CaringandReal
Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
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ORIGINAL: littlewonder
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So - bottom line - women are often looking for a rare combination, many of them aren't in the head space to deal with it and many have trouble detecting it when they do find it. Consequently, many of them are frustrated and cynical.
Seriously? Wow. Bitter much?
Astute observation and I fully agree. In particular, announcing that you only compliment people you are not interested in is like announcing to the world, "Hey everbody! Check out how bitter, insecure, and fearful of rejection I am! Kewl, ain't it?" Such a person's head is not in the right space to dominate, IMO.
I'm going to piggyback on your response to say a few more things, LittleWonder. Obviously these comments are not directed at you.
It's pretty dishonest, in my opinion, _not_ to compliment someone if there is something in their profile that is worth complimenting. Maybe it's just a difference in the way that men and women respond, but if I decide to respond to a profile, it's usually becuase there's a lot worth complimenting in it and I will see to it that the reader knows I appreciate what it is they have to offer. I imagine they hear it seldom enough (submissive women, as well, frequently try the "indifferent approach") that even if we don't hit it off, the fact that somebody out there in the massive stupidity that is the internet has seen a little of what they actually are bouys them up. A relevant compliment certainly has that effect on me, although the emails I receive that indicate someone actually sees what I am are exceedinly rare. I like to buoy up others, to send a "You rock!" supportive email to people who deserve it. When my profile was up, I saw straight through the dominant males who, in the first contact letter, pretended studied indifference toward my profile. You can only get so many of these emails (I've recieved hundeds of this "type") without noticing the hallmark signs. It is quite easy to to tell this type from the genuinely clueless. I interpret such a pretense of indifference as not only dishonest but indicating a lack of balls (or ovaries, if female, although dominant women seldom do this with me), and naturally such a person is not the sort of "dominant" I want to have anything to do with.
I also find the men who try to express an uber sexually aggressive DOMINATUDE... with an insult as worse than shit-smeared pigs. An insult from a total stranger gets an instant block/hide/delete from me. On alt.com there was an "instant response" that subtlely implies that you think the writer of the email is is interested in same-sex encouters. I used to select that one every time in response to a maledom insulter--I figured that since he clearly like insults so much he'd be absolutely overjoyed by a woman who "reciprocates." (mischievous grin) A pity collarme doesn't have that particular auto-response!
My bottom line, always, is that I expect sincerity and directness in a response. I say so in my profile so that nobody is confused about the matter. Anything less, anything else, is ignored. I find insults particularly eggregious and a sign of a disturbed individual with serious anger issues. My profile was halfway decent and the reality behind it is even better. Intelligent people realize this. Very intelligent people assume (correctly) that I realize this as well, and respond accordingly. Responding accordingly doesn't mean dumping on the compliments, either, that feels sickeningly sweet or embarassing for many submissive women. Maybe what I call a compliment isn't actually a compliment, but rather just someone bluntly stating something along the lines of, "I see/recognize what you are." That happens very seldom in my experience but it is the only sure indicator I know of that someone is potentially compatible with me. Here's an example of a profile comment I'd consider a compliment (as well as several other things): "...you haven't exactly left any doubt about what you're willing to do for the one that captures you." What's complimentary about this? The writer is indirectly indicating that he saw me, that he took what I said in the profile as I intended it, as the simple truth based on my life experience, not as a bunch of lurid fantasy desires designed to make myself look extreme or attract a horny sadist.
Additionally, a compliment, in the hands of the skillful, is a successful power ploy. By it you can not only indicate you approve of the submissive, but also place yourself in the position of someone who is competent to judge them and whose judgements the submissive wants more of (a.k.a. seduction). If they accept you in that position--you're in. An insult in your first email, in contrast, simply convinces many women, particularly halfway intelligent ones, that you're totally incompetent to judge them and any words you say after that, even if nicer, are regarded as the babblings of a foolish buffoon.
There are a lot of individuals out there who tout the "treat her with insults and indifference" approach to women as the yellow brick road that leads between her legs. Perhaps this approach even works with a few types, although they wouldn't be the chicks I'd be hitting on if I were dominant. I suspect, however, that most individuals who hold this philosophy are simply childishly expressing their frustration and hostility at a group of individuals (submisisve women) whom they feel an absurb sense of entitlement toward, women who they imagine "owe them" something from the start. The kindest interpretation I have for this behavior is that some of these dominants are confusing the entitlement stage (after you've snared her) with the seduction stage (the attempt to snare her). There is no question in my mind that most women, whatever their bdsm orientation, like to be seduced. We may appreciate different approaches (LadyNTrainer, a dominant, appreciates a low-key friendly, and initially non-sexual approach whereas I, a former slave, appreciate directness to the point of bluntness as long as it is delivered with a little empathy and intelligence) but relatively few women online appreciate or interpret hostility, indifference, and especially, insults from total strangers as seduction. And, if we are submissive, we are likely to view such an individual as "not dominant enough" for us.
Petmonkey said:
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"If i'm interested in any "cruelty" at all from someone, i need it to be of the thoughtful variety. Heh ;)"
Hear, hear! Briliiantly said. And very true for me, as well. :)
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So, cloudboy, i'd have to say that i wearily see most c-mails from a specific set as Trojan Horses. i do respond to them, perhaps not always in a timely manner, due to having to sterilize my mind of the previous exchange with someone else first.
Sigh. My experience exactly. Only I reached a point recently where I couldn't recover fully from all the toxic hatred/insults, so I just took my profile text down and indicated I was not interested in further communications at this time. I am so glad I did so. A certain Depeche Mode once said, "Enjoy the silence." When the alternative to silence is this massive cacaphony of insane hostility from those supposedly interested in you as a submissive partner, silence is, indeed, golden. :)
< Message edited by CaringandReal -- 11/25/2010 6:52:31 AM >
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