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CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: Bdsm is wrong (1/11/2011 2:49:56 AM)
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I cannot believe I read all of these blessed pages...my eyeballs feel all dried out now and I am all out of hot cocoa.
quote:
ORIGINAL: steve2011
What do you think of this article?
That it has nothing to do with what I do. There is a difference between being dominant and merely domineering. The article has nothing to do with D/s and BDSM.
I was wondering on here realise bdsm is very unhealthy or not?
This is like a "Have you stopped beating your wife" question, but I will try to answer anyway. No, most people here do not "realize" nor will give any credence to your theory that BDSM is "very unhealthy". I agree that being domineering can be unhealthy within a relationship.
why are some woman more domineering?
I only know of one domineering female right now, and she is a vanilla neighbor. I feel sorry for her because, as irritating as she is, she cannot see the big picture and step up to the plate as a dominant and be a good leader. The need is there, but the ability is not.
It is difficult to pinpoint why any person behaves in a specific way and often one is left to generalize based on individual beliefs, past experiences and misconceptions. If you are in a relationship with a woman who you believe is too dominant yet you want to continue the relationship, identifying the possible cause for her behavior may allow you to work on the relationship rather than running away.
I have seen vanilla women take over when it was necessary to have someone willing to take the job. If the male aspires to more power in a relationship, then he needs to study and learn how to earn and hold a position of leadership, and inspire his mate to submit to him. Visualizing a man pouting, stomping his foot in impotent rage over not being allowed to wear the pants in the family, then threatening to run away (maybe to mommy) makes me laugh. My cats have no problem jockying for power...why should a human male who wants more power be...inept, compared with mere furbabies?
Traumatic Past
Behavior that we exhibit is often learned through previous experience or is a defense mechanism to protect us from falling prey to an abusive person. Understanding your partner’s past is important in identifying any trauma that may have molded her into the person you see today. From an abusive father to seeing an abused, submissive mother or even being in a relationship where she was abused by her previous partner, many dominant woman may not have exhibited this type of behavior all through their life. The trauma of their personal experiences may have triggered a pattern of behavior (conditioning) that translates into her dominating her partner even when she is not faced with the same abusive nature or trauma. It may be a way of protecting herself from ever being in the situation that she previously endured.
You are talking about victims becoming abusers, as if it is passed on...like being bitten by a werewolf. It has been my experience that very few people do this...the survivors I've known tend to become more empathetic toward the (nonconsensual) suffering of others. The only defense mechanism I have against being hurt again is a hair trigger on my fight or flight response. If something feels wrong, I bolt. Am I nonetheless a leader to some? Yes. Do I enjoy female led relationships? Yes.
Am I a monster because I enjoy it when someone chooses to suffer for me...I wrestled with that for a while and decided...no, I'm not. What I do has nothing to do with trying to balance the scales, and everything to do with trust, adoration, and erotica. Maybe this is a dance you will never understand, and I'm okay with that.
By the way...I am left handed. Long time ago, "experts" did all kinds of "studies" on it and decided that being left handed was wrong...and I spent a year in public school being forced to learn how to be right handed before they gave up. Know what? They were wrong. There is nothing bad/abnormal about being left handed. I am into D/s and BDSM. Your "experts" did all kinds of "studies" on it and decided that being into BDSM is wrong...somehow I've learned to take the opinions on "experts" with a grain of salt. [:D]
Now, about this...
quote:
Women who say how strong you are is the same thing. You're turning off the healthy lions and attracting the desperate ones. Maybe you wear your strength on your sleeve.
I don't need to prove how strong I am...why don't you go break a lot of bones in your body, give birth (or grunt a canaloupe out your arse), go through cancer 4 times along with all the chemos and surgeries and then come to me to talk about strength. I also raised a kid with early infantile autism all on my own and survived being in two national disasters. Some of us have survived many things you have yet to experience so let's not go into that discussion about women being weak, fragile creatures that can only pretend to be strong. (This was more in response to other things you said in different posts, and I don't want to do all that copying and pasting.)
Since I "discovered" D/s and BDSM, I have learned how to tell the difference between healthy lions and desperate ones. Experience is a great teacher and being almost buried alive under a pile of desperate wankers and do-me subs...teaches one to be a better judge of character.
It is a shame that you see submissive males as desperate and unhealthy, but this theory of yours has nothing to do with the real life submissive males I have known. Most have been alphas at work and around friends, workaholics and overachievers. They submit because someone inspires them to and it feeds their soul, not because they are spineless.
If you still feel that BDSM is wrong, your opinion doesn't bother me. If you are here to save people from themselves...well, good luck to you as long I don't start getting bored by this...
[sm=beatdeadhorse.gif]
There. You asked for opinions and I gave you mine...I am finished now and will not engage with you on this subject again.
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