LadyNTrainer
Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Awareness
I was under the mistaken impression the OP was essentially a Dominant looking for a female sub. As such, my discussions were pitched at that particular audience. Sweeping generalisations aren't necessarily inaccurate but they provide useful rules of thumb which operate well most of the time.
They also have the side affect of annoying folks whose lives don't revolve around that particular perspective. Again, if you speak from your own experience and orientation and make it clear that this is what you're doing, it's totally cool to share. If you speak from your own experience and perspective, pitched at a particular audience, but make it sound like you're claiming that everyone does it that way or should do it that way, it's going to stir up some shit in a diverse community.
quote:
Although I have strongly held views which I'll bring up naturally in the course of a discussion, I'm not interested in aiming them specifically at people who will likely find them antithetical to their own kink.
Thing is, being oriented the way I am isn't a kink so much as basic brain wiring. I don't eroticize female led poly relationships because they're kinky and they turn me on, although these things can certainly be true. This is fundamentally the relationship style that works best for me and for the men I tend to choose as life partners, and not just because of our kinks. Your views seem to suggest that this isn't so, or can't be so, or that we're doing it wrong. I'm sure that you and people wired like you would be utterly miserable if they attempted my personal relationship configuration, and I'm equally sure that people wired like me would be miserable if they attempted to subscribe to your views.
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Talk to women en masse and many of them will quite readily admit they don't understand themselves. In my experience, yes, men often have insights into what women want that exceed their own self-knowledge. There's variance of course, depending upon the individuals in question. However before you scoff, I'd point out that if women really did understand themselves better than we did, they wouldn't fall for our bullshit. Men often tell women what they know women want to hear.
I have no arguments with your stating your personal experience. I will add mine, which is that on the fortunately rare occasions I get a good look into the neurotypical social world of lies and deception, women are successfully pulling it off on their partners far more often than men. And their men are oblivious, as most men do not focus on reading subtle cues and are worse at detecting lies than women.
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How on earth can a man propose to dominate or master a woman if he doesn't know her better than she knows herself?
How on earth can a woman or a man master themselves if they do not have a genuine depth of self-knowledge and the ability to be brutally self-honest as well as clearly aware of their own wants and needs?
This actually touches an earlier topic, folks who aren't actually on anything I that would recognize as a personal path of mastery, but who play one in the bedroom. There are plenty of those on both sides of the kneel. In these cases you could well refer to their predilection as merely a kink.
I am not a big fan of the word "true" in our lifestyle, as it usually carries a good deal of bullshit baggage. But if you are discussing the mastery of another person as opposed to topping and bottoming, then mastery of self is arguably an essential prerequisite. Women who tread this particular path face the same trials as men, which is to say that we had better be as capable of fully knowing and disciplining ourselves as we are of others.
And there are a number of major pitfalls on it, one of which is that sometimes we really don't know what another person is thinking and feeling, especially if we don't actually know them. It is a huge red flag when a dominant claims to know what you are really thinking and feeling better than you do and it's a totally inappropriate circumstance. Generally if you're talking to strangers on the Internet, especially strangers who may be oriented quite differently from you, you'll be wrong.
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Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.
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