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Who has it the worst? - 9/16/2010 9:54:24 PM   
OrderAndFlux


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/16/2010
Status: offline 		Here is my impression as a neophyte/total outsider who has never had a kinky relationship and who just got around to making an account here.  Basically, I'm talking out my ass, but tell me if I'm right:

I'd say that straight sub males definitely have it the worst.  It isn't just a numbers game, although the numbers are certainly not in our favor.  It's also that it seems like so many sub males I've met at a couple of real life events and talked to at another site are wired to want things that Dommes have no interest in doing.  So basically, I'd say that when the numbers are against you AND you want things the women you want have no interest in providing, you're pretty screwed.  Obviously, even with sub males the cream rises to the top and good guys eventually find good matches, but I think it can be a long and frustrating process.

Straight Dommes also seem to have it pretty rough.  They do have a larger pool from which to choose than do the sub males, but on the other hand most of the guys they're choosing from are a bit oafish.  The odds are pretty good, but the goods are pretty odd.

Straight Doms seem to be in a little better shape.  The decent ones, anyway.  There are a lot of total assclowns wandering around calling themselves Doms, but the ones who are worth a damn seem to stand out.  Also, on average it seems like sub women are brighter/hotter/better socialized than sub men.

Sub women are also in pretty good shape if they have anything on the ball.  They seem to be the most adroit social climbers and are able to move effortlessly from Dom to Dom until they land where they want.

Bi and lesbian Dommes seem to be in a position to write their own tickets.  They also tend to have good senses of humor and flawless senses of style.  If kink were a roleplaying game and I were designing a character, I'd play a bi Domme.  But, alas, nature didn't conspire to make me that way.

Gay and bi Doms seem to have it the best.  The gay sub boys I've known have been hunky, smart, and articulate so I'd say they have the best pool from which to choose and numbers are definitely on their side.

So these are my kneejerk impressions of the geopolitics of Planet Kink.
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RE: Who has it the worst? - 9/16/2010 10:01:27 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		As a sub woman who has something on the ball paired up with a decent, dominant man who's worth a damn...I agree with how you're talking out of your ass.

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RE: Who has it the worst? - 9/16/2010 10:57:20 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		As a straight female sub looking for an intelligent dominant sadist, and who has been looking for at least two years in r/l and o/l....I agree with Aileen.

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RE: Who has it the worst? - 9/16/2010 11:25:58 PM   
jujubeeMB


Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline 		See, I think there's a major misconception about straight female subs. Just because we have more options than straight male subs doesn't mean that we have great options - it took me five years to find a Dom I found emotionally, psychologically and sexually attractive, much less one who had compatible interests. When people complain about the unequal numbers of men and women, or about how they have to wade through fakes, I'm always vaguely annoyed, because it's not as though I'm drowning in compatible Doms. And I'm certainly not "social climbing" through the ranks of Doms until I find one I like.

OP, you seem modest enough to know that you're just making a random guess, and a lot of people will disagree with it. Don't stress out about numbers - you'll find someone good if you get to know good people. Establish an intelligent presence on the boards, make a nice profile, interact pleasantly with others and get to know them as people first. There are straight sub males who post on these boards who I would actually recommend to a Domme (if it ever came up), just based on their great personalities.

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RE: Who has it the worst? - 9/16/2010 11:38:10 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		I thought straight female subs had it pretty rough.  It's slim pickins' (in real life) for straight male Doms that aren't already taken.  

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RE: Who has it the worst? - 9/16/2010 11:44:03 PM   
OrderAndFlux


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Joined: 9/16/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I thought straight female subs had it pretty rough. It's slim pickins' (in real life) for straight male Doms that aren't already taken.


This has been pretty eye-opening so far.  Based on the very small sample set of young female subs I know, it seems like they have a pretty easy time finding decent Doms.  So this is interesting.

quote:

OP, you seem modest enough to know that you're just making a random guess, and a lot of people will disagree with it. Don't stress out about numbers - you'll find someone good if you get to know good people. Establish an intelligent presence on the boards, make a nice profile, interact pleasantly with others and get to know them as people first. There are straight sub males who post on these boards who I would actually recommend to a Domme (if it ever came up), just based on their great personalities.


I appreciate the kind words.  I'm not actually all that modest, but I'm very aware of my own lack of experience.  Disagreement is grand, because it's the best way to learn what people really think.  Nobody learns much from the sound of a hivemind buzzing, but one learns a great deal when people start to mix it up a bit.

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RE: Who has it the worst? - 9/16/2010 11:49:11 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OrderAndFlux

quote:

I thought straight female subs had it pretty rough. It's slim pickins' (in real life) for straight male Doms that aren't already taken.


This has been pretty eye-opening so far.  Based on the very small sample set of young female subs I know, it seems like they have a pretty easy time finding decent Doms.  So this is interesting.
............................

Online sample?  We talking cyber Doms?


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RE: Who has it the worst? - 9/16/2010 11:50:10 PM   
jujubeeMB


Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline 		There are actually apparently quite a few that aren't taken, RS, but for many of them there's a reason for that...

Really though, there are some great guys on here, but when you factor in location and sexual needs/kinks/limits and then things like feminism (yay feminism) and brains, the incompatibilities just pop up. I suppose the difference between me and a straight male sub is that I could get laid tonight, but it's not all about getting laid...

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RE: Who has it the worst? - 9/16/2010 11:51:15 PM   
FelineFae


Posts: 7756
Joined: 1/23/2009
From: i do wander everywhere...
Status: offline 		The greater the challenge, the greater the reward.

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RE: Who has it the worst? - 9/16/2010 11:52:22 PM   
GeekMistress


Posts: 45
Joined: 1/3/2010
From: Close to That Big Mealy Apple
Status: offline 		Gonna say that Dominant women that are interested in women have it kinda hard. Not the worst, but it's not quite as easy as OP thinks. Most submissive girls that I've encountered are more interested in finding a guy. On top of that, if they want a woman, they tend to want something a bit more stereotypical like a leather goddess.

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RE: Who has it the worst? - 9/16/2010 11:53:03 PM   
OrderAndFlux


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/16/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Online sample? We talking cyber Doms?


Nah.  Actual flesh and blood friends.  They're in a pretty big/cosmopolitan place though so that probably skews the results. 

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RE: Who has it the worst? - 9/16/2010 11:53:04 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

There are actually apparently quite a few that aren't taken, RS, but for many of them there's a reason for that...

Really though, there are some great guys on here, but when you factor in location and sexual needs/kinks/limits and then things like feminism (yay feminism) and brains, the incompatibilities just pop up. I suppose the difference between me and a straight male sub is that I could get laid tonight, but it's not all about getting laid...

Yeah, the Op talks about socializing, landing what they want etc.  I presumed they were talking about relationships.


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RE: Who has it the worst? - 9/16/2010 11:55:09 PM   
MistressRosalyn


Posts: 908
Joined: 8/16/2009
Status: offline 		There are so many factors involved, who can truly say who has it worst? I would agree that people with more extreme kinks will have a harder time finding someone to match their kink, but I'm of the opinion that there is always someone out there for everyone!

Now if I could just find him...


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RE: Who has it the worst? - 9/17/2010 12:21:59 AM   
Voodali


Posts: 255
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		As a straight Domme (or very possibly a straight woman of any kind), I have to agree with you.  Its very rough.  I don't know if its just me and some negative vibe I'm emanating, but I can't seem to find a real live, physically present, decent compatible boy to save my life, and its a horrible, depressing exercise in frustration.  Oh I get promised the moon every week, but no one seems to want to deliver what they swear they want.  Ever. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, the loneliness, the rejection, the frustration,  the use, the tremendous cocktease of it all, and if I could stand the idea of sucking cock or cleaning some guy's house, and sharing him with other girls, I might consider going sub.  Best of all would be if God would strike me GAY !



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RE: Who has it the worst? - 9/17/2010 12:26:49 AM   
sweetcrybaby


Posts: 8
Joined: 10/28/2009
Status: offline 		Straight sub woman, in my opinion, only go from Dom to Dom because it is very difficult for them to find what they want. Many Doms want multiple submissives, but they do not want their individual subs to play outside of the relationship. Unless the female sub is bi, or ok with poly she will have a hard time as well. It can be looked at negatively to question your Dom, so many straight female submissives end up with cheaters.
I belive too that there is somebody for everybody...maybe even a few somebodies. I started out as a straight, monogamous submissive looking for the same in a Dom. Somebody who believes in marriage even. I've opened my mind and my heart up a lot in the last 5 years.....its like you can't always get what you want right?

"But if you try sometime...you just might find...you get what you need....."

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RE: Who has it the worst? - 9/17/2010 1:35:54 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		i think poly bi sexual switches are surely best off
i suspect i might be one

ETA it also helps if you lower your standards

< Message edited by ranja -- 9/17/2010 1:37:21 AM >

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RE: Who has it the worst? - 9/17/2010 3:57:39 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

ETA it also helps if you lower your standards

Whoa! Stop right there! I scream HARD LIMIT!!!

Jeff

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RE: Who has it the worst? - 9/17/2010 4:31:41 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		I <3 you jeff

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RE: Who has it the worst? - 9/17/2010 4:41:40 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

As a sub woman who has something on the ball paired up with a decent, dominant man who's worth a damn...I agree with how you're talking out of your ass.


Wow. I didn't mean to come across as this rude when I wrote this. One in the morning and watching a subtitled movie at the time distracted me.
So apologies for that.

I think I was a bit taken aback by the OP's inference that sub women have the ability to move effortlessly from dom to dom.
It ain't that easy. Ever. Finding someone you're compatible with on vanilla levels and then all of the myriad of kink levels is like finding a needle in a haystack.
Just because numbers may be in our favor, doesn't guarantee success.

< Message edited by Aileen1968 -- 9/17/2010 4:42:08 AM >

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RE: Who has it the worst? - 9/17/2010 5:00:21 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		OP, you seem to have a premise that the chase is a sort of Purgatory, after which you find the match of your dreams.  I'm enjoying looking, and don't really see it as a simple numbers game.  

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