CallaFirestormBW
Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:
So there's no conceivable way, no set of circumstances you could envision, in which it might be OK? What if this OP's wife has been in a coma for 5 years? What if she was gang-raped and just can't get past it emotionally? As long as he's willing to abandon her in the wake of such a tragedy, THEN it's not a dealbreaker any more?
Of the circumstances you listed above, I would say that, if the spouse is in a coma, is un-responsive, and is unlikely to revive, I might consider the situation IF I'd spent a considerable amount of time getting to know the individual involved, and if I had some medical confirmation of the situation AND the individual in question was honorable in every other way over a period of time, and if we'd explored, with a professional, the psychological ramifications of the decision. Until then, yes, I'd socialize with hir -- but I wouldn't put hir in a situation where xhe might be tempted to behave in a way that might be psychologically damaging for HIR, were hir guilt over having "betrayed" hir sick partner were to be evoked.
As for the rape scenario -- honestly, no -- if hir companion was struggling with recovery from something of that nature, I would -certainly- not consider it to be acceptable either for him to clandestinely seek sexual activity elsewhere OR for him to lie to his mate about such activity... Doing so could severely compromise her healing process, and the betrayal, should she ever find out, could have profound psychological impact. IF he was struggling that much with not being able to have sexual relations with his wife, I would suggest that they see a therapist TOGETHER and find out what options might be acceptable to her in dealing with the issue -- but frankly, were it one of -my- companions, and were I committed to a monogamous relationship with that person under the terms of a traditional marriage, I have to say that I would rely on masturbation to deal with the physical aspects of the restrictions, and expend the relationship energy on helping my mate to heal... but that's just me.
Oh, and, at least in our situation, abandoning one's mate is NOT considered less of a dealbreaker. We wouldn't accept someone into the household who had lied to us about being married, and then ditched a sick or distraught partner to "be with us"... because, you see, we're a FAMILY... which means that we're there for one another when tragedy strikes -- and someone with that kind of history would be as likely to bail on US when things got tough and one of us got sick/had a crisis/needed long-term support as xhe did on hir previous relationship.
quote:
Have you never lied to someone for their own good? To protect them from something, the knowledge of which could only do them harm?
I am uncertain when it would ever be good to lie to someone. I don't think that it is possible to protect people from things by withholding knowledge and the opportunity to participate in their own decision/resolution process. Even our -servants- are provided with knowledge, and they can choose for themselves whether they will participate on our terms, or whether they will abstain and disembark from the Good Ship Bladewing.
Perhaps you can give an example of what you think "for their own good" entails.
Calla
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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"
"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer
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RE: Marriage - 
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Good for you. No need to explain anyones limits to someone who obviously doesn't understand what hard limits are. 
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