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Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/13/2011 3:29:08 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

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Here's why:

When I choose a girl I want her to be proud to be mine. I want her to wear her collar proudly and say, "See! I am special because master chose me." I want to be proud of owning her.

Humiliation seems to be a very popular theme, but I really don't get it. It seems to be at cross-purposes to being a dominant.

I can understand that some men are attracted to other men, I don't share that feeling, but I can understand it. I can see why someone likes dressing up as the opposite sex (I'm a stormtrooper!)

I mean that I don't get it because it's almost entirely the opposite as what I see a dominant/master being. It's a dichotomy. If the subject of your humiliation is such a horrible person, why would you choose to play with them in the first place?

I can wrap my head around most kinks. Even the ones I don't share. This one still has me confuzzled.

I'm hoping that someone can shed some light on this.

Post #: 1

RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/13/2011 3:34:13 PM

Jennislut

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Joined: 2/24/2011
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its not my kink either - but in my experience a lot of vanilla girls like to be called dirty names during sex - so perhaps its just an extension of that sort of thing. as to why a dom would get off on it - perhaps its a power thing, that she is his, so he can mistreat her that way.

just a few ideas

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RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/13/2011 3:36:05 PM

NocturnalStalker

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It's all fun and games until one day a woman asks you in the throes of sexual intercourse to call her the lizard queen.

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RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/13/2011 3:41:38 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

It's all fun and games until one day a woman asks you in the throes of sexual intercourse to call her the lizard queen.

It'd be rather hard for her to say that through a gag.

Ahem.

And your post has left me with no more information at all.

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)

Post #: 4

RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/13/2011 3:55:17 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

It's all fun and games until one day a woman asks you in the throes of sexual intercourse to call her the lizard queen.

It's all fun and games until in the throws of sexual intercourse a guy calls you by some other slut's name.

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RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/13/2011 4:01:12 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

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Does it get more humiliating than that?

(in reply to Prinsexx)

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RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/13/2011 4:01:18 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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for us it's because:

1. Master is a sadist...what else is there to say on that?

2. Sometimes I need to be knocked down a peg when I start to get a little out of line and it humbles me and reminds me that I'm getting a little too mouthy or out of place.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 7

RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/13/2011 4:03:58 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

Here's why:

When I choose a girl I want her to be proud to be mine. I want her to wear her collar proudly and say, "See! I am special because master chose me." I want to be proud of owning her.

Humiliation seems to be a very popular theme, but I really don't get it. It seems to be at cross-purposes to being a dominant.

I can understand that some men are attracted to other men, I don't share that feeling, but I can understand it. I can see why someone likes dressing up as the opposite sex (I'm a stormtrooper!)

I mean that I don't get it because it's almost entirely the opposite as what I see a dominant/master being. It's a dichotomy. If the subject of your humiliation is such a horrible person, why would you choose to play with them in the first place?

I can wrap my head around most kinks. Even the ones I don't share. This one still has me confuzzled.

I'm hoping that someone can shed some light on this.

The theory I attach to it is this:
that 'kink' or 'play' (as opposed to say 24/7 service) has a beginning and an end. So subbie guys like to be humiliated during play as it doesn't really offend their out-of-play egos.
Also for those who hold postions of authority during their mundane lives (as corporate directors, bankers, justices of the peace etc.) experiencing a take down, experiencing any kind of humiliation, is a release from their everyday stress of being on top.
'The English' as it's known, (the cane, the slipper, the headmistress syndrome), often requires humilaiation that runs almost to a script, because it is an enactment of early years' humilaition and a repeated attempt during kink activities, to assauge the sexual guilt during those years. Singular non comparative ego.
Female need for humiliation, (and this does seem to run counter to gender lines) expresses the need to be loved no matter how deeply inferior a woman might feel.
It is comparative need for approval.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 3/13/2011 4:05:11 PM >

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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
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To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)

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RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/13/2011 4:06:34 PM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

Does it get more humiliating than that?

Usually because you have just asked him what his name is........

_____________________________

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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)

Post #: 9

RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/13/2011 4:12:18 PM

IrishMist

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I can not answer for others but for me, it was always about him. If calling me names, wishing that I dressed a certain way, acted a certain way, or behaved in a certain way made HIM happy, then I was happy to oblige. Never did I ever feel that I was less than the same person he collared in the first place, never did I feel that it contradicted his 'manly' or dominant presence. Never did I feel that he HAD to do it to feel more in control or more dominant.

It made him FEEL GOOD. And because it made him feel good, it made me happy.

As simple as that.

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RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/13/2011 4:21:50 PM

lizi

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I don't really seek this out in my own life, I don't like being treated as less. I want to feel that I belong to someone because he wants me - not simply because I was an available sex object and that I don't really measure up in the end against those that are younger/prettier/thinner.

I do happen to think name calling in the way of slut/whore/etc is hot if it's done by someone who cares about me. In general, I need to be attached to someone and very confident about their feelings for me and the 'humiliation' they do can't be the kind that would tear me down in a personal way. So I guess it's more like talking dirty than humiliation really. I pretty much don't get it beyond that.

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)

Post #: 11

RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/13/2011 4:21:56 PM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
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someone in our local community called it "humbling play;" it served the purpose of defining/maintaining a particular headspace for the slave that they both wanted.

i've "enjoyed" humiliation stuff on occasion. and the thing about it is, many people have relationships where the things that are done or said are obviously not true, but they still do/say them, because of the feeling it creates for both of them. some people enjoy being humiliated, and others enjoy pushing buttons.
i wouldn't play humiliation games with someone who really believed something horrible about me.

we weren't big on humiliation, but M would sometimes flirt with it; once he put me in the shower on a leash, and told me to clean up, while he held the end of the leash. i washed and washed and washed, and he inspected me and said "do it again." it was cold, and distant and totally did something in my brain.
another time he again put me in the shower, and proceeded to face fuck me until i was sputtering, crying, slobbering and making a horrible mess. i don't like being messy and i had a fear of water running over my face, so it was quite "intense" for lack of a better word. he took me down pretty low, but afterward, he veeery carefully cleaned me all up, put lotion on me, tucked me into bed, told me i was a "very good girl," and cuddled and kissed me all night.

humiliation isn't always about calling you a bunch of names, sometimes it's just pushing you past a comfort zone. some people who are nervous about nudity find getting naked at public parties humiliating. sometimes it's got bits of objectification mixed in, too. like jennislut said, a lot of people like name-calling in bed, but of course, some don't see the names as "humiliating." it really just depends. like i said before, i wouldn't play those kinds of games with someone who really meant it. it's a trip into a pretty complicated headspace, though. with M, he could basically have done whatever he wanted to me because our relationship was built on very sturdy stuff. if you're going to play with humiliation, you have to have somewhere to come back to.

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Post #: 12

RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/13/2011 4:24:46 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

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Joined: 9/20/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

Does it get more humiliating than that?

Usually because you have just asked him what his name is........

You owe me a keyboard. Mine is now covered in coffee.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 13

RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/13/2011 4:31:48 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

I can not answer for others but for me, it was always about him. If calling me names, wishing that I dressed a certain way, acted a certain way, or behaved in a certain way made HIM happy, then I was happy to oblige. Never did I ever feel that I was less than the same person he collared in the first place, never did I feel that it contradicted his 'manly' or dominant presence. Never did I feel that he HAD to do it to feel more in control or more dominant.

It made him FEEL GOOD. And because it made him feel good, it made me happy.

As simple as that.

This shows a desire to be a good slave and a high level of service. Very admirable. In fact it's one of the highest qualities in a slave in my opinion. It doesn't explain the desire some people show to be humiliated.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 14

RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/13/2011 4:34:13 PM

LillyBoPeep

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Joined: 12/29/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

I can not answer for others but for me, it was always about him. If calling me names, wishing that I dressed a certain way, acted a certain way, or behaved in a certain way made HIM happy, then I was happy to oblige. Never did I ever feel that I was less than the same person he collared in the first place, never did I feel that it contradicted his 'manly' or dominant presence. Never did I feel that he HAD to do it to feel more in control or more dominant.

It made him FEEL GOOD. And because it made him feel good, it made me happy.

As simple as that.

i can totally agree with you here -- nicely said.

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"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)

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RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/13/2011 4:37:57 PM

TheShrew

Posts: 519
Joined: 2/15/2009
From: The state I live in? Confusion.
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I'm not into this particular kink so I am not an expert. However, It isn't based on whether or not the recipient is a "horrible person." I knew a girl who was very much into hum. A sadist she played with would employ it to his fullest capability.
For him, in addition to asserting his authority in the PE, I assume he enjoyed watching her suffer whatever degredation he could make her experience.
For her, in addition to deferring to his authority in the PE it seemed a double edged sword as it occured {as she experienced all the negativity} . But afterwards she continued to get off on the recollection of the experience.
I suspect they simply enjoyed the emotional & physical sensations it triggered and whatever sensations would manifest from that type of psychological stimulation. No matter how/why.. they got off on it, plain and simple.
Now, had she been opposed and he had foisted it upon her at his whim..? I could only explain his motivation with.. he was a sadist. That's my two cent guess.. "each enjoyed the reinforcement of the balance of power in the dynamic they were sharing."

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)

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RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/13/2011 4:40:39 PM

porcelaine

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Joined: 7/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

When I choose a girl I want her to be proud to be mine. I want her to wear her collar proudly and say, "See! I am special because master chose me." I want to be proud of owning her.

Greetings,

I prefer a man that isn't afraid to use his property well. Humiliation isn't something I indulge at the insistence or behest of my partner. It is an act that I willingly perform for our mutual entertainment. His pride in me doesn't diminish when I'm raised or cast down. I am always a valued possession, but one that has little desire to place restrictions on my handler. His will be done always.

It isn't a matter of being horrid or cheapened, but the fact that at a given moment he can fashion me into this or that and I'll enjoy it for his sake and mine in all truth. That doesn't eliminate the larger vision he possesses regarding his slave. But it does suggest that we're both adaptable and willing to step outside of familiar territory for the purpose of mutual pleasure. I wear many hats and I'm not resigned to those that are socially acceptable or respectable in their presentation. While my appearance and decorum might suggest I'd find it abhorrent, it's actually the reverse. My internal makeup delights in the profane and prefers the gentleman that isn't afraid to rub my face in its stench.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

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RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/13/2011 4:42:29 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

It doesn't explain the desire some people show to be humiliated.

You have to remember, sometimes it NOT ABOUT THE PERSON BEING HUMILIATED. Sometimes it's about the person doing the humiliation

Though, to address what you just said, and what you are obviously looking for, LillyBoPeep answered it the best. Sometimes it's about pushing past a comfort zone, sometimes it's about finding where that actual line is that should never be crossed, sometimes it's about opening up new avenues in which to explore.

Sometimes it's simple, sometimes it's complicated.

With such a diverse crowd here, and so many different opinions and 'reasons' for why we do certain things, you are not going to find one single answer that will satisfy you.

I will say this though. Your comment here

quote:

I want to be proud of owning her.

Seems to state that if you call your girl a slut, in any tone of voice, that it must mean that you are not proud of her. Or, if you ask her to wear that new, short skirt that you bought...you know, the one that shows the tops of the garters....and show off her assests for a crowd of strangers, so that the strangers can look at you with envy...it must mean, according to your statement, that you are not proud of her.

See where I am going with this?
Humiliation, when done with love, caring, and pride; is not demeaning. It can be uplifting and freeing. And if both people/s are getting what they want, then it's harming no one.

Edited to add:
One thing that many around here can tell you that I will back is that I am nothing more than a hard core masochist. Everything I do in my relationships is done of a selfish nature with my own best interests at heart

< Message edited by IrishMist -- 3/13/2011 4:44:25 PM >

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RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/13/2011 6:40:21 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

It's all fun and games until one day a woman asks you in the throes of sexual intercourse to call her the lizard queen.

It's all fun and games until in the throws of sexual intercourse a guy calls you by some other slut's name.

No, what really sucks is when you find out that his ex has the same name as you. Then you never know if he's yelling out to you or her......

As far as humiliation, I don't get it either. It's a turn-off to me, don't enjoy it at all.

< Message edited by windchymes -- 3/13/2011 6:41:27 PM >

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RE: Humiliation - I really don't understand it. - 3/13/2011 10:15:05 PM

sexyred1

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Often people confuse humilation with degradation and it is not the same thing.

I agree with whomever said it was the person doing it, not the acts specifically.

Sometimes you can connect with someone on such a primal and visceral level that you can play in those arenas without getting eaten by lions.

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 20

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