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Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell them a... - 4/16/2011 3:34:23 AM   
CuriousNCurious


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/16/2011
Status: offline 		Hi all,

I'm relatively new to this site and while it seems fun, I have a bit of a question.. It has been semi-covered by the FAQ in this section but what I have to ask does go beyond that.

A lot of Domms on this site seem to demand tribute / money in the introduction text in their profiles. There isn't even any pretence - it's simply "I believe I deserve something from you with no guarantee of anything in return".

Again referring back to the FAQ, this seems to be an OK practice, even if it seems a little blunt and uneven in terms of exchange to me. But I'm not here to judge that and of course not looking to single any one person out.

My question is this: How does one go about telling Domms such as those above from those who are genuinely seeking a submissive partner - either for long or short term?

Many seem to go about role-playing or acting the part of a scary Domm but since it's the internet and their words are just text, it comes across as bitchy instead since there's no guarantee that that person is the real deal - even if they say they are (I could modify my own profile to imply I'm a 32 year old ex-porn star with extensive experience and a desire to give all my money away, it's just that easy to lie).

So as I said, how to tell them apart?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell th... - 4/16/2011 5:30:27 AM   
Ariane23


Posts: 88
Joined: 12/2/2007
Status: offline 		I just did a post on this earlier today.

Basically, the approach you describe pretty much guarantees you're being approached by a scammer. It's probably not even a woman.

A real Domme will enter into conversation and discuss mutual kinks etc.

Financial domniation is a legitimate kink, but it's about control, like controlling sex. Someone who demands money to talk to them is just after your cash.

(in reply to CuriousNCurious)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell th... - 4/16/2011 5:45:22 AM   
samboct


Posts: 1817
Joined: 1/17/2007
Status: offline 		It's NOT an OK practice- the problem with sites like this is that since it's so easy to set up a profile, the scammers reappear quickly once identified. If you feel the urge to improve the place- feel free to report these profiles.

As far as I can tell-financial domination is nearly mythical- perhaps not quite, but pretty close. Note however, that this survey is NOT exhaustive and is only based on the women that I've met personally through this site. Pro-dommes with a lot of experience will likely come across this request eventually.

However, there are a number of women on this site who have not been financially successful who are looking for assistance- hence the request for financial domination. I suspect that a litmus test is that the women who are good at it- don't need it. Or financial domination may be one way of blurring the line between pro and amateur.

Most men I know are not comfortable and do not fantasize about having a women grab their credit card for a shopping spree. So while men fantasize about women who have nothing to do all day but cater to their masochistic fantasies- some women have the fantasy that there are lots of men who just are dying to share their money with little in return. When in doubt- fall back on the old adage- "You can't buy friends."

Sam

(in reply to Ariane23)
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RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell th... - 4/16/2011 5:50:55 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		You send money to anyone here, you should save a chunk of it and go buy yourself a tattoo that says, Sucker.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to samboct)
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RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell th... - 4/16/2011 6:58:22 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousNCurious

My question is this: How does one go about telling Domms such as those above from those who are genuinely seeking a submissive partner - either for long or short term?



First things first....welcome.

Now, on to your question...
I've done a bit of profile perving recently and to be totally honest, the "dommes" you're describing are pretty blatant and easy to spot. If you're having a difficult time telling the difference between one who is in it for the money and one who is in it because she really is seeking a partner, I'd tell you to step back and re-evaluate what you want/need from a dominant partner.

If the image of a "cruel Domme" attracts you, then you need to accept that, at least on CM, role is a dime a dozen and one that usually only works in fiction/porn/fantasy 24/7. If, on the other hand, you're looking for a dominant woman to be part of your life...long term or short...I would suggest you approach her as a woman first. The dominant women I've known are 3 dimenisional people and not cardboard cut-outs.

According to your profile, you're new at this. Why not step out into your local bdsm community and attend a munch. Meeting folks offline makes it easier to tell the difference from those who are 3-D and those who cardboard stand-ins.

(in reply to CuriousNCurious)
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RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell th... - 4/16/2011 7:01:36 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'm sorry but I am having a hard time reading your post.  I believe that, stripped of extraneous stuff, it's asking  How do I tell the difference between a lifestyle Domme and a financial Domme?

The quick answer is that you need to talk with someone to find out what they're really like.  And that's not solely whether she wants tribute or not.

The first step is to read her profile.  Is this someone you might mesh with?  If so, send her a message and see how the conversation goes.

It's really not hard.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Kana)
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RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell th... - 4/16/2011 7:16:39 AM   
SnowRanger


Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline 		A drunk stumbles out of a bar and crosses the street to the local brothel (this is in Nevada). He bangs in the door until a man on the other side opens a small view slot and asks, "What do you want?" "Iyee wannahh git fuuked!" replies the drunk. "Hand me $200.00 through this slot." says the man on the inside of the door. The drunk waits... and waits... and waits. Then he bangs on the door a second time. The view slot opens. "What? You're back?" "Iyee WHAANAA g-g-git F-FUUKD!" (wait for it... wait...) "WHAT? AGAIN?"

Hello Curious,

Unfortunately, sometimes that may be the only way to tell them apart. Once in a while you might get duped.

I don't see a damned thing wrong with Pro-Dommes. It's how I got my feet wet in this. I will not comment on financial domination except to say that it's not my kink.

I have a few observations that I hope will be helpful. (WAIT! My Mistress thinks that I am too self effacing even for a submissive. Let me re-phrase that!) I am passing on to you the absolute, objective, gold plated, unimpeachable truth! (WOW! That DOES feel good!) :D

What's the tone of her profile? If it's got a nasty edge to it, I'd avoid that one. If she's trying to limit your expectations before the end of the first paragraph, I'd stay away. For example: "You are a vile scummy piggie that's not worthy of licking doggie poop from my shoe! Go to Eastern Succession and wire me $174.50... NOW!!!!" You get the idea.

Do you know what you're getting for your money?.. And... What you WON'T get? Make a polite inquiry into her "tribute structure." (NOTE: Yo, bitch wat-cha ya charge? only serves to get you blocked. Getting blocked is counter productive.) It should be pretty straight forward: XX.xx per unit of phone time; XXX.xx per unit of in person time; X.XXX,XXX.xx if your kink is so messy that she has to get rid of the body. She will no doubt, explain what she can't do on account of the law. She will have limits and you will know them up front.

She might want to meet in a safe location for a look-see the first time. She MIGHT charge for that time too. Personally, I am okay with that... ONCE! You'll probably buy her a cup of coffee and if you're lucky... lunch. I had fun with that! Everybody stared at ME wondering, 'Who is that bumpkin and how did he score a lunch date with that Hot. Edgy. Sophisticated, Woman?'

I hope that (WAIT! I have to stop being so self effacing.) I KNOW that this is the most useful advice that you will ever receive on any subject, any where, any time. (NO, that was just a bit over the top.)

I do hope that this helps,
Mike
SnowRanger

OOOPPPSSS! Did I miss read this? My eyes WERE a bit blurry when I started this missive. If you're seeking a LIFESTYLE Mistress, in my experience, you don't have to pay her anything! When you meet that first time for coffee or lunch, she will most likely be considerate of your means. (If she orders Kobe Beef run!)

< Message edited by SnowRanger -- 4/16/2011 7:35:10 AM >

_____________________________

You can't help where you were born; and, you may not have much to say about where you die; but, you can and you should try to pass the days in between as a good man.
Anton Myrer Once an Eagle

(in reply to Ariane23)
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RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell th... - 4/16/2011 7:26:53 AM   
strangedesire


Posts: 360
Joined: 12/23/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: samboct

It's NOT an OK practice- the problem with sites like this is that since it's so easy to set up a profile, the scammers reappear quickly once identified. If you feel the urge to improve the place- feel free to report these profiles.



If she says, "Send Me money! You will get nothing in return!" she isn't a scammer. You just don't want what she's offering.


_____________________________

On that other site as Exegesis.

(in reply to samboct)
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RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell th... - 4/16/2011 7:27:35 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Mike.. that was a BRILLIANT post!!   LOL

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to SnowRanger)
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RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell th... - 4/16/2011 7:30:29 AM   
strangedesire


Posts: 360
Joined: 12/23/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousNCurious

My question is this: How does one go about telling Domms such as those above from those who are genuinely seeking a submissive partner - either for long or short term?



If her profile says that she's seeking a submissive partner, and talks about who she is as a person, that's a good start. If the two of you seem compatible as people, you could start a conversation with her.

The vast majority of Dommes on this site will not be what you're looking for, for one reason or another. Learn to use your block button, and spend you time trying to connect with people who seem like worthwhile connections.


_____________________________

On that other site as Exegesis.

(in reply to CuriousNCurious)
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RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell th... - 4/16/2011 7:32:56 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousNCurious
My question is this: How does one go about telling Domms such as those above from those who are genuinely seeking a submissive partner - either for long or short term?

So as I said, how to tell them apart?


It's pretty simple, really.  If they are asking you for money, they aren't looking for partners.  CM actually has this big, red banner at the top of the 'reply to mail' page that says, "Don't send money to other users for any reason".  If you follow that one sentence of advice, it won't be an issue for you.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to CuriousNCurious)
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RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell th... - 4/16/2011 7:41:42 AM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: strangedesire
quote:

ORIGINAL: samboct
It's NOT an OK practice- the problem with sites like this is that since it's so easy to set up a profile, the scammers reappear quickly once identified. If you feel the urge to improve the place- feel free to report these profiles.
If she says, "Send Me money! You will get nothing in return!" she isn't a scammer. You just don't want what she's offering.
Actually, If she tells you "send me money, and you will get nothing in return," she/he the is most honest person in the world you'' ever meet, and no one will ever be that upfront with you again. The fact is, we all want something withing a relationship. May you get what you desire out of a realatuionship.

We all want something out of a relationship. To you, the other half, a relationship may be the very last thing you want. If you can afford a fax simile of a relationship, with cash, instead of lying to her and your yourself. more power to you. I love that caviat emptor clause. M

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to strangedesire)
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RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell th... - 4/16/2011 7:52:11 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ariane23

I just did a post on this earlier today.

Basically, the approach you describe pretty much guarantees you're being approached by a scammer. It's probably not even a woman.

A real Domme will enter into conversation and discuss mutual kinks etc.

Financial domniation is a legitimate kink, but it's about control, like controlling sex. Someone who demands money to talk to them is just after your cash.



who actually has the time anymore to talk about things that really matter.

(in reply to Ariane23)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell th... - 4/16/2011 8:19:10 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousNCurious

My question is this: How does one go about telling Domms such as those above from those who are genuinely seeking a submissive partner - either for long or short term?



Are you seeking financial domination?  If not, then why even worry about how to tell them apart?  Use this simple rule, and you'll be safe; if she asks for money in her profile, close it and move on to the next profile.  See, wasn't that easy? 

Here are a few more simple rules that will help you avoid being scammed:
  1. If her location is Ghana or Nigeria, she's probably a scammer.
  2. If she refers to you as a "pay piggy" or "ATM slave" you should probably avoid her.
  3. If she looks like a super model, and her pictures look like they came from a photo shoot for a bikini magazine, she's probably fake (how many people do you know who use professional photographers for their social media pics?).
  4. If she's 18 - 25 years old, is giving you the bird in her picture, and says she has 10 years of experience as a Domme, she's probably a fake.
  5. If she requires you to send her money before she'll even communicate with you, she should probably be avoided.
Having said all of that, there ARE financial Dommes who are very real.  They provide a valuable service for those who seek financial domination.  But they'll behave like normal people.  They'll recognize that you're a potential client/customer and they'll treat you accordingly.

But the single best piece of advice I could give you is to get off of your computer and go to a local munch.  It's amazing how I get approached by financial Dommes everyday on-line, but I've never been approached by one in real life.  NEVER! That alone should tell you something. 

So log off, and go meet a real Domme in your area.  You'll be glad you did.

(in reply to CuriousNCurious)
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RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell th... - 4/16/2011 8:20:54 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Let's face it, many to most men are looking for a fantasy and these women are here to fulfill it to one degree or another, simply because they can line their pocket book for little to no sweat off their brow. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out which profiles/women are seeking this.

Personally I feel that the domina's seeking a relationship are often looked over because they want something serious and what is left to the men that wish to play without attachments?

I got an email from another domina seeking a relationship with a submissive male. She was asking why... why... why... do all these men go for the pay dominants and scams. While I can't address every aspect of this, there is one aspect that I feel, needs to be clear to each side of the d/s dynamic. If people aren't what you seek... why do you care? Take it right back into your own backyard. Why is it important to you? Because you aren't finding what you seek? Because you want all the bad guys banished to some other planet? What is it that bothers you so much? Because there are so many of them?

Yes, it can get frustrating when it seems the majority of the type you seek are another type altogether and yes, some days it can prompt you to speak out on it or get upset by it... but... taking it to roost right at home... isn't it simply that people do what they can because they can and they want to and what does the motivation matter? The simple fact is, they aren't for you, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know they aren't for you and if finding a partner were so easy, wouldn't they have less meaning? Wouldn't it mean that we would devalue them to some degree, almost naturally because they were a dime a dozen and the moment one ticked us off... there was another waiting in the wings?

Personally I don't want a sheep type person that follows the crowd and I don't want someone a dime a dozen. I want serious and if they need to be a rocket scientist to see that I am serious and they need to be... then I am looking for a rocket scientist.

Why spend your time focusing on the type you don't want... when there is a type that you would like out there? Maybe because people aren't serious enough to capture the interest of the more serious type? I have seen so many that say they are serious and the only thing they are serious about is finding someone that they don't have to pay, that they can convince that they want strings when actually they want play. It is what it is... you either let it bother you or you don't and you do what you need to do to be happy. Complaining or trying to understand it most likely won't get you anywhere close to what you want, whatever that is.

If you know your worth... you won't settle. You will realistically evaluate the situation and keep on moving toward what you want. Rare... dime a dozen.. whatever the situation might be. However, you might keep in mind... being a full personality with something to offer has it's benefits and those that are serious will expect something within you that enhances their life. You. Are you offering all you have within you?


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)
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RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell th... - 4/16/2011 8:25:59 AM   
SnowRanger


Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline 		Roch... Roch... Well said as usual!

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell th... - 4/16/2011 8:26:00 AM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline 		Okay, so maybe there is an increase in financial domination, as a result of poor economy. As you have been informed, enter into that type of relationship, at your own risk/peril. Ma'am

_____________________________

"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to Lockit)
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RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell th... - 4/16/2011 8:31:53 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*adores Roch*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)
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RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell th... - 4/16/2011 2:09:06 PM   
footsub90


Posts: 14
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		If shes really hot then she wants money.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
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RE: Domms demanding money / tribute, and how to tell th... - 4/16/2011 2:45:29 PM   
smartsub10


Posts: 865
Joined: 4/23/2010
Status: offline
quote:

If shes really hot then she wants money.


There it is in all it's simplicity. 


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Beauty fades...stupid is forever
~ Judge Judith Scheindlin
____________________________________________

“Be that self which one truly is" ~Soren Kierkegaard

(in reply to footsub90)
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