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Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. - 1/10/2011 6:25:40 AM   
SirsSub63


Posts: 18
Joined: 10/13/2010
Status: offline 		Hi All/all,

I am new to the BDSM world, new to being a sub. My daughter found my CM acct, which I have hidden for the time being. She is VERY angry at me. I am married, bad marriage, husband does know about me doing this.

What advise do you give me about talking to her about all of this? Thanks so much!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. - 1/10/2011 6:35:52 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		If your husband knows, then the next questions are:

1. How old is your daughter?
2. What relationship, if any, do you have with someone other than your husband?  Do you have a Dom, and if so, is it online?
3. Your husband knows... If it came down to it, would he use this against you?  Tell your daughter?
4. Are divorce or separation on the horizon?

Welcome to collarme, and my sympathies for a bad situation.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SirsSub63)
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RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. - 1/10/2011 6:49:18 AM   
SirsSub63


Posts: 18
Joined: 10/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

If your husband knows, then the next questions are:

1. How old is your daughter?
She is 14

2. What relationship, if any, do you have with someone other than your husband?  Do you have a Dom, and if so, is it online?
He is online at present but will be meeting soon.

3. Your husband knows... If it came down to it, would he use this against you?  Tell your daughter?
She read my pm's here, so she knows some, not sure how much. She is not talking to me at present. She just found CM last night.

4. Are divorce or separation on the horizon?
Yes, looking to divorce.

Welcome to collarme, and my sympathies for a bad situation.

Thank you! :)




< Message edited by SirsSub63 -- 1/10/2011 6:51:00 AM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. - 1/10/2011 6:50:15 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		It does depend on the age of your child... and whether shes aware that her dad knows and that your marriage is sucky.

I'd concentrate on building the foundations of the trust she has lot in you both, rather than on the subject of BDSM.
Best thoughts.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to SirsSub63)
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RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. - 1/10/2011 6:52:04 AM   
SirsSub63


Posts: 18
Joined: 10/13/2010
Status: offline 		She is aware, she knows about the marriage as well. She has lost trust. :( Thanks for the replies.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. - 1/10/2011 7:04:32 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		At her age, I would suggest you go find a councillor together(you and her or familly) and also let her go to one alone... her school may have one or try a local childrens chariety for advice.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to SirsSub63)
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RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. - 1/10/2011 7:25:58 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		It also depends on what exactly she is angry about as to what steps you take to repair the damage.

If she is unhappy that you are online chatting up a man, maybe you and your husband can sit down and explain to her that this was done with his full knowledge.

If she is angry about kink things, let her ask any questions that she has and answer them in a way appropriate for her age and maturity - only you can judge what that is.

I know in Australia there are free 24 hour phone lines for kids, see if there is one wherever you are and give her the number so that she can call and speak with someone else if she wants to.  They tend to not only be for crisis issues, but just for any things young people are struggling with.

and yep counseling as well if needed

I hope things work out in what is a tough situation


_____________________________

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(in reply to SirsSub63)
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RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. - 1/10/2011 7:29:35 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc

At her age, I would suggest you go find a councelor together(you and her or family) and also let her go to one alone... her school may have one or try a local childrens charity for advice.


this


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to RCdc)
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RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. - 1/10/2011 7:30:04 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		what the previous posters have said..

and resisting the urge to ask why is your 14 yr old daughter gainng access to adult sites? your PMs?

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. - 1/10/2011 7:34:02 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc

At her age, I would suggest you go find a councelor together(you and her or family) and also let her go to one alone... her school may have one or try a local childrens charity for advice.


this



That and set up your Internet protection better. How did your 14 year old daughter find your CM account? She shouldn't have been on this site. Perhaps put a password on your computer, delete browser history more often, install some nanny software.

*realizes that kids will do everything they can to get around the measures their parents put in place but felt it needed to be said*

Good-luck!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. - 1/10/2011 7:34:56 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I have no qualms about resisting the urge to ask: what the fuck is wrong with you that your 14 year old daughter not only has access to your computer but you would be dumb enough to allow her to even KNOW about a kink site?

I have no sympathy for a mother who allows her private fantasy life to override her responsibility as a parent.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. - 1/10/2011 7:37:04 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I loves me some Aqua and Red :)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. - 1/10/2011 7:37:20 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		To be fair it could be as simple as being uneducated about web browsers. If she didn't clear the history, the kid could have gone up to enter in "cnn.com" and had "collarme.com" pop up as a potential selection after she hit the "c" key.

Not an excuse. Just saying a person doesn't have to be a shitty parent to make that sort of mistake, very intelligent individuals make that mistake to their embarrassment all the time. They just have to make sure that it doesn't happen again.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/10/2011 7:38:12 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. - 1/10/2011 7:40:16 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Aqua, you are much nicer and more forgiving than me.

Sorry, I stand by my first statement. I read the OP as OMG I am so new, I have sub frenzy, I met a Dom online, my marriage sucks, so maybe this will help me get out it and oh, yeah, I have a 14 daughter who knows about all this.

Kids have enough to deal with at that age so this is wrong on many levels.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. - 1/10/2011 7:46:43 AM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
That and set up your Internet protection better. How did your 14 year old daughter find your CM account? She shouldn't have been on this site. Perhaps put a password on your computer, delete browser history more often, install some nanny software.

And all decent browsers now have "private" modes (like "InPrivate" for IE), where you can browse without adding to the cache or history.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. - 1/10/2011 7:48:23 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Sorry, Red, I simply disagree with you. She's new but doesn't particularly strike me as in sub frenzy - I'd expect her to be talking about how much happier she is/will be once owned, etc.

There are tons of ways the kid could have found the site without her being a bad parent. Just depends on how clear the kid is and how little she knows about covering her ass on the computer. Don't ask me how I know.

Obviously there is a problem and the OP needs to step up, be it locking the computer away or simply sitting in the same room as her daughter when she is on the 'net but I really don't feel this warrents such.. intensity.


_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. - 1/10/2011 7:49:38 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I'm stil using a very old version of IE (at least by current standards).. this does not relieve me of teh responsibility of keeping protocolws up to date..

(sorry.. cold med dyslexia)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to RapierFugue)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. - 1/10/2011 7:51:33 AM   
SirsSub63


Posts: 18
Joined: 10/13/2010
Status: offline 		Yes, I screwed up. I usually delete the history. I made a mistake. I'm very sorry for it. I'm a good parent, have great, well adjusted kids. My daughter is like a lil mama.

(in reply to RapierFugue)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. - 1/10/2011 7:52:33 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirsSub63

She is aware, she knows about the marriage as well. She has lost trust. :( Thanks for the replies.


Your daughter is 14, you know she possibly just starts exploring her own sexuality and now is confronted with BDSM and her mother being involved in it, let's face it, we all don't want to think about our parents being sexual, with 14 she's slap bang in the middle of puberty and that can throw her quite a bit. So yes, professional help is really a good idea to help her to deal with finding out about you.

Keeping your account secure and having different user accounts on a computer is really not that difficult.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to SirsSub63)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Hello, new here..question for anyone willing.. - 1/10/2011 7:53:19 AM   
SirsSub63


Posts: 18
Joined: 10/13/2010
Status: offline 		I was rushed yesterday, no I dont sit on the net while my kids are in the same room. I messed up, I'm human. I'm VERY sorry that I did this to my precious baby girl.

(in reply to SirsSub63)
Profile   Post #: 20
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