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RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/4/2010 10:40:29 AM

Twoshoes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SubPet715

I wonder if a strap-on is good enough for a bisexual man with a female partner.

My question towards you is: Aren't strap-ons supposed to be humiliating or something?
I've always thought that was what the point was...
Maybe that idea came from someone's fantasy and stuck in my mind.

Anyway, as you could guess, not everyone finds male "equipment" humiliating.

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Post #: 61

RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/4/2010 10:45:53 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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It 'can' be humiliating, if that is the context that people want to use a strap on as. Just the same as you could potentially use a vibrator to 'humiliate' a woman, if you chose to do so and had someone who saw it that way. It's not especially gender specific.

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Post #: 62

RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/4/2010 10:59:37 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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Using strap ons is HUMILIATING?

~~doing it wrong, once again.

~~

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Post #: 63

RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/4/2010 11:12:49 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
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Lol.

God help you if Tantriqu sees this, Twoshoes

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Post #: 64

RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/4/2010 1:27:29 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
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Guilty!
I'm 100% monosexual.
Girls are sexual men are not!
I couldn't even get to "kissing" another guy! YUCK!!!!!
I can't even *IMAGINE* having some guy's HAIRY TESTICLES or BALLBAG anywhere NEAR my face!!!! (I'm gonna hurl!)

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Post #: 65

RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/4/2010 1:33:45 PM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Guilty!

Lol it's not a guilty thing! You aren't bad people!

I just suddenly realised that I don't want to sleep with you!

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Post #: 66

RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/4/2010 8:19:03 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I don't find other people sexually attractive when I'm bonded.

Hmm, see, that's never happened to me. I didn't realize that was even possible.

I always thought everyone finds people attractive still, but doesn't act on it out of respect for their relationship.

As far as I know, I'm the only person I've ever met who is like this. Most people do register others as sexually attractive. I'm the oddball here.

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RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/5/2010 12:24:10 AM

switch2please

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VC, I think I understand what you mean. The way I relate to people is not gender specific - I know whether or not I'm attracted long before I know how they identify.
On the other hand, I refer to my boyfriend as 'boringly straight'. He loves women, and I understand why

but has no imagination when it comes to men. I just don't get it...but the fact that he can be attracted exclusively to women doesn't bother me nearly as much as knowing that I don't understand how that's possible in the first place.
Edited for clarity: it doesn't bother me too much, but it bothers me that it bothers me at all.

< Message edited by switch2please -- 9/5/2010 12:25:16 AM >

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Post #: 68

RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/5/2010 2:40:35 AM

Hippiekinkster

Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Master was aware of that from day one but he also knows that I've been with other women because I was forced to do so.

What would have happened if you had refused? Would you have been put to death? Imprisoned for life?

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Post #: 69

RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/5/2010 7:18:59 AM

littlewonder

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Most likely it would have been the end of the relationship.

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Post #: 70

RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/5/2010 2:21:44 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: switch2please

On the other hand, I refer to my boyfriend as 'boringly straight'. He loves women, and I understand why but has no imagination when it comes to men. I just don't get it...but the fact that he can be attracted exclusively to women doesn't bother me nearly as much as knowing that I don't understand how that's possible in the first place.

Consider sexuality as a spectrum from one to one hundred. One is entirely straight and one hundred is entirely homosexual. Most people will fall somewhere between. But there are some who are solely on one end of the spectrum. We're wired this way just as you're wired that way.

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Post #: 71

RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/5/2010 7:06:45 PM

CarpeComa

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Joined: 5/12/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

My questions:

Is your partner bi? Very, ish, vaguely, not at all?

I don't know her that well yet, but I suspect that she has tendencies towards both genders.

quote:

Do you care either way? Does their orientation matter to you/bother you? (Other than the obvious fact that they fancy *you* )

Doesn't bother me at all. I have been involved with women across the spectrum, from exclusively straight to almost exclusively gay.

quote:

Do you think *your* orientation (whatever it may be) matters to them?

Yes, it does. She is very much your opposite; highly prejudiced against non-monosexual people. It's to the point that it bugs me a bit that she's so closed-minded.

quote:

Am I the only person this matters to? Does anyone have any idea why it matters to me? (I'm kind of surprised it matters to me at all-I feel disappointed in myself for being less open-minded and accepting than I thought I was. Nobody likes to feel bigoted.)

My best guess (not knowing you from a hole in the ground) would be that it makes you feel like the odd one out, or (similar to my case) it makes you feel that the other person is closed minded.

quote:

Anything else anyone wants to add?

I see a *lot* of anti-bisexuality towards men coming from women that identify as submissive. Sometimes it's explicit, but most of the time it's implicit. Some of it is probably an ego/security thing (don't want to feel the additional competition), other times it is stemming from ignorance/fear, but there is something else that leads people to equate male-male attraction as submissive in nature. As a point of interest; I haven't see the bias against bisexual men coming from self-identified dominant women. Not that it isn't or couldn't be there, but I have never seen it expressed. That difference is definitely something to mull on.

< Message edited by CarpeComa -- 9/5/2010 7:08:41 PM >

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Post #: 72

RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/6/2010 3:52:26 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CarpeComa

My best guess (not knowing you from a hole in the ground) would be that it makes you feel like the odd one out, or (similar to my case) it makes you feel that the other person is closed minded.

Good suggestions, but I don't think so-there's always been a great deal of sexual fluidity in my friendship groups, so if anything *they'd* be the odd one out, and I don't think it's closed-mindedness. I have no trouble reconciling monosexuality with a strong support for gay rights (something Aynne mentioned in the first reply to the thread), for example.

quote:

I see a *lot* of anti-bisexuality towards men coming from women that identify as submissive. Sometimes it's explicit, but most of the time it's implicit. Some of it is probably an ego/security thing (don't want to feel the additional competition), other times it is stemming from ignorance/fear, but there is something else that leads people to equate male-male attraction as submissive in nature. As a point of interest; I haven't see the bias against bisexual men coming from self-identified dominant women. Not that it isn't or couldn't be there, but I have never seen it expressed. That difference is definitely something to mull on.

I think that's a fair point, although not being a submissive woman I can't comment on the potential reasons you've listed-on the Mistress board male bisexuality tends to be praised, and on this thread it really hasn't been.

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RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/6/2010 5:27:14 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CarpeComa
I see a *lot* of anti-bisexuality towards men coming from women that identify as submissive. Sometimes it's explicit, but most of the time it's implicit. Some of it is probably an ego/security thing (don't want to feel the additional competition), other times it is stemming from ignorance/fear, but there is something else that leads people to equate male-male attraction as submissive in nature.

If you mean submissive women don't want a bisexual partner, I'm not sure that qualifies as bias. For me, I have never known a bisexual male who emotionally bonds with a female. My experience is that they bond with other men but enjoy sex with women upon occasion.

However submissive women are more likely to be monogamous than poly, and entering into a relationship with someone who has needs you cannot meet is a set up for failure.

Dominant women are more likely to have multiple partners so this isn't a problem for them.

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RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/6/2010 7:42:36 AM

VaguelyCurious

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From: United Kingdom
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

For me, I have never known a bisexual male who emotionally bonds with a female. My experience is that they bond with other men but enjoy sex with women upon occasion.

Wow. Ok. Might I suggest that your experience has been skewed by being so involved with the gay community?

Also, the concept that a bisexual person's needs automatically 'cannot be met' by a monogamous relationship is kind of...I don't want to use the word prejudiced, but it's certainly a major generalisation which does not ring true for everyone.

ETA: from a person who just accused me of being 'deliberately closed-minded to other people's feelings' I am finding this difficult to swallow.

< Message edited by VaguelyCurious -- 9/6/2010 7:44:09 AM >

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Post #: 75

RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/6/2010 10:50:08 AM

CarpeComa

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Joined: 5/12/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
I think that's a fair point, although not being a submissive woman I can't comment on the potential reasons you've listed-on the Mistress board male bisexuality tends to be praised, and on this thread it really hasn't been.

Indeed. Though that does make me curious if the pattern still fits. Do submissive men tend to view bisexuality among dominant female partners in a dim light? What about male-male d/s relationships (or female-female)? Do gay submissives prefer strictly gay dominants? Or is it just male-male attraction on the part of dominant men and submissive women?

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Post #: 76

RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/6/2010 10:51:21 AM

CarpeComa

Posts: 194
Joined: 5/12/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If you mean submissive women don't want a bisexual partner, I'm not sure that qualifies as bias. For me, I have never known a bisexual male who emotionally bonds with a female. My experience is that they bond with other men but enjoy sex with women upon occasion.

It's a bias. Not all biases are wrong. Personally, I'm very biased against dating idiots, though I would be hard pressed to find someone who thought I was 'wrong' for having that bias (not including those I wouldn't date).

quote:

However submissive women are more likely to be monogamous than poly, and entering into a relationship with someone who has needs you cannot meet is a set up for failure.

This is the same general argument that I see leveled against switches. 'Can do' and 'must do' are not the same thing.

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RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/7/2010 11:30:53 AM

Myles

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I say what ever floats your boat...

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Post #: 78

RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/7/2010 6:49:19 PM

SadisticPriest

Posts: 7
Joined: 9/5/2010
From: NC, USA
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My ex was bisexual, while I'm strictly straight. It did bother me in a way, because she had a history of cheating (which she admitted to me before we got together... I know, stupid of me to even start a serious relationship when I'm into monogamy... my bad

) so that meant I had to worry about her messing around even if she was just hanging "with the girls" or whatever. And it only really mattered to her because she was interested in watching me with another guy... which is a hard limit for me.

Strangely enough, we worked past that... but there where just too many other little differences for us to last.

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Post #: 79

RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/8/2010 5:10:59 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CarpeComa

It's a bias. Not all biases are wrong. Personally, I'm very biased against dating idiots, though I would be hard pressed to find someone who thought I was 'wrong' for having that bias (not including those I wouldn't date).

'Can do' and 'must do' are not the same thing.

Bias to me includes hostility and is hovering on prejudice. The fact that I'm not interested in a bi partner, or a switch, doesn't mean I'm prejudiced against them and believe nobody should be bi or switch. It means it doesn't work for me. It does work for you. Basically your complaints that we're all biased against you sounds like the ones when people whine because nobody wants to fuck them. We get lots of those threads, the reason people aren't coming down as hard on you as normally is that we're bending over backwards not to say anything that can be used to claim we're all a bunch of prejudiced bitches.

Re can do or must do? I'm not talking the next year or two. I'm talking the rest of your life. Most switches do say they need to switch occasionally even if it's once every three years, and they begin to feel resentful that their needs aren't being met. I have yet to see anyone who is a switch chime in that they haven't switched in 30 years and are fine with that. Same with a bi male, so why start a relationship knowing it is less likely to succeed with this as a drawback. If I choose only a relationship that has the optimum chance of success, that's my choice.

I'm getting really tired of being called prejudiced because I won't have sex with bi males. because I won't top, because I won't date people younger than me, shorter than me, skinnier than me and so on. Prejudice is when I try to stop you from doing it, preference is what works for me. You want to have sex with a redheaded midget stepkid, go for it. Whine because I don't want to or worse accuse me of being phobic? Not nice at all. So your kink is okay but mine isn't seems to be what you're saying.

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