CynthiaWVirginia
Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: laurell3
The prime example is the subs that come on here and tell us everything bad about their Dom, everyone responds well god he's a jackass....then they say...wait but, he's not. Of course that's the response they are going to get, because that is the only information they are giving. In the end they run away upset, we know think guy x is a total asshat (and he probably isn't) and hell...how helpful was that to their issue? Was it worth sharing their details?
I see it as very helpful, if not to us...then to them.
See it through vanilla eyes. If a woman is at the end of her rope with her boyfriend, thinks he's a total asshat and wants to leave him...turning to a girlfriend and whining about him makes the friend take her side and verbally attack him...
...which does what?
...doesn't she always get defensive about her man?
...doesn't she suddenly remember all the wonderful things about him she cannot live without?
...Her b*tching about him often helps her to get over her problems with him, and to suddenly understand about defending his reputation, and that nobody else in the world understands just how very special he is. <hurls in private>
If both people want to come to a forum and lay the problem down and ask for opinions...it will still only be opinions, and the dominant will either change his plans or won't, and the submissive will either obey or...leave.
Long time ago, I had a vanilla boyfriend who didn't want either of us to talk to anyone about anything. But he was so indiscreet that everyone at work was talking about us. Sorry, but it was him insisting on sucking on mah titty (yes, we were caught) that caused the gossip to spread like wildfire, and not my one female friend that I talked things over with. He kept glaring at me and turning up that song called Rumors or something, whenever it came onto the radio.
Yes, I broke up with him later. He kept asking to marry me but I saw that our entire lives together began and ended in a bedroom. He had never introduced me to his family, his friends, we had never gone on a date, and he never told me he loved me, but he kept asking me to marry him after I tried to break up with him the first time. If he had introduced me to friends...friends of his who told me what a pain in the ass I was to him (while he stood there hugging me with one arm), I probably would have married him. Scratch the probably, and make that an absolutely.
That was vanilla though, and has nothing to do with this. In spite of the handcuffies... 
Each person has their own limits, and as I see it, the trick is to either find someone with those same ideals or else see if one or both parties can bend. If not, then it's game over. As a Domme, yes, I would want my sub come to me first with everything. It wouldn't be a deal breaker if he didn't, as long as it was in good faith. I would even send him here to do some reading if he had issues that he could use the help of others in dealing with. Sometimes just not feeling all alone is a big help.
Actually, I would have my guy start a thread right now that would have half of you falling off your chairs snickering over, but he's a workaholic and barely has time for me much less these forums. It would help him though, and I think I will look things up on Search later on just to see if any male has dared to ever speak of it. Women, maybe. He would have to stick directly to the issue and not drag out a blow by blow account of the entire day, lol.
laurell...best wishes to you both, whichever Jeff it happens to be. There seems to be dozens of Jeffs at this site.
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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 
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After a while, he relented to third person speech, and just since a day or two ago, allows her to talk normally. The mindset is embedded, and he is satisfied. 
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