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ORIGINAL: porcelaine

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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

and, in my mind at least, you find something essential.  The idea that self-awareness, being able to introspect and see where you and/or your partner have gone wrong or right can lead to the development of the tools to move onto or continue along a right path.  That involves something else you see in healthy relationships...communication.

CreativeDominant,

Much like you I've yet to encounter a successful long lasting relationship where all parties involved were both happy and fulfilled on some level that didn't include communication in its makeup.

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Some folks don't like introspection...they don't want to look at the relationship or themselves and see what can be done to improve it. Some folks don't like communication...they want to figure things out in their own head and then, when it is too late to resolve something, they communicate with their partner or, in some cases, they just run.  But that happens in all kinds of relationships, not just kink and not just "vanilla".  Those skills have nothing to do with love, they have to do with looking to be in a successful relationship.

I find persons like that are very good at pointing the finger and articulating where someone else - including the other party - has gone wrong but they have a very difficult time gazing into the mirror themselves. Or they're just too arrogant to do so and hide behind the mantle of dominance and believe their actions are above reproach.

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I admit to looking at the "kink compatibility" of someone I am dealing with.  But experience has taught me that for me, these other things have to be in place.

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ORIGINAL: laurell3
Why do you differentiate? The kink is an expression like any other. Some guys buy flowers, others beat you ass til it's purple (ha!). Seriously I don't get the separation between kink and emotion. Kink is sex to me and yes also love.

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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

I'm pretty sure that you did not mean to just say "mantle of dominance"...I hope not because it should not be forgotten that there are plenty who will kneel on the rug of submission and claim that their fear or their inability to "think straight" when dealing with the dominant made them keep things to themselves rather than communicate.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

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ORIGINAL: laurell3
Why do you differentiate? The kink is an expression like any other. Some guys buy flowers, others beat you ass til it's purple (ha!). Seriously I don't get the separation between kink and emotion. Kink is sex to me and yes also love.

I think the answer to that is that we're not all wired the same.  I think it's very similar to how some people are happy to engage in casual sex with a fuck buddy and some people are not.  I happen to be in the latter category on physical sex, but in the former category when it comes to casual BDSM play. 

Something else that's been nagging Me a bit about this thread and that is that I think folks have the love thing reversed as to how I do things.  Love to Me is something that is not immediate.  It's only going to come after a serious time investment, usually hand in hand with trust building.  That feeling is going to grow over time with anybody and if there's going to be any chance of that happening, it's going to be because we're participating in the activities that bring us each personal fulfillment.  I'm really not going to spend six months investing in an emotional attachment where the kink does not exist.  To Me, that is actually putting the cart before the horse.  If I build the emotional attachment and then the kink doesn't work, I may have found a great friend, but I haven't found a great submissive.

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ORIGINAL: Elisabella

It's easier to find words for kink than it is to find words for love.

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ORIGINAL: gungadin09

i haven't felt love in a really long time, maybe that's why. Crushes, yes. Obsession, yes. Devotion, yes. But vanilla love? Not in a while. i guess i don't like to get that close to people. It's easier to just be obsessed with someone. You don't have to really even know them. Often, the more i know about a person, the less i like them. So, crushes are safer, for me. i prefer worshiping someone from afar. It's easier that way.

pam

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It's just really, really hard to find.

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ORIGINAL: KatyLied

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It's just really, really hard to find.

You should petition the universe regarding what you want, and be specific (otherwise you will be in a world of hurt), you will attract what you are, so some self-evaluation is necessary.  And then you need to be patient.  And open.  And more patient.

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ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Keep the tubing!

Maybe you can modify your air brush compressor. No more hand cramps!

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

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ORIGINAL: laurell3
Why do you differentiate? The kink is an expression like any other. Some guys buy flowers, others beat you ass til it's purple (ha!). Seriously I don't get the separation between kink and emotion. Kink is sex to me and yes also love.

I think the answer to that is that we're not all wired the same.  I think it's very similar to how some people are happy to engage in casual sex with a fuck buddy and some people are not.  I happen to be in the latter category on physical sex, but in the former category when it comes to casual BDSM play. 

Something else that's been nagging Me a bit about this thread and that is that I think folks have the love thing reversed as to how I do things.  Love to Me is something that is not immediate.  It's only going to come after a serious time investment, usually hand in hand with trust building.  That feeling is going to grow over time with anybody and if there's going to be any chance of that happening, it's going to be because we're participating in the activities that bring us each personal fulfillment.  I'm really not going to spend six months investing in an emotional attachment where the kink does not exist.  To Me, that is actually putting the cart before the horse.  If I build the emotional attachment and then the kink doesn't work, I may have found a great friend, but I haven't found a great submissive.