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RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/27/2011 4:40:54 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SAMHAIN09

Okay I have a porn addiction and I worry that it will keep me from becoming a Master. What I am getting at is how can I Master others while struggling with my addiction? Also I know it wont be long before my current addiction evolves into a sex addiction so that is also a concern of mine. Should I give up on becoming a Dom or could I manage my addiction?

What's your plan to manage your addiction? Push away from the computer and get out in the world. Why not go to local BDSM events?

http://nymag.com/nymetro/news/trends/n_9437/

...The reason to turn off the porn might become, to thoughtful people, not a moral one but, in a way, a physical- and emotional-health one; you might want to rethink your constant access to porn in the same way that, if you want to be an athlete, you rethink your smoking. The evidence is in: Greater supply of the stimulant equals diminished capacity.

After all, pornography works in the most basic of ways on the brain: It is Pavlovian. An orgasm is one of the biggest reinforcers imaginable. If you associate orgasm with your wife, a kiss, a scent, a body, that is what, over time, will turn you on; if you open your focus to an endless stream of ever-more-transgressive images of cybersex slaves, that is what it will take to turn you on. The ubiquity of sexual images does not free eros but dilutes it.

http://nymag.com/news/features/70976/

He’s Just Not That Into Anyone: How Porn Is Affecting the Libido of the American Male

...“I used to race home to have sex with my wife,” says Perry, a 41-year-old lawyer. “Now I leave work a half-hour early so I can get home before she does and masturbate to porn.”

scientists speculate that a dopamine-oxytocin combo is released in the brain during orgasm, acting as a “biochemical love potion,” as behavioral therapist Andrea Kuszewski calls it. It’s the reason after having sex with someone, you’re probably more inclined to form an emotional attachment. But you don’t have to actually have sex in order to get those neurotransmitters firing. When you watch porn, “you’re bonding with it,” Kuszewski says. “And those chemicals make you want to keep coming back to have that feeling.” Which allows men not only to get off on porn but to potentially develop a neurological attachment to it. They can, in essence, date porn.

(in reply to SAMHAIN09)

Post #: 21

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/27/2011 4:59:31 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SAMHAIN09

Okay I have a porn addiction and I worry that it will keep me from becoming a Master. What I am getting at is how can I Master others while struggling with my addiction? Also I know it wont be long before my current addiction evolves into a sex addiction so that is also a concern of mine. Should I give up on becoming a Dom or could I manage my addiction?

How do you struggle with this 'addiction'...
do you have to watch porn at regular intervals to 'top up' your sex need? Do you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't watch enough?

Porn or sex addiction... what a load of crap
if you watch porn a lot and you wank a lot you are a horny wanker with maybe a porn fetish and if you don't enjoy it then go and do something else instead... practise some self discipline boy

(in reply to SAMHAIN09)

Post #: 22

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/27/2011 5:08:02 AM

Kirata

Posts: 15477
Joined: 2/11/2006
From: USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Sorry about that, I won't be changing my style of speech any time soon. I doubt that you would expect me to either..

don't presume to tell me what I do, or do not, think, or expect.

He didn't. He only said he doubts you would...

Don't presume to understand English if you don't.

K.

(in reply to RapierFugue)

Post #: 23

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/27/2011 9:55:29 AM

MRRoy2

Posts: 11
Joined: 11/18/2010
Status: offline

I have read most of the responses to your question and agree with everyone that says only you can decide if you would be able to be the Master you want to be. You would have to find an understanding slave that was willing to help you work through it by being everythoing you enjoy in the films. I will say this though. You have asked for advise in this forum and seem to be rejecting everyone that give advise you arent ready to hear. We are all just giving opinions for you to consider. Why try to brow beat the help?

_____________________________

Live life to the fullest. You only have one.

(in reply to RapierFugue)

Post #: 24

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/27/2011 10:10:28 AM

RapierFugue

Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MRRoy2

I have read most of the responses to your question and agree with everyone that says only you can decide if you would be able to be the Master you want to be. You would have to find an understanding slave that was willing to help you work through it by being everythoing you enjoy in the films. I will say this though. You have asked for advise in this forum and seem to be rejecting everyone that give advise you arent ready to hear. We are all just giving opinions for you to consider. Why try to brow beat the help?

For the second time in this thread ... are you replying to me, or to the OP?

If it's via fast reply, it's a good idea (and common practice on CM forums) to put "FR" as your first line in reply, so people can see who it's intended to be in reply to.

(in reply to MRRoy2)

Post #: 25

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/27/2011 6:00:18 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MRRoy2

I have read most of the responses to your question and agree with everyone that says only you can decide if you would be able to be the Master you want to be. You would have to find an understanding slave that was willing to help you work through it by being everythoing you enjoy in the films. I will say this though. You have asked for advise in this forum and seem to be rejecting everyone that give advise you arent ready to hear. We are all just giving opinions for you to consider. Why try to brow beat the help?

Are you reading the same thread that I am? The OP hasn't made a single comment in response to anybody who has replied to the original. Are you possibly talking about a private conversation that you have had with him that the rest of us are not aware about? Unless the Mods have pulled some comments that were made by Samhain09 and I missed it, he has not said anything on this thread where he has rejected advice or brow beaten anyone.

As to "finding a slave who is willing to help him work through it" I find that to be just about as dumb as advice for an alcoholic who should find a partner to get them to stop drinking. That's not necessarily how addiction works! If you think it does, you might want to do your research.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MRRoy2)

Post #: 26

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/27/2011 6:17:15 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

quote:

Okay I have a porn addiction and I worry that it will keep me from becoming a Master.

I fail to see what one has to do with the other, so your worries are groundless.

quote:

What I am getting at is how can I Master others while struggling with my addiction?

OK, I can see how it may be distracting to you, having to focus on dealing with your issues would take your focus off a sub, but remember, vanilla relationships go through things like this all the time. At a time like this your sub ceases to be your sub and becomes your supportive partner. Besides, we're talking a pretty harmless addiction here, I fail to see how it would be either terribly distracting to deal with, or really why you would feel the need to deal with it other than to say "I like porn, I'm going to watch it from 6:30 PM til 8:00 PM every day. If I need your services during that time I'll let you know."

quote:

Also I know it wont be long before my current addiction evolves into a sex addiction so that is also a concern of mine.

I ask myself how you know this. And if it really worries you, seek professional help.

quote:

Should I give up on becoming a Dom or could I manage my addiction?

No and yes...or even no and no. I mean its not like you're on heroin or anything. As addictions go, porn is pretty innocuous.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to SAMHAIN09)

Post #: 27

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/27/2011 6:42:11 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

uuummm....you're 19. You're supposed to be "addicted" to sex at your age. It's normal. Boys of your age think of sex allllll day and night long. It's a miracle they can think of anything else lol.

At 19 I wouldn't even be worried about calling yourself a "dom" and be more concerned with enjoying life and learning about what it is you want, like/dislike, need in your life. For all you know at your age you could find 5 years down the road that you have zero interest in bdsm at all.

(in reply to RapierFugue)

Post #: 28

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/27/2011 7:02:19 PM

hausboy

Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline

SAMHAIN09:
Your original post stated, quite clearly, that you have a porn addiction.
While some might find that amusing--and others think it's just a simple matter of putting down the porn/turn off your computer, I'm going to give you a serious answer. If you know you have an addiction--and it is interfering or you anticipate it will interfere with other aspects of your life, please consider getting help for it now--either from a 12-step program, a private therapist, or a local support group.

Porn addiction is real--and it does wreck lives. My former boss--notice the word "former"--was fired because of his addiction. He lost all control and was surfing using a work computer--something he claimed he had never done before. It cost him his career and almost his marriage--basically everything dear to him. He sought professional help and he's doing well. No one ever knew or suspected until the day he was fired. Last I spoke to him, he was employed again and he sees a therapist regularly.

Another close friend of mine sits in a federal prison in New Jersey right now. He also has a porn addiction--it lead him to a chat room where he chatted it up with a teenager. Well, not exactly a teen. It was a police officer posing as a curious teen. He lost his job, his home, many friends--he missed out on some great times with friends & family and is going to be in jail for another 5 years. He'll be a registered sex offender for life. He attempted suicide once since his arrest--he is a kind, gentle, intelligent and nice guy--his addiction spiraled out of control and so did he.

Yes--this is my cautionary tale to you--porn addiction can be very serious. I would not concern yourself with "cutting it as a Dom" right now. You're young--you have time in life to make positive change and prevent your life from going down a very slippery slope. Address your addiction now before you have more than you can afford to lose.

good luck to you--I truly mean that--don't ignore the problem.

(in reply to RapierFugue)

Post #: 29

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/27/2011 8:01:04 PM

JDcraks

Posts: 5
Joined: 9/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Probably going to get flamed for this, but have you thought of changing you nic?

Dictionary definition of "delicious irony".

Top job.

I think if he changed his nic to Master Bater that could help relieve some tension.....and would serve as an indicator for his preferred fetish.

(in reply to RapierFugue)

Post #: 30

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/28/2011 2:05:45 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

SAMHAIN09:
Your original post stated, quite clearly, that you have a porn addiction.
While some might find that amusing--and others think it's just a simple matter of putting down the porn/turn off your computer, I'm going to give you a serious answer. If you know you have an addiction--and it is interfering or you anticipate it will interfere with other aspects of your life, please consider getting help for it now--either from a 12-step program, a private therapist, or a local support group.

addiction/obsession/dumb or selfish behaviour... what ever one calls it, self discipline is what is needed to quit the problematic habit, whether that is eating too much or not enough, gambling, watching porn or what... for the op turning off the computer or dvd and go and do something else instead is very good advice and i would hope a private therapist would say the same.

quote:

Porn addiction is real--and it does wreck lives. My former boss--notice the word "former"--was fired because of his addiction. He lost all control and was surfing using a work computer--something he claimed he had never done before. It cost him his career and almost his marriage--basically everything dear to him. He sought professional help and he's doing well. No one ever knew or suspected until the day he was fired. Last I spoke to him, he was employed again and he sees a therapist regularly.

Lots of people use their work computers for personal things... like chatting to friends or shopping for holidays... it is stupid selfish and very lazy behaviour and anybody in an office, especially supposedly doing council work that i pay tax for reading this now should close this page immediately and get back to work!!! and indeed everybody should know that IT staff can see exactly where all the employees surf to and it should cost you your job if you are doing your own stuff instead of the work you are being paid to do.

quote:

Another close friend of mine sits in a federal prison in New Jersey right now. He also has a porn addiction--it lead him to a chat room where he chatted it up with a teenager. Well, not exactly a teen. It was a police officer posing as a curious teen. He lost his job, his home, many friends--he missed out on some great times with friends & family and is going to be in jail for another 5 years. He'll be a registered sex offender for life. He attempted suicide once since his arrest--he is a kind, gentle, intelligent and nice guy--his addiction spiraled out of control and so did he.

there seems to be more wrong here than a liking for porn... dabbling with under age people is not right at all... and you call him a nice and intelligent guy?
Though i have my questions about posing as an underage person to catch paedophiles aswell

quote:

Yes--this is my cautionary tale to you--porn addiction can be very serious. I would not concern yourself with "cutting it as a Dom" right now. You're young--you have time in life to make positive change and prevent your life from going down a very slippery slope. Address your addiction now before you have more than you can afford to lose.

good luck to you--I truly mean that--don't ignore the problem.

True, still i would call it an obsession rather than an addiction

< Message edited by ranja -- 3/28/2011 2:08:10 AM >

(in reply to hausboy)

Post #: 31

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/28/2011 6:02:55 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

Duuuuuuuuuuude, porn is inspiration.
I worship at the altar of porn the same way that a vestal virgin prostrates herself on the altar of the Lord.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to ranja)

Post #: 32

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/28/2011 6:34:19 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Ranja -
Clearly you don't know diddly about neurobiology. I appreciate you making your ignorance so obvious.
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 33

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/28/2011 7:24:57 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Ranja -
Clearly you don't know diddly about neurobiology. I appreciate you making your ignorance so obvious.
sunshine

sunshine-
You have some nerve... but indeed i don't think i know much about it if anything at all... i know about common sense, getting on with things, self discipline and stuff like that though.
i know first hand how difficult a person can make it for themselves to break a habit
but still i am of the opinion that many of these 'modern' addictions and depressions and phobias are just attention seeking and or weak behaviour and most of these people should just get on with life and do the right thing instead of moaning about it, making excuses or waffling about neurobiology.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 34

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/28/2011 8:24:36 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

You are entitled to your opinion, ranja, even if you are basing it on a lack of knowledge and more on personal beliefs. You certainly aren't even alone in doing so. There are some folks who look at addiction as something of a scale. The forms of addiction that are centered on the introduction of a chemical into the body (alcohol, drugs, smoking) can be easier for some folks to consider legitimate (for lack of a better word) because people understand a physical dependency that goes along with the neurobiology. Even then, it can be hard to understand because we don't really know why some people can have just a couple of drinks and stop and others won't stop once that first drink is in their system. We know it's got something to do with obsession and compulsion mixed in with the other factors, but we don't know why it works one way in one person's brain and not another. That's why only abstinence will work for some people.

Here's where the addiction thing gets harder for people to understand when there is no physical element induced. A lot of people don't understand that the same thing is going on in the brain without chemicals induced. All of the electrical patterns of the same brain are still happening and we're still talking about things like changing the endorphin flow (very much like we talk about when discussing things like subspace). We're still working with concepts such as obsession and compulsion, too. Gamblers and shoppers that consider those their addiction also experience adrenaline in the course of the activities. Both can lead to financial ruin, which is also a common element with physical dependency addictions. Gambling is one that abstinence can work. Shopping can be done, but it's a bit more difficult.

For addictions like food or sex, the same stuff still applies as in the above. However, abstinence can't be applied. People need to eat and most have a desire to have sex in their life. The obsession and compulsion part plays a huge role here. That's what messes with people's head because chasing their particular rush leads them to riskier and riskier behavior. Some porn addicts have attempted to stop their addiction by not having a computer in the house but then their compulsion leads them to acting out in different ways like continually going to places to meet strangers for sex. Most folks with these addictions do increase how often they do this which ends up impacting their job, the stability of their home life, and other areas.

So, it's really not as simple as just looking at it and saying that a person is weak. There really is a lot more going on.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 3/28/2011 8:26:30 AM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ranja)

Post #: 35

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/28/2011 8:49:40 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

So, it's really not as simple as just looking at it and saying that a person is weak. There really is a lot more going on.

of course i am entitled to my opinion, i know that
and indeed there is usually more going on, like the 'addict' has too much time and money on their hands,
often they even are 'helped' by their own friends and family... how many of the totally obese people are being fed by spouses? how many people don't think twice about getting some fags for their partner and many 'friends' try to push others into drinking too much or do other stupid things

considering my number of posts lately my tendency to waste too much time away on the computer on useless irrelevant stuff needs to be curtailed... it seems that i lack the self discipline to limit myself... and yes i consider that a weakness... i count myself lucky that my Husband will shortly put a lock on it again

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 36

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/28/2011 4:21:48 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

It's certainly fine to have an opinion. It's a shame it's not based on reality and that science disproves you. But hey, some people still believe the world is flat. Good on you for not letting truth get in the way of sticking to your guns.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to ranja)

Post #: 37

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/28/2011 4:34:24 PM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Duuuuuuuuuuude, porn is inspiration.
I worship at the altar of porn the same way that a vestal virgin prostrates herself on the altar of the Lord.

Strictly speaking the only way a vestal virgin would be found prostrate at the altar of the Lord would be if she'd happened to be passing and tripped up on something. They'd more commonly be found prostrate at the alter of their Goddess ;-)

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 38

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/28/2011 11:15:20 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Duuuuuuuuuuude, porn is inspiration.
I worship at the altar of porn the same way that a vestal virgin prostrates herself on the altar of the Lord.

Strictly speaking the only way a vestal virgin would be found prostrate at the altar of the Lord would be if she'd happened to be passing and tripped up on something. They'd more commonly be found prostrate at the alter of their Goddess ;-)

You obviously don't know how I roll!

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 39

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/28/2011 11:17:25 PM

Awareness

Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheShrew

..*deletes her contribution*..
My apologies, fellas. I clicked this from the scroll then responded without having realized it was posted in "the gentlemans lounge."

There are no gentlemen here.

_____________________________

Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.

(in reply to TheShrew)

Post #: 40

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