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RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/29/2011 12:31:33 AM

ranja

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let me get this truth of yours right... a porn or sex addict might very well be a sensitive, intelligent, nice but lost soul who needs understanding and special treatment, 12 step plans and therapy to gently be helped out of their misery and be supported on their way to recovery
... and someone who cheats should be cast out?

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 41

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/29/2011 12:48:59 AM

crazyml

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

You obviously don't know how I roll!

Grin. Respect is due, man!

<tips hat>

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Post #: 42

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/29/2011 3:09:04 AM

NocturnalStalker

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

let me get this truth of yours right... a porn or sex addict might very well be a sensitive, intelligent, nice but lost soul who needs understanding and special treatment, 12 step plans and therapy to gently be helped out of their misery and be supported on their way to recovery
... and someone who cheats should be cast out?

The only solution to both problems is the mutilation of sex organs.

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(in reply to ranja)

Post #: 43

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/29/2011 3:22:52 AM

crazyml

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

let me get this truth of yours right... a porn or sex addict might very well be a sensitive, intelligent, nice but lost soul who needs understanding and special treatment, 12 step plans and therapy to gently be helped out of their misery and be supported on their way to recovery

This really could be the case, yes. That isn't to say that there aren't armies of people who claim to be addicted to one thing or another who really only need a kick up the arse, but there really is a goodly whack of science out there that suggests that addiction is considerably more complex than you characterise it as.

Personally, if a 19 year old boy claims to be addicted to porn, I will instinctively err on the "for fuck's sake pull your socks up you twat" side of things, but if that addiction is genuine, then scoffing is unlikely to help the person in question all that much.

quote:

... and someone who cheats should be cast out?

I don't see a conflict here. If someone cheats on you, you're entitled to cast them out - in your own interest.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

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Post #: 44

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/29/2011 3:33:03 AM

ranja

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the conflict is massive
an addict is always a cheat

(in reply to crazyml)

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RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/29/2011 3:58:03 AM

NihilusZero

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The actual addiction present here is to the neurosis of addiction.

So you like porn and enjoy lots of it. Congratulations; you've found a good chunk of porn you genuinely enjoy.
And it may just lead you to enjoy lots of sex. In the non-paranoid world that would be referred to as "high libido". Soak it in (heck, maybe find someone to share it with).

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(in reply to ranja)

Post #: 46

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/29/2011 4:24:23 AM

sexyfun25

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You most likely can, as long as you still see your sub as a person. Most importantly you have to realize the difference in bdsm porn and a true bdsm lifestyle, the porn is faked by women and men getting paid to do what they are doing and work with many people around with experience to insure safety and certain camera angles to help it be more realistic. So make sure you keep in mind your sub doesn't have a room full of people making her safe, and neither of you may have the experience to know how far to go. Just remember make her comfortable communicating with you, start slow, use a safe word. Always remember when you see a toy instead of a person.....its when you always stop even if she doesn't want you to.

(in reply to SAMHAIN09)

Post #: 47

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/29/2011 4:46:58 AM

crazyml

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

the conflict is massive
an addict is always a cheat

I've no idea what you mean by this. Do you mean to say that all addicts are unfaithful to their partners?

Never mind, probably not worth pursuing...

_____________________________

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Post #: 48

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/29/2011 5:13:44 AM

domiguy

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I would think that you are pretty much fucked in the relationship department right now.

I would guess that any type of an addiction would pretty much preclude you from having a meaningful relationship with another human being.

Don't let that detour your dreams!!!

If you read these posts you shall find that there are a lot of women out here that get off on being treated like complete shit and consider themselves to be nothing more than the sum of their holes.

Happy hunting!

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 49

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/29/2011 5:15:45 AM

domiguy

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I would guess that every addict is unfaithful to their partners in some fashion.

It goes hand in hand with being an addict.

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 50

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/29/2011 5:39:07 AM

sunshinemiss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

let me get this truth of yours right... a porn or sex addict might very well be a sensitive, intelligent, nice but lost soul who needs understanding and special treatment, 12 step plans and therapy to gently be helped out of their misery and be supported on their way to recovery
... and someone who cheats should be cast out?

You think that 12 step plans and therapy are gentle? As long as you hold that kind of misdirected belief, you'll not be able to see beyond your blind spot. We all have them.

good luck,
sunshine

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 3/29/2011 6:00:49 AM >

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RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/29/2011 5:41:48 AM

sunshinemiss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I would guess that every addict is unfaithful to their partners in some fashion.

It goes hand in hand with being an addict.

I don't think this is necessarily the case, domi. Certainly if they continue to follow the path of addiction that is surely a likely occurance. It's not a necessity, though. Some people are lucky enough to "bottom out" prior to losing their jobs, families, morals, etc. You don't have to actually be in the gutter to be in the proverbial gutter.

best,
sunshine

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 3/29/2011 6:01:25 AM >

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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Post #: 52

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/29/2011 6:11:36 AM

domiguy

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I think it is. If you are an addict, your addiction is taking away something that should be available to the most important people in your life.

If you are an addict seeking treatment and never fall off the wagon then your point is well taken. Almost every addict I have known or have ever heard of, fucks up.

I personally would cut them loose.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 53

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/29/2011 6:45:15 AM

Arpig

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quote:

an addict is always a cheat

quote:

I would guess that every addict is unfaithful to their partners in some fashion.

It goes hand in hand with being an addict.

I smoke, I have for roughly 35 years...thus I am an addict. However, I fail to see how this makes me a cheat. I don't cheat, well except at Monopoly...I always cheat at Monopoly, I never win, so the cheating is the fun of it.

< Message edited by Arpig -- 3/29/2011 6:48:13 AM >

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(in reply to ranja)

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RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/29/2011 7:29:35 AM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

So, it's really not as simple as just looking at it and saying that a person is weak. There really is a lot more going on.

of course i am entitled to my opinion, i know that
and indeed there is usually more going on, like the 'addict' has too much time and money on their hands,

Having too much time or money doesn't really play into it at all.

Otherwise people going into debt and/or having to borrow (or steal) wouldn't be a common issue.

Time matters little to someone caught up in obsession/compulsion.
If it was just a matter of too much free time then there wouldn't be people missing time from work or time with their families to engage in whatever form their addiction takes.

People have mentioned neurobiology.
You aren't understanding how addicted people's responses are so very different from the non-addict and it is clearly mapable in the brain.

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RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/29/2011 7:44:30 AM

angelikaJ

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To the OP

You have a pocket of unmanageability in your life that regardless of whether you are involved in a relationship or are able to be in a power exchange dynamic is none-the-less going to cause issues that will create eventual disruptions in many aspects of your life.

You acknowledged it here.

Laying aside your question, go back to the issue.

Find a therapist and/or a 12 step or other support group and get help for your admitted addiction.
Aside from the desire for a relationship, do it because you deserve to have the kind of peace that comes from manageability.
Most people can't fix this kind of a problem on their own.
Get the help you need.

At present you aren't able to have a healthy relationship with your Self, so that does kind of exclude you being available for undertaking a relationship with another.

But people who have sex based addictions do go on to have fulfilling relationships, once they have taken appropriate steps and work on their issues.

So, one thing at a time, begining with making a phone call or an on-line search to get you the help you need.

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30 fluffy points!

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(in reply to SAMHAIN09)

Post #: 56

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/29/2011 9:09:51 AM

ranja

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sunshine you really want to stop talking about my misdirected beliefs and blindspots, you might not agree with my stance and that is fine but to make yourself sound like a patronizing tit is really not necessary.

for most addicts 12 step plans and therapy are as useful as diets are for fat people... it might seem oh so difficult to achieve this goal of becoming thinner or clean.... it is such hard work... boohoo.
well guess what; life is hard work, it aint fair and it aint easy... i know
(and we are the lucky ones living in the rich west)

So what ever anybody tries to get their ass back on the straight and narrow... be it a 12 step plan, a diet or just turning off your computer and kicking yourself up the butt and never ever light up a fag again...
self discipline is the only way to manage yourself
even if it is the self discipline to ask another to turn your computer off

oh and if there are people who think addicts do not cheat (especially these so called sex addicts, i mean isn't the 'addiction' their excuse?)
or lie... well then they have never known an addict

< Message edited by ranja -- 3/29/2011 9:16:29 AM >

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 57

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/29/2011 9:12:33 AM

IronBear

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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I'd have thought the OP could cut it if he learns to Master himself.. After all if his thing is Porn and gets it under some semblance of control (like many smokers control their addiction.. me included), Is there no reason later on he can't collar his dick and have a meaningful relationship with it replete with lube and tissues? Strewth he can chain itm he can torture it or have another kinky person torture iot for him. he can even practice suspension with it or shibari .. There is no end of kinky things he could do including needle play if he really anted to...

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RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/29/2011 10:37:37 AM

sirssubk2008

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Arpig,
My daughter made a nice comment about tobacco addiction when I tried to tell her that my smoking didn't affect her in anyway if I'm doing it outside of the house. Her response:
"You're cheating us kids out of several years of spending time with you!"

So, yes I can see where some would look at it as a form of cheating, but I don't agree with my daughter no matter how much I love the dear soul!

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 59

RE: Can I ever cut it as a Dom? - 3/29/2011 10:54:11 AM

IronBear

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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Cheating be damned!....the people who propose that as a deterent are cheating you from enjoying life as YOU choose. Your going to cark it when it is your time and nothing you sat or do is going to radically change that. So even have the privelage on choosing the time, place and method of their death.. Their right not for anyone else to argue..

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to sirssubk2008)

Post #: 60

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