RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (Full Version)

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aldompdx -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/28/2010 11:01:04 AM)

Ms. Asylum,

This thread is both hysterical and absolutely pathetic. Some people here are confused, conflicted, or in disagreement about owning two pieces of wood! Many of these same people purport, desire, or otherwise intend to "own" a human being!

If you want to use it and own it, then you need to buy it.
If you want to use it, own it, and subsequently give it away, then you need to buy it.
If you want to use it, own it, and rent it out for others to enjoy (i.e., receive their "contribution"), then you need to buy it.

And, as if it is not logically obvious from the above:
If somebody else wants to use it and own it, then they need to buy it. 
If somebody else wants to use it, own it, and subsequently give it away, then they need to buy it.
If somebody else want to use it, own it, and rent it out for you to enjoy (i.e., receive your "contribution" which you choose to share for it), then they need to buy it; etc...

Bottom line: first get clear, exercise control, and own your boundaries and priorities -- before asserting control over another.





thishereboi -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/28/2010 11:04:19 AM)

"If you want to use it and own it, then you need to buy it."

That's right and if it had been Ms A who had wanted it that would have applied. But it was the sub who came to her and said HE wanted it. So why shouldn't he help pay for it?



BoiJen -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/28/2010 11:14:35 AM)

Beat me to it.



WhipStich81 -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/28/2010 3:19:35 PM)

because i shouldnt hav to pay. she makes more then me and so does her bitchass boyfriend if i said i wanted it ther should be no problem with them payinhb for it since they make more. god you people are thick



LadyPact -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/28/2010 4:46:24 PM)

Looking at this from My own perspective, I would be asking Myself, why should I buy something that someone else has asked for?  Is it going to be a gift for them?  Am I doing it just to make them happy?  Do they also do things that make Me happy?  Do we have the kind of relationship that warrants Me wanting to do this for them?  Is there some kind of obligation that I have to fulfill?

Look here.  I'm twice the OP's age and I can promise that I don't have any trouble finding people who want to bend over when I want to beat someone.  I'm not going to fork out a couple of hundred bucks for materials for a piece of BDSM furniture if they can't at least provide the labor of building it.  I'm a Dominant woman who nobody is going to confuse with somebody's service top or kink delivery service.  I can promise you that anybody treating Me like one would be shown the door and told never to darken it again.  After the display that's been made on these forums, if I were the OP, that is exactly what I would do in this situation. 



DarkSteven -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/28/2010 4:55:15 PM)

There are two issues here.  The first is who pays for the cross. The second is the behavior of those when presented with something they disagree with.




thishereboi -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/28/2010 5:21:33 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipStich81

because i shouldnt hav to pay. she makes more then me and so does her bitchass boyfriend if i said i wanted it ther should be no problem with them payinhb for it since they make more. god you people are thick



No, sweet cheeks, that would be you. But go ahead and keep thinking that your some kind of princess and need a mommy to take care of you. Come back in a year or two and let us know how that is working for you K.



sirsholly -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/28/2010 5:55:06 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipStich81

because i shouldnt hav to pay. she makes more then me and so does her bitchass boyfriend if i said i wanted it ther should be no problem with them payinhb for it since they make more. god you people are thick
I don't care how much she makes...just because you want something does not mean it is owed to you.




WhipStich81 -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/28/2010 8:53:27 PM)

i gave her three years of my lifeb i am owed whatever i want. i wont get that time back.



DarkSteven -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/28/2010 8:55:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipStich81

i gave her three years of my lifeb i am owed whatever i want. i wont get that time back.


You gave her three years and in return got a relationship with a hot young chick.  Wasn't that what you wanted? 





WhipStich81 -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/28/2010 9:03:24 PM)

she got fuckin greedy. no i dont want that



LadyPact -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/28/2010 9:06:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipStich81

i gave her three years of my lifeb i am owed whatever i want. i wont get that time back.

Exactly what did she get for those three years?  Answer - the same exact thing that you got out of the deal.  Neither of you got any more or less than the other.

One key difference.  I'm betting she's going to be able to find someone to take your place a lot faster than you'll find one to replace her.



DaddysInkedSlut -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/28/2010 9:09:42 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipStich81

she got fuckin greedy. no i dont want that



I think YOU got greedy.
Why?
You assume just b/c she makes more than you she should pay for everything you want.
You assume just b/c her boyfriend makes more than you he should pay for everything you want.

Why should her b/f pay for your play toys?
Why should Miss A play for your play toys?
Aren't you a grown up? I was under the impression that grown ups payed for the toys / things they wanted.



DaddysInkedSlut -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/28/2010 9:12:15 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipStich81

i gave her three years of my lifeb i am owed whatever i want. i wont get that time back.



Didn't she give you 3 yrs of her life?
She can't get that back either.
Just b/c you are involved in a relationship why do you believe your owed everything you want?



aldompdx -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/29/2010 2:08:36 AM)

Love, happieness, fulfillment is not a bargain of giving to get -- i.e., taking. It arieses from within your own heart, not from a couple of sticks nailed together. If you don't have anything to share unconditionally, then you can't experience it.



ranja -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/29/2010 2:23:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipStich81

she got fuckin greedy. no i dont want that


oh this is just hillarious
now you don't have it as you didn't want, so why the foul mouth?



CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/29/2010 5:33:59 AM)

I spent about two hours trying to post something in the other thread, hit enter...and zappo, all gone because the thread was sealed up.
 
quote:

i gave her three years of my lifeb i am owed whatever i want. i wont get that time back.

So you gave up everything for her to be with her 24/7 for three years?  You sacrificed an apartment, all other women, remained celibate for three years, gave up your career, all of your hobbies...to live in her dungeon basement and scrub her floors and mow her lawn and paint the house etc.? 
 
That would be a huge chunk of your life gone, and becoming rehabilitated into normal life again would be difficult. 
 
 I'll stop teasing you now.  She set limits on the relationship from the very start, ones that you chose to ignore.  She set limits on sharing the cost with you over that cross, which you chose to ignore. 
 
There was another choice to be made...you could have told her, "Ma'am, I am having financial difficulties and would not be able to pay my share, but if you can buy a kit, I will try my best to assemble it."  Or..."Sorry I asked for this, I see it wasn't a good idea."
 
You made a different choice.  Sometimes when we make our bed, we have to lie in it.  I don't think you are going to force her to do what you want.
 
(Also, sometimes we have to lose someone to realize their true value.) 
 
WhipStitch, I hope you feel better soon and calm down...so we can see some of the man MissA was proud to have as her own.  She wouldn't have had you in her life for 3 years if she hadn't felt some pride in you.  Boy oh boy do you have a bad temper when you are upset. 
 
Was making your point worth all of this?  Do you wish you had compromised and asked them to buy the wood and stuff, and print out some instructions so you could put it together yourself?  Submitting to this might have helped you understand...submission...better. 
 
The gift you have the power to give, but not the will to, is one of emotional self sacrifice...putting someone else's happiness over your own, just because she is worth that much to you.  The kinky stuff probably made you feel some submission, but no strings non-kinky service would have made you feel it even more keenly.  
 
This was a lost opportunity to discover more about yourself, to grow.  To force yourself to bend instead of trying to force her to bend to your will.
 
I hope this was the right decision for you to make, and I really do wish you luck in your next relationship.



mnottertail -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/29/2010 5:58:11 AM)

OK, shit, that other thread is gone and so is my advertisement. 

So let me restate this in no uncertain terms.

Any of you girls wanna pop by the house and give me a blowjob?

Ron



BoiJen -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/29/2010 6:54:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipStich81

i gave her three years of my lifeb i am owed whatever i want. i wont get that time back.


You didn't give her three years of your life though. She won't get that time back either, so from how I see it YOU owe HER the cross anyways. Cuz for three years she did the work. She played with you the way you wanted while you just laid there and get the play in. She did the work asking you if you were happy and you lied, she didn't. She did the work in communicating because she told you what you could expect from her, did it, and you ignored it.

For three years she did stuff for you. Physical stuff, for you.

What, in those three years, did you do for her other then sit there and get your fantasy fulfilled?

boi



porcelaine -> RE: Is there something wrong with splitting the costs? (7/29/2010 7:03:00 AM)

I've read the recent comments and I'm really confused. The situation isn't hard to decipher and I'm shocked the OP ever posted it in all truth. I think LadyPact nailed this in the previous thread and she was very nice in her comments. It would appear that the submissive is taking a hit and while I believe his behavior is deplorable the fact remains she chose him.

Fact. You dealt with a man that didn't spend money on you.
Fact. You entertained the idea of sharing the cost for a piece of equipment you didn't want and couldn't afford.
Fact. You suggested that the man that never parts with his cash ante up for this.
Reasoning. It was his idea and an equitable split makes sense.
Reality. He doesn't spend cash on you. Period.

And that means if he wasn't doing it before he wasn't going to transmute into Mister Generosity. He didn't become this way overnight. It was always there and you accepted it. Whether it was an agreement or not is pointless. But this is how you've lived for three years. I wouldn't expect him to change and if you presented this situation to ANY woman not in kink she'd tell you the same. So in my not so humble opinion asking a man that has no financial investment in a three year relationship to start contributing when you accepted his lack of provision is a little foolhardy. What did you think he was going to say? I mean really.

And if your submissive could talk you into spending money you didn't have when you're the one in charge that's another problem. No would have ended this debacle a long time ago. And you didn't need a thread on the Internet to tell you what was right before your eyes. Maybe you didn't want to see it. But it's pretty hard to ignore right now.

This is ridiculous. You catered to your subordinate and forgot the line in the process. You are the leader and because there was no effective leadership in this situation he's out of control and ran roughshod over you. And I'm not about to point fingers at him when your earlier posts reference him sulking and not talking to you. Once again, who's running the show?

~porcelaine



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