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RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/19/2010 11:47:44 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Jesus Fucking Christ, girl. Pardon the term, but you talk too much.

You need to come to a decision. Quit screwing around. Either you want this situation or you don't. If inside yourself you want it, that means all that goes with it. Good and bad. What you crave and what you detest.

If you want a boyfriend, please feel free to seek one out. There is no harm or foul in that. Instead, it is honesty. Not everyone who can kneel in the bedroom has the strength to kneel regardless of location or context. Forget abductions scenes that get your pussy wet. Not all of submission is about what turns you on. It is a conscious choice that you must make, regardless if it is fun or not.

What would I do? I would look inside Myself and see what I wanted most.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to jujubeeMB)

Post #: 21

RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/19/2010 11:50:09 AM

Whiplashsmile4

Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB
God. You guys are all right. I'd like to hit myself with a baseball bat. You know what's ridiculous? I'm the friend who talks people out of bad situations, and who is supposed to be the strong one. I don't actually have anyone that I could transfer control over to, LaT - all my friends are under the impression that I'm superwoman.

Passing you a bat, (here you go)!

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to jujubeeMB)

Post #: 22

RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/19/2010 11:51:53 AM

JstAnotherSub

Posts: 6174
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

Sounds similar to my former owner. I had to cut all ties to him - all of them. I had to literally block him from everything blockable, and to stop taking his calls. I had to take ownership of myself back and deny him access to me.

This. I had to do the same thing. Once I knew the decision to break it off was the right one, I did it cleanly and no looking back. I knew any communication with him would result in me doing something that I really really would want to do, but I really really needed not to do.

It has taken a long time to get back into a mindframe that lets me attempt to find another relationship, and even now it is baby steps that are terrifying to me.

I don't know if this will make sense, but the first time, the submission was taken from me because I had no idea how powerful a thing it all really was.

Once I took the control back, and tamed the beast within me ( I can't think of another way to say it unless maybe to say once I made the decision that I had to walk away and not look back), I realized that it would be much harder to give that power to someone again.

Now it may be happening again. Time will tell. For me, I realized that ultimately I am my own master, and I have to always be able to look at the face in the mirror and be ok with what I see there.

Clear as mud now?

Good luck!

< Message edited by JstAnotherSub -- 7/19/2010 11:54:59 AM >

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 23

RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/19/2010 11:56:55 AM

Shadow-tiger

Posts: 1775
Joined: 6/8/2008
From: California
Status: offline

It seems to me he's gotten a taste of just what he can do to you now. I doubt he's going to leave it be on his own, and you need to cut your ties completely if you want to end this for good. Just do yourself a favor, do NOT talk to him one on one again. Keep a friend around, even if it's just someone in the same room to keep you rooted in reality. That whole abduction consent? Do something about it, seriously.

It's really hard to let go once someone has their hooks in so deep you're completely at their mercy even when epicly pissed off. As laly mentioned that takes time, a whole lot of it.

It's easy to smack yourself and go 'what was I thinking?!' but this is way beyond reason isn't it?

_____________________________

Just some guy (profile)
Just a tiny bit evil
My kind of love song

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)

Post #: 24

RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/19/2010 12:11:44 PM

jujubeeMB

Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline

By the way, I cannot thank you all enough for the replies and CMails I'm getting. I did not expect this much support, and it's kind of making me tear up. Know why? Because I'm a vulnerable freakin mess!!

Seriously though, thank you. Just knowing that this many other people have been in my shoes is taking a lot of the feeling like an idiot off my shoulders. Though I probably should feel like an idiot long enough to do something about it.

(in reply to Shadow-tiger)

Post #: 25

RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/19/2010 12:15:10 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shadow-tiger

It's really hard to let go once someone has their hooks in so deep you're completely at their mercy even when epicly pissed off. As laly mentioned that takes time, a whole lot of it.

Amen. I am personally going to get someone to needlepoint this onto a pillow so I can look at it everyday.

(in reply to Shadow-tiger)

Post #: 26

RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/19/2010 12:24:45 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shadow-tiger

It's really hard to let go once someone has their hooks in so deep you're completely at their mercy even when epicly pissed off. As laly mentioned that takes time, a whole lot of it.

It's easy to smack yourself and go 'what was I thinking?!' but this is way beyond reason isn't it?

I think the question is part of the process one undergoes when letting go. Saying goodbye doesn't mean the tie has been severed. Recognizing the damage that can occur by maintaining must be the catalyst for its erosion. Sometimes your strength can be your undoing when you believe yourself above such things. I look upon those experiences as lessons in my humanity and motivation for tighter girding going forward.

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Shadow-tiger)

Post #: 27

RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/19/2010 12:30:57 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

If you were fat and ugly people would be saying that you are an idiot and deserve exactly what you get. But alas, sadly that is not the case here.

You allowed yourself to be manipulated. It's no big deal it happens and it happens out here with more fequency because the manipulators have a strong idea as to the exact weaknesses of the people that they are taking advantage of.

I didn't know that you broke up with someone recently because I don't really care about you....How fucking wet does that get you? Wringing out the thong yet?

Anywhooo, where was I? Ahh yes, you are attractive and that is why I am continuing on.

Anywhoooo, I can only imagine that you broke up with the guy because of sound reasoning and after determining that it was not a good fit.

Maya Angelou said, "If, someone shows you who they are, Believe them ..." Here in Chicago we have to listen to everything that Oprah brings our way and put faith in the fact that she is always ultimately correct....There is no escape from the black hole.

People don't change. Especially if they are not pussies, guys like Jeffff and myself for instance.

I just recently had a similar conversation loosely based about this topic with someone else....Back in the day when I was but a domiboy I might have suggested a back rub as the path to the pussy. A little manipulation to get to the hole.

Now I am much more direct. But I do know that bringing up certain topics with sub females will get their juices flowing. So the thought of you being tied up, kidnapped, raped for hours, totally abused and humiliated is a turn on....Go figure!

Contacting the good folks at Quick Crate right now to see how much it costs to have you or potentially your remains sent to Chicago.

http://www.quickcrate.com/

You are not dumb....Which I say to pretty gals all the time. They seem to like that.

You'll figure it out.

_____________________________

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 28

RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/19/2010 12:33:06 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

By the way, I cannot thank you all enough for the replies and CMails I'm getting. I did not expect this much support, and it's kind of making me tear up. Know why? Because I'm a vulnerable freakin mess!!

Know why? it's only because you are hot and have nice small tits.

_____________________________

(in reply to jujubeeMB)

Post #: 29

RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/19/2010 12:35:09 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

I wouldn't of kept talking to him once I decided it was over, and I wouldn't of bought his claims of I'll change to get you back. It's easy to say I'll change don't leave, or please come back. However change will not happen on a truly complete level unless HE on his own CHOICE changes because he's not happy with himself. Not because a sub walked away.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

So here's the question part of the program. What the hell would you do if you were me?

(in reply to jujubeeMB)

Post #: 30

RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/19/2010 12:39:42 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

God. You guys are all right. I'd like to hit myself with a baseball bat. You know what's ridiculous? I'm the friend who talks people out of bad situations, and who is supposed to be the strong one. I don't actually have anyone that I could transfer control over to, LaT - all my friends are under the impression that I'm superwoman.

It's always harder to see it clearly when you are in it. Cut yourself some slack.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to jujubeeMB)

Post #: 31

RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/19/2010 12:41:03 PM

VirginPotty

Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

Sounds similar to my former owner. I had to cut all ties to him - all of them. I had to literally block him from everything blockable, and to stop taking his calls. I had to take ownership of myself back and deny him access to me.

Why? Because, like you, overall he could not feed my spirit in the bigger sense, and I would constantly be left feeling empty and incomplete. And yes, he knew the buttons he could push that would tap into my desires, such that there was no denying him. But stuff like that does not sustain a relationship, and had I allowed myself to fall into that pattern, I would be putting myself right back into my unfulfilled place with him. No can do.

It took a LOT of work to cut all contact, and a LOT of effort to take myself back, but the result was overwhelmingly positive, and now I am in a relationship that fulfills me on ALL levels. The first words on my profile, in fact, are "I never thought it could be like this."

Allow yourself better.

^^^^^This^^^^^

_____________________________

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 32

RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/19/2010 12:58:42 PM

xssve

Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline

Tell him you gangbanged a bunch of homeless guys to get closure, and caught the clap - that might cool his ardor.

< Message edited by xssve -- 7/19/2010 12:59:07 PM >

(in reply to VirginPotty)

Post #: 33

RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/19/2010 1:05:14 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

Jujubee.. My recommendation is to -immediately- revoke the consent.You also need to make it very clear that if anything happens to you and he tries to follow through now that you've revoked consent, you -will- press charges. You already know that, though, or you wouldn't be here asking what you think you should do. You also need to cut this person -off- completely. Block, sever ties -- whatever you want to call it -- and take a -substantial- amount of time to get your head back together before you start looking again. I tell clients that, as hard as it is, you need to give yourself at LEAST six months before embarking on another relationship -- it takes that long to sort out all the reasons you made the choices that you did, and figure out what you really need and want.

Some folks do a great job of doing this on their own, and I don't know you, so I don't know how you handle the interim spaces between relationships, but I -do- know, from a lot of years of providing pastoral care in the community, that some people really struggle with being able to say the magic "No" and/or "Wait" and/or "Slow down". I know that there are a number of people here who will "pooh-pooh" asking someone else for help with these things, but if you find that you are one of those people who struggles because you -have- to be in a relationship or you feel "off kilter" and cut adrift, and so are apt to jump for the next person who says the right words, rather than expending some patience, perhaps you might want to find a fellow submissive individual who can provide a 'fail-safe' for you, or, if you REALLY have to have someone in control to help you say "no" or "wait", then you might consider finding someone in your local community with whom you would NOT have an ongoing relationship (I often suggest someone of the opposite gender that you'd normally be attracted to) to provide both someone to escort you to local events (if you do things like that) and/or to help you to slow down and think before jumping right into another relationship.

Hope this helps.
Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 34

RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/19/2010 1:21:21 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

And I'd advise that whomever you're confiding in is someone that has no interest in securing your hand. I'm having this discussion right now with someone I've known for years and the bottom line is people have ulterior motives even when they appear helpful. I'm very careful about what I reveal when I'm in a compromised state, especially to the opposite sex. I remain amazed (read: amused) at the methods they'll undertake to cut the former down while boosting themselves up in the process. All the while believing that I believe that he's harmless and only wants what's best for me.

I think NuevaVida nailed it on the head. You are your greatest advocate and no one will cover your buns in the manner you will. Including the helpful you can cry on my shoulder sort that are presently unattached or looking for someone as well. He's just as sneaky as the one you're trying to get away from in my opinion.

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 35

RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/19/2010 1:34:32 PM

Yucca

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/1/2009
Status: offline

I agree with the rest of the folks here. I would
1. Immediately contact him to say that you revoke your consent for anything and everything. Close by saying that you will never have contact with him again.
2. Actually follow through on the no contact part. He sends email, you delete it without reading it. Same with voicemail and texts. If it becomes necessary to screen all calls from unknown numbers, then that's what it takes.
3. Cut yourself some slack. You made an ill advised emotion decision because you were feeling vulnerable.

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 36

RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/19/2010 1:44:46 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I hate to say this, bu he has a direct line to your pussy that is very dangerous to you.

Tell him that it's over and you never want anything to do with him again. Get a restraining order if you need to.

And smack that pussy for getting you into this.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Yucca)

Post #: 37

RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/19/2010 1:45:05 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

And I'd advise that whomever you're confiding in is someone that has no interest in securing your hand. I'm having this discussion right now with someone I've known for years and the bottom line is people have ulterior motives even when they appear helpful.
~porcelaine

Yes. Which was kinda the point of my original post " To the farm". And why I suggested a friend rather than otherwise. Perhaps another hetro, submissive woman that has already lived some of this stuff and come out the other side, much stronger and wiser.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 38

RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/19/2010 1:51:43 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

You're an idiot - but you already knew that!

But you aren't stupid, and being alone and horny can make you do stupid things. You know, i know it, the world knows it. If being alone and horny didn't make you do stupid things People magazine wouldn't have an issue a year! ....So do what you meant to do when you broke it off ,before your pussy got involved in the conversation. And don't beat yourself up! - somewhere there is a perfectly nice man who will want to do that for you! lol.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 39

RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/19/2010 1:53:52 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

And I'd advise that whomever you're confiding in is someone that has no interest in securing your hand. I'm having this discussion right now with someone I've known for years and the bottom line is people have ulterior motives even when they appear helpful.
~porcelaine

Yes. Which was kinda the point of my original post " To the farm". And why I suggested a friend rather than otherwise. Perhaps another hetro, submissive woman that has already lived some of this stuff and come out the other side, much stronger and wiser.

What you are saying is that you would not offer her a back rub? The place smells like a fish farm.

_____________________________

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 40

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