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RE: Personal Service Cluttering Your life? - 3/27/2011 3:54:05 PM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline 		fr

i don't have a slave, and nore could i be one. this is because i like doing things for myself and also if i have to look after someone else for a long time i want to scream at them to get off their arse and do it themselves the way i do. but that is just me and i get why others want to be part of the 'slave' thing from either side. for me though it just would not work. being married for 16 years drove me mad with his expectations of what i should do. now that i'm divorced i know i don't want to live with anyone again. well not unless i win the lottery and have a house big enough that we both have our own space. i like it when i spend time with my playmate. at his he doesn't let me do anything and it's nice that he's like that, but i'm a guest in his home so i work to his rules. when he comes to mine i'm far more relaxed about him being in my space than anyone else. others who come to mine are not allowed in my kitchen and i will look after them. that is how i was brought up, you look after your guests. my ex's family were of the mind that if you want something you help yourself. after 16yrs that still made me feel uncomfortable to go in someone else's cupboards. my playmate drinks lots of coffee though, and when he comes to mine he usually makes the drinks as i don't drink as much so it's not on my mind. because of that i've become more relaxed, but i still do all the cooking and stuff.

going out riding my horses has always been my escape from everyone else, to just do my own thing. i've been known to go out at 10pm to do last checks and be found much later just sat chilling with a horse. at that point i'm really in my comfort zone. when i read about how wearing a collar makes a slave/sub calm and enter a ceratain space, i guess my horses act like that for me, but in a none bdsm/sexual way.

needles

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Personal Service Cluttering Your life? - 3/27/2011 5:48:36 PM   
rubyrain


Posts: 13
Joined: 4/1/2007
Status: offline 		What a whiney baby..... I think if it is such a problem you only have to look in the mirror to see the true cause of it. It is guys like you who if you didn't have a slave you'd be P&Ming about how slaves are all disrespectful and blah blah blah.... shakes head....rolls eyes.

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Personal Service Cluttering Your life? - 3/27/2011 6:33:13 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rubyrain

What a whiney baby..... I think if it is such a problem you only have to look in the mirror to see the true cause of it. It is guys like you who if you didn't have a slave you'd be P&Ming about how slaves are all disrespectful and blah blah blah.... shakes head....rolls eyes.


Quit being an ignorant putz.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to rubyrain)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Personal Service Cluttering Your life? - 3/27/2011 7:01:14 PM   
0ldhen


Posts: 2221
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Do you ever get fed up with having someone under your feet (sometimes literally) and miss doing things for yourself?



Yes I can understand that posistion from the other side of the equation.

I occasionaly got fed up having someone there and needed a break as well, hell, even though you love your sprogs you can get to feeling that way too. Everybody need a little me time sometimes.

Honestly though I am kind of looking I truly do not want a 24/7 365 live in partner, I value my peace and quiet to much. Though I would like someone who feels the same about their life to ride in, go for a ride and play a bit, then go home. Old and jaded now perhaps.

_____________________________

Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't.

Za'beeta Regal, Et Vogo O' Lurwadra'd Wyka Go Abosh Inunsey.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Personal Service Cluttering Your life? - 3/27/2011 8:19:36 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I can live with that. My main reason for 24/7 live in is due to the odd hours we keep and because it is better to establish a good working routine domestically. Good to have quiet times during the day for important things like cat (bear) naps (mini hibernations). Also allows for play times to be sometimes spontaneous too and an old fashion roll in the hay..


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to 0ldhen)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Personal Service Cluttering Your life? - 3/28/2011 4:17:55 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It is worth noting that IB's situation is quite different than the majority of the rest of us. You will note IB doesn't wish his wife would stop cluttering up his life. The people he finds obtrusive are people who are neither his primary nor a love interest. And that's a major difference than the majority of the people on the site.




_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Personal Service Cluttering Your life? - 3/28/2011 4:31:08 AM   
BlackTigerDragon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/1/2010
Status: offline 		I have the same problem only I have never been in the lifestyle and I only get this from certain vanillas I know that assume that mild cerebral palsy, mild asthma, mild ASD and short sightedness have a major effect on my IQ level and ability to do basic things such as pressing one key on my own laptop.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Personal Service Cluttering Your life? - 3/28/2011 5:41:12 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Do you ever get fed up with having someone under your feet (sometimes literally) and miss doing things for yourself?

To qualify the question: you have a slave 24/7 who wants to be pleasing and serve you. Don't you wish sometimes that you had the personal space without upsetting the feelings of a slave or anyone else and just get up and potter, make coffee or food when and where you feel like? My answer is to have the focus not on personal service but on domestic duties.


I love being spoiled and pampered but it gets a tad over the top at times and I need to remind people I am not a cripple.. These are the times when I want to fire up the 4x4 hook the boat trailer on and go fishing for the day (or night or even the bloody weekend) just to get some peace..



Nope.
I totally do not have this problem. When I wanna do something, I do it.
When I want personal space, I either tie her up and stick her in a room, hang her in the closet from her nipples (And then go watch sports. Mhhhuuuuaaaaw, I am so bad), or just go for a drive.
Her feelings are irrelevant. She is a slave. She exists to serve...and sometimes she can serve me best by staying out of the way. (Which, at those times, is generally in her best interest and in the best interest of her long term continuing health...grins)

And if she wants to bitch about it, well, that's what ball gags and duct tape are for.


_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Personal Service Cluttering Your life? - 3/28/2011 6:10:41 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

For a while I took it personally when he got up to do something that I could have done for him. I would say to him, "I would have done that for you". That got old really fast and he told me in no uncertain terms not to say that again.
So now I've accepted that when he wants me to do something he will tell me and when he gets up to do it himself it means he wanted to do it himself.
Simple.


This. Totally.

And he makes sure we both get our alone time.  It keeps us both mentally healthy.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Personal Service Cluttering Your life? - 3/28/2011 6:20:35 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Her feelings are irrelevant. She is a slave. She exists to serve...and sometimes she can serve me best by staying out of the way. (Which, at those times, is generally in her best interest and in the best interest of her long term continuing health...grins)


i've encountered many submissive women that complain when their brand of submission/service isn't readily available or has been denied in some fashion. While i can understand the desire to aid, i don't believe their motives are always altruistic and the methods some undertake to get the protocol or whatever they're lacking is pretty sad. One of the fundamental missteps in that philosophy is the failure of the dominant to reinforce its meaning according to his terms/preferences rather than the other parties demands. i have always believed that slavery required a sharp degree of flexibility and malleability. And while we all have our routines, he's at liberty to alter them when the mood strikes. Ownership has its perks and it would be woefully grave if he elected not to take them to maintain the status quo. It is unequal and there are instances when selfishness is better than taking the selfless route.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Personal Service Cluttering Your life? - 3/28/2011 6:34:12 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		Usually if Im going out of my way to do service oriented tasks, its because something is bothering me to the extreme and i need to center myself with those tasks or otherwise a different emotion (crying anger upsetededness) will show its self.

For example this past weekend at our local munch set up instead of eating dinner while it was hot i made sure no one had an empty drink for long because I was feeling the grr argh of life. But the Doms in my life know that its more of an emotional habit then a do it for ya, and all the S's involved were pleased that they didnt have to do it...

So For me it would bother me greatly if someone would do it instead of allowing me to do it...

But this is why im not slave material...


_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Personal Service Cluttering Your life? - 3/28/2011 11:54:21 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Sure I like my "alone" time. It seems the older I get the more I need. I prefer live by myself.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Personal Service Cluttering Your life? - 3/28/2011 12:13:20 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		Yep.. and that's when I invoke a favorite thought I have on Dominance... its not simply that I control or make decisions.. or even boss someone around.. its that I am the one who gets to make the choice about who does something.. if I want to make my own coffee in the morning, that is my choice.

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Personal Service Cluttering Your life? - 3/28/2011 2:30:39 PM   
flcouple2009


Posts: 2784
Joined: 1/8/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
For a while I took it personally when he got up to do something that I could have done for him. I would say to him, "I would have done that for you". That got old really fast and he told me in no uncertain terms not to say that again.
So now I've accepted that when he wants me to do something he will tell me and when he gets up to do it himself it means he wanted to do it himself.
Simple.


You would think it was simple. 

It has been a task at times to get some submissive ones to grasp that concept.

Once I had a submissive and we were laying in bed watching TV.  I got up to go to the restroom.  After finishing I wandered off to the kitchen and brought back ice cream. 

Not much of a thought for me.  I'm up I wanted ice cream and of course I'm gonna bring enough back for both of us.  That started the whole, "why didn't you have me do that".  5 minutes later it was,  "what did I do wrong".   5 minutes later there were tears. 

All over a fricking bowl of ice cream, lol.

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Personal Service Cluttering Your life? - 3/28/2011 4:00:13 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: flcouple2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
For a while I took it personally when he got up to do something that I could have done for him. I would say to him, "I would have done that for you". That got old really fast and he told me in no uncertain terms not to say that again.
So now I've accepted that when he wants me to do something he will tell me and when he gets up to do it himself it means he wanted to do it himself.
Simple.


You would think it was simple. 

It has been a task at times to get some submissive ones to grasp that concept.

Once I had a submissive and we were laying in bed watching TV.  I got up to go to the restroom.  After finishing I wandered off to the kitchen and brought back ice cream. 

Not much of a thought for me.  I'm up I wanted ice cream and of course I'm gonna bring enough back for both of us.  That started the whole, "why didn't you have me do that".  5 minutes later it was,  "what did I do wrong".   5 minutes later there were tears. 

All over a fricking bowl of ice cream, lol.



Didn't you realise you were meant to check in and see what you were allowed to do? :)

agirl


_____________________________

See how easy it can be?

(in reply to flcouple2009)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Personal Service Cluttering Your life? - 3/28/2011 4:09:04 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		 
quote:


Honestly though I am kind of looking I truly do not want a 24/7 365 live in partner, I value my peace and quiet to much. Though I would like someone who feels the same about their life to ride in, go for a ride and play a bit, then go home. Old and jaded now perhaps.


I was thinking I don't even remember typing this when I read this.

Gotta say Amen to this.  Between this attitude and the fact I love the kink, mental and physical, and Ima fat chick, I am thinking I am doomed finding someone-lol.

And I am old and jaded enough to realize that that's ok too.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to 0ldhen)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Personal Service Cluttering Your life? - 3/29/2011 6:15:24 AM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		its easy for us if master wants to do things he just says i am doing this you are not to its his wish his order so am happy to obay him. he doesn't want alone time though. more still and silent time then he says hush and no moving.

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Personal Service Cluttering Your life? - 3/29/2011 9:02:45 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I have found fopr yeaers that the more things bug me the more I want.. nay Need to do something pohysical and probably violent like splitting a few tons of 4' red gum for a fire or more recently belting the crap out of hot metal at the forge.. may as well turn frustration and even anger into something constructive. A few years ago my 2nd wife was really bugging me so I worked all night building an extension to the garage top house my art studio out of cement blocks (Cinder blocks) so that in the morning I could fire up the saws and roof it.. The ex??? Told her to clap a bull's cunt over her head and have one of her male friends to fuck her to death  and slept in the new studio all day like a babe..


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to phoenixmoonn13)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Personal Service Cluttering Your life? - 4/3/2011 7:49:16 AM   
txurinal


Posts: 209
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		Arpig and Kana both have the right idea. When owned, the one thing i di not do was cook as one MASTER enjoyed doing that and when there were times when i was not needed or wanted under foot, i was sent to my room and told to remain there until needed.

But Kana went right to the heart of the matter. It does not matter what the slave wants, it is a slave and if MASTER wants time alone, then so be it. Giving a MASTER space is sometimes the best way to serve HIM

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Personal Service Cluttering Your life? - 4/3/2011 10:34:40 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		There is a thread out there concerning the submissive/Dominant "Dance".  I think that if there is an area where a sort of dance takes place after relationship begins, this would be it.  I view my role as evaluating my Lady's life, and integrating myself into it in such a way as to add significant value to her daily life.  Some things she expresses preference in, some things I do because I see the need, some things I do because we both enjoy them.

I have always viewed D/s relationships as two complete individuals coming together to enhance the other's life.  I do not see the need or desire anything that smacks of co-dependency or loss of individuality.


_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 40
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