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RE: Lack of interest in threads pertaining to hands on,... - 7/21/2010 7:40:25 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I've always wondered why, on a site geared for discussions of BDSM, there seems to be a lack of interest in threads that actually discuss it. The threads that talk about hands on, active BDSM techniques, tips, styles. Most especially anything that relates to safety. These threads tend to have low participation.


erin,

Your observation is correct and I participate on CollarMe, Fetlife, and another private site for women. While many laud Fetlife for the depth of subjects covered, it is rife with many of the issues that have been mentioned in this thread and others as well. It is far from the Holy Grail. And in my opinion they are far less tolerant, more combative, and filled with caricatures that believe their interpretations of dominance and slavery are the real mccoy. There's also a fixation with extremism some have adapted that I suspect is typographical nonsense meant to entertain. Unfortunately, it presents a dubious message to those with less experience and dare I say commonsense to dismiss the tomfoolery they're reading.

quote:

Yet threads such as "Men in my panties" go on for pages and pages, train wreck threads, fat threads, wanker threads...those threads thrive. I realize that those types of threads have an entertainment factor but gosh.


I think the drama factor is the common bond in the examples shown. I see this all the time over yonder and I can always tell by the thread title when we're heading for a big derail.

quote:

I posted a thread the other day regarding safety and cleanliness during blood play. I think two people have responded. Maybe because although it is definitely a BDSM issue, it got moved down to "Health and Safety". That section doesn't seem to get much traffic....unless of course there is a thread by some wanker who wants to talk about his asshole. A few weeks ago I posted a thread regarding the possible transmission of communicable diseases during microbranding. Same result...not much interest.


This is where I find differences on this site versus the other. I'll read responses from people that have never done that, but have all sort of ideas (many porn inspired or something they gleaned from the blind leading the blind) and they're offering advice that might indicate otherwise. Whereas here the lack of participation may reflect disinterest, inexperience, or ignorance regarding the thread's existence. However, much of this is related to how the question is framed. When you narrow it down you're petitioning a specific segment versus inviting everyone to the table. For future reference it may be helpful to pose a general question that will stimulate discussion and include a helpful reference or two, and an additional one that addresses the subject in greater depth. Threads designed in this fashion often garner more participation, feedback, and most walkaway learning something in the process.

quote:

So do we really just want to be entertained and titillated here? Why the seeming disinterest in things that will give us knowledge in WIITWD or have the potential of making WIITWD safer?


Large communities have merit, but I've often felt that smaller intimate places get down to the nuts and bolts of things without all the theatrics in between. In my opinion the expectations of seriousness are ill conceived. Irregardless of the site's position, the makeup will always be diverse. For some that includes serious discussion, others a bit of fun, and the rest something in between. For those desiring to cover more pertinent subjects that address hands on practices, perhaps you might consider posing a question of the week to ensure the continuity of the thing you believe is woefully lacking.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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RE: Lack of interest in threads pertaining to hands on,... - 7/21/2010 7:42:55 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I cannot speak from having READ the posts but the folks that got modded off the boards got modded because of stuff on the Politics and Religion side. So perhaps there should be fewer rules there? Or none at all, since I never go there!

CD you have a excellent point about some folks only wanting to hear their OWN points of view, no matter where the post is...

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RE: Lack of interest in threads pertaining to hands on,... - 7/21/2010 7:44:10 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Another thing, for me.......I get sick to death of the pissing matches of one true way, that usually goes into a specific 'how to and how not to' thread. I really do not care how anyone else online does anything and what risks other people take.

I rely on my own common sense and the brain I was given. If I want to know something about something I want to do, I am going to ask someone I know FOR A FACT is qualified to teach me. Not some goon on the internet that just struts around calling them self an expert with 20 years of experience. Not EVEN if that goon has another 'friend' that can vouch for their expertise. That just makes two internet goons, not a trustworthy expert.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Lack of interest in threads pertaining to hands on,... - 7/21/2010 7:45:11 AM   
EbonyWood


Posts: 2044
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline 		 
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

Threads that have definitive, specified topics have a limited lifespan (and therefore participation) because they quite often deal with topics that are much more objective.


I will use as an example the thread that I posted the other day regarding cleanliness and safety in blood play. It detailed a few mistakes that I commonly see being made by experienced people. But they are things that would benefit anyone who engages in such play...or is even in attendance of such play...to consider. Limited lifespan? Two responders and 56 hits over the course of the last three days or so? Yes, that is pretty limited.


I don't disagree. I don't blood play myself so I didn't participate, but I did read it. Maybe very few people currently using the forums are into it, I don't know.
 
I'd like to think that the quality of the advice you get is more important than the quantity.
 
If it's any consolation, this thread about threads seems to have had a few responses.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Lack of interest in threads pertaining to hands on,... - 7/21/2010 7:46:17 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I consider it my dominant's job to know the techniques he wants to incorporate in play, unless he tells me it is mine, and then I would take a more active interest I suppose...

Also, I would wonder about a dominant that learned their techniques via an internet message board... reading will only help one so much

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Lack of interest in threads pertaining to hands on,... - 7/21/2010 7:49:13 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Are we really talking about learning a technique here, or just DISCUSSION of what we do for real, regardless of topic?

I DO expect that I know what I am doing to and with my playmates, but an uneducated playmate that doesn't WANT to know? Trust has an edge, IMO.

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RE: Lack of interest in threads pertaining to hands on,... - 7/21/2010 7:50:11 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

Large communities have merit, but I've often felt that smaller intimate places get down to the nuts and bolts of things without all the theatrics in between. In my opinion the expectations of seriousness are ill conceived. Irregardless of the site's position, the makeup will always be diverse.


This may indeed be what I am sensing after my absence from here. I have become a bit accustomed to the specific groups of Fet and it would make sense that the people within those specific groups are there because of a common interest in that particular group and the subject it is designed to address, which is far less broad than "General BDSM". Although the site itself is very diverse, there is far less diversity within the groups themselves.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Lack of interest in threads pertaining to hands on,... - 7/21/2010 7:51:10 AM   
dovie


Posts: 1211
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

Kisses and hugs CreativeDominant--good to see you post

dovie

_____________________________

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gentle dove with 38's *the kind you shoot with*


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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Lack of interest in threads pertaining to hands on,... - 7/21/2010 7:54:52 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Erin - I wrote a long response, computer ate it, and it's late... so... please forgive the bluntness.

There are only so many responses about what is safe, how something works generally speaking.  Those kinds of threads are pretty simple.  A + B = C.  However, threads where perspectives are given, emotions are brought into the fray means there is a lot of wiggle room for disagreement and opining.  (I wanted to use the word "opine" there.  Looks good, eh?)

Also, threads that are about a specific topic have a self-selecting group in them.  People not into cuckoldry probably don't read those threads.  It's just a matter of time management. 

Frankly, I want to laugh and have a good time when I come here.  Life is pretty serious outside of here, so while I will on occasion get into an intellectual discussion, I'd rather laugh and giggle and be silly (and flirt of course, always flirt).

On a more personal note, I'd like to thread hijack here and tell you what a pleasure it is to see you here.  I have learned so much from you over the years - things that are beyond personal, to the point of ... ways to look at things.  Thank you for all your brilliance.  Please keep sharing it.  You remind me of an old church song we used to sing about hiding a light under a bush... This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine... So too I hope you will continue to shine yours.

Best,
sunshine

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RE: Lack of interest in threads pertaining to hands on,... - 7/21/2010 7:55:34 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I consider it my dominant's job to know the techniques he wants to incorporate in play, unless he tells me it is mine, and then I would take a more active interest I suppose...

Also, I would wonder about a dominant that learned their techniques via an internet message board... reading will only help one so much


With all due respect julia, I encourage all submissives to have some understanding of proper techniques and to never lay the responsibility for their participation at the feet of a dominant. A little knowledge makes it much easier for them to identify when they may be in the hands of the dangerous or clueless.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 7/21/2010 7:57:35 AM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Lack of interest in threads pertaining to hands on,... - 7/21/2010 8:00:45 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		@sunshinemiss....Wow!, thank you. That was very sweet.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Lack of interest in threads pertaining to hands on,... - 7/21/2010 8:07:09 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'll cop to this one.  I don't visit the health and safety section often.  My safety practices aren't shabby when it comes to doing this thing, so it's not like I have a lot of questions in the area.

There are absolutely more threads here that are more geared to the 101 class (and some of the bad advice on the subject that goes with it) than there is for those of us who aren't beginners.  Take a look at the last few threads on needle play.  It's the same few folks that have anything to say on the subject.  The same thing goes for things such as attending events, wax, tying people up, and all kinds of other things that you would expect to find here.  Those threads die quick because somebody will come along and nail the discussion because of one problem or another.

Threads that are just controversial from the get go have no issue getting attention here.  In the course of a couple of weeks, someone can consistently claim male Doms are abusers or some such thing, and that goes just fine.  People just looking to start crap always end up taking people active in the lifestyle out right along with them.  The more that happens, fewer good threads are started because the experienced folks just plain aren't here anymore to start them.  Every summer and holiday break takes it's toll around here.

I tend to try to look at this place the same way I would if everyone were in the same location and belonged to the same munch group.  There may be people in that group that you don't particularly like or don't get along with.  Still, if all of the experienced people no longer attend the group, what do you really have left?


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Lack of interest in threads pertaining to hands on,... - 7/21/2010 8:10:24 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I consider it my dominant's job to know the techniques he wants to incorporate in play, unless he tells me it is mine, and then I would take a more active interest I suppose...

Also, I would wonder about a dominant that learned their techniques via an internet message board... reading will only help one so much


I consider it my responsibility to be keenly aware of what another is inflicting upon my body. I educate myself before engaging in unfamiliar practices. Otherwise, I'd be hard pressed knowing if his methods were safe or ill gotten. I don't rely on third party information gleaned off the Internet, but choose to attend courses that demonstrate and pinpoint the precautions one should be mindful of. This is the same method I utilize when mentoring other women and none of us have ever suffered injury at the hands of our dominant partner.


quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

This may indeed be what I am sensing after my absence from here. I have become a bit accustomed to the specific groups of Fet and it would make sense that the people within those specific groups are there because of a common interest in that particular group and the subject it is designed to address, which is far less broad than "General BDSM". Although the site itself is very diverse, there is far less diversity within the groups themselves.


You often find a core group of individuals that participate in certain subjects. However, there are some hidden gems that many are unaware of unless you happen to stumble onto it by way of your feed. You can steal a peek at my profile if you'd like. I've dumped a few but I'll tell you honestly if they're worth your keystrokes. The problem for many as LaT articulated is the never-ending screaming matches. It gets old after a while and anyone that's really doing this has little interest in arguing with personalities on the Internet or validating their authenticity to them. Hence the suggestion for a thought provoking weekly topic that might invite some interesting discussion from all parties.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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RE: Lack of interest in threads pertaining to hands on,... - 7/21/2010 8:12:18 AM   
dovie


Posts: 1211
Status: offline 		Erin,

I read the posts and didn't comment. When it comes to things like blood play, branding, etc, I get it from the horses mouth. I want to see, touch, feel, and hear. If I need information, I'm going to someone in my community that's knowledgeable about the topic.   There are more than a few folks that espouse their knowledge of BDSM techniques, life of slavery, what it is to serve, and there are doing so based on what they have read, heard etc., never having lived or done any of the things they are so graphically commenting on. They are verbose, writing paragraphs upon paragraphs of verbiage to show how knowedgeable they are. In any of my mentor-mentee relationships, Rule #3," you can read all you want, but don't believe half of the crap you read. Ask questions." Half of what, I know about BDSM, I learned from other submissives and slaves. Also, some folks will try to hammer their own "twue" ways and I'm easily disgusted.

Sorry, I digress. **shaking off issues**  LOL.  Hope you get my point Erin. Thanks for asking the question.

<<going to get some more coffee.

hugs you,
dovie

_____________________________

"Sometimes love is a nice long lick!"

gentle dove with 38's *the kind you shoot with*


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RE: Lack of interest in threads pertaining to hands on,... - 7/21/2010 8:13:40 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline 		mistoferin,

Firstly, I haven't read all the reply so I apoligize if I repeat.
When I first came to CM, I did so to learn a bit and to broaden my horizions, so to say.  I no longer really see the boards as a place to do this. 

For what it's worth, I read the threads you started and found them interesting but not something I have enough experience in to comment on.  Not having experience doesn't equal lack of interest which is why I like when someone takes the time to make an informative post.  One problem, however, with some of the more "serious" posts is that they develop into a "one way is the only way and that way is my way" contest of who is more "real" and I just don't have the interest or time to play those sort of games. 

Of course, it's summer and the crazies are out.  Once the summer vacation crowd heads back to the books, I'm hoping things will take another turn here.  Hopefully.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Lack of interest in threads pertaining to hands on,... - 7/21/2010 8:17:54 AM   
dovie


Posts: 1211
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

On a more personal note, I'd like to thread hijack here and tell you what a pleasure it is to see you here.  I have learned so much from you over the years - things that are beyond personal, to the point of ... ways to look at things.  Thank you for all your brilliance.  Please keep sharing it.  You remind me of an old church song we used to sing about hiding a light under a bush... This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine... So too I hope you will continue to shine yours.

Best,
sunshine



Ditto! 
 
dovie
 
 

_____________________________

"Sometimes love is a nice long lick!"

gentle dove with 38's *the kind you shoot with*


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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Lack of interest in threads pertaining to hands on,... - 7/21/2010 8:20:24 AM   
dovie


Posts: 1211
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dovie

Erin,

I read the posts and didn't comment. When it comes to things like blood play, branding, etc, I get it from the horses mouth. I want to see, touch, feel, and hear. If I need information, I'm going to someone in my community that's knowledgeable about the topic.   There are more than a few folks that espouse their knowledge of BDSM techniques, life of slavery, what it is to serve, and there are doing so based on what they have read, heard etc., never having lived or done any of the things they are so graphically commenting on. They are verbose, writing paragraphs upon paragraphs of verbiage to show how knowedgeable they are. In any of my mentor-mentee relationships, Rule #3," you can read all you want, but don't believe half of the crap you read. Ask questions." Half of what, I know about BDSM, I learned from other submissives and slaves. Also, some folks will try to hammer their own "twue" ways and I'm easily disgusted.

Sorry, I digress. **shaking off issues**  LOL.  Hope you get my point Erin. Thanks for asking the question.

<<going to get some more coffee.

hugs you,
dovie


I forgot "smell."  Smell the burning flesh. Lady Shivers would be proud!  LOL

dovie

_____________________________

"Sometimes love is a nice long lick!"

gentle dove with 38's *the kind you shoot with*


(in reply to dovie)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Lack of interest in threads pertaining to hands on,... - 7/21/2010 8:29:02 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		I have an will continue to answer serious questions in a serious manner.

While I don't feel it is my job to protect new folks, I don't mind tossing out a pointer.

If someone inists I am wrong in my opinion, they are cordialy invited to go fuck themselves..:)

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Lack of interest in threads pertaining to hands on,... - 7/21/2010 8:32:18 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I've always wondered why, on a site geared for discussions of BDSM, there seems to be a lack of interest in threads that actually discuss it. The threads that talk about hands on, active BDSM techniques, tips, styles. Most especially anything that relates to safety. These threads tend to have low participation.

Yet threads such as "Men in my panties" go on for pages and pages, train wreck threads, fat threads, wanker threads...those threads thrive. I realize that those types of threads have an entertainment factor but gosh.

I posted a thread the other day regarding safety and cleanliness during blood play. I think two people have responded. Maybe because although it is definitely a BDSM issue, it got moved down to "Health and Safety". That section doesn't seem to get much traffic....unless of course there is a thread by some wanker who wants to talk about his asshole. A few weeks ago I posted a thread regarding the possible transmission of communicable diseases during microbranding. Same result...not much interest.

So do we really just want to be entertained and titillated here? Why the seeming disinterest in things that will give us knowledge in WIITWD or have the potential of making WIITWD safer?


I almost always look to threads of substance (subjective, I admit.. what may be considered substance by me may not be considered such by another) first. If I think I have something useful to say based on my experience, I'll add to it. If what I have to say has already been said, I may reinforce it from my own perspective. I try to hit those threads up within a page or two. I also look for threads in which someone is seeking input on an issue they may with their relationship or submission.. even their dominance again because I think what I say may be of value to them, but that would be up to them to decide. I don't have a lot of interest in train wrecks, but once in a while I may read them as well and even respond although I do tend to give the benefit of the doubt most of the time to the OP that they are looking for sincere answers to their question and I try to respond from that perspective.

I must admit that I stick mostly with General BDSM and the Ask a Submissive/Slave forums and read the others off and on as the whim strikes me. I also read the Ask a Master forum because that's where I find topics that I can take to Himself and they usually end in great discusions for us. When I post to General, I try to make my questions relevant and interesting but, truthfully, I would rather get a single page of quality responses than 10 pages of trivial chit chat. When I'm in the mood for something light hearted and fun, PRS is great for that though I don't often respond there I do like to see the banter and casual fun. It almost always makes me smile and nothing beats P&R for learning new insults and swear words.

_____________________________

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Lack of interest in threads pertaining to hands on,... - 7/21/2010 9:08:33 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

With all due respect julia, I encourage all submissives to have some understanding of proper techniques and to never lay the responsibility for their participation at the feet of a dominant. A little knowledge makes it much easier for them to identify when they may be in the hands of the dangerous or clueless.


I think you misunderstand, just because I do not learn about "techniques" via the internet message board from strangers does not mean I ask no questions, get no other information.. it simply means I do not see CM as a place to get advice about these things, and no, based upon my time here I would not recommend that submissives get information here, because if they lack common sense to pick out experience partners that can educate them, they will probably lack the filter to pick out experienced from inexperienced here.

Much of what keeps us safe is really common sense, and I do have this... but since I do not play in public, and I do not play casually, I would say in my opinion you are explicitly wrong about one thing... I DO think it is my dominant's responsibility to know what he is doing, and I do not play with men that don't when it comes to bondage, and sadism. I love smart, educated, reasonable, sane, and caring men that take an interest in putting my safety as a primary concern...

Now if I were into going down to the local dungeon and playing casually, I would probably think differently about this, but since I do not, and since when I am bottoming I am also submitting, it makes the dominant in that arena completely responsible for having skills.. my responsibility is to give him information about my health status prior to play, during play, and after play.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 40
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