Challenges in Finding a Submissive Female

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Challenges in Finding a Submissive Female - 7/13/2010 4:48:02 AM

BDSMPleasures

Posts: 26
Joined: 4/12/2010
Status: offline

A friend suggested I post a message here as it helped her find her Dom.

I guess the challenge for me is that I seek a local female submissive that is in the same situation as I am... married, and planning on staying in their situation. Not here to debate this decision..please just accept it as a given. I'm wanting to have a D/s relationship on the side, in secret. Usually my potential sub and I are equally hestitant to post/exchange photos, then with so many scammers here I tend to act as if she's is a scammer until proven otherwise which isn't often the best way to start off a relationship when she's real... I'll just keep trying it the way I am, unless someone has some other ideas?

Post #: 1

RE: Challenges in Finding a Submissive Female - 7/13/2010 4:51:45 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

I hate to break it to you, but many people here are going to say the scammer is YOU. The one single thing that will make your search much easier is the consent of your spouse. Without that, I think you are in for a long search and a bumpy ride here at the forums. I'd also rethink some of the wording in your profile.

Fasten your seatbelt and welcome to the forums.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to BDSMPleasures)

Post #: 2

RE: Challenges in Finding a Submissive Female - 7/13/2010 4:57:04 AM

tropicalhoney

Posts: 2133
Joined: 9/2/2009
From: The Beach
Status: offline

I couldn't agree more with laurell3. Really, really think about rewriting.

_____________________________

Chastity: The most unnatural of the sexual perversions. ~Aldous Huxley, Eyeless in Gaza, 1936

Member: Lance's Fag Hags

Bitch with Tits

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 3

RE: Challenges in Finding a Submissive Female - 7/13/2010 5:00:00 AM

BDSMPleasures

Posts: 26
Joined: 4/12/2010
Status: offline

Oh, I know they wont say say scammer directly.. but in a way they do.. professionally taken photos.. very quick with the email address, they happen to have internet but no phone service, and the text in the profile is a give away.. the Nigerians are fairly easy to spot.. the difficult ones are guys pretending to be women.. or who knows what else..

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 4

RE: Challenges in Finding a Submissive Female - 7/13/2010 5:01:11 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Screw rewriting the profile for now. Rethink what you want out of life first.

If you're so enamored of the finer things in life, think what it will mean to your standard of living when your wife finds out.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to tropicalhoney)

Post #: 5

RE: Challenges in Finding a Submissive Female - 7/13/2010 5:03:53 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BDSMPleasures

Oh, I know they wont say say scammer directly.. but in a way they do.. professionally taken photos.. very quick with the email address, they happen to have internet but no phone service, and the text in the profile is a give away.. the Nigerians are fairly easy to spot.. the difficult ones are guys pretending to be women.. or who knows what else..

Yeah we know....believe me....at least 5 people a week come here to complain about it. However, that's not the point to my post at all.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to BDSMPleasures)

Post #: 6

RE: Challenges in Finding a Submissive Female - 7/13/2010 5:04:12 AM

BDSMPleasures

Posts: 26
Joined: 4/12/2010
Status: offline

OK.. its not about standrd of living.. more about expectations and experiences.. I know what I want.. that is not the question.. how to find her is..

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 7

RE: Challenges in Finding a Submissive Female - 7/13/2010 5:07:03 AM

BDSMPleasures

Posts: 26
Joined: 4/12/2010
Status: offline

My complaint is that it makes us all so skeptical.. it makes it even more awkward and difficult when both of us assuming the other is a scammer or not who they represent themselves to be..

(in reply to BDSMPleasures)

Post #: 8

RE: Challenges in Finding a Submissive Female - 7/13/2010 5:22:02 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BDSMPleasures

My complaint is that it makes us all so skeptical.. it makes it even more awkward and difficult when both of us assuming the other is a scammer or not who they represent themselves to be..

Let Me inform you of a little something.

During the course of this day, there are going to be single male Dominants, as well as married Dominants who have the consent of their spouse to play with others, who are going to try to meet people here who are going to say the same thing about you. That it is exactly the married, but being dishonest with their spouse folks that make this whole thing so much harder because so many people don't want to be wrapped up in a situation like that. Many of the females on this site, on both sides of the kneel, are immediately suspicious of people because of exactly what you are doing right now.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to BDSMPleasures)

Post #: 9

RE: Challenges in Finding a Submissive Female - 7/13/2010 5:25:49 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Without even getting to the cheating issue, you have to realize that you have so much less to offer someone because of your situation than someone who is not hiding and lying. According to your profile, you want many things from a sub/slave and honestly I cannot see what you have to offer in return given your limitations. If I was single, I wouldn't be interested both because of those limitations and because your profile is incredibly poorly worded and comes off as very superficial.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to BDSMPleasures)

Post #: 10

RE: Challenges in Finding a Submissive Female - 7/13/2010 5:33:16 AM

subrhonda

Posts: 15
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline

I am a sub bi male cd...and it seems to me all the doms on here are nothing but talk all they want to do is play on line are there any doms that want to owns a sub for real? Yes I am married but wife knows and she has a steady bf...no wife does not join this is all about me.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 11

RE: Challenges in Finding a Submissive Female - 7/13/2010 5:38:45 AM

BDSMPleasures

Posts: 26
Joined: 4/12/2010
Status: offline

Yes.. thank you for these comments... yes I understand that sinlges have way less need of me.. however, another married.. with same need for discretion is what I seek.. we both will have the incentive to be quiet.. mutual self assured destruction if you will...

Again.. none of you know my situation and therefore comments for or against my decision to do this on the side are really irrelevant and not the focus of my thread post.. but say can how you feel..

< Message edited by BDSMPleasures -- 7/13/2010 5:39:46 AM >

(in reply to subrhonda)

Post #: 12

RE: Challenges in Finding a Submissive Female - 7/13/2010 5:39:25 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

rhonda, you get extra points from me for honesty, but... you're looking for a man who is:

1. Into cds.
2. Willing to have to share you with an existing relationship.

You're not dealing with a large pool to choose from. And I suspect a lot of the online wankers that you complain about are married as well...

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to subrhonda)

Post #: 13

RE: Challenges in Finding a Submissive Female - 7/13/2010 5:51:57 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BDSMPleasures

Yes.. thank you for these comments... yes I understand that sinlges have way less need of me.. however, another married.. with same need for discretion is what I seek.. we both will have the incentive to be quiet.. mutual self assured destruction if you will...

Again.. none of you know my situation and therefore comments for or against my decision to do this on the side are really irrelevant and not the focus of my thread post.. but say can how you feel..

That was actually going to be My suggestion to you. If you can find someone who also is married, lying, and cheating, you'll have a perfect match. Just hope with all of the powers that be that she is as careful about covering her trail as you are because if she's not, you're going to have an angry husband on your hands and a chair in divorce court when they call you as a witness.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to BDSMPleasures)

Post #: 14

RE: Challenges in Finding a Submissive Female - 7/13/2010 5:57:50 AM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BDSMPleasures

A friend suggested I post a message here as it helped her find her Dom.

I guess the challenge for me is that I seek a local female submissive that is in the same situation as I am... married, and planning on staying in their situation. Not here to debate this decision..please just accept it as a given.

While you may not what to discuss this aspect of who you are and what you can/can't offer, understand that this is a huge turn-off for many women. I don't "play" with those I can't trust and if you can't be up front with your wife, for whatever reason, how can I expact you to be upfront and honest with me?
To use your own words....please accept it as a given.

I'm wanting to have a D/s relationship on the side, in secret. Usually my potential sub and I are equally hestitant to post/exchange photos, then with so many scammers here I tend to act as if she's is a scammer until proven otherwise which isn't often the best way to start off a relationship when she's real... I'll just keep trying it the way I am, unless someone has some other ideas?

There are a couple of local munches in your area...have you attended? If you're worried about "scammers" then go real time. Of course, that brings even more to the forefront the discretion/honesty issue.

Honesty is a big deal for most people. I don't know your relationship with your wife but I do know I wouldn't be interested in a man who can't be honest with his partner.
If you can find someone who has the same view on honesty as you do, great. My question to you is would you trust someone who has to be dishonest in order to spend time with you?

(in reply to BDSMPleasures)

Post #: 15

RE: Challenges in Finding a Submissive Female - 7/13/2010 6:20:18 AM

BDSMPleasures

Posts: 26
Joined: 4/12/2010
Status: offline

No.. you're right, I wouldn't trust them completely either... Other than "cheating".. I'm usually very trustworthy.. if that makes any sense at all.

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

Post #: 16

RE: Challenges in Finding a Submissive Female - 7/13/2010 6:34:00 AM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

When you got married, didn't you vow to be faithful to your wife? When you break that vow, you annul your marriage.

(in reply to BDSMPleasures)

Post #: 17

RE: Challenges in Finding a Submissive Female - 7/13/2010 6:40:50 AM

subrhonda

Posts: 15
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline

I am fathful to my wife my wife knows I am bi and a cd and I knw I know she has a bf she knew I was bi befor we got married.

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 18

RE: Challenges in Finding a Submissive Female - 7/13/2010 6:42:20 AM

BDSMPleasures

Posts: 26
Joined: 4/12/2010
Status: offline

Everyones situation is unique and different... I understand my own better than anyone...

(in reply to subrhonda)

Post #: 19

RE: Challenges in Finding a Submissive Female - 7/13/2010 6:45:20 AM

BDSMPleasures

Posts: 26
Joined: 4/12/2010
Status: offline

Yes.. that is true.. but there are many other vows too that if not live up to also were a breach of contract.. but I'm really intersted in debating what I do or why I am here... thsat can be another thread.. please try to stick to ther topic.. which doesn't seem like anyone other another in my situation will be able to help me with..

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 20

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