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RE: Telling a mistress/master what to do? - 10/20/2010 10:51:37 PM

Twoshoes

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Kana, that does sound really fun.

'Verbal ripostes', 'emotional leash pulling', playing along as they invest in a certain standpoint, only to get figuratively slapped off balance. Then begging. And then more sadism.

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RE: Telling a mistress/master what to do? - 10/21/2010 4:42:50 AM

CaringandReal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

exactly and i think i've managed to be in control of that aspect even with the the strictest mistress. i wondered that too. better not give me too much control of things.

I've know some dominants (not intimately, thank goodness) who view themselves as strict and act very strict on the surface but aren't really in love with or fascinated with being in charge. Those types of people have been fairly easy for their subs to manipulate, as long as the sub was careful to leave the dominant's surface self-illusions intact. I get the feeling you haven't yet met a dominant who isn't like that, one who sees through even subtle manipulation and who doesn't put up with that kind of thing. That's not surprising, they are not that common. You might meet one someday, though, so before you do it might be useful to ask yourself if you'd want to be with somebody like that. Would you find it tolerable (or even fullfilling?) to be around someone who makes you wish you hadn't been born if you try to pull something like this, even in a very minor way? How would you feel if you were with somebody who sees through even your most suble ploys, the same way you can see through the transparant deceptions of a five-year-old--and who rubs your face in that fact? If you're around the other type of dominant (suface strict/inner pushover) too much you may start to feel that no dominant is a match for you. That's a mistake. There are far bigger ponds out there, and the sharks in them, I hear, have quite pretty teeth.

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RE: Telling a mistress/master what to do? - 10/21/2010 5:41:56 AM

tazzygirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MMsCandy

Meh it would just take M saying "excuse me?" for me to do some fast backtracking...no slapping required.

Now slap me for other things i can see - this ain't one of 'em.

Guess some can master with a look, others have to resort to a slap.

Myself, i prefer the look... delicious.

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RE: Telling a mistress/master what to do? - 10/21/2010 6:04:03 AM

MMsCandy

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quote:

Guess some can master with a look, others have to resort to a slap.

Myself, i prefer the look... delicious.

Well, i like that i know my status to him - but i can think of precious few things he'd ever have to slap me for, now would i do those things is the question?? Probably not, at this point (we've been together for a very long time) i know who i am and honestly something would be wrong with my head if i didn't. So yeah, for most things just an excuse me or a look would work.

For 99% of the stuff that goes on here now, all he has to do is tell me what i am doing that he doesn't like - he's already proven to be "master" here, so i am going to change to his way - that's just how it works here.

For play? Now that i get we've done that and face slapping is one of my fav things, but that's play.

Lessons here tend to be something that's going to last a hell of a lot longer than the time it takes for a sting to wear off. He also prefers them to fit and he's incredibly good at making them fit. EG: not being in bed on time equals not being able to sleep in his bed. Stuff like that.

I think it just comes down to priorities and style - M prefers to get results and will do the thing that will "get me" the most.

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RE: Telling a mistress/master what to do? - 10/21/2010 6:11:50 AM

lally2

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personally, if i was in a relationship where i was having to resort to telling my Dominant what he should or shouldnt do id lose the thread of the power exchange totally. like others have said, it very much depends on how much control youve handed over. Ds ranges from fairly free and open to almost verging on Ms and Ms is basically TPE where 'discreet anything; is tantamount to manipulation.

in the end its whatever youre most comfortable with.

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RE: Telling a mistress/master what to do? - 10/21/2010 6:57:52 AM

CelticPrince

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quote:

i have a bad habit of telling them what to do. is that wrong per say? i think it's more common then people think, if it's done discretely.

behaving,

Perhaps you might consider going to Domme School.

CP

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RE: Telling a mistress/master what to do? - 10/21/2010 7:04:59 AM

afkarr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

It depends. If you know more than he/she does about something, then it's your responsibility to pipe up. But it all boils down to what he/she allows and wants.

I'm intimately acquainted with a Dom that sometimes does the most undomly thing of actually asking me about things I might happen to know more about than him. In return, I've been known to make sugestions to him. I know, we're hertics and should be burned at the stake.

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RE: Telling a mistress/master what to do? - 10/21/2010 7:11:09 AM

OsideGirl

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The answer is: it depends. In areas were I'm more knowledgable, he'd expect me to give him the benefit of that knowledge. In our day to day lives, he's likes to use my linear logic mind for scheduling and things like that. It means that I plan things out without asking him first....which is how he desires it. If there's something that he wants on the agenda, he tells me and I adjust things.

So, yes, there are times when I tell him what to do.

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RE: Telling a mistress/master what to do? - 10/21/2010 7:22:55 AM

sexyred1

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I find these kinds of threads really odd, since I don't view giving my opinion, thoughts, ideas or advice as telling someone what to do.

I am in the group of if I know more, I will advise on that, if he knows more, I will listen. Then whatever is the best decision gets done. Not sure why this is such an issue.

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RE: Telling a mistress/master what to do? - 10/21/2010 7:29:15 AM

sweetsub1957

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quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly
i have a bad habit of telling them what to do. is that wrong per say? i think it's more common then people think, if it's done discretely.

quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly
if i manage to get away with too much control they would usually reign me in but damn it i will try.

I think if you know more about a subject and S/He asks for your advice, that's one thing. But if you're trying to grab the reigns and take over Her/His control, Daddy calls it being "Toppy." I call it trying to Top from the bottom (a controversial term, I know). Whatever it's called, it's wrong and will NOT be tolerated in my relationship. But.....yours may be different.

~sweetsub~

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RE: Telling a mistress/master what to do? - 10/21/2010 7:55:28 AM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly
i have a bad habit of telling them what to do. is that wrong per say? i think it's more common then people think, if it's done discretely.

*shrugs* Carol tells me to do all sorts of things all the time. The vast majority of the time, exactly as TwoShoes says, it's really good advice. Whether or not it's good advice, it's understood that no matter how she forms her sentences, there's no expectation of my obedience on her part. Carol saying to me, "Eat this vitamin master." is not the same thing as me saying the same thing to her.

I deliberately made it that way early on. I didn't want her tripping over standard English sentences all the time. I prefer crisp, clear communication.

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RE: Telling a mistress/master what to do? - 10/21/2010 8:13:46 AM

Nslavu

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quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

i have a bad habit of telling them what to do. is that wrong per say? i think it's more common then people think, if it's done discretely.

There's been a series of amusing (per say) threads on the boards lately. It's almost becoming common. Or am I just thinking that way?

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RE: Telling a mistress/master what to do? - 10/21/2010 8:50:58 AM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Nslavu

quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

i have a bad habit of telling them what to do. is that wrong per say? i think it's more common then people think, if it's done discretely.

There's been a series of amusing (per say) threads on the boards lately. It's almost becoming common. Or am I just thinking that way?

It is not just you. Believe me.

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RE: Telling a mistress/master what to do? - 10/21/2010 9:00:35 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I find these kinds of threads really odd, since I don't view giving my opinion, thoughts, ideas or advice as telling someone what to do.

I am in the group of if I know more, I will advise on that, if he knows more, I will listen. Then whatever is the best decision gets done. Not sure why this is such an issue.

This is very much the way I see it. None of this, however, removes My authority in the decision that I make.

My other half has been known to tell this generic story. He'll be at work and someone will inform him of some wives function or another that he'll be told that I have to attend. He just looks at people and says "good luck telling her that she has to go". He thinks it's funny as hell.

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RE: Telling a mistress/master what to do? - 10/21/2010 9:27:45 AM

DesFIP

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Depends what I'm telling him. Of course, he doesn't have to do it, just because I said so.

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RE: Telling a mistress/master what to do? - 10/21/2010 9:31:19 AM

Zevar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

i have a bad habit of telling them what to do. is that wrong per say? i think it's more common then people think, if it's done discretely.

Attempting to usurp the authority of ones master or mistress is never advisable nor wise! Doing so sends the message of disrespect. Repeated attempts to usurp my authority receives a swift and unsympathetic reprimand indeed!

Take care!

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RE: Telling a mistress/master what to do? - 10/21/2010 10:42:35 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Wolfy, Daddy was putting my dog collar on me and he accidentally choked me a bit buckling it, and I said choke me why don't you, and he said ok!

So in that case I walked right into that one, and he being the smart ass I love, couldn't pass up the opportunity to sass me. I mean I did just hand it to him on a silver platter.

quote:

ORIGINAL: WolfyMontgomery

And for that one time out of every ten, it tends to be because Master's got me in my kitten mood and I'm demanding, "Pet me!" Which, as any cat owner, he dutifully obeys >=D

And yes, I am going to get a spanking for that comment, but I ain't takin' it off cuz it was too good to pass up!

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RE: Telling a mistress/master what to do? - 10/21/2010 10:50:01 AM

Lockit

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There is a huge difference between talking to someone and telling them what to do and I believe the OP is talking about the disrespectful telling them what to do by challenging them or their authority. What else could she mean? lol

Short answers might seem abrupt and like we are playing the big bad dominant who cannot allow anyone to tell us what to do and that is just as unreasonable as challenging for a power struggle and call it communicating. Communication is big in my world and I love reasoning things out. There are times when I ask someone to do something and that is my basic telling them what to do and that is either a result of a final conclusion from communicating or doesn't need much communication as it's not rocket science.

Someone challenging signifies a problem and I will get to the bottom of what is causing it. If it is simply a power struggle... I have no interest in playing that tune for very long. By the time it matters... in my opinion, we ought to have that all worked out and if we don't, there needs to be a real quick assessment of the relationship and whether it is something that needs attention or simply someone who can't be who they say they are. I think that there are times when someone will question things or just not feel like doing something because there is an inner struggle. An inner struggle doesn't automatically suggest that they are being a brat or dishonoring their word. I see that as different. Yet, something that happens all the time and a dominance that needs to be tested repeatedly isn't the same thing in my mind. Whatever the case, that is a good time to talk it out and come to a conclusion because if it happens a lot... I just won't do the drama.

I don't just think it is a problem with the submissive! There could be many reasons someone bulks at what a dominant is saying or doing. When I say assess the relationship, that is included!

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RE: Telling a mistress/master what to do? - 10/21/2010 10:59:17 AM

poise

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quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

i have a bad habit of telling them what to do. is that wrong per say? i think it's more common then
people think, if it's done discretely. if i manage to get away with too much control they would usually
reign me in but damn it i will try.

Forgive me if I'm reading you incorrectly, but when I add this question to the more recent one's you've
asked, I get the impression that you take some pleasure out of refusing to be "reigned in", and telling them
what to do instead.

Is it right or wrong for who? How does it make you feel? Maybe it's right for you.
How does your master/mistress react to this behavior...maybe its right for them?
Are you doing so in moments of intimacy only? Maybe thats right for both of you.
Do you tell them to fetch you a drink? Again..maybe this is right for you both.

See how this goes? It's impossible for any of us to define the boundaries of your relationship.

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RE: Telling a mistress/master what to do? - 10/21/2010 11:00:31 AM

anniezz338

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Depends on the master/mistress hands down....lol. Some can be so testy :)

I told someone the other evening to do some things....and he seemed to think it was cute. He said he liked it when I get sassy, as he calls it. He did them...lol

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