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RE: What exactly is "service"? - 12/17/2010 11:31:22 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

I do have a problem with someone who wants to get their kink on and who isn't willing to compromise or to do anything except their specific kink, if they are labeling themselves as a service submissive or as giving service.

I posit that there is no difference between what you're saying and service except depth of intent on the personal level and our perception. Technically though there is none.

All service no matter how unselfish we think it is has an underlying motivation that's self-gratifyingly driven. Meaning I donate to charities not just to help but also because of how I feel for it. Service in this context is the same way.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

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(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 41

RE: What exactly is "service"? - 12/17/2010 11:38:09 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

You think there are guys trying to pull off the "I want everything but offer nothing in return"?

He did offer something in return..You just didn't put a great value on it. Not as much as he did anyway.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 42

RE: What exactly is "service"? - 12/17/2010 12:01:36 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

You think there are guys trying to pull off the "I want everything but offer nothing in return"?

He did offer something in return..You just didn't put a great value on it. Not as much as he did anyway.

Ahh I see, I get to spend a lot of money, get to fulfill his kinks and I don't put a great value on it. I should be so honoured because truly a woman should consider herself lucky if she finds a masochist. I told a friend who's a pro domme about it, she fell over laughing and said the guy needs a reality check and the session he wanted would be a couple of hundred...

Now I'd have no problem paying a male sub for a session, none at all, but then I want looks, high pain tolerance and I decide what I want to do and his preferences won't matter much.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 43

RE: What exactly is "service"? - 12/17/2010 12:14:16 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

Ahh I see, I get to spend a lot of money, get to fulfill his kinks and I don't put a great value on it. I should be so honoured because truly a woman should consider herself lucky if she finds a masochist. I told a friend who's a pro domme about it, she fell over laughing and said the guy needs a reality check and the session he wanted would be a couple of hundred...

Now I'd have no problem paying a male sub for a session, none at all, but then I want looks, high pain tolerance and I decide what I want to do and his preferences won't matter much.

Of course you don't really see you're just mocking or being facetious.

Of course this mentality is only hindsight..You were obviously seeing something in the deal worth it. Just so happens it turned sour..Doesn't mean what you saw in the first place had technically gone away..You changed your mind about what he was offering.

Pretty simple I think. Shit happens.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 44

RE: What exactly is "service"? - 12/17/2010 12:44:58 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

The way he reacted and treated me made the deal go sour.

And thank you very much, but I don't tell you how to look for a sub, so don't tell me which criteria I should have if I am looking for somebody. In case you don't like it, you don't need to apply, isn't that simple?

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 45

RE: What exactly is "service"? - 12/17/2010 12:52:48 PM

DMFParadox

Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline

I take the last two pages as firm evidence that saying something uncontroversial earns no comment. Otherwise, this is entertaining; carry on.

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bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 46

RE: What exactly is "service"? - 12/17/2010 1:19:10 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

The way he reacted and treated me made the deal go sour.

And thank you very much, but I don't tell you how to look for a sub, so don't tell me which criteria I should have if I am looking for somebody. In case you don't like it, you don't need to apply, isn't that simple?

Of course it would have for me as well.

Testy testy on that last part. Only giving my opinion on the whole idea of service and judging. No need to take it personal. I thought we were having a discussion about that..Not you...

Here's something that's simpler. I'm not applying nor would I..You're not my type as in on the "same side". As for the rest of what you said. I'll decide what I need to do and not need to do..if you somehow think that's directly relating to you..Well you're welcome to get upset or indifferent over what you think you perceive. Not much i can do about that.

Funny thing here is..You're getting upset at my perceived prying into your life but your the one who offered up the example to start with. *Shrugs

< Message edited by Icarys -- 12/17/2010 1:46:20 PM >

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 47

RE: What exactly is "service"? - 12/17/2010 1:21:10 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Which part was controversial? About the only thing that could be disputed was Icarys particular term of endearment that he chose off of the tops of his head for Me being sweetums. Just isn't the first thing that comes to mind considering My personality.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DMFParadox)

Post #: 48

RE: What exactly is "service"? - 12/17/2010 1:42:56 PM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

There we go again..Icarys is the one being controversial..What about your choice of endearment? Dear?

Anyway..You sports have fun. I'm off for a bit.

< Message edited by Icarys -- 12/17/2010 1:47:56 PM >

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 49

RE: What exactly is "service"? - 12/17/2010 2:04:02 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys
He did offer something in return..You just didn't put a great value on it. Not as much as he did anyway.

So here's a guy who is into a kink that costs a fair bit for the one-use-only sterile equipment that can never be re-used on anyone else. He convinces someone to try his kink, so she agrees and buys the equipment. Then he balks at paying *far* less than his share of the expenses, because he thinks she should pay for everything. He makes it clear that he thinks he is all that and corn chips too by verbally abusing and insulting her because she expects him to pitch in too.

This guy is an ass, and he is *not* "offering" anything. He wants to get his expensive kink catered to his way, and he wants someone else to pay 100% of the costs to do it. I really like deep tissue massages with expensive emu oil. So I am "offering" my body to be massaged by a skilled deep tissue worker if they buy the expensive emu oil and rent the professional massage studio. I won't pay for anything, and I'll yell at you and insult you if you ask me to pitch in for any of the expenses. Does this sound like a fair deal to you, or like I'm actually offering anyone anything?

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 50

RE: What exactly is "service"? - 12/17/2010 2:13:20 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

Thanks, that was exactly the feeling I got and it did turn me off from playing even for a share, they can cover the dungeon and supplies, hell they can even get the damned supplies, so I don't need to waste time on getting them and if they don't like it they can lump it.

Oddly enough since I make that clear from the beginning I tend to play with some nice people who are actually grateful to get their kinks on, and as long as their kinks are mine, I don't mind, they don't even try to dress it up as service, they're just happy... And yeah, they do tend to invite me out for nice meals, get me the occasional present as a sign how much they actually appreciate it.

If anything it taught me that I need to be even more discriminating, high hurdles and all that to keep the riffraff away...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 51

RE: What exactly is "service"? - 12/17/2010 2:16:00 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I am going to forget all the snarky in between stuff and just say I believe that service can only be defined by the individual/s involved. Everything else.............is just someone elses' party.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to ReginaMirus)

Post #: 52

RE: What exactly is "service"? - 12/17/2010 2:17:15 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

You're not my type as in on the "same side". As for the rest of what you said. I'll decide what I need to do and not need to do..if you somehow think that's directly relating to you..

Oh you mean you are Mistress with "same side"? Because you might not have noticed which board that is...

I decide what I do and I really don't need the advise of somebody who's obviously suffering from a bit of gender confusion, I can't recall that I actually asked for your advise, ya know. But maybe you have more experience with male subs?

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 53

RE: What exactly is "service"? - 12/17/2010 3:03:46 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

...

So here's a guy who is into a kink that costs a fair bit for the one-use-only sterile equipment that can never be re-used on anyone else. He convinces someone to try his kink, so she agrees and buys the equipment.

...

In all fairness, I had done the inflations etc a few times before in pro sessions and I'm well trained in them, they're just not "must haves" or personal faves of mine, I can't even tell you how the conversation changed from whippings to scrotal infusions, corset piercings and quite a few medical procedures, I think I was a bit manipulated there but alright, that is my fault, hands up, and yes, I went and bought the equipment and anybody who does medical scenes knows they aren't all that cheap and not always and everywhere easy to come by.

As I said, medical scenes are not my faves but I dare say I am quite well versed in them, my mentor was an ER nurse and I think it's a skillset you don't find all that easily and frequently, nor do you want anybody attempting it who doesn't know what s/he's doing.

His attitude and how mean spirited he got really was a turn off and quite a shock. Maybe it is arrogant, but I'm used to guys who are aware that it is actually not a given that a skilled domme will play with them. We could play the numbers game and point out that for every dominant female there are a lot more submissive males out there, some guys realize it and try their best, are polite and appreciative, others don't bother - the others then usually wonder why they aren't getting anywhere...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 54

RE: What exactly is "service"? - 12/17/2010 3:54:13 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Have you noticed how often we women wave the "JUST BE HONEST" flag? Is it so much to ask that the men who want our attention just be up front? I love to play, I do NOT love to be led on by someone pretending to be someone else.

LC, I have run into that whole entitlement thing more than once---and I still have the stuff in my bureau from scenes that never happened, but needed such and such a costume, or whatever. At least the medical stuff can be re-used...

I do not need or want anyone to clean the house, do errands, or stand on his head in the back garden for fifteen minutes every hour. I still have requirements from those that I play with. Even if we are looking at a "mututally beneficial arrangement" instead of service, just lying there and permitting me to play with a body is NOT enough.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 55

RE: What exactly is "service"? - 12/17/2010 4:46:24 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

Where do you think this sense of entitlement comes from?

It makes me wonder a bit, I guess the ones who pretend to be service subs and act like they're dusting think they get away with it, or they get their kink on with us at least once before they're busted, but the guys that are just demanding and disagreeable and full of a sense of entitlement, shouldn't they realize that it doesn't freaking work?

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 56

RE: What exactly is "service"? - 12/17/2010 4:51:51 PM

wittynamehere

Posts: 759
Joined: 2/5/2010
Status: offline

FR

Is there a way to put all profiles from a particular thread on block and hide? Just curious.

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I almost never return to a thread, so if you saw my post and want me to hear your reply, please message it to me.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 57

RE: What exactly is "service"? - 12/17/2010 4:56:01 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

No, I think you have to do the work yourself.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to wittynamehere)

Post #: 58

RE: What exactly is "service"? - 12/17/2010 5:25:16 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I wonder where anyone's sense of entitlement comes from. Maybe some of the men who offer their unwanted opinions can offer an explanation.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 59

RE: What exactly is "service"? - 12/17/2010 7:03:37 PM

MrKicia

Posts: 155
Joined: 9/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ReginaMirus
When you offer to serve a FemDom, what you are offering (or should be offering) is the surrender of your control. You should know her well enough to trust her with your life. When you offer your servitude to her, you are telling her that you trust her judgment, you trust her to keep you safe from harm, you trust her to know what is best for both of you, you trust her decisions and desire to follow her orders and obey her in all things.
MsLyn
(reposted with permission from the author)

Great post Regina. I agree with the article and can relate to it. I saw a transformation in myself after some hard reflections. I went from what was "envisioned" that was referenced in the beginning of the article to what I should be doing which is discussed toward the end of the article. AAkasha touched on some of it as well with the trading scenario.

But what stood out to me is what I quoted above. Im going to have to disagree with the notions, or at least a part of them. Maybe im over thinking this, if I am please stop me. I dont think trusting anyones judgment or decisions in an absolute manner is a healthy habit. We both have made bad decisions. I think everyone has made bad decisions. I think that it is healthy to have someone to question our judgment or decisions, sometimes. Not always mind you, but just someone to say "hey, thats probably not a good idea, and here is A. B. C. why we shouldnt do that".

For example, if my wife never questioned my decision making process, our yard would be full of junk cars, and like wise if I didnt intervene we would have a house full of cats. Just seems like a good checks and balance system. Sometimes when you want something your judgement can be skewed, and you need someone to look at the situation from the out side and give good third party advice on things that maybe you didnt see.

Does this disqualify me from being a sub? Am I way off base? I dont know, I hope not.

Thank you again for the post, I did enjoy reading it.

(in reply to ReginaMirus)

Post #: 60

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