and I'm not really judging you in this one. You brought up a question, and people (including me) are responding to it, pretty calmly. It's a subject that interests me, so I'm asking questions where I see contradictions and/or problems I've found in my own experiences. You're seeing drama where there isn't any. If you don't want to talk about it, then don't.

If, however, you do, I did ask you a question in my last post about what your goal is with the "future conversation." Let's say you freakin love gang bangs, and that is a hard limit for your sub. You say to her what? "Let's discuss this later, and I'll present it to you in a more agreeable light"? What if she never budges on it? You haven't offered that as an option so far - mostly what you've said is "I'll slowly and down the road show her how to do it safely" and that any sub who accepts your collar is aware of the fact that you are a limit pusher. So I'm asking what happens when someone says to you "I will never do a gang bang, because I really don't want to - it's a hard limit" and they don't change their mind even after you've expressly let them know that you won't "agree" to this limit (quoting you from an earlier post) and there will be further discussion? Let's say you don't think their reasoning is very good, but they seem to. What do you do?

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RE: How "Pushable" are your Limits. - 7/11/2010 4:05:01 PM   
AQuietSimpleMan


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quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB
If, however, you do, I did ask you a question in my last post about what your goal is with the "future conversation." Let's say you freakin love gang bangs, and that is a hard limit for your sub. You say to her what? "Let's discuss this later, and I'll present it to you in a more agreeable light"? What if she never budges on it? You haven't offered that as an option so far - mostly what you've said is "I'll slowly and down the road show her how to do it safely" and that any sub who accepts your collar is aware of the fact that you are a limit pusher. So I'm asking what happens when someone says to you "I will never do a gang bang, because I really don't want to - it's a hard limit" and they don't change their mind even after you've expressly let them know that you won't "agree" to this limit (quoting you from an earlier post) and there will be further discussion? Let's say you don't think their reasoning is very good, but they seem to. What do you do?



I maintain my interests and respect her boundaries.

That is what I do.

That being said in the beginning it would have been pointed out that I truely enjoy "Gang Bangs" and that I want to know if she is willing to address it and if she isn't that I reserve the right to seek it out should it becomes an overwhelming desire in the future, even if that means experienceing it with someone other than her.

I do not believe limits are as black and white as they are being presented here, I also think many people Dom/sub Male & Female alike confuse Limits with Preferences.

Can I ask you what YOU think I mean when I say Limit Pusher... What exactly do you think I do... I ask because I haven't really said what I do, or what pushing means to me.

QSM

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RE: How "Pushable" are your Limits. - 7/11/2010 4:08:50 PM   
DaddysInkedSlut


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Status: offline 		jujubee,

I think as relationships grow, as people grow limits change even within a relationship. I think that is QSMs point in discussing certain things at a later date. Our thoughts and feelings on certain things change often times due to trust being built, our own personal growth ect. I know this has happened to me many times even in my current relationship.

I will also point out that NONE of us know how things will affect us until we do them. I used to love caning. It was my absolute favorite things to do in a scene, then one day without rhyme or reason the cane sent me into the corner my knees to my chest, sweat pouring over my body, my heart racing, and I was truly afraid. I was so afraid I literally became ill from it. I vomitted all over the loving man who was trying to comfort me and find out WTF was happening. Still to this day I dont know why its such a trigger for now, I just know for me it is a huge emotional, mental and physical no no.

I wont lie I didn't read the aftercare thread brought up here but knowing QSM he isn't against aftercare. I think we all have our personal defintions of what aftercare is though and that may be what the hang up is.


ETA: I would venture to say that on some level every D-type pushes limits and boundaries.

< Message edited by DaddysInkedSlut -- 7/11/2010 4:11:29 PM >

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RE: How "Pushable" are your Limits. - 7/11/2010 4:15:56 PM   
jujubeeMB


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan
I do not believe limits are as black and white as they are being presented here, I also think many people Dom/sub Male & Female alike confuse Limits with Preferences.


Limits are as black and white as they are being presented here, but I agree with you that people confuse limits with preferences sometimes. Since I'm not one of them, I can't speak to that. I imagine that your experiences with people who had "limits" that were a thin veil for "yes, please do it to me" has slightly corrupted your definition of the word.


quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan
Can I ask you what YOU think I mean when I say Limit Pusher... What exactly do you think I do... I ask because I haven't really said what I do, or what pushing means to me.


Well, that's what my last question was about. Trying to figure out what it is that you do, as a "limit pusher." So since you're the one who's offended by what you think I think, why don't you tell me what you mean by it.

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RE: How "Pushable" are your Limits. - 7/11/2010 4:24:21 PM   
jujubeeMB


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysInkedSlut
ETA: I would venture to say that on some level every D-type pushes limits and boundaries.


That's not quite true, as several people on this thread have already expressed an aversion to it, or shared stories of how not being pushed brought out their desire to eventually soften some limits. Yes, there are tons of Dom/mes that do like to push limits, obviously, but you can't really make that generalization, since there are also tons of Dom/mes that like it when their sub asks them for help pushing through some soft limits. There are also different definitions of "limits" floating around, and my hard ones are not fluid and would take a recalibration of my brain (and body) to change.

I agree with you that we grow and change with relationships. But that's kind of my point: the growing and changing happens within us, and I personally don't like it happening to me, just because the Dom in my life has a fetish for pushing boundaries. It's a personal preference. It doesn't feel good.

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RE: How "Pushable" are your Limits. - 7/11/2010 4:38:58 PM   
AQuietSimpleMan


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Status: offline 		Not offended juju, just curious I just get the feeling that some people see me as Snidely Whiplash on threads like this, because I am willing to say that my desires and wishes are as important to me as your Limits are to you, because I am willing to voice this, because I am willing to point out that just because something is a Limit does not change the fact that I still want to do it with a Partner that I care about.

I push limits but not closing the discussion on the ones that conflict with the things that I want to do.

I use education, and experience in a safe setting for them to become aware and comfortable with certain things. I then ask them what they felt about about what they learned. We never stand still we are always moving forward.

There is no harm in talking and if by talking the idea is being presented as something that I would like to know your current interest in attempting, or creating an open dialogue in what it would take for them to take a step toward trying that.

These are not things like having sex with a relative, there are not things like blowing a Mastiff, we are talking trying needles when they never have, we are talking seeing what a scalpal cutting is like, we are talking sex in the shower (Yeah this was once listed as a Limit)

I am not pushing them to engage in a limit, I am pushing the idea if what this limit means to them, discussing it over time and always moving forward.

QSM

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RE: How "Pushable" are your Limits. - 7/11/2010 4:50:22 PM   
Tantriqu


Posts: 2026
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Status: offline 		My hard limits won't change.
I don't get off on pushing someone else's hard limits.
I had a cop who had seen too many bondage scenes end in death; bondage of any sort was his hard limit, and to my surprise was totally into strap-on play although an anal virgin; that was fine with me.
When I was younger, I coaxed an experienced sub into having an orgasm even though he told me he'd get terrible subdrop; I made him come, he was down and out for a day. Love and learn.

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RE: How "Pushable" are your Limits. - 7/11/2010 5:14:49 PM   
jujubeeMB


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan
we are talking seeing what a scalpal cutting is like, we are talking sex in the shower (Yeah this was once listed as a Limit)

I am not pushing them to engage in a limit, I am pushing the idea if what this limit means to them, discussing it over time and always moving forward.


Ok, several things to this. First of all, sex in the shower cracks me up as a limit, but I'm not the person whose limit it was. That's why there are no standard "limits for everyone." You say this is "not sex with a relative," but why do you get to decide what the ridiculous things are and the person doesn't? Sex with a relative may not be as much a hard limit as fisting for someone, and blowing a mastiff (ew) might be more agreeable than anal sex to someone else. The point is, though we can mostly decide what the general community tends to stay away from (feces, children, animals, bodily dismemberment) you can't know what each person's hard limits mean to them.

But now you've given me a good example, so let's work with that one: scalpel cutting. Hard limit for me. Hard limit as in, if someone ever tried to cut me in any way shape or form (and this someone could be someone I loved with all my heart and desperately wanted to please) I would throw up and leave the relationship. So how does one "move forward" with that? If we were discussing it - and trust me, I do so love analyzing and discussing - I would give the person my reasons: I'm afraid of knives, I'm nauseated by blood, I have my doubts about the sanity of people who cut other people in the first place (forgive me, crazy CM people), I can't even handle paper cuts, and beyond all that, I will not do it. I wouldn't do it if I had to in order to ever have sex again. I wouldn't do it if I got a million dollars for it. It's that hard of a limit for me.

There is no forward motion to that conversation. There's actually backward motion, since my trust in the person talking about it would have faltered at the fact that they have a different opinion about what my hard limits ought to mean. Not at first, because everyone gets to present their desires free of judgment, but once the conversation became about my limits and why they are there, and why don't I just take you to a demonstration on cutting, my trust would go squealing back up into my own brain and start yelling "we've got to get out of here!"

One more thing: I'm a bit concerned with your "always moving forward." At some point, there is no more forward, especially if you've got someone who's comfortable with knives, needles, fire, piss, and major poly play (stuff like that). So what happens when you've got nothing left to push?

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RE: How "Pushable" are your Limits. - 7/11/2010 5:52:22 PM   
juliaoceania


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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I respect the fact your s-type person is warned before you get together that she will have to be willing to have her limits pushed...

There were things I would have allowed my last dom to do to me that I would not allow anyone else. He was of the mind that I should agree to do things that I had previously listed as limits... one of these things was knife play. He has been trained with weapons of all sorts and has a third degree black belt, and I trusted him... someone else, nope, probably not. There are technical skills that I would not trust from certain people.

Now, part of what made me willing to push certain softer limits with him was that he didn't push me. His thing was trusting him, and I did. Is it possible I will meet someone else I trust like that again? Yes, but personally, if it was just because someone got off on expanding my limitations, that would be a real turn off for me. I know me, I know me better than anyone else knows me, and I do not think that anyone else will ever know me as well as I know myself.... for me (and only for me) the idea that someone would have the ego to think they could decide for me what my limits are would make me run the other direction. I dislike too much ego on a man, even though most doms have large ones, a propensity to check them at the door when it comes to my welfare is of paramount concern to me...


Now I can understand people wanting no limits between them. I can understand getting off on "pushing" someone.... but for the above reasons it would conflict with my inner sense of a being with boundaries...


Here is the most interesting thing, my last relationship taught me healthy boundaries. He insisted I have them. He paid hundreds of dollars for self defense classes to help me learn them. He wanted me to have these boundaries for my good in this world. I will never forget him for that, because I needed those boundaries more than i can tell you, and my life has changed drastically in only one year...

Now other people will have different experiences, its all good

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RE: How "Pushable" are your Limits. - 7/11/2010 6:03:22 PM   
AQuietSimpleMan


Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline 		You keep doing this and I would like to ask you why.

quote:

but why do you get to decide what the ridiculous things are and the person doesn't?


Never said that. I am not decising anything for them... I am however stateing that something I want in a relationship should not be taken off the table completely if I think that it could be presented in a different way that may change how they feel about the act.

quote:

you can't know what each person's hard limits mean to them.


this is why we talk about them..... in length...... in Detail....... until I DO know what it means to them. How else could I decide what was something that could be discussed later on? I think I have made it pretty clear that we are talking about these things pretty deeply.

So when you say:

quote:

I wouldn't do it if I got a million dollars for it. It's that hard of a limit for me.


Right there if those things were important enough to me that I would want them revisited, and being denied that option..... well the discussion would be over and you and I would not be compatible. Why is this something you don't get? If you have a limit on something that you will not budge on, and it is something that I want and tell you flat out I want but am willing to live without up front, but WILL be discussing through out our relationship and if you are still unwilling to do so I reserve the right to find someone who will, how is this telling someone what their limits can and cannot be?

And again so you understand:

quote:

But now you've given me a good example, so let's work with that one: scalpel cutting. Hard limit for me. Hard limit as in, if someone ever tried to cut me in any way shape or form (and this someone could be someone I loved with all my heart and desperately wanted to please) I would throw up and leave the relationship. So how does one "move forward" with that? If we were discussing it - and trust me, I do so love analyzing and discussing - I would give the person my reasons: I'm afraid of knives, I'm nauseated by blood, I have my doubts about the sanity of people who cut other people in the first place (forgive me, crazy CM people), I can't even handle paper cuts, and beyond all that, I will not do it. I wouldn't do it if I had to in order to ever have sex again. I wouldn't do it if I got a million dollars for it. It's that hard of a limit for me.


This would make it clear to me that I was barking up the wrong submissive tree, and I would move on. We never would have made it to the basic idea of a relationship. No Collar offered so I have no say on what you do and don't do period.

If you think knives are crazy, or scalpal work makes you wanna throw up..... you would not be able to hang out in the parties I go to, you would be sick before I opened up the toy bag.... the fact that the toy bag had multiple knives in it and a few scalpals, jujubee we just aren't compatible from the word go.

So why discuss the idea of my pushing your limits when I would never allow myself to be in that situation in the first place. Not that you aren't a fine specimine of submission just you would not be able to be comfortable with the play that I do.

Not that knives happen every time.... but they are there and they can, that alone would be too much for you. So no point in discussing it, and submissive I would attempt to collar would be looking for the kind of Dominant who would have all those things in his toybag.


Again you present this thing that I never said:

quote:

There's actually backward motion, since my trust in the person talking about it would have faltered at the fact that they have a different opinion about what my hard limits ought to mean.


And with that I know you have an image of me that is not what I have presented here... you have applied this idea that, first off, I have an opinion on what a "Hard" limit should be, I see Limits as Limits I do not apply levels to them. Limits are Limits, applying soft and hard to them makes a mockery of the idea of a limit in the first place in my world. I do not create limits for the world, I create limits for that relationship I am in.... Some things come off the table because who who they are.

In closing you presented two very interesting situations.

In one you present this:

quote:

Not at first, because everyone gets to present their desires free of judgment, but once the conversation became about my limits and why they are there, and why don't I just take you to a demonstration on cutting, my trust would go squealing back up into my own brain and start yelling "we've got to get out of here!"


The only reason to take you to a cutting you could view would be to see what it looks like and how it is engaged In a REAL LIFE SETTING, as from what you have said.... but I would have asked right away, i would assume you have never been to an actual cutting, or piercing, or needle play presentation and got to ask the bottom what it was like for them.

But again the way you have presented the fear and how you feel about addressing that fear and the other things you are not okay with again .... we are just not compatible. It is a Mute point..... we would never get to there in the first place.

Then you added this:

quote:

One more thing: I'm a bit concerned with your "always moving forward." At some point, there is no more forward, especially if you've got someone who's comfortable with knives, needles, fire, piss, and major poly play (stuff like that). So what happens when you've got nothing left to push?


To answer this question as simple as possible because to expand on it would just confuse it more.

When there is nothing left to push? We just keep moving forward, which means we keep building on the foundation that is US.

You seem to think I want things to push... you are mistaken.... I would perfer there be nothing to push at all.

QSM

_____________________________

Guy Stud =Vs= Girl Slut ~~ Debate ENDED!

"If a Key opens many locks, then it is a Master Key, If a Lock is opened by lots of keys, then it is a Shitty Lock"

(in reply to jujubeeMB)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: How "Pushable" are your Limits. - 7/11/2010 6:23:11 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

If you have a limit on something that you will not budge on, and it is something that I want and tell you flat out I want but am willing to live without up front, but WILL be discussing through out our relationship and if you are still unwilling to do so I reserve the right to find someone who will, how is this telling someone what their limits can and cannot be?


You are poly (or desire to be) right? For you that would work, for those wanting monogamy, maybe not....

If it was a top notch kink in their book and i was unwilling to do it, and that was reason enough to find someone else, it is a compatibility issue. I think the resistance you are finding here is that many of us that are monogamous, well some of us want to feel more important than an activity or a kink. Personally, if a man gave me such an ultimatum, I would think that his kink was more important than me and it wouldn't inspire trust...

That being said, it is apples and oranges.... poly people and monogamous people are two different types

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to AQuietSimpleMan)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: How "Pushable" are your Limits. - 7/11/2010 6:27:16 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I have only one limit that is absolutely unpushable. If it were to occur then the relationship would end right there and then.
Keep in mind that Shore is somewhat sane and has no desire to cut off a limb or anything completely stupid like that....
Other than that, anything he wants to do is up for grabs. Once. Twice. Three times...

_____________________________



(in reply to AQuietSimpleMan)
Profile   Post #: 80
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