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RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/20/2010 7:23:53 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		I guess maybe you fail to comprehend that everyone isn't controlled by their libido when it comes to relationships....not surprising.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to lostsub26)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/20/2010 7:24:05 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: ourmsbetty

Yeah, definitely revoke the consent... in writing.

And then stop talking to him. It's all manipulation. You'll feel better, believe me.



THIS... Seriously... IN WRITING.  Geesh, you gave him carte blanche.  What if he actually does kidnap you?  That could be very bad.  And you would have no recourse.  He may have taped it. 

"But Your Honor, she said he could.  We even have the proof."
(I see LadyPact is thinking the same way... I feel smart!)

good luck,
sunshine



Lost,
Here is my post.  I reminded her of a safety issue.  It's a shame that you aren't able to see what (for me) is obvious.

While you may not like the fact that you have misread the situation, you have in fact misread it.  You also haven't the sense to know that NEEDS are different from WANTS.  When a person (regardless what title) is not getting their NEEDS met, it is imperative that they SURVIVE.  Perhaps this is a concept you haven't run across.  If you haven't, good on you.  However, it is certainly one a number of people can speak on, myself included.

Perhaps it is also something you don't realize, but there are abusers or just plain jerks who call themselves dominant.  Is her guy an abuser or a jerk?  He certainly seems to be a jerk *if* her story is true.  I am not making that judgment, I am not responding to her based on *his* stated behaviors or his stated attitude.  Let's face it, these come through her filter.  We are third parties here on a pixel-enriched venue.  What I spoke to her of is HER behavior which can cause her grave harm for the future.

You called her a liar who didn't know her own need for survival.  See the difference?

On a personal note, I don't believe I've ever been called arrogant.  I've mulled it over a bit, and it doesn't fit.  There is a difference between speaking a truth with kindness and wisdom and being arrogant.  I suggest you learn it.

Best,
sunshine

*grammatical error

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 7/20/2010 7:26:05 PM >

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/20/2010 7:25:27 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		lostsub, I have a lot I could say to you, but don't feel that there are any words that can be articulated to you that would make you see how incredibly wrong and disrespectful you are being.

I can assure you, YOU have NO idea what is going on, so your attempts to whitewash this as simply a sexual thing, is ludicrous.

Bottom line: no matter how fabulous the sex or D/s is with someone, if that someone does not meet your other needs to the extent that it becomes more painful to be with them than not, then you need to go.

If you have never experienced this kind of thing, being into the wrong person, then lucky for you.

(in reply to lostsub26)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/20/2010 7:27:12 PM   
lostsub26


Posts: 71
Joined: 7/9/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostsub26
But you act as though you know what is best to juju. How arrogant of you.


So have you.  Reread your post to her.



Perhaps. But I wasn't arrogantly and rudely commenting on other people's opinions and ideas about the thread.


(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/20/2010 7:28:35 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lostsub26


Perhaps. But I wasn't arrogantly and rudely commenting on other people's opinions and ideas about the thread.




And you had better not start!

That gig is well covered.

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to lostsub26)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/20/2010 7:29:55 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Lost,
I call a spade a spade.  You don't want someone speaking about your comments?  Don't make them. 

Welcome to the internet,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to lostsub26)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/20/2010 7:31:13 PM   
lostsub26


Posts: 71
Joined: 7/9/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

lostsub, I have a lot I could say to you, but don't feel that there are any words that can be articulated to you that would make you see how incredibly wrong and disrespectful you are being.

I can assure you, YOU have NO idea what is going on, so your attempts to whitewash this as simply a sexual thing, is ludicrous.

Bottom line: no matter how fabulous the sex or D/s is with someone, if that someone does not meet your other needs to the extent that it becomes more painful to be with them than not, then you need to go.

If you have never experienced this kind of thing, being into the wrong person, then lucky for you.


Nah...you just don't like to hear opinions that are different from your own, cause you're narrow minded. You just think you know what's best for everyone.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/20/2010 7:33:32 PM   
lostsub26


Posts: 71
Joined: 7/9/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Lost,
I call a spade a spade.  You don't want someone speaking about your comments?  Don't make them. 

Welcome to the internet,
sunshine


Who crowned you the queen of this thread? Like you're going to tell me what I can or cannot do. Ego and arrogance.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/20/2010 7:35:46 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lostsub26


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

lostsub, I have a lot I could say to you, but don't feel that there are any words that can be articulated to you that would make you see how incredibly wrong and disrespectful you are being.

I can assure you, YOU have NO idea what is going on, so your attempts to whitewash this as simply a sexual thing, is ludicrous.

Bottom line: no matter how fabulous the sex or D/s is with someone, if that someone does not meet your other needs to the extent that it becomes more painful to be with them than not, then you need to go.

If you have never experienced this kind of thing, being into the wrong person, then lucky for you.


Nah...you just don't like to hear opinions that are different from your own, cause you're narrow minded. You just think you know what's best for everyone.


Narrow minded? How foolish of you.

I am sorry you lack reading comprehension and empathy. Too traits that are essential to be a worthwhile human being.

I am done with you.

(in reply to lostsub26)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/20/2010 7:37:19 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lostsub26


quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Lost,
I call a spade a spade.  You don't want someone speaking about your comments?  Don't make them. 

Welcome to the internet,
sunshine


Who crowned you the queen of this thread? Like you're going to tell me what I can or cannot do. Ego and arrogance.



I get a crown?  Excellent. 

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to lostsub26)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/20/2010 7:39:18 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lostsub26


quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostsub26
But you act as though you know what is best to juju. How arrogant of you.


So have you.  Reread your post to her.



Perhaps. But I wasn't arrogantly and rudely commenting on other people's opinions and ideas about the thread.




Your reference of arrogance was about acting like she knew what the OP needed.  Which you have also done.

Now you're saying "Yeah but..."  and go on to do the same (rudely commenting) about sexyred1's post. 

I really think you should stop, and let the OP have her thread.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to lostsub26)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/20/2010 7:39:40 PM   
lostsub26


Posts: 71
Joined: 7/9/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


quote:

ORIGINAL: lostsub26


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

lostsub, I have a lot I could say to you, but don't feel that there are any words that can be articulated to you that would make you see how incredibly wrong and disrespectful you are being.

I can assure you, YOU have NO idea what is going on, so your attempts to whitewash this as simply a sexual thing, is ludicrous.

Bottom line: no matter how fabulous the sex or D/s is with someone, if that someone does not meet your other needs to the extent that it becomes more painful to be with them than not, then you need to go.

If you have never experienced this kind of thing, being into the wrong person, then lucky for you.


Nah...you just don't like to hear opinions that are different from your own, cause you're narrow minded. You just think you know what's best for everyone.


Narrow minded? How foolish of you.

I am sorry you lack reading comprehension and empathy. Too traits that are essential to be a worthwhile human being.

I am done with you.


I wrote what I wrote. If you people want to disrespect me by saying it's a "pile of crap", and then turn it around on me, no worries. I see the world through my own perspective, not yours. Clearly, you don't understand that you do the same...

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/20/2010 7:53:38 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss


I get a crown?  Excellent. 










_____________________________

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(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/20/2010 8:04:24 PM   
Chrisincuffs


Posts: 602
Joined: 12/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy


quote:

ORIGINAL: Chrisincuffs

My Master knows how to get to the recesses of my mind, he knows how I think. We've always been on that level you know? He has the power to do everything your Dom has done to you. I have given that power to Him as you have given to your ex-Dom. However I gave my Master that power because I trust him and above all of this He's my best friend and would NEVER use that power to emotionally hurt me, or fuck with my mind in any way. I gave him that power because of that level of trust.
If he ever EVER threw that back in my face or took lightly the power I have given him, that man would no longer exist to me.


I like that your master has requested that you find a slave to dominate.....Gotta love those LDR's!!!


Yes I could not ask for a better Master ( I'd get punished for that! hahahaha) But seriously He's the best. One of the things he loves about me is my feisty attitude and the way I dominate others. This is why He appreciates the power I give to Him. I bow to NOBODY but Master

_____________________________

No kind of sensation is keener and more active than pain it's impressions are unmistakable. -Marquis DeSade

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/20/2010 8:12:03 PM   
Zevar


Posts: 801
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB
So recently (as some of you know) I ended a decently long relationship with my Dom due to a bunch of different factors. Some of the main ones were incompatibility in D/s desires (my insistence on being not submissive most of the hours of the day while he wanted me to be much more constantly malleable, his desire to have someone who craved being slutty to the nth degree while I preferred to be more told what to do than constantly desperate for cock), the aftercare fiasco, and most importantly, his inability to open up and show me any affection or vulnerability as a boyfriend. I wouldn't post these details on the message boards like this except I know he's not going to read it, and it pertains to the situation I'm in now.



Greetings jujubee:

It sounds as though you identified your reasons for choosing to end the relationship with the man that you speak of and refer to as “boyfriend.” Understand that what you described as your primary reasons for ending the relationship are your reasons that deserve self validation. I encourage you to continue to trust your instincts and reasons for arriving at your decision. Self doubt will only serve to hinder your innate right to remain autonomously defined within any relationship.

The fact that you chose to submit to this man does not necessarily mean that you only submitted due to who this man was to you. In part perhaps there is some truth to that, perhaps not. What it sounds like that you did prove to yourself is that you are capable of deep submission and that you are discovering more of what brings you a sense of satisfaction and what does not. There is no fault in this self discovery process.

This relationship was what it was. You have made a choice that honors you in an authentic manner. The fact remains that you are clear on what was offensive to your nature with this man. There is NO reason to not believe that you genuinely know what makes your heart feel totally fulfilled. Based on your reasons that you pointed out and quoted herein above paint a picture that depicts what is true for you. Some relationships end. Some produce longevity. There are no easy answers when it comes to human relationships. Power and stupidity? I say instead, we live and hopefully, we learn, aye?

Keep in mind...this too shall pass! Thank you jujubee for sharing in a most genuine manner.

Take good care of you!

(in reply to jujubeeMB)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/20/2010 9:20:56 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lostsub26

He started acting like a bit of a jerk, because he realized that he lost his Dominant position as Master of the house and the relationship. By him catering to YOUR needs just shows that he was malleable and he became the sub in the relationship,which is not what you're looking for i bet.


lostsub,

In my opinion there's a world of difference when the submissive makes a mistake versus the dominant. What you've described isn't uncommon and I've seen many struggle with making amends without lending the idea that they're catering to the other party or weakening their position. However, there's a fine line between atonement and pacification and the latter is something I detest. It is indicative of a situation where the postulant is driven by fractured emotions as opposed to clear thought. When one is willing to do "anything" he is no longer in charge, but the desire for reconciliation is in the driver's seat.

quote:

You are a submissive and you want to cater to your Master's needs. Not the other way around. So when he was trying to win you back, is it not true that you remained firm in your conviction not to get back together? Of course it is. You don't want some guy trailing after you like a lost puppy. How repulsive and submissive of him! :)


I wonder if your viewpoint would alter if the relationship had not met its demise. Would you find his behavior submissive or something else instead? I don't expect perfection. It's my sincerest belief that His strength is made perfect in weakness. While I thought many things regarding the men that have sought to keep me, submissive has never come to mind. And strangely enough quite a few women enjoy having a man show his affection and give chase. Although I'll confess I'm not one of them.

quote:

And when the tables turned and suddenly he regained his dominance over you, isn't that what you secretly craved with your entire being?


Well who the heck would turn down an abduction? I'd jump on that brainwashing isolation jaunt in a heartbeat! With the right captor of course.

~porcelaine

< Message edited by porcelaine -- 7/20/2010 9:22:40 PM >

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/21/2010 3:20:35 PM   
jujubeeMB


Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline 		lostsub - I know there are people who value dynamics above the happiness of the individuals within the dynamic, but I'm not one of those people. I'm also not a slave, and I don't work well with a Dom who gets upset about not being "Master of the house" because I've broken up with him and his method of trying to get me back isn't comfortable for him - I don't think that's even what he was doing. I believe that I deserve to be happy, and he deserves to be happy, and that everyone should be getting their needs fulfilled. I wasn't. I was starving for lack of affection, and fantastic sex isn't enough of a balm to fill that kind of emptiness. There were other problems, but I don't need to get into those again.

I know for a fact that he would never hurt me, but I'll post right here anyway: I told him that I was withdrawing consent for anything he might do to me, and he was very hurt but heard me and acknowledged it. So no one needs to worry about that anymore. And even if he had followed through on it, he wouldn't have hurt me, and it would have been hot. I know that it was stupid, and I took it back as everyone suggested, but I don't want anyone thinking I put my life in the hands of an axe murderer. I just got carried away with a fantasy, and the sadness and turmoil of ending our relationship made me wish the fantasy could fix everything else.

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/21/2010 6:01:34 PM   
lostsub26


Posts: 71
Joined: 7/9/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

lostsub - I know there are people who value dynamics above the happiness of the individuals within the dynamic, but I'm not one of those people. I'm also not a slave, and I don't work well with a Dom who gets upset about not being "Master of the house" because I've broken up with him and his method of trying to get me back isn't comfortable for him - I don't think that's even what he was doing. I believe that I deserve to be happy, and he deserves to be happy, and that everyone should be getting their needs fulfilled. I wasn't. I was starving for lack of affection, and fantastic sex isn't enough of a balm to fill that kind of emptiness. There were other problems, but I don't need to get into those again.

I know for a fact that he would never hurt me, but I'll post right here anyway: I told him that I was withdrawing consent for anything he might do to me, and he was very hurt but heard me and acknowledged it. So no one needs to worry about that anymore. And even if he had followed through on it, he wouldn't have hurt me, and it would have been hot. I know that it was stupid, and I took it back as everyone suggested, but I don't want anyone thinking I put my life in the hands of an axe murderer. I just got carried away with a fantasy, and the sadness and turmoil of ending our relationship made me wish the fantasy could fix everything else.


Juju...that's why i said that even though the sex is very fulfilling, i didn't know enough about your emotional and intimate connection to be able to give you advice about whether or not you should stay with him. I was just pointing out what I observed based on the information you provided.

I understand that you don't work well with a Dom that gets upset about not being "Master of the house". I wouldn't either, because i know well that there is a difference between someone who is powerful as opposed to someone who is forceful. Someone who is powerful doesn't need to act like a domineering prick. He knows who he is and what he wants and others submit to him not because they feel like they "have" to, but because they want to.
Someone who uses force by coercing and manipulates people, is coming from a place of fear. And would you really want to submit to someone like that? I doubt that.

Anyway, you made your choice. I just hope that you did it because you feel you know what is best for you...not because you don't want people thinking that you put your life in the hands of an "axe murderer".

My advice? Make your own advice. You already know what you need.


< Message edited by lostsub26 -- 7/21/2010 6:05:23 PM >

(in reply to jujubeeMB)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/22/2010 3:24:14 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB
I know for a fact that he would never hurt me, but I'll post right here anyway: I told him that I was withdrawing consent for anything he might do to me, and he was very hurt but heard me and acknowledged it. So no one needs to worry about that anymore. And even if he had followed through on it, he wouldn't have hurt me, and it would have been hot. I know that it was stupid, and I took it back as everyone suggested, but I don't want anyone thinking I put my life in the hands of an axe murderer. I just got carried away with a fantasy, and the sadness and turmoil of ending our relationship made me wish the fantasy could fix everything else.


i think that what happened there was understandable, im sure everyone here totally understands because most of us have been through something similar at some stage.

when youre in turmoil, adding more turmoil doesnt help the turmoil youre already in.

there was plenty that was good about youre relationship but plenty that didnt work (i remember youre post on those issues) - maybe this will give him a chance to realise a few things about himself and he will change enough for you guys to try again, or maybe he really is emotionally distant and its just who he is which makes you guys basically incompatible.

but i think that right now, for what its worth, youre doing the right thing for both of you - he's been given an opportunity to look at himself and realise an issue he refused to face when you were together, so staying together would never have brought this to a head for him.  you are in a place of power and decision over youre own life and needs and you have learnt alot too, about what is truely important to you and what you hope to find in the future.

what im trying to say is that this isnt all negative though right now it hurts like hell.

all that he did really was try to win you back, which was wrong really, he needed to respect youre choice on this and take responsibility for his part in the bust. 

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to jujubeeMB)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Power and Stupidity - 7/22/2010 3:42:46 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		jujubee, sweetie, glad that you tore yourself away from that fantasy.

Right now, you're very vulnerable and prey to any unscrupulous man.  I suggest you stay here in Colorado till you get past that.  I'll... um... keep you safe.  Honest.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 100
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