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RE: Why do Parents tell their children fictional charac... - 12/26/2010 11:38:30 AM

littlewonder

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I never saw it as lying to my child.

I always told her Santa was real the same as God is real...he's in all of us and in our hearts and souls and in the way we react with other human beings all year round.

And ya know to this day she still sees Santa and God in the same way and has never let go of that of which I'm grateful and thankful.

(in reply to delicatelydirty)

Post #: 61

RE: Why do Parents tell their children fictional charac... - 12/26/2010 11:58:15 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

The spirit of Santa Clause is well and alive for me and mine. As a teenager, i wanted something for christmas. My father was retired from the military, my mother in nursing school. There was NO money for gifts that extravagant. They explained this, and i accepted their explanation. I was no longer of the age that i believed in Santa.

Christmas morning, what i wanted was there, in a prettily wrapped bag. Because i had a younger brother who was only 8, i later asked my father how he could afford that gift. He stated that two nights before a call came in from a neighbor whose hot water heater went out and they couldnt wait three days for the plumber to come out and install it. It was enough to pay for the coat i wanted.

You may consider that a fortunate act, kharma, a coincidence. I see it as the spirit of Santa Clause. Oddly enough, so does my son.

We still believe.

I feel nothing but pity for those who dont have that ability.

*standing ovation*

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RE: Why do Parents tell their children fictional charac... - 12/26/2010 12:05:02 PM

chiaThePet

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I can remember how heart broken and traumatized I was to discover that Dominants
were just regular people pissed off because their drawers were two sizes too small.

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< Message edited by chiaThePet -- 12/26/2010 12:38:34 PM >

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RE: Why do Parents tell their children fictional charac... - 12/26/2010 12:08:47 PM

ThatDamnedPanda

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie I prefer my children to know FACTS, history, and fill their heads with actual KNOWLEDGE. I will encourage imagination of course, but will NOT ever lead them to believe that a fantasy is indeed reality.

That's a shame. I feel very sorry for your children, because if that's going to be your parenting philosophy, you're going to be taking away a very large part of what makes childhood special - the ability to play make-believe, the capacity to create a pretend world and be transported by their belief in it.

Good luck.

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RE: Why do Parents tell their children fictional charac... - 12/26/2010 12:09:06 PM

agirl

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quote:

This doesn't just include Santa Claus, I mean anything that parents lead their children to believe is real or true when it is not. How is this right?

There is no right or wrong about these things.

You are *right* to do what you think is correct according to the way you see life.........and other people are *right* to do the very same thing.

My children were told all sorts of whopping untruths such as the stamen in Dead Nettles were two pairs of fairy slippers hanging up to dry from the dew....that cabbage was Elephant Grass, broccolli was little trees, that rainbows were painted on the sky to cheer a grey day. They had long and meaningful conversations with hand puppets, they wrote letters to the Tooth Fairy who responded with tiny spidery writing in letters wrapped in leaves. Mummy's magic kisses indeed DID make their small grazed knees feel better.

This magical, make-believe world was one I climbed into to join them.......it already existed alongside all the *reality* around them. There was never any disappointment in *finding out the truth* because as they got older, they naturally put those things away bit by bit.

My children lived quite contentedly in reality AND fantasy and it was a pleasure to have been part of that as well as part of giving them *facts, history and knowledge*.

agirl

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 65

RE: Why do Parents tell their children fictional charac... - 12/26/2010 12:22:23 PM

barelynangel

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Hell, i remember when i was told thunder was angels bowling and the lightning was when they got strikes. Maybe it wasn't exactly true but it helped me sleep during thunder storms.

angel

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Post #: 66

RE: Why do Parents tell their children fictional charac... - 12/26/2010 12:31:57 PM

UniqueRaven

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I think I'll interject here with a point that hasn't been made yet - which is: it also depends upon the child.

When my daughter was born, I envisioned a childhood with her made up of Disney fairytales, princess dresses, myths and dragons, magic and mystery unfolding...which included the tales of Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.

I did everything to perpetuate the stories of Santa for her...I set out the cookies, threw oats out for the reindeer, told tales of the North Pole and the elves, the magical Christmas Star...the whole bit.

She was having none of it. She figured out that Santa wasn't real before age 5 (I have no idea how, other than her own factual analysis). Yes, she's one of those kids that actually slept by the tree all night at age 4 to see if Santa actually came - she was having nothing of the stories. And she figured it out - because she needed to.

I remember when she came to me and said, "Mom, you and Dad are Santa Claus, aren't you? And you're the tooth fairy, too." She was 5. Yes, 5. And I hesitated, wanting so badly to say, "Oh no sweetie, Santa is real!" But then I remembered at age 8 when one of my friends told me that Santa was my parents, and how I argued, that "NO, Santa is real!" and then when I found out later I felt SO embarrased and stupid for defending a myth. So I told my daughter the truth (which was what she wanted), factually, why we believe in Santa, the meaning of Christmas, the whole tale. And she got it. I also told her that many of her friends would believe in Santa for many more years, and not to ruin the story for anyone else. And she never did.

Reality is that once she knew the truth, she appreciated Santa even more. She is a kind, caring, empathic soul who is firmly grounded in reality - even though she knows that there are forces in the Universe that we'll never truly understand. She's at peace with it all. And I've learned more from her over the years than I ever thought I would - even if she never did wear the princess dresses I bought her.

Oh, and she never wanted me to "Kiss her booboo and make it better"either - she wanted a bandaid (and she knew where to find them). And then she wanted a hug. But she never confused the "making a booboo better" with being consoled and loved.

My daughter has always been - and always will be, a critical thinker who values information above fantasy. And I was the one who had to adapt to fulfill her needs - not my own. She is now almost 12 years old, and she is amazing. People tell me all the time how smart, funny, outgoing, and wise she is for her age - and of course I'm very, very proud of her.

Each child is different. Each home is different. Each heart is different, and each mind and soul is different. To make a blanket statement of the usefulness of childhood fantasies and fictional characters for all children is silly, in my book. Children are on their own individual journies in life, just like we all are. I think the best we can do is let them know that they are loved, safe, and that the world is a wonderful place - and give them the tools to make it so.

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(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 67

RE: Why do Parents tell their children fictional charac... - 12/26/2010 12:50:34 PM

marie2

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Because it's fun for kids to stretch their imagination.

I've got a 16 yr old who fondly remembers the flour tracks from the easter bunny leading to her basket, egg hunts at the neighbors house, her father dressing up as santa claus, and "Barney" showing up in the yard on her 2nd birthday.

What about story books and tv programs like Sesame street? Who cares if the cookie monster isn't real, if they're learning the alphabet in a fun and effective way?? The 3 Little Bears aren't real either and neither is the Velveteen Rabbit. What about stuffed animals and imaginary friends? You've got to look past all the "lies" if you want to get to the meaning of something in this context. It's fun and it's developmental.

Years later, I've got a college-bound honor student on my hands who hasn't been harmed one bit by the easter bunny, the tooth fairy or any other childhood fantasy.

If all you can see in it is a "lie", then of course you should do whatever you want with your own children. However, seeking validation for your own choices by judging others as "wrong" makes you look bitter and really unsure of yourself.

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 68

RE: Why do Parents tell their children fictional charac... - 12/26/2010 12:59:28 PM

chiaThePet

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So you're serious here?

You're telling me there really isn't a Santa Claus?

Bastards!

chia* (the pet)

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RE: Why do Parents tell their children fictional charac... - 12/26/2010 1:13:16 PM

Lockit

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With children I am a very realistic and yet a whimsical adult. I want them to explore, to experience, to find joy and to want to learn and be creative. There is enough in life that they can find whimsical pleasure in without being too unrealistic. Having worked with a lower economic level and people in crisis, I had to really think about whether it was okay to let the whimsical go to certain places… places where they might get their hearts broken even for five seconds.

At a time when I was going through a nasty divorce and all the money had been hidden and stolen and I was sure to go without child support, I had to decide what to tell my own children. There was no way, until I could get back on my feet, that I was going to be able to provide a Santa or Easter Bunny that didn’t show favoritism between my children and their friends. I didn’t want them to think that either liked their friends better or that they had somehow been bad children. That was when I made it a point to be sure that they knew the spirit of love and giving and still have whimsical play without Santa or the Bunny, being real. I taught them the spirit of them and all things.

Everyone climbed my ass saying I was robbing them of childhood things. What I was taking back was their emotional balance and keeping it where I wanted it to be, so that they didn’t get hurt because Santa and the Bunny liked other kids better. What I gave them was a mother that loved them, realistic life and whimsical play that created in them a joy of giving, a joy of knowing mom would not lie to them and would teach them the realities of life in a fun environment and an education in life and how to live it well. It didn’t hurt any one of them and we didn’t hear how abusive mom was to not play along with the Santa or Bunny thing. I made sure they were excited about the holidays and had a great time, without Santa or the Bunny as my back up.

When later in life (teen years, blah, bahumbug) something might happen that might make them question something or me, they knew that if I wouldn’t even lie about Santa or the Bunny, I most likely wasn’t lying about anything. It worked for us.

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RE: Why do Parents tell their children fictional charac... - 12/26/2010 1:20:10 PM

sirsholly

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This is a really good post.

quote:

ORIGINAL: maybemaybenot

OP:

GreedyTop, Kirata and DesFIP already said most of what I think.
Let me add this: Parents * lie * to their children all the time. I suspect you will too.

" Let Mommy kiss your boo boo better " - lie ! you can't kiss boo boo's better. Will you explain the healing process and phagocytosis to your crying child when s/he scrapes a knee ?

If there is an explanation, i would say it is along the same line as the chemical release brought on by hug therapy..it calms them down. In most cases the tears are caused more by emotional trauma than by actual pain, so a cuddle and expression of love and "mommy's here" work wonders.
And besides...seeing those little tears makes Mom want a hug too

quote:

" If you don't put your coat on to go outside and play, you will catch a cold/pnuemonia etc " - another lie. That's not how one gets ill.

True...but try convincing my mother of this

quote:

That's two of hundreds of * lies * parents tell children. I wish you luck, when your child is two-ish and goes thru the long agonizing phase of asking " why " about everything. Why questions that have no answer. I assure you you will make something up after three hours of being asked " why " after everything you say. Either that or you will poke your eye out with a stick from frustration.

I used a pencil. The eraser prevents permanent visual damage.

quote:

Have you ever heard a parent tell their very homely child that they were beautiful ? Have you ever been around a Down's Syndrome child or retarded child and heard some one tell them they were " smart " or " clever " ? Would you have the parents stop lying and tell the child s/he was ugly or stupid ? I assume so, since a lie is a lie is a lie.

But...is it a lie?

In the eyes of the parent, their homely child is beautiful, and their challenged child is not just clever, but absolutely amazing. The parent sees the progress the child makes and sees the effort they put into their self- improvement and the fruition of a goal.
Be they challenged or brilliant, we celebrate their victories, encourage their dreams, ache when they are hurt, and use a strength we didn't know we had to stop ourselves from running to them every time they take a figurative stumble. We do what we do because we love our kids.

I have a child who gets extremely hyperactive when he eats foods that contain certain dyes. When he is reactive, i can see him struggling to control himself... rather than bouncing off the ceiling and screaming like a banshee, he just does the wall bouncing and is able to control the screaming. I praise the stuffing out of him, yet to the casual observer it may seem i am praising a behavior they find unacceptable. A stranger might feel i am lying to the child, and that stranger would be wrong.

I suspect many of those who say we are lying to our kids are not parents. I see things with my son that a stranger might miss (a deep breath, a clenched jaw or clenched little fists that tell me he is fighting for control) and he has a need to have his efforts recognized and praised. My role as a parent is to meet his needs.

Our kids also have a need to be taught to dream, and to be taught that faith does not always require tangible proof. They have a need to know that magic really can and does exist.

To believe in Santa is to believe in dreams, and to have faith in what they cannot see, and to know that magic can be real. Some call it a lie, but i think it is meeting a need and instilling a belief that will hopefully stay with them for a lifetime.

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Post #: 71

RE: Why do Parents tell their children fictional charac... - 12/26/2010 1:51:25 PM

Lockit

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Lately our family has been laughing over a little story I've been telling about two of my grandchildren. Ages 4 and 5. I bought a fake garden rock with the emblem of the Army on it for my son who is now in Germany. I had the rock out waiting for it's trip to Germany and my grandsons were asking about it. I told them it was for uncle R.

For weeks they would go up to the rock and talk to uncle R. Uncle R, don't worry, we will get you out of there! Grandma Lockit, uncle R is stuck in the rock and we gotta get him outta there! Uncle R are you okay, we are gunna get you outta there, hang on uncle R. It was hilarious! Until I found out it wasn't a game to them! They really thought uncle R was stuck in there. I guess it came from some cartoon or movie they had seen.

Daddy came to pick them up after a night of talking to the rock and uncle R. 'Daddy, daddy, uncle R is stuck in the rock and we can't get him outta there. Help us!' With big ol tears in his eyes, the four year old was in a panic and he knew his daddy, the all knowing and powerful daddy he was, could help get uncle R out of the rock.

Whimsical is great until it takes on real time/real life emotions that don't turn out so well. lol

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RE: Why do Parents tell their children fictional charac... - 12/26/2010 1:56:07 PM

SpiritedRadiance

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--Eta FR

Because not all parents feel the need to rob and deprive their child for learning and thinking on their own.

They feel its okay to dash the hopes and dreams of small children because they themselves had miserable childhoods and feel the need to make their children suffer just as well..

As it is im 21 years old and i fully well believe in santa, and you know what, I know hes real, why? Imaginary men dont make you orgasm.... Yes I have a santa fetish, and i love when he lets me wear his hat when we......

You lie to your children about a lot of things, you can lie now pretending to be righteous but you lie everyone lies....you know that terrible piece of macaroni art was SHIT.... but you still said it was the most beautiful thing youve ever gotten.....

Stop being a cunt and destroying small childrens beliefs.... Its bitches like you that tell children santa isnt real, then in kindergarten some punk ass little brat told me your stupid santa isnt real..... and its children that do such things that ended up with broken noses in my school.....

< Message edited by SpiritedRadiance -- 12/26/2010 2:07:10 PM >

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RE: Why do Parents tell their children fictional charac... - 12/26/2010 1:58:08 PM

Lockit

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Wow... just wow.

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RE: Why do Parents tell their children fictional charac... - 12/26/2010 2:00:07 PM

angelikaJ

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I still believe in Santa Claus.
At some point I did figure out the other truth about Santa: that gifts from him were a manifestation from my parents and I was disappointed... but my mother reminded me that what she had always taught was that Santa Claus was the spirit of loving and giving.

Christmas stockings are my favorite Christmas tradition and I love opportunities to play Santa to others.

I believe in wonder and magic.
I believe in giving of ourselves.
I believe in Christmas and I believe in Santa.

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RE: Why do Parents tell their children fictional charac... - 12/26/2010 2:00:20 PM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

Hell, i remember when i was told thunder was angels bowling and the lightning was when they got strikes. Maybe it wasn't exactly true but it helped me sleep during thunder storms.

angel

Ha, that brings back memories. My parents told me the same thing and it really helped.

(in reply to barelynangel)

Post #: 76

RE: Why do Parents tell their children fictional charac... - 12/26/2010 2:06:12 PM

sirsholly

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quote:

Stop being a cunt and destroying small childrens beliefs.... Its bitches like you that tell children santa isnt real

If this is directed to me, you might want to reread my post

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Post #: 77

RE: Why do Parents tell their children fictional charac... - 12/26/2010 2:11:11 PM

SpiritedRadiance

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

Stop being a cunt and destroying small childrens beliefs.... Its bitches like you that tell children santa isnt real

If this is directed to me, you might want to reread my post

Im a FR and forget the FR half the time

I had to have this talk with my little cousin when his little shit ass neighbors told him over and over that santa wasnt real and started bullying him because he believed...
All because the neighbor kids parents didnt want to shell out 15 bucks for a gift the one kid wanted....

I sat down with him and told him the truth santa is real as long as you believe he is... and we slept under the tree together xmas eve... and a friend came in a santa suit.... and the like... hes 7 years old and the smile and joy he got being able to prove santa was real and that he really does exist and hes a giving sweet man... was something you cannot... just "pretend"

Santa knocked on the neighbor kids door and gave that kid the gift he wanted...

the best 15 bucks ive ever spent in my life...

_____________________________

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Post #: 78

RE: Why do Parents tell their children fictional charac... - 12/26/2010 2:13:27 PM

Lockit

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Who says that if you don't tell your children that Santa/whoever is real, that you are robbing them of anything? I love playtime and whimsical and I am the most creative, whimsical person in my grandchildren's lives and was the same for my children and many others. I didn't promote Santa and the Bunny, but I sure did promote many other things and the spirit of things, beliefs, dreams and play that gave them a great deal.

I didn't get any broken noses... but I tell you what... if someone tried, they would need more than nose tape to deal with the bruising I would put on them. Each parent will raise their children the way they see fit. As I told my children, we don't take from other children the dreams and beliefs they hold true... Santa is a spirit within us and it is up to us to promote that.

Someone wanting to break noses of people because they get a dose of reality or someone else's reality and stands by it as an adult... has a serious problem.

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Post #: 79

RE: Why do Parents tell their children fictional charac... - 12/26/2010 2:18:24 PM

SpiritedRadiance

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I had a problem with a kid pulling my hair and bullying me because i believed in santa.... after going home 4 days in a row with bruises I hit the kid back. He suffered a broken nose. I stand by hitting him.

The problem isnt telling your kid wither or not santa is real, its doing so in a way that makes those children who now know the "truth" feel the need to degrade bash and harrass those who havent had that upbringing.

People will always disagree but to say the reason they have to tell kids santa isnt real is because its the "truth" and because its how they were brought up is just perpetuating their childhood. which is was most likely them being the shit assed little punks ruining it for all the other children....

I dont know if you remember the playground, but it was brutal in our neck in the woods if you believed in santa and your friends didnt... and by the last week of what ive seen of children still that hasnt changed....

_____________________________

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Post #: 80

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