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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/23/2010 8:42:01 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

here's a saying in AA, "You're only as sick as your secrets".


There is something to say for this... and some that come for help really have no other lifestyle friendships

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/24/2010 3:44:45 AM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline 		What makes me shudder is the way the responses pile on the absent party based simply on one side of the story. It's actually pretty disgusting when you think about it. God help me if these people ever find themselves seated in a jury or my peers.

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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to laurell3)
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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/24/2010 6:21:04 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I think most people are rational enough to understand that there are two sides to every story. What I find odd is all of the "leave him", "leave him now" responses. Because we do not seem to make allowances for the fact that the op in many cases, may be a pure nutcase.

I think people should find their comfort zone as far as how they will honor and value their relationship online. It is fodder for laughter for me, so I do not mind it much. When it doubt, it is probably best to err on the side of non-disclosure and secrecy. It is hard to take back words you write on a public forum and it can make you look stupid.



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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/24/2010 6:32:52 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		OK... what if the OP posted something truely horrible like..... he dude was drinking beer through a straw?

Are we supposed to just ignore that? What other advice is there except "LEAVE HIM NOW!"

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/24/2010 6:38:40 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Hopefully the OP would hastily end the date, without a hug, and move on to a more manly man! LOL

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/24/2010 6:41:06 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		In that case, the OP is wise and would not need advice from people like us!

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/24/2010 6:42:11 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		That OP can not tear herself away from this place. sigh

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Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/24/2010 6:42:57 AM   
realwhiteknight


Posts: 428
Joined: 7/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

What makes me shudder is the way the responses pile on the absent party based simply on one side of the story. It's actually pretty disgusting when you think about it. God help me if these people ever find themselves seated in a jury or my peers.


Hey!!! It's Don Imus!!!

Nice to meet you, Don Imus. I'm the Log Lady from Twin Peaks.


_____________________________

I carry a log - yes. Is it funny to you? It is not to me.

Behind all things are reasons. Reasons can even explain the absurd. Do we have the time to learn the reasons behind the human being's varied behavior? I think not. Some take the time.

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/24/2010 6:43:14 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		At least she knows how to drink!

I am confidant things will get better,...:)

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Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/24/2010 6:50:18 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

I am confidant things will get better,...:)


haha, Wanny with his porn 'stasche says it best.
On the whole, my life is great, can't complain. The fact that I have no dominant to whine about is a good thing. Because I am one of the best fault finders who ever took a breath.

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/24/2010 7:14:03 AM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline 		~fr~`

Ah yes, ‘dirty laundry’; the insinuation that life’s unpleasant experiences are somehow dirty, and easily shed, to be hidden in some dark closet somewhere.

Someone in need of help is someone in need of help, whether it is on a specific topic, or how to handle their emotions over said topic, matters not, to me.

Sharing, as I see it, is not the problem, as it is part of humanity; the fact that so many believe they are qualified to judge is.

Kim


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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/24/2010 7:24:25 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hello laurel:

I have learned not to tell my personal stuff.  There are times that I may give advice but I do my darnedest to not make it personal.  It's just not safe!  Also, people WILL be harmed at some point and learn their lesson.  Hear that?  That would be the time bomb waiting to go off!

Generally, I try to be fairly neutral (or silly - sometimes they are one and the same) when giving advice.  When something is an obvious - you can be harmed - I will generally strongly advise that based on my experience (work and personal).  I'm certainly not going to air a former client's dirty laundry even though that may be the place where I was confronted with an issue. 

Sometimes there are absolute idiots who post on here, and I just wait for their ex's divorce attorney, job's investigator, etc. to find this and use it against them.  I often find myself shaking my head at the absolute stupidity of the drama llamas who actually get on here talking about their kids, posting compromising pix, and discussing their mental health issues.  It is mindboggling to me.  But you know, you just can't fix stupid. 

Unlike other folks, I rarely get more than a giggle here.  On occasion, I will pick up phrases or perspectives for a story.  I don't use the people, but there are wonderful words!  But hey you never know!  There are some seriously fascinating characters on here!  So please!  Keep airing that laundry, processing the nonsense, and creating drama.  It does wonders for my work!

Best,
sunshine

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/24/2010 8:26:15 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Interesting topic...

I like the honest replies that state that when people air dirty laundry or are in pain, they laugh. It is heartening to know that.

That is why I mostly do not reveal personal details unless I feel it will help someone else. I am not exhibitionistic about my life and I think some people are. It is as much of a fetish as anything else. I also never start threads asking questions, ever. If I have a problem I usually take it private to those I trust.

Just this past week, for example, I was going through something painful and I would never have discussed it at ALL, had another poster that I really like, started a thread about her situation, which mirrored mine in many ways.

That juxtaposition of timing between my issues and her issues and the emotions engendered by my empathy for her and my own problems, made me momentarily lose the good judgement that I usually have in posting private emotional things.

I instantly regretted those posts although I appreciated those who wrote me privately with their support.

You can be damn sure I will not be doing that again. However, as I stated earlier, I will refer to events or experiences of my own if someone genuinely is asking for advice, but it will be offered as help not as emotional venting.

As for other's dirty laundry, I don't actually find it very funny when people are upset; I am usually compassionate unless someone is a complete moron and they do not appear to want to hear the advice they asked for. In that scenario, then I just get annoyed because they start flaming those who tried genuinely to help.

On the other hand, no matter how sad or upset or genuine someone is, there are tons of posters who will never give a serious reply. Jokes have their place and sometimes people who joke are actually covering up something in them, instead of giving the reply the seriousness it deserved.

And then there are the trainwreck threads, which are somewhat entertaining. For me it is more like a soap opera, a way to pass the time, just like reading some celebrity rag if I don't feel like thinking too hard at the moment.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 7/24/2010 8:29:41 AM >

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/24/2010 8:31:59 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		I do that sometimes, not online but in real life. I said something in therapy that really hurt Daddy cause he didn't know about it, and he laid down a decree and I made a joke  in response cause I was deflecting pain his and mine since that's my coping mechanism, to deflect the emotion, and it backfired big time.

He thought I wasn't taking his pain seriously, and I was.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1



On the other hand, no matter how sad or upset or genuine someone is, there are tons of posters who will never give a serious reply. Jokes have their place and sometimes people who joke are actually covering up something in them, instead of giving the reply the seriousness it deserved.



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Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/24/2010 8:42:32 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Sexyred - I completely get what you are saying. I made some joking comments about a guy I am currently dating and I wish I could take them back, for a few reasons. First, he does not post here and posting about him here was a display of some lack of class on my part. Also, although I joke in his presence, I should not have done it here, we are not serious, but still, this is not the forum to discuss what goes on between us. It is a poor way to honor a guy who has been nothing but nice and indulgent to me.

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/24/2010 9:31:38 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
Because we do not seem to make allowances for the fact that the op in many cases, may be a pure nutcase.


In these cases, suggesting they leave is the best possible solution for their partner. Because really, who needs to be with a total nutcase?

And whoever it was who said this happens only to people who have no communication skills, and don't have any communication skills, absofuckinglutely right! If you can't talk to your partner about it, that is the first problem.


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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/24/2010 12:13:42 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight
Hey!!! It's Don Imus!!!

Nice to meet you, Don Imus. I'm the Log Lady from Twin Peaks.



That's Dom to you and very nice to see you, too.


_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/24/2010 12:42:40 PM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline 		Dirty Laundry

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"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat



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Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/24/2010 1:59:55 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Interesting topic...

I like the honest replies that state that when people air dirty laundry or are in pain, they laugh. It is heartening to know that.


And then there are the trainwreck threads, which are somewhat entertaining. For me it is more like a soap opera, a way to pass the time, just like reading some celebrity rag if I don't feel like thinking too hard at the moment.



Maybe part of the problem is those two thoughts you expressed are subjective. Your trainwreck is someone else's worst day and vice versa.

There's a trainwreck on the boards right now, I'm pretty damn sure it is NOT funny to the people involved, but I have to tell you, I would guess it's getting quite a bit of traffic because it is absolutely a ridiculously horrific social faux pas on like 10 levels, and yes, it's so ridiculous, it is funny. Does that mean one cannot appreciate that the people involved are really struggling emotionally? No. Hell, I do laugh when I see people slip on ice too....I ALSO help them up and make sure they are ok and legitimately care that they are ok, but it is humorous to see what would otherwise only be shown in cartoons.

I think part of this goes back to much of the ongoing commentary on forums in general. If your expectation is to get 100 percent support from anonymous people on the net, your expectation is 100 percent unreasonable.

However, I do have friends that I discuss issues with that are from CM. I do that in private. I would like to think that the majority of people here that I have known for awhile know that my mailbox is always open to them for the same thing and I legitimately do wish the vast majority of people here well even if I may laugh at times.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 7/24/2010 2:29:26 PM >

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/24/2010 2:41:30 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff
Before you post something deeply personal ask yourself, " would I walk into a bar and shout this ?"


Yep, that sums it up for me.  It's a harsh - but I'm afraid, appropriate, comparison.  There isn't a snowball's chance in hell that I'd bring any deeply sensitive problem to CM's boards. 

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