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RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/8/2010 6:19:54 AM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
My questions:

Is your partner bi? Very, ish, vaguely, not at all?
He's totally 100% straight.
Do you care either way? Does their orientation matter to you/bother you? (Other than the obvious fact that they fancy *you* )
Yes, I do care. I'm not sure why, but I do. I would have a really hard time thinking of Him being with a man. In fact, I'd have a hard time thinking about Him being with anyone else.
Do you think *your* orientation (whatever it may be) matters to them?
I'm bi, and He finds that very hot. As a matter of fact, He wants me to indulge that part of myself.

Am I the only person this matters to? Does anyone have any idea why it matters to me? (I'm kind of surprised it matters to me at all-I feel disappointed in myself for being less open-minded and accepting than I thought I was. Nobody likes to feel bigoted.)
Sometimes people are just hard-wired in a particular way. I think it's a preference, just like anything else, where I consider bigotry to include animosity. I'm kind of surprised at how some people almost get uptight when someone disagrees with how they feel on the subject. I just look at it like a preference and an agree to disagree kind of thing.

Anything else anyone wants to add?
This reminds me of the Bisexual Dominants thread and some of the replies on it.

~sweetsub~

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(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
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RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/8/2010 6:54:03 AM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I'm getting really tired of being called prejudiced because I won't have sex with bi males. because I won't top, because I won't date people younger than me, shorter than me, skinnier than me and so on. Prejudice is when I try to stop you from doing it, preference is what works for me. You want to have sex with a redheaded midget stepkid, go for it. Whine because I don't want to or worse accuse me of being phobic? Not nice at all. So your kink is okay but mine isn't seems to be what you're saying.



Most people have preferences like that. I think the animosity comes from the fact that no one enjoys reading about it. It's hard to not take personally when you are a "reheaded midget stepkid" or if you know a person who fits that description.

But thank you for your honesty.

Honestly, I have some of my own preferences that make me seem shallow.

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 9/8/2010 6:57:05 AM >

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/8/2010 7:17:31 AM   
DomImus


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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
I'm aware that I'm being unreasonable.


The first step in curing any problem is admitting you have a problem.


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(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
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RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/8/2010 10:16:37 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
I'm getting really tired of being called prejudiced because I won't have sex with bi males. because I won't top, because I won't date people younger than me, shorter than me, skinnier than me and so on. Prejudice is when I try to stop you from doing it, preference is what works for me. You want to have sex with a redheaded midget stepkid, go for it. Whine because I don't want to or worse accuse me of being phobic? Not nice at all. So your kink is okay but mine isn't seems to be what you're saying.


I have to say that I agree with the sentiment above.  Personal relationships and/or dynamics are not situations such as equal opportunity for employment.  Every person is entitled to their own preferences when selecting a partner.  It doesn't matter what they choose to base it on.  If something doesn't work for them, it just doesn't.  They shouldn't have to justify their preferences.


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RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/8/2010 12:03:08 PM   
sothernnyte


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/22/2005
Status: offline 		i am homosexual. i have no desire to romantically kiss a male...i am not opposed to hugging a male i am close to. but i am not and will not do otherwise. my Mistress is bi. and i am fine with that. Her desires are Her own. i dont belittle anyone that has tendencies to be straight or gay. a person's desires, needs, wants are their own. and i will support them fully in that.

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RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/8/2010 12:34:53 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		I am hetero. All the time. It doesn't bother me at all that some folks are not hetero. I don't see why anyone should be bothered by my being so.

I am also a sadist, I am a hetero sadist. I could never enjoy beating a man.

Laurell is bi, but since I have an anti-sharing thing I don't think there will be any hot bi action in the near future.

I am also tremendous and sensitive, in a hetero sadistic kinda way.

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RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/8/2010 12:38:31 PM   
Twoshoes


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff
I am also tremendous and sensitive, in a hetero sadistic kinda way.


I knew it!

(in reply to Jeffff)
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RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/8/2010 1:17:57 PM   
KariCloud


Posts: 74
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline 		This whole thread seems very odd to me... I am bi, in terms of acceptable gender of partners for relationships. I am good with loving and being in a relationship with males and females, and those in between, and those other... Despite this, I have a hard limit of being made to kiss other people, male or female or other. (With flashing lights, and stars, and neon letters twelve miles high, for emphasis!). Kissing is intimate. I am not intimate casually. Bisexuality notwithstanding. It has nothing to do with prejudice, clearly I'm not prejudiced against either gender!

As a mostly relevant side-note, I find it hilarious that there were comments about how "crazy" it was to think of asexual people engaging in BDSM. I'm thinking the hyper-focus on sexuality might be a bit overdone at this point! There is more to life, relationships, and BDSM than just sex. There are ways to be intimate that don't involve sex. There are ways of being sexual without being intimate, too. There are ways of engaging in BDSM play that don't involve sex, or that don't involve intimacy, or that don't involve both. Heck, what about all the people who will do demonstrations, play sessions, bondage scenes, whipping scenes, suspension scenes, and other forms of BDSM play with the "wrong" gender?? Are they just faking it? I don't think so. BDSM doesn't have to be sexual, or intimate.

But kissing is, for me, absolutely and inescapably intimate whether it is sexual or not. Although I might not mind being tied up by a casual friend, I absolutely would mind being kissed by that same person.

(in reply to Twoshoes)
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RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/8/2010 1:34:04 PM   
AsmodaisSin


Posts: 320
Joined: 7/28/2009
From: NOVA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
Is your partner bi? Very, ish, vaguely, not at all?
Do you care either way? Does their orientation matter to you/bother you? (Other than the obvious fact that they fancy *you* )
Do you think *your* orientation (whatever it may be) matters to them?


Wow.  Lots of questions. 

My partner is STRAIGHT and so am I.  I can stand there and appreciate a beautiful woman with Him, I can fantasize about bringing a girl home to Him.
I want my male partner to be straight.  I will not attach myself to a bisexual Dom.  Up until Daddy (who isn't a swinger), the straight swinger ones were a bit too much.  I am very monogamous and I NEED my partner to be the same.  Thankfully, He is. 

I also think that He appreciates my ability to look at women and see the beauty in them.  I've been with women, and I'll always go back to a male partner.  It's just how I'm hardwired.  He's stated that He wouldn't mind if I were bisexual, but that He would NOT share me unless it was something I wanted to do. 

I think it all comes down to need here.  I need a partner who needs me, who wants me.  My desire is to be the most prized possession in His life (which I am) and there just isn't any room for anyone else in the relationship.  That works for us.  Apparently it doesn't work for you...but THAT'S OKAY! 


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RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/8/2010 1:41:35 PM   
Twoshoes


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Joined: 7/27/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AsmodaisSin
I think it all comes down to need here.  I need a partner who needs me, who wants me.  My desire is to be the most prized possession in His life (which I am) and there just isn't any room for anyone else in the relationship.  That works for us.  Apparently it doesn't work for you...but THAT'S OKAY! 


Are you implying monogamy doesn't work for her or that being "the most prized possession" doesn't work for her? I'm confused.

quote:


I can stand there and appreciate a beautiful woman with Him, I can fantasize about bringing a girl home to Him. 
[...] the straight swinger ones were a bit too much. [...]


How does the above part about not sharing tie into "bringing a girl home for Him"?

Is there an implication somewhere that if it's a female it doesn't count since you cannot emotionally bond with her? I'm even more confused.

(in reply to AsmodaisSin)
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RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/8/2010 1:47:54 PM   
AsmodaisSin


Posts: 320
Joined: 7/28/2009
From: NOVA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes

quote:

ORIGINAL: AsmodaisSin
I think it all comes down to need here.  I need a partner who needs me, who wants me.  My desire is to be the most prized possession in His life (which I am) and there just isn't any room for anyone else in the relationship.  That works for us.  Apparently it doesn't work for you...but THAT'S OKAY! 


Are you implying monogamy doesn't work for her or that being "the most prized possession" doesn't work for her? I'm confused.

quote:


I can stand there and appreciate a beautiful woman with Him, I can fantasize about bringing a girl home to Him. 
[...] the straight swinger ones were a bit too much. [...]


How does the above part about not sharing tie into "bringing a girl home for Him"?

Is there an implication somewhere that if it's a female it doesn't count since you cannot emotionally bond with her? I'm even more confused.


I'm not implying either really.  I'm inferring that she's a rather sexual, flirtatious being, and that she may have an issue with her partner not being the same way. 

And I stated that we've thought about the scenario.  I think a lot of couples do that.  We've never done it, though, and probably never will.  As I stated, I'm straight, so bringing home a girl would be something of a crazy fantasy to please Him.  He only wants me to do so if -I- want to do it, and I don't want to do it ever.

There's no implication of that at all.  I was simply trying to point out that, even though I'm straight, I can still fantasize about bring a girl home to please Him.  Fantasy doesn't always translate into reality, and in this case, it won't.  Ever.  O_o


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RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/8/2010 2:30:34 PM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline 		Alright that reads differently than the first post! Thanks for explaining.

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RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/8/2010 2:30:40 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AsmodaisSin

I'm not implying either really.  I'm inferring that she's a rather sexual, flirtatious being, and that she may have an issue with her partner not being the same way. 

I think that's a pretty good assessment -IMO everything she's said is fair enough and totally consistent with itself, Twoshoes



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RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/8/2010 2:38:17 PM   
laurell3


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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

Is your partner bi? Very, ish, vaguely, not at all?

Sadly he is as straight as an arrow, despite my best attempts to convince him otherwise.

Do you care either way? Does their orientation matter to you/bother you? (Other than the obvious fact that they fancy *you* )

No. It doesn't matter either way.

Do you think *your* orientation (whatever it may be) matters to them?

No.


Am I the only person this matters to? Does anyone have any idea why it matters to me? (I'm kind of surprised it matters to me at all-I feel disappointed in myself for being less open-minded and accepting than I thought I was. Nobody likes to feel bigoted.)

No, but it's funny because in my age group and location being bi is rather uncommon. You are apparently of a different generation and location that finds it to be more norm, which I find refreshing. I don't really equate orientation with close-mindedness. For example, Jeff is incredibly tolerant of other people's orientations, he just doesn't share their orientation. I love people because of who they are, not what they are. I think maybe you might want to consider why you feel the way you do and recognize that we are what we are if it is something that you are struggling with. I think you're a fantastic woman VC, I'd hate to see you narrow down the pool of candidates unnecessarily, but we all have our thing, you're just as welcome to feel the way you do as anyone else.



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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/8/2010 2:42:13 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		You neglected to mention how tremendous and sensitive I am.



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RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/8/2010 2:50:18 PM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline 		We all know that by now, Jeff. It took me 3 minutes and 4 of your forum posts to figure that part out.
The real question is: can you dance, cook or mow the lawn?




VC, yes, my bad. I even see what I misinterpreted.
quote:


That works for us.  Apparently it doesn't work for you...but THAT'S OKAY!

I thought that statement was meant for that particular paragraph (about being with one person) and not the entire answer (being with someone straight) which changes the meaning dramatically!
(There should have been a clue - like a line break or "in conclusion").

Edit: Plus you got a compliment out of it. So hopefully, it's alright.

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 9/8/2010 3:02:16 PM >

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RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/8/2010 3:00:23 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

You neglected to mention how tremendous and sensitive I am.





You're tremendously goofy.

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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Profile   Post #: 97
RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/8/2010 3:03:20 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

No, but it's funny because in my age group and location being bi is rather uncommon. You are apparently of a different generation and location that finds it to be more norm, which I find refreshing. I don't really equate orientation with close-mindedness. For example, Jeff is incredibly tolerant of other people's orientations, he just doesn't share their orientation. I love people because of who they are, not what they are. I think maybe you might want to consider why you feel the way you do and recognize that we are what we are if it is something that you are struggling with. I think you're a fantastic woman VC, I'd hate to see you narrow down the pool of candidates unnecessarily, but we all have our thing, you're just as welcome to feel the way you do as anyone else.

Thankyou, Laurell

This is still something I'm thinking through. It's definitely not that I equate orientation with closed-mindedness at all-my mother is one of the most monosexual people I know, and she's a staunch gay rights supporter. But something about the idea of a non-flexible partner does bother me, even if I'm not sure why just yet-I'll let you know if I ever figure it out.

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RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/8/2010 3:15:34 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

You neglected to mention how tremendous and sensitive I am.



You're tremendously goofy.


You gonna let her get away with that Floofy, you big goofball? (I call you this safe in the knowledge that the ocean and your monogamy will protect me.)

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Profile   Post #: 99
RE: An intolerance I *didn't know I had*... - 9/8/2010 4:17:35 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		What is going on lately with all the gender sexuality issues?

I find it all fascinating to read. Honestly, no one has to feel bad about anything they do as long as it is not hurting anyone else (non-consensually of course).

I have been with women before but I do not identify as bi. Why? Because I could only be in love with a man. I could and did have dalliances with women, but it was for sex only. I am more heteroflexible.

Interestingly enough with me, I only like being with women alone, I do not like to be with women when men are present. Why? I don't like multiples, someone, somewhere in the triad, is going to end up with an issue.

I also think women are hot. I don't necessarily want to sleep with those women, but I do see them in a sexual way, even if it just "from the waist up" as Aynne said before.

I also could see a beautiful woman and recognize her beauty but not feel sexually attracted to her.

As far as men being bi; that seems to be the big deal around here lately; a real bone of contention.

I love gay men, straight men, bisexual men, gay women, straight women and bisexual women all equally.

Would I want my male partner to be interested in men? No. Why? Not because I am biased, but because I like to be the only one he is sexually interested in. Do I mind if a man I am with says another man is good looking? No. Do I automatically assume he must be bisexual? No. I am selfish in that I want my man all to myself and I want him to feel the same way.

My ex husband and I used to point hot people out on the street. Neither one of us would have cheated and he was straight. However, if I asked my ex boyfriend if he thought a guy was hot, he would go all homophobic on me.

I still believe, as I said on the other thread, that we are hard wired towards a specific preference and while you can experiment all you want, the basic hard wiring is still in place.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 9/8/2010 4:19:17 PM >

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
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