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RE: Psychology and BDSM - 10/13/2010 3:56:49 PM   
dove967


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Sometimes that cigar really does represent a great big cock! So what?

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
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RE: Psychology and BDSM - 10/13/2010 4:00:06 PM   
LadyRian


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Well, in that case, you'll need to be very careful with the cigar cutter...

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"Dodging bullets since 2010"

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RE: Psychology and BDSM - 10/14/2010 4:20:15 AM   
Arben1954


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I personally think my childhood had a lot to do with me becoming submissive. I came from a very dysfunctional family. My dad had anger issues. My mother was very submissive and seemed to live to take care of others. I had three older sisters and no brothers. I always felt like I didn't fit in. Due to the emotional and spiritual abuse (with a little physical abuse thrown in a few times) I was constantly having to deal with (not only from the family but from all the bullies in the neighborhood) I learned to withdraw into my own little world. It seemed like no one accepted me for me in reality. I always fantasized about an alternate reality where I was the center of attention. Sometime I was the hero and sometimes I was being teased and abused by beautiful women, but either way I was the center of attention. I have came a long way emotionally and spiritually and deal with all that crap pretty good now but I can't help but believe all that shit I lived through back then had a lot to do with me being who/what I am - whatever that is.

(in reply to MissAsylum)
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RE: Psychology and BDSM - 10/14/2010 1:00:17 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum
Was your dominance(and submission for that matter) triggered by a childhood expirence?....or did it just develop out of nowhere?


Ok, so I have -always- been a bossy so-and-so... at least according to my brother and other family members and acquaintances from my youth. I've always been highly protocol/rule oriented (mostly in expecting OTHER people to obey rules -- not so much for obeying them myself *LOL*), and structure-oriented. Some of my oldest acquaintances say that this is the way that I compensated for being one of the most chaotic people they've ever known *LOL*

In any case... I think mine is just an inherent part of my nature. If I were to lean on personal experience, I probably would have gone in the other direction, since that is the behavior that was instilled in me as 'appropriate' by my parents. I think that some folks are suited to being guided, others are suited to doing the guiding. I just happen to be more suited to holding authority than yielding it. *shrugs*

Calla


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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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(in reply to MissAsylum)
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RE: Psychology and BDSM - 10/17/2010 12:09:37 AM   
aldompdx


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quote:

does this Freudian-esque approach to bdsm hold any weight?


We are influenced by out past (nurture), and our biology(nature). The question is how one understands those influences. Obviously, that person has no clue who claims to understand your's.

Don't take personally, another's ignorance.



< Message edited by aldompdx -- 10/17/2010 12:10:53 AM >

(in reply to MissAsylum)
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RE: Psychology and BDSM - 10/17/2010 5:08:55 AM   
Charles6682


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MissAsylum,you are a very attractive young Lady,I wouldn't worry about what some white trash has to say about you.I do believe my childhood does reflect who I am today.Some of my childhood was postive and negative.As an adult,I need to make informed decision's that seek's to improve my life.Submission and otherwise.

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(in reply to MissAsylum)
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RE: Psychology and BDSM - 10/17/2010 5:48:01 AM   
charlestonscmilk


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Dependent Personality Disorder, another name for sub? A friend of mine NOT in the lifestyle, a shrink, believes that the disorder described below fits 90% of submissives.
Any comments?
Please note: THESE ARE NOT MY FEELINGS, so do not try to cyber kill the messenger...
I am simply trying to drum up intelligent conversation...
What is dependent personality disorder?
Dependent personality disorder (DPD) is one of a group of conditions called anxious personality disorders, which are marked by feelings of nervousness and fear. DPD also is marked by helplessness, submissiveness, a need to be taken care of and for constant reassurance, and an inability to make decisions.

DPD is one of the most frequently diagnosed personality disorders. It appears to occur equally in men and women, and usually appears in early to middle adulthood.

What are the symptoms of dependent personality disorder?
People with DPD become emotionally dependent on other people and spend great effort trying to please others. People with DPD tend to display needy, passive, and clinging behavior, and have a fear of separation. Other common characteristics of this personality disorder include the following:

•Inability to make decisions, even everyday decisions, without the advice and reassurance of others
•Avoidance of personal responsibility; avoidance of jobs that require independent functioning and positions of responsibility
•Intense fear of abandonment and a sense of devastation or helplessness when relationships end; often move right into another relationship when one ends
•Over-sensitivity to criticism
•Pessimism and lack of self-confidence, including a belief that they are unable to care for themselves
•Avoidance of disagreeing with others for fear of losing support or approval
•Inability to start projects
•Difficulty being alone
•Willingness to tolerate mistreatment and abuse from others
•Placing the needs of their caregivers above their own
•Tendency to be naïve and to live in fantasy

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RE: Psychology and BDSM - 10/17/2010 8:07:51 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


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quote:

Dependent Personality Disorder, another name for sub? A friend of mine NOT in the lifestyle, a shrink, believes that the disorder described below fits 90% of submissives.
Any comments?


My comment is that every single human being in the world has issues -- we've turned people's natural tendencies into "disorders" and convinced EVERYONE that they're "sick". You know what... wait for it...every single one of us has issues!

If there were a disorder called "Bossy Control-Freak Disorder", I'm betting good odds that 90% of dominant personalities would fit into the little box. I know that I would. So WHAT? If the people in a relationship are happy and fulfilled, and they manage to figure out how to nurture one another as human beings and continue to grow together in a way that works for -them-, who CARES if they've got some personality trait that some psychologist somewhere labels "sick" -- the ONLY time to worry about such things is if the personality traits are keeping that person from finding a life that xhe is fulfilled and happy in OR if xhe is inflicting harm on others as a result of a personality imbalance, and IMO after 3 decades of work in pastoral care counseling, if it ain't broke, then stop listening to all of the idiots trying to tell you how to FIX what isn't broken!

Calla

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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to charlestonscmilk)
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RE: Psychology and BDSM - 10/17/2010 8:12:52 AM   
Twoshoes


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW
If there were a disorder called "Bossy Control-Freak Disorder"
Calla


Narcissistic Personality Disorder :P

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 10/17/2010 8:13:12 AM >

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
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RE: Psychology and BDSM - 10/17/2010 8:41:16 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW
If there were a disorder called "Bossy Control-Freak Disorder"
Calla


Narcissistic Personality Disorder :P


Nah, because Narcissism comes with disdain and a distinctive lack of empathy -- I am pretty sure I'm ok on those two counts. I could be wrong, but so far I haven't heard any feedback in that direction. You've got me on the "arrogant bitch" part, though!

Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to Twoshoes)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Psychology and BDSM - 10/17/2010 6:16:43 PM   
DesFIP


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I have never been diagnosed with DPD. Just unipolar depression and generalized anxiety disorder. Guess I'm not in the 99 percentile.

And according to my therapist, I gravitate to sub because the rest of the time I have so much responsibility and this is like having a mini vacation. Although, personally, I really wouldn't mind a week in Key West.


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Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Psychology and BDSM - 10/17/2010 7:39:57 PM   
takemeforyourown


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My Dad was a pretty scary Vietnam vet, but I remember craving 'discipline' above and beyond, i.e.; putting myself in the corner and inventing punishments for myself when I was 'bad'. I think it was a combination of my being raised by a very dominant male and some inherent disposition toward submission that made me this way. BTW, you are gorgeous. F- that jerk.

(in reply to MissAsylum)
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RE: Psychology and BDSM - 10/18/2010 12:33:58 AM   
gungadin09


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quote:

ORIGINAL: charlestonscmilk

Dependent Personality Disorder, another name for sub? A friend of mine NOT in the lifestyle, a shrink, believes that the disorder described below fits 90% of submissives.
Any comments?

What are the symptoms of dependent personality disorder?

•Inability to make decisions, even everyday decisions, without the advice and reassurance of others
Not me. On the contrary, i'm pretty independent in my decision making. Making a decision or doing something that others disapprove of can make me feel guilty or anxious, but generally not enough to deter me if i think i'm right.
•Avoidance of personal responsibility; avoidance of jobs that require independent functioning and positions of responsibility
No. i seek out jobs that require independence and responsibility, as well as assertiveness and risk.
•Intense fear of abandonment and a sense of devastation or helplessness when relationships end; often move right into another relationship when one ends
Yes to the fear of abandonment and devastation part. When my relationships end, i go into a "survival mode" that lasts a long time. It generally takes me at least a year to recoup. i don't move quickly into a new relationship.
•Over-sensitivity to criticism
Yes. Outwardly either stoical or easygoing, internally, i tend to obsess about criticism.
•Pessimism and lack of self-confidence, including a belief that they are unable to care for themselves
Yes. With a healthy portion of self doubt on the side. In regards to my social life, at least.
•Avoidance of disagreeing with others for fear of losing support or approval
No. i hate it when people do this. For a long time i was told i was being too blunt, so i try to reign myself in now, consciously softening what i say, especially in social settings. But i believe a person should be allowed to express disagreement without giving offense, as i do not take offense to those who disagree with me. Unless it is done rudely, i find disagreement stimulating.
•Inability to start projects
No.
•Difficulty being alone
Absolutely no difficulty there.
•Willingness to tolerate mistreatment and abuse from others
Yes, although if you are willing to tolerate it, does it really constitute "abuse"? i try to see negative feedback as something helpful; to learn from it and correct myself, although it hurts my feelings.
•Placing the needs of their caregivers above their own
i am very sensitive to other people's needs. i think of that as a good thing; a lack of selfishness or ego; being a team player.
•Tendency to be naïve and to live in fantasy
Absolutely.

i dunno. Some yes, some no. Do i fit the profile? i would guess that most subs are as one dimentional as your friend seems to think.

pam


< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 10/18/2010 12:52:46 AM >

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RE: Psychology and BDSM - 10/18/2010 12:29:13 PM   
scharma


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I adore MagicMistresses reply but realise it doesnt answer your question.... I wasnt abused as a child either, but my childhood was tough.... all this came to me in my late forties, it was a life learning rprocess, an individual process, nothing to do with race, colour, religion, so you were right to say LOL and fuck off fuckwits,I wouldnt spend anymore time thinking about it

(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 94
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