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RE: Good News/Bad News - 5/27/2006 3:53:25 AM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The good news is that you now have time to work on your rock-garden.

The bad news is that it's with the county chain gang.

The good news is that there's this cute hunk named Earl.

(in reply to LaMalinche)
Profile   Post #: 241
RE: Good News/Bad News - 5/27/2006 4:11:03 AM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		The Bad news is that he is on the work gang for brutally murdering 59 nuns.

The Good news is that he has converted to Christianity.


Best,

LaMalinche


(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 242
RE: Good News/Bad News - 5/27/2006 7:44:46 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The Good news is that he has converted to Christianity.


The bad news is that he thinks he is Christ and has started mixing Kool Aid in your kitchen.


The good news is that the government isn't tapping your phone.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to LaMalinche)
Profile   Post #: 243
RE: Good News/Bad News - 5/27/2006 7:51:36 AM   
Lidh2l


Posts: 74
Joined: 5/22/2006
Status: offline 		The bad news is that they do not need to they have moved into your house.

The good news is that they confiscated the goat.


_____________________________

I want a lover I don't have to love,
I want a girl who's to sad to give a fuck...
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk
--Bright Eyes, Lover I Don't Have to Love

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 244
RE: Good News/Bad News - 5/27/2006 10:14:25 AM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		The bad news is the goat was tending to your lawn, as the mower has been out of commission ever since you put a bullet through it when it failed to start several summers ago.

The good news is OSH is hiring and you can get an employee discount.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to Lidh2l)
Profile   Post #: 245
RE: Good News/Bad News - 5/27/2006 10:40:59 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The good news is OSH is hiring and you can get an employee discount.


The bad news is that the discount only applies after you have spent $400,000


The good news is that while digging in your back yard you discover a large gold deposit. You excavate the area and find that you have discovered the motherlode of gold mines.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to MadameDahlia)
Profile   Post #: 246
RE: Good News/Bad News - 5/27/2006 10:59:59 AM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		The bad news is that it turns out to be only pyrite upon closer inspection.

The good news is that NASA may have found a use for it!

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 247
RE: Good News/Bad News - 5/27/2006 11:10:03 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The good news is that NASA may have found a use for it!


The bad news is that they were wrong and you now have a full blown mine in your back yard where your beautiful deck and swimming pool used to be.

The good news is that a business wants to buy the mine from you.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to MadameDahlia)
Profile   Post #: 248
RE: Good News/Bad News - 5/27/2006 11:58:17 AM   
missgiveNTake


Posts: 673
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline 		The Bad news is: They don't want to pay you what your house is worth.

The good news is: You did find a nice house on the otherside of town you like.

_____________________________

I am a very good girl, very good at all I do.

Highly intelligent with a generous pinch of the absurd! (Thank you Crouchingtigress)

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 249
RE: Good News/Bad News - 5/27/2006 12:28:52 PM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		The bad news is without NASA paying full price on your home you can't afford the home of your dreams across town.

The good news is most of the houses on the street are identical on the inside and the one a few doors down is going for much cheaper because it's closer to the freeway overpass.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to missgiveNTake)
Profile   Post #: 250
RE: Good News/Bad News - 5/27/2006 1:53:34 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The good news is most of the houses on the street are identical on the inside and the one a few doors down is going for much cheaper because it's closer to the freeway overpass.


The bad news is that you buy the home with every last penny to your name and fix it up just like your old house. You then begin to find cracks appearing in the cement basement floor and walls. You get an engineer in to look at the house and it is declared structurally unsound and you are forced to vacate the house with no place to go.

The good news is that your one neighbor will let you stay for a little while until you find another place to live.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to MadameDahlia)
Profile   Post #: 251
RE: Good News/Bad News - 5/27/2006 8:25:40 PM   
HouseofBear


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline 		The bad news is that you discover your one neighbor is the aforementioned Earl on the chain gang, who somehow managed to escape from prison, and he still has the hots for you.

The good news is that the FBI is hot on his trail, and they save you at the last minute from a night of fun with Earl.

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 252
RE: Good News/Bad News - 5/27/2006 8:28:42 PM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		The bad news is that instead of Earl, you had a night of fun with the FBI.

The good news is. . . you got to touch their guns.


_____________________________

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...

(in reply to HouseofBear)
Profile   Post #: 253
RE: Good News/Bad News - 5/27/2006 9:51:37 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The good news is. . . you got to touch their guns.

The bad news is they touched you with their guns… upside the head.

The good news is that FEMA converted the mine behind your house to the nation's deepest swimming pool.

(in reply to LaMalinche)
Profile   Post #: 254
RE: Good News/Bad News - 5/27/2006 10:14:55 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The good news is that FEMA converted the mine behind your house to the nation's deepest swimming pool.


The bad news is that it took them a week before they got there and did anything.


The good news is that you have since gone diving in the flooded mine and found diamonds... lots of them.... and they are REAL!

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 255
RE: Good News/Bad News - 5/27/2006 11:10:26 PM   
VandalHeart


Posts: 1333
Joined: 9/12/2004
Status: offline 		The bad news is some asshole found about six diamond mines just as loaded as yours, so now the market is flooded, and all of your diamonds are next to worthless.  Besides, your diamonds are chemically identical to African Conflict diamonds, so you can't sell them anyway...well, not without another night of fun with the FBI.

The good news is the FBI didn't have enough fun with you to do anything but accept the turned in diamonds and let you go.

_____________________________

I ask for so little. Just let me rule you, and you can have everything that you want. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave.
--King Jarenth of the Goblins, Labyrinth

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 256
RE: Good News/Bad News - 5/28/2006 5:00:25 AM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VandalHeart
The good news is the FBI didn't have enough fun with you to do anything but accept the turned in diamonds and let you go.


The bad news is that you were so stressed out from all of this, that you stopped off at a bar and overindulged.  On your way home, you were pulled over by the police, flunked the sobriety test, and were hauled into jail.

The good news is that your spouse was understanding and did not yell at you about the DUI charge.

(in reply to VandalHeart)
Profile   Post #: 257
RE: Good News/Bad News - 5/28/2006 8:15:12 AM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		The bad news is he took your keys and now you're relegated to riding your bicycle.  You ride your bike to the bar, and get a second DUI on the way home.
 
The good news is, this time they don't take you to jail.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
Profile   Post #: 258
RE: Good News/Bad News - 5/28/2006 8:30:35 AM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		The bad news is, they take you to Guantanamo, and don't have to tell you why.

The good news is, you get an hour a day to work on your football skills in the bright Cuban sunshine.

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 259
RE: Good News/Bad News - 5/28/2006 9:20:14 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The good news is, you get an hour a day to work on your football skills in the bright Cuban sunshine.


The bad news is that you have become Fidel's toilet slave.


The good news is that you get to smoke Cuban cigars

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 260
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