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Suffering in silence - 5/8/2006 6:40:44 AM

becca333

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Joined: 4/11/2006
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My Dom often mentions, in passing, that I complain during punishment sessions. I don't utter a work of complaint, truly, I just make the occasional comment or give helpful advice. Besides, I feel that it's important to give feedback so that he knows I appreciate what he's doing.

But what's the general feeling on this? Should a good sub suffer bravely in noble silence? Or is it a good idea to show that he's getting through by sharing thoughts and feelings during the session?

And - isn't it pretty boring if the sub makes no sound?

Post #: 1

RE: Suffering in silence - 5/8/2006 6:44:30 AM

meatcleaver

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I like to hear a good yelp! If the sub is giving me advice, I think the punishment isn't severe enough!

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 2

RE: Suffering in silence - 5/8/2006 6:45:05 AM

RavenMuse

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Joined: 1/23/2006
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To me yes it would be pretty boring, I preffer feedback, I enjoy the reactions, both verbal and involentary sounds she makes...... however I am not him, your Dom obviously doesn't find it boring. If you are finding that difficult then its something you should be discussing with him and it really doesn't matter what responces you get here.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 3

RE: Suffering in silence - 5/8/2006 6:55:18 AM

becca333

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I know it's an issue we need to work on, but I just can't understand why he wants it that way, so I'm trying to find out what Doms in general think about it.

Besides, it's interesting to try and imagine what things are like from the opposite point of view. Dom-ness is an alien world to me.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 4

RE: Suffering in silence - 5/8/2006 6:55:43 AM

crouchingtigress

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Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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Men in general hear "complaints" when we are simply trying to tell them our feelings.

I have no idea why this is.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 5

RE: Suffering in silence - 5/8/2006 6:57:38 AM

lilbitnella

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Hum...I've heard two schools of thought on this...1) he could feel you are "topping from the bottom" by giving him advice...or 2) you might not have set limits so he knows all of yours.

Wishing you luck

_____________________________

"It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love"
~Rod McKuen~

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 6

RE: Suffering in silence - 5/8/2006 6:57:46 AM

Ceyx

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Joined: 8/23/2005
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I love my girl's voice, and I'm delighted by the sounds she makes, both in pleasure and in pain. There's a large aural component to my arousal; this really comes in handy when miss and I are playing on the phone.

I wouldn't enjoy her half as much if she suffered in silence, although it's exciting when she attempts to do so. I also enjoy it when she shares her feelings while we're playing. For me, a scene really isn't the time for 'helpful advice,' though; I'm in charge, and she can show me if she's uncomfortable with what's happening, but I'm going to call the shots. Afterwards, when we're talking, she's welcome to suggest things that occurred to her during our play. Indeed, I'll usually ask her how it was for her, what she particularly enjoyed, etc.

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 7

RE: Suffering in silence - 5/8/2006 6:58:20 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333
But what's the general feeling on this? Should a good sub suffer bravely in noble silence? Or is it a good idea to show that he's getting through by sharing thoughts and feelings during the session?

She should suffer as she is told to suffer. If there's a problem (physically or emotionally) then this needs to be communicated and discussed.

quote:

And - isn't it pretty boring if the sub makes no sound?

Depends on the scene. Sometimes the desire is to test their will/discipline and see how well they an be completely still and silent as you do things- that can be pretty hot.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 8

RE: Suffering in silence - 5/8/2006 6:59:23 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333
I know it's an issue we need to work on, but I just can't understand why he wants it that way, so I'm trying to find out what Doms in general think about it.

Besides, it's interesting to try and imagine what things are like from the opposite point of view. Dom-ness is an alien world to me.

Everyone is different, even between scenes. What matters is why he wants it that way and how you can work together so you can serve in the way that he desires (assuming you want to remain committed to him).

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 9

RE: Suffering in silence - 5/8/2006 7:01:27 AM

lilbitnella

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Joined: 5/7/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

Men in general hear "complaints" when we are simply trying to tell them our feelings.

I have no idea why this is.

I couldn't agree more crouchingtigeress!

_____________________________

"It doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love"
~Rod McKuen~

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 10

RE: Suffering in silence - 5/8/2006 7:04:50 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

Men in general hear "complaints" when we are simply trying to tell them our feelings.

I have no idea why this is.

Because "we" communicate differently. Most people aren't taught good ways of communicating- so they say things the "wrong" way.

Instead of saying "I really am confused when you do that, is there a reason behind it?" we often say "Why do you always do that? You always piss me off."

See the difference?

As well, when you're talking about scenes- some doms want screams and begging to stop, and some doms want silence. And some doms want both depending on the scene.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 11

RE: Suffering in silence - 5/8/2006 7:06:41 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333
I know it's an issue we need to work on, but I just can't understand why he wants it that way

Have you ASKED him? If there is something a girl of mine doesn't understand, then so long as she does so appropriatly, personaly I never mind being asked and helping her understand. The more she understands the more she can anticipate my wishes correctly and the more pleasing she can be.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 12

RE: Suffering in silence - 5/8/2006 7:07:15 AM

becca333

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Joined: 4/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilbitnella

Hum...I've heard two schools of thought on this...1) he could feel you are "topping from the bottom" by giving him advice...or 2) you might not have set limits so he knows all of yours.

Wishing you luck

Is Topping from the bottom a bad thing?

(in reply to lilbitnella)

Post #: 13

RE: Suffering in silence - 5/8/2006 7:07:29 AM

merrymasochist

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Joined: 9/2/2004
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As I don't know the whole situation, I can only offer my thoughts. Perhaps he wants you to concentrate on -why- you are getting punished and how best not incur his ire again rather than offering comments and advice. Truthfully, during the few punishments I've recieved, I was too busy being utterly sorry for having upset him to even think of offering comment or advice. There's a time and place for everything, mayhaps you should save the comments and advice for the conversation afterwards when y'all discuss how to correct the behavior that brought on the punishment.

Sincerely,
merry

_____________________________

"What hath night to do with sleep?"
J. Milton

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 14

RE: Suffering in silence - 5/8/2006 7:11:29 AM

becca333

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Joined: 4/11/2006
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Well, most of the 'advice' is "Not so hard!" "Not there!" "Not all in one place!" and so on. He doesn't seem to take that well.

Oddly, if I'm saying "More!" and "Harder!" he doesn't seem to mind.

(in reply to merrymasochist)

Post #: 15

RE: Suffering in silence - 5/8/2006 7:11:49 AM

RavenMuse

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Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333
Is Topping from the bottom a bad thing?

There maybe some out there that don't think so, I would guess it is less of a problem with purely BDSM situations outside of a D/s dynamic, but it isn't something I tolerate.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 16

RE: Suffering in silence - 5/8/2006 7:15:31 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333

Well, most of the 'advice' is "Not so hard!" "Not there!" "Not all in one place!" and so on. He doesn't seem to take that well.

Oddly, if I'm saying "More!" and "Harder!" he doesn't seem to mind.

Then your question above was based on a false premise, he isn't expecting you to 'suffer in silence' it looks more like he simply objects to you barking orders at him, though I'd object to both sets. I am a DOM I don't TAKE orders dear, I give them.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 17

RE: Suffering in silence - 5/8/2006 7:19:05 AM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
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Thanks to you all for the advice, it's given me some things to think about.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 18

RE: Suffering in silence - 5/8/2006 7:22:33 AM

MHOO314

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Joined: 9/26/2004
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IMHO, punishment is that--to be suffered in silence except for tears or the usual signs of receiving punishment--however, I expect that there is conversation before, punishment, then comfort and absolution after with a reinforcement of the relationship--but that is My way and may not work for others.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 19

RE: Suffering in silence - 5/8/2006 7:23:36 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333
Well, most of the 'advice' is "Not so hard!" "Not there!" "Not all in one place!" and so on. He doesn't seem to take that well.

Would you take it well if you were in his place?

You can express displeasure easily enough- mmphs and eeks and other sounds can easily communicate "unhappy pain" vs "happy pain."

After the scene you can do a debriefing and go over things like "I felt like when you kept hitting that one spot that it totally threw me off of the headspace." Who knows? That might be his intention.

Or he could just be a new top and needs to learn better technique.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 20

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