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RE: Is Love Inconvenient? - 1/29/2011 12:31:18 PM   
Twoshoes


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quote:

(I'm a straight dominant male by the way).

Well, men with softer personalities aren't automatically submissive or gay, just as very feminine women aren't inherently submissive. Personally, I've noticed I have lots in common with 'sensual Dommes'.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BenevolentM
What I want out of a relationship is the love and adoration of my lover.

So, you have ravishment fantasies - where the person is overcome by your sheer awesomeness to the point where they can't manage to resist you?  I've heard/ read many vanilla women do. (Can anyone confirm/deny this?)

Fantasies are great and you and your partner(s) can play however you wish, but know this, adoration is not a healthy expectation in a relationship. Admiration might be (as in admiring your works of art), but adoration implies no faults and unattainability. You seriously cannot expect someone to actually adore you. If they do, they are really fucked up psychologically and will have trouble appreciating you for who you are and will only 'love' you as long as you never change, get sick, get old, etc.

quote:


I want to have good cause to praise my lover. I feel it is the obligation of my lover to strive to give me that cause. I desire excellence.


Wanting to love someone for what you view as perfection or excellence is incredibly self-defeating. No matter how much someone actually lives up to your expectations, you simply cannot actually love them, while focused so intently on your own ideal of what your partner should be. It's your own perception you're 'loving' and not loving them.

Why would this be a problem? Well, as you seem to recognize, wanting to love someone in such a way makes it impossible for you to ever actually feel genuine love for them. Regardless of how amazing a human being is alongside you, if you're incapable of truly loving them, you'll find yourself unable to, lonely and blaming them for it.

For example: Your partner could be a CEO and incredibly good at her job, but if you've decided she has to be the CEO of Apple, you aren't appreciating what she's doing now. And if she were the CEO of Apple, your mind would probably find some other unrealistic expectation. You could literally have the most incredible and compatible woman in the world and you wouldn't even know it.

So, my advice is, try to focus on what the person actually is and why they are incredible, accept their faults and then you may find yourself actually loving them.

But for "play" purposes, you can easily convince someone they have to worry about proving/earning their 'love' for you through their acts of submission and make them doubt whether they are satisfying enough. Since this type of twisted 'love' is just as unhealthy in a relationship as fear or humiliation (but may be really hot), you can "play" with it, but ensure your partner knows you don't actually expect them to be perfect or to actually adore you, and that you love them for their faults as well. It's the same thing as if you're going to play with fear (or other psychological play) - it is your responsibility to ensure your partner doesn't actually fear you on a regular basis.

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 1/29/2011 12:37:03 PM >

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RE: Is Love Inconvenient? - 1/29/2011 12:51:06 PM   
sirsholly


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quote:

ORIGINAL: BenevolentM

What I want out of a relationship is the love and adoration of my lover.

Then you better not let her see your posts.

quote:


I want to have good cause to praise my lover (I'm a straight dominant male by the way). I feel it is the obligation of my lover to strive to give me that cause.

Ahh...she is OBLIGATED to give you cause to love her?

Come and get it, SugarShorts!!



Wa?


It worked with Hubby.

quote:


I desire excellence.
If she desires excellence as well, I'd have to say you're pretty much fucked.

quote:


Some feel that love is inconvenient, a contradiction. I regard it as a foregone conclusion that love creates obligations. These obligations limit your freedom.
Now isn't this a pile of horse plop? Limit my ass! I personally have never soared as high as i do with hubbys love and support. It is the whole "Wind beneath my wings" thing...

quote:


It is true that love can bring a dominant man to his knees, but this is to win her heart.

Lemme know how that works for ya. Personally, no man could ever win my heart on his knees. He has to stand beside me.

quote:


Love is a conqueror. If I have not conquered you today, I shall some day.

Oh heres a good one. Lemme see if i have this straight.

Love is a conqueror and you yourself will conquer.. uh....someday. So you equate yourself to love.

Damn...you iz Cupid, Stupid!!!

quote:


It is about as dominant a force there is. It it merciless in its endurance and is unrelenting. She is to present herself broken on the anvil of love, today or tomorrow.

Broken..on the anvil... of love.
Dude...where you gettin' this shit?

quote:


All is fair in love and war, even this. Merciless am I for you are unworthy of mercy. You belong at my side

i thought you were on your knees?

quote:


under my thumb.

only if you want it to double as a butt plug.

quote:


May you be chained to me for all eternity.
May you duck the next time you see that anvil coming at you.


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RE: Is Love Inconvenient? - 1/29/2011 12:53:38 PM   
BenevolentM


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quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

quote:

ORIGINAL: BenevolentM

Many feel that adoration is a devotion for submissives only, unbecoming a dominant male.



I am loved by my Dom. It never occurred to either of us that he shouldn't feel that way because of his Dominant position in our relationship. It doesn't make him any less of a leader between us. If 'many' feel that it is unbecoming for a Dom to love his sub, then I feel sad for those people to have such inflexible, one-way, ideas. It's like saying cars should not be red, and then you look around and see a lot of red cars out there that seem to function just as a car should.


I agree, here is a snippet from one of the forum threads.

quote:



Didnt think it was working too well. And you proved me right.


quote:

ORIGINAL: BenevolentM

Are you not admitting that you may be one of these monsters?


quote:



Not at all.. But I prefer a man who has the ability to stomp on my leash... not one who will beg me to walk him.


Since she was pretending that she could be had, hoping that I would fall for it, and since she said she preferred a man who has the ability to stomp on her leash, I stomped on it. She didn't like it, however.

Earlier in the thread I wrote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: BenevolentM

For some reason many here seem to think that beauty and intelligence are qualities possessed only by dominant females.


There is this feeling that loveless relationships are the only legitimate way to go here in the forums. That love makes you weak at the knees. Technically, it does make you weak at the knees.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BenevolentM

In every female there is a goddess worthy of adoration, but to be this goddess she must walk so many feet behind me. If a different sort of relationship works for others, I'm fine with that. This is what I require. ...

quote:

ORIGINAL: BenevolentM

I did a memorable scene with a female friend of mine once where I was walking along a Hawaiian beach with my friend tagging along in chains. I said, "It's such a wonderful day." and her response was, "It is Sir."


It is fun to engage in a little play. Power exchange can also be made a life style. Nothing wrong with that. It greases the wheel. There are also limits to what love can do for you. It's called getting practical or down to Earth. It's healthy to realize it. But is it healthy to pursue a puritanical agenda where there is no love at all where you care not what becomes of your lover? You don't always have to show love or be perceived as loving, but it seems to me at least a foregone conclusion that you must love.

If this should be a weakness by which you can be manipulated, it is as the creator intended. Lovers manipulate each other for happiness sake. A good witch is the best sort of lover a dominant man can have. A female skilled in the art of manipulation is to be admired. What matters is whether or not she has mingled her power with yours so that you are no longer a man, but a fearsome god, "Fear me my love for I am great." In silence the witch replies, "It is true for I have given you all that I am and I am not nothing."


She should realize that it is an honor to toss my salad and no ordinary female is permitted. Do so in adoration or do not bother to do so at all.

(in reply to lizi)
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RE: Is Love Inconvenient? - 1/29/2011 1:08:17 PM   
LadyPact


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quote:

There is this feeling that loveless relationships are the only legitimate way to go here in the forums. That love makes you weak at the knees. Technically, it does make you weak at the knees.

I find it really hard to believe that anyone reading the forums here for the last four + years could have gotten that impression.


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RE: Is Love Inconvenient? - 1/29/2011 1:17:29 PM   
sirsholly


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From: Quietville
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quote:

She should realize that it is an honor to toss my salad and no ordinary female is permitted. Do so in adoration or do not bother to do so at all.
This, plus the fact that your last post consisted of you quoting yourself, tells me you have a serious need for an attitude adjustment

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RE: Is Love Inconvenient? - 1/29/2011 1:19:21 PM   
Ishtarr


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quote:

ORIGINAL: BenevolentM

She should realize that it is an honor to toss my salad and no ordinary female is permitted. Do so in adoration or do not bother to do so at all.


That holds true for some men, and I've personally known such men in my life.

However, to be qualified as such a man, you'd have to be extra-ordinary in what you have to offer to her.

So far, it seems that all you've got to offer is hot air.

If you think that you don't need to work to prove, and keep working at proving to your submissive that you are worthy of her being honored at tossing your salad, then you've already shown that you're not the type of man who is worthy of having a female honored at tossing his salad...



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Ich tu' dir weh.
Tut mir nicht Leid!
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RE: Is Love Inconvenient? - 1/29/2011 1:31:31 PM   
sirsholly


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From: Quietville
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quote:

Wanting to love someone for what you view as perfection or excellence is incredibly self-defeating. No matter how much someone actually lives up to your expectations, you simply cannot actually love them, while focused so intently on your own ideal of what your partner should be. It's your own perception you're 'loving' and not loving them.
Well said.

I cant see it as love at all, but more of a fulfillment of an overblown ego, which stems from a serious lack of self esteem.

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RE: Is Love Inconvenient? - 1/29/2011 1:35:48 PM   
sirsholly


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quote:

I dost graspeth thy point.
i never kneweth you had a lispth.




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RE: Is Love Inconvenient? - 1/29/2011 1:37:56 PM   
BenevolentM


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr

quote:

ORIGINAL: BenevolentM

She should realize that it is an honor to toss my salad and no ordinary female is permitted. Do so in adoration or do not bother to do so at all.


That holds true for some men, and I've personally known such men in my life.

However, to be qualified as such a man, you'd have to be extra-ordinary in what you have to offer to her.

So far, it seems that all you've got to offer is hot air.

If you think that you don't need to work to prove, and keep working at proving to your submissive that you are worthy of her being honored at tossing your salad, then you've already shown that you're not the type of man who is worthy of having a female honored at tossing his salad...


I cannot blame you Ishtarr for feeling cynical. Perhaps I am naive, but strike me as a lover of men so despite your words, I see no real malice. You are forgiven. Go forth and sin no more.

P.S. In all honesty, blond helps. It can make men unusually forgiving.

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RE: Is Love Inconvenient? - 1/29/2011 1:55:18 PM   
Ishtarr


Posts: 1130
Joined: 4/30/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BenevolentM

I cannot blame you Ishtarr for feeling cynical. Perhaps I am naive, but strike me as a lover of men so despite your words, I see no real malice. You are forgiven. Go forth and sin no more.

P.S. In all honesty, blond helps. It can make men unusually forgiving.


So apparently not even love is needed to bring you to your knees, lust in itself is enough.

In fact, lust seems to have such a strong spell on you, and the color of my hair such a strong grip on you that I can "manipulate" you into hastily "forgiving" whatever transgression you claim I committed against you in my previous post.

You've just shown that all a woman needs to lead you around by the dick is a sexually provocative picture on a message board, the heights of love don't even come close to the trivial nature of what's needed to control a man like you...

Ishtar

_____________________________


Du blutest für mein Seelenheil
Ein kleiner Schnitt und du wirst geil
Egal, erlaubt ist, was gefällt

Ich tu' dir weh.
Tut mir nicht Leid!
Das tut dir gut.
Hör wie es schreit!

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RE: Is Love Inconvenient? - 1/29/2011 2:05:06 PM   
BenevolentM


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr


quote:

ORIGINAL: BenevolentM

I cannot blame you Ishtarr for feeling cynical. Perhaps I am naive, but strike me as a lover of men so despite your words, I see no real malice. You are forgiven. Go forth and sin no more.

P.S. In all honesty, blond helps. It can make men unusually forgiving.


So apparently not even love is needed to bring you to your knees, lust in itself is enough.

In fact, lust seems to have such a strong spell on you, and the color of my hair such a strong grip on you that I can "manipulate" you into hastily "forgiving" whatever transgression you claim I committed against you in my previous post.

You've just shown that all a woman needs to lead you around by the dick is a sexually provocative picture on a message board, the heights of love don't even come close to the trivial nature of what's needed to control a man like you...

Ishtar


Your tone of voice is much too feminine for me to dislike you. Your voice is lacking in masculinity which is a good thing, but I must admit you did manage to get a little edgy like a woman with a strapon. It's a penis, but not a penis at the same time. I am wondering if your goal is to impress the other more masculine females.

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RE: Is Love Inconvenient? - 1/29/2011 2:08:00 PM   
sirsholly


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quote:

I am wondering if your goal is to impress the other more masculine females.
i am wondering if YOUR goal might be to eventually make some semblance of sense.


You got a lot of work to do


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RE: Is Love Inconvenient? - 1/29/2011 2:10:02 PM   
BenevolentM


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes

So, you have ravishment fantasies - where the person is overcome by your sheer awesomeness to the point where they can't manage to resist you?


That would be a shallow interpretation. Those who are intended to serve me will understand my meaning.

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RE: Is Love Inconvenient? - 1/29/2011 2:21:00 PM   
BenevolentM


Posts: 3394
Joined: 11/15/2006
Status: offline 		Thinking further, deeper.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ... the heights of love don't even come close to the trivial nature of what's needed to control a man like you...

Ishtar


Ishtar, given that your nick begins with a capital letter, it is not entirely implausible that you made a pass at me and want me very much, but I fear you are filled with jealousy. You also feel embarrassed to admit your true feelings as well. I worship another female for something you have not given me. I can worship "love" many females if that is any consolation to you. I did not reject you so don't feel hurt.

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RE: Is Love Inconvenient? - 1/29/2011 2:21:36 PM   
sirsholly


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From: Quietville
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quote:

you have ravishment fantasies - where the person is overcome by your sheer awesomeness to the point where they can't manage to resist you?
Why do i suddenly hear the theme from The Man Of LaMancha?

"To dream the impossible dream......"




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RE: Is Love Inconvenient? - 1/29/2011 2:25:13 PM   
IronBear


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quote:

Is Love Inconvenient?


HELL YES! All to often because of love for spouse and or kids (family), one may feel, obliged to curtail other activities including attending business functions for any number of reasons some being ~ the spouse can't stand or remain civil when in company of one associate or another. kids n who work need to be taken and supervised at sport or some party at the very time you have set up a meeting with a potential prospect. All in the name of love. Some folks are fortunate enough to organize their business so they are free for set family times and bosses or whoever are not able to alter this. This of course risks the loss of employment for employees usually don't give a rip about your family and nor do customers/clients. However for those who work at home such things may be a thing of the past as they are able to work around family events.   God knoews how many marriages and relationships are wrecked because one partner places a greater sense of obligation on his or her business duties and the family are left behind.

Having said thus, Love also has it's advantages too. you pays your money and you makes your choices.


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RE: Is Love Inconvenient? - 1/29/2011 2:35:33 PM   
Ishtarr


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quote:

ORIGINAL: BenevolentM

Ishtar, given that your nick begins with a capital letter, it is not entirely implausible that you made a pass at me and want me very much, but I fear you are filled with jealousy. You also feel embarrassed to admit your true feelings as well. I worship another female for something you have not given me. I can worship "love" many females if that is any consolation to you. I did not reject you so don't feel hurt.


Are you further trying to prove my point?

You didn't start acting like a love sick puppy to any other woman on this board.
Yet, with me, you're instantly lowering yourself to making romantic and sexually tinted comments.

You're doing a good job as showing off how you will immediately turn into a drooling yearning fool, any time a woman shows off even a tad bit of flesh (or blond hair, that apparently seems to work too).

All things considering, it's making your previous post's make much more sense. I can understand that a man who is so easily manipulated and controlled by women needs to over compensate by artificially pumping up his own ego and telling himself that he can't be controlled by love.

I'd have to agree that you probably can't be controlled by love, seeing that you obviously much easier controlled by usage of your libido.

Ishtar


_____________________________


Du blutest für mein Seelenheil
Ein kleiner Schnitt und du wirst geil
Egal, erlaubt ist, was gefällt

Ich tu' dir weh.
Tut mir nicht Leid!
Das tut dir gut.
Hör wie es schreit!

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RE: Is Love Inconvenient? - 1/29/2011 2:37:57 PM   
FukinTroll


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr


quote:

ORIGINAL: BenevolentM

Ishtar, given that your nick begins with a capital letter, it is not entirely implausible that you made a pass at me and want me very much, but I fear you are filled with jealousy. You also feel embarrassed to admit your true feelings as well. I worship another female for something you have not given me. I can worship "love" many females if that is any consolation to you. I did not reject you so don't feel hurt.


Are you further trying to prove my point?

You didn't start acting like a love sick puppy to any other woman on this board.
Yet, with me, you're instantly lowering yourself to making romantic and sexually tinted comments.

You're doing a good job as showing off how you will immediately turn into a drooling yearning fool, any time a woman shows off even a tad bit of flesh (or blond hair, that apparently seems to work too).

All things considering, it's making your previous post's make much more sense. I can understand that a man who is so easily manipulated and controlled by women needs to over compensate by artificially pumping up his own ego and telling himself that he can't be controlled by love.

I'd have to agree that you probably can't be controlled by love, seeing that you obviously much easier controlled by usage of your libido.

Ishtar



I think its the boobs. May need Ron's input tho.

SLURP!


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RE: Is Love Inconvenient? - 1/29/2011 2:48:13 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I wouldn't boast about giving no mercy. Because as ye sow, so shall ye reap. You aren't perfect either and you'll need her mercy some day. Beyond that what is there about you that deserves to be adored? You want her to give you cause to love her but you don't realize that you need to give her cause to love you.

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RE: Is Love Inconvenient? - 1/29/2011 2:50:54 PM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline 		Well, I don't believe I have ever been accused of having a shallow view- always a first. But, you can have your narcissistic supply; I'll stick to pursuing actual love, shallow as my understanding may be.

And on a side note, you've crossed the fine line between poesis and a trying too hard. Glorifying oneself is incredibly lame, and quoting clichés ("Amore, amore...", "All is fair in love and war") is like having a runway show with pieces of clothing from someone else's collection.

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