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How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 7:33:01 PM   
TheHouseOfHussey


Posts: 149
Joined: 4/13/2006
From: Dallas / Ft Worth Texas
Status: offline 		Just Curious on what the BDSM Community Thinks.....

You have to be 21 to buy a glass of beer
You have to be 21 to go into a night club
You have to be 21 to go to a bdsm private club and most fettish events

So with that in mind what do you think about this?

A 18 yr old girl, still in high school, living with Mom and Dad being collared as a beta slave to a older married man? To clarify the man in question is 25 plus years her senior.


1. The girl has not finished her education in high school nor started college, education should be her first concern.
2. She lives at home with Mom and Dad and they do not know about her lifestyle. If she can not be upfront with Mom and Dad, how can she be true to herself?
3. She is barely 18, has she had time to grow and mature? Has she had time to become a woman mentally? Has she had any true relationships or just puppy love or lust? Is slavery a fantasy for her, or does she truly know what a collar means?

Now I know the arguement that some girls are more mature than others, but you have to ask yourself what does a 18 yr old girl want with a older married man?

my humble opinion it is just so wrong on so many levels!

hmmmmmm............what is you opinion?

Please keep in mind no mentioning of names, flame wars or hate speeches....this thread is meant as a educational poll on the question at hand and nothing more.

< Message edited by TheHouseOfHussey -- 5/2/2006 7:40:44 PM >
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RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 7:53:50 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Personally I made some screwed up decisions about sex at that age too. Either she will live through it or she will not but she is an adult under the law. I have really no judgment about that. Does it vary from state to state on the age of consent to go to a sex party though? As long as no alcohol is served you can go to a club here at 18 I believe.

She will learn from her mistakes, grow from them, and hopefully she will wise up... But that is her path as an adult.. No one has the right to take our mistakes from us, they are lessons we must all learn.



_____________________________

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Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 7:58:05 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		An 18 year old girl seeking and finding a collar to a man she must be happy with is kind of on the low end of my fret and worry list. Lets say that the average human lives to be 100. Now lets say that in a perfect household you were allowed to be a kid till you were 15. I know it is a stretch but I am going somewhere with. My idea would be 20, but that’s me. That means if you live to 100 you get to spend 15% of your life enjoying childhood. That is a rather meager statistic if you think about it. Now our political geniuses are sticking 11 year olds in prison for the rest of their lives, at least attempting to. Now that is offensive.
 
Times change so strange. My G’grandmother was married at 11. Was a mom by the time she was 13. That is so not right, but was a common thing in the dark ages of young America. Now we have kids maturing, in every respect, much faster. I think our best hope is good council and positive mentorship.
 
Respectively

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RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 8:06:49 PM   
fullofgrace


Posts: 395
Joined: 3/24/2006
From: fl, usa
Status: offline 		personally, i am 18 and collared by a 53 year old (unmarried) man, and i'm happy with that. on the other hand, i moved out and started college when i was 17 and a half and was already completely financially independent of my parents by the time i was 18. my parents knew about my bdsm leanings (in the relationship i was in before i started college, there were some d/s elements), though i didn't start seeing the person i am with now until after i turned 18 - by then, my mom had passed away and i was old enough that my dad didn't particularly care. my Dominant still maintains that my own financial and emotional well-being/growth (being able to live on my own and support myself, etc.) is EXTREMELY important, and places the highest importance on my education also, sometimes to the exclusion of spending time together, particularly because the last few months have been riddled with crises for both of us.

to be perfectly honest,  i really don't personally think it's a great idea to collar someone who has no financial independence and still lives at home. i especially don't think it's a great idea to collar someone who cannot tell their parents what their lifestyle is like when they LIVE with those parents - being collared is a huge issue, to me, and it's something that comes up with people i live with on occasion, though my roommates don't lean towards bdsm. it's just something i'm open about in my living situation, and that's been important to me. but that's just my own personal view...i would also ask this 25 year old married man what his wife thinks about it, whether or not his wife is collared to him - in my humble opinion, and i'm stressing that this is just my opinion, i'd question the motives of a man who would take a second slave without at least discussing it with the one he's married to and taking in her concerns.


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RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 8:09:49 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

She is barely 18, has she had time to grow and mature? Has she had time to become a woman mentally? Has she had any true relationships or just puppy love or lust? Is slavery a fantasy for her, or does she truly know what a collar means?

Now I know the arguement that some girls are more mature than others, but you have to ask yourself what does a 18 yr old girl want with a older married man?


HUGE glaring differences here. "barely 18" makes her master a criminal and a pedophile in most states.

Frankly 25 years older and married with her as a beta doesn't make my opinion much more positive.

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RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 8:10:26 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		I was ready, and I beileve able, to consent to be owned at 18.

I had a lot to learn then, and I still do, but I was able to consent to living my life in a way that I knew would fufill me.

There's no question as to whether and 18 year old can consent to be someone's girlfriend/boyfriend, why is a different relationship type treated as so different? I maintain that education as to how to have a healthy relationship in -any- style is the best way to help avoid abuse, vanilla or kinky.


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RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 8:12:45 PM   
TheHouseOfHussey


Posts: 149
Joined: 4/13/2006
From: Dallas / Ft Worth Texas
Status: offline 		correction the example is a man 25 years her senior so that would make him 45-50, the example is the 18 yr old being a second or beta slave to him and his wife 40-45 is alpha slave.

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RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 8:12:50 PM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline 		Well, in all honesty, she is an adult in the eyes of the state, and should be allowed to make her own decisions. Since I don't know this girl, or this man, I really can not make a judgement call on their relationship.
I was 18 when I moved in with my boyfriend. Now granted, the age difference between us is not that large. With us though, there was never any question about me going on to college; it was expected of me from him.
 
As already stated though, young adults need to make their own mistakes; it's the only way you learn the lessons that life can teach you.

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RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 8:16:31 PM   
MistressImp


Posts: 162
Joined: 3/6/2006
Status: offline 		Personally I won’t even consider a submissive under the age of 25….and that goes for the girls as well as the boys….Even then I am leery…. For me I believe that there just needs to be some years after the age 18 for people to “figure themselves out”…..Even though some of us never seem to really figure ourselves out….I’ve never totally turned away someone under the age of 25….and have made quite a few friends….Have also taken some out to our local functions when it is 18 and up because most of them only have knowledge of the lifestyle thru the internet and books..... They've never actually seen anything up close and personal.


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Ms Imp


Life is what you make of it, personally I'm making mine an Amusement Park with all the cool rides.

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RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 8:19:23 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I became collared to my first owner when I was 18, he was 42, lived in NC and had another alpha slave who he eventually married.

We ultimately ended the relationship, but it was a relationship and I was perfectly capable of making the decision to be in it.

Now, whether the decision was the smart or right one is debatable.  But a person has to start acting and making choices like an adult at some point.  If being a slave is who someone is, then there's no reason they shouldn't engage in that as their choice.

I personally am ok with teens and younger getting into all this- we all know they ALREADY do, they just don't have the good guidance and ability to learn in the open like most of us do.

In general, an 18 year old is not ready to make final ultimate choices about the rest of their life.  In general, an 18 year old will not choose to be with the person s/he will ultimately be with for the rest of their life. 

But that doesn't mean they shouldn't be allowed to make the choices for themselves.

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RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 8:37:15 PM   
unquenchable


Posts: 155
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline 		At the age of 18 I was seeing a Dom and very much ready to be with Him.  I, however had finished hs. 

At the age of 30 my parents still do not know of my lifestyle choices, nor will they ever be.  It would scare the heck out of them.

Maturity comes at different times, Just hope she knows something about what she is doing and be there for her if she needs you.

un---------

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RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 8:42:50 PM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		Not that I would ever want to come near anyone under about 99, but the age of consent is lower than 18 in many states, believe it or not, some make it 16.

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RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 8:58:11 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		I do not know what everyone else said... I do not have what it takes to make it through a thread tonight, but I will add My two cents.

18 is above the age of consent.  I was on My own at 17, making My own decisions for better or for worse, and much of it was for the worse.  However, I learned from all that, even though there were some tough lessons, and I am what I like to think of as a better person because of it.

You have to let go and let her live her life.  For better or for worse she needs to make her own decisions and learn from her own mistakes.  Do not preach at her, because I promise you she will not listen.  I know I would not listen to a thing My parents said.  If she comes to you for advice then offer it, but leave it at that.

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Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

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RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 9:05:26 PM   
NeedToUseYou


Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline 		If it was my daughter no way.

If I was the 50 year old guy, hell yeah.

But since I'm neither, I don't care at all.

LOL.

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RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 9:08:48 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		If it's legal, it's legal.  That's about all there is to be said.  There are no cut-and-dried moral principles you can apply to a case like this because all people are different.  Not all 18-year-olds are alike.  In some parts of the world, relationships like that happen all the time.  I wouldn't be very happy if she were my daughter, but I'd be powerless to stop it if she insisted on keeping the man.

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RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 9:12:23 PM   
temptressofsouls


Posts: 208
Joined: 3/29/2005
From: Toledo, OH
Status: offline 		*chuckles, twinkly-eyed* Well, at the very least, that was a very honest answer :)

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RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 9:14:28 PM   
EbonyFtshGoddess


Posts: 446
Joined: 1/1/2006
From: Hollywood Hills, CA
Status: offline 		i started probably what most would consider WAY too young.. i was 15 when i started into BDSM.. i had these odd feelings and i needed to get them out.

this was wayyyy before the net. i found my top at that time in a shoe store (he had a severe shoe/foot fetish).. and we went from there.

he was much older than me (i wont even say how old here).. and he NEVER used me sexually.. at 19 he released me to own my own slaves. it never got sexual and i was well trained before i took my own boys.

i dont view arbitrary laws to dictate when i could or could not fuck if i was consenting. i was consenting to my service and at 17 i informed my parents.

i'm not advocating this age difference.. but it was my experience.




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RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 9:17:29 PM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		18 year olds do all sorts of stupid things and so do old men, especially when dealing with 18 year olds.

There are 18 year olds who have their heads screwed on straight and 40 year olds who don't, who's to say which this is.

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RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 9:22:49 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Been there, seen that.  One of my former friends from high school ended up collared to a fifty year old married man.  She was only seventeen when their relationship began.  Their relationship is still going, but not in a healthy way.  She's had many monogamous boyfriends since then, yet she's always had him on the side.  It wasn't even for the lifestyle context.  It was because he pays for her car and cell phone.  Honestly, she's a worse person for the relationship.  It changed her in a less than positive manner, if only by teaching her that it's OK to cheat on someone if you can get away with it.

I can't sit here and be self-righteous and say it's horrible for everyone, though, because I know that's not true.  It can work, and there can be valid reasons for it.  However, most of the time it won't and there aren't.  I've seen people on both ends (the married man and younger girl) get stuck in a degrading rut, or just barely escape it.  You can't even chalk it up to being a learning experience if you don't get out of it.

I will admit this though, I do tend to think less of married men who prey on teenaged girls, and vice versa (because it happens that way too).  They lose quite a bit of respect in my eyes for that.

Edited to add: The key word in the above paragraph is "prey".  Normal, informed relationships are something else entirely.  I consider it preying when one or the other parties is involved in a committed, monogamous relationship and one of them still steps over those boundaries.  Older man, younger girl: maybe a little stupid sometimes, but ok.  Older married man, younger girl: Just plain wrong in my eyes. 

< Message edited by NakedOnMyChain -- 5/2/2006 9:39:47 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

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RE: How Old Is Old Enough? - 5/2/2006 9:28:35 PM   
MsMacComb


Posts: 808
Joined: 3/30/2005
From: My Mothers womb.
Status: offline 		 Back in the "good old days" by the age of 18 she would have been celebrating her 4th wedding anniversary and delivering her 4th child. What I have always found odd is this arbitrary age of "maturity" set at 18. From a biological standpoint there is truth to the old (and stupid) adage of "if their old enough to bleed, their old enough to breed". If one looks at being an "adult" at the age of being able to reproduce (as in the wild) the pubic hair, an adams apple and the ability to ejaculate is all thats needed for boys and breasts for a suckling babe and ovulation for girls.
Quit school in some states at 15.
Married at 16 in some states with parental consent.
Drivers License at 15 with drivers ed.
18 for tobacco products.
18 to get killed in a war.
21 to drink.
18 to get into an adult bookstores or join a porn site.
Never for females making some reproductive choices.
Makes no sense to me.

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Not looking for anyone for anything, any time.

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