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RE: exclusivity - 4/22/2011 2:58:50 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

Nonetheless i appreciate your courtesy. :)



A pleasure :-)

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

i've been involved in long distance relationships in the past that did lead to a permanent solution in time. However, i'm of the belief that one must be willing to make the mental and emotional adjustments that these situations require. And with that some financial sacrifices (if needed) to permit frequent visits. It isn't a question of if, but when where i'm concerned. Also, there's a giant dose of realism involved that puts forth the idea of who's relocating. Otherwise one is no better than the proverbial bird and fish that fall in love but have nowhere to nest. i take these things into consideration in the early stages.



Quite right, too. Practicalities, finances and cultural differences all need to be taken care of, and you're wise to make these primary considerations. I could manage those aspects quite easily. The burden for me would be leaving my immediate family behind - not sure that that would be something I'd want on my conscience.

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

As with most things it is a matter of ones priorities and the degree of importance the other person has inspired in his beholder.



Indeed.

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

For me, it isn't the belief that good things arrive due to patience, but the understanding that most persons are unsuitable for my constitution.



Likewise, and this brings us neatly back to the exclusivity issue.

I'll expand upon your position from my point of view.

In my mind, illogical though it may seem to others, anyone approaching a relationship from a point of view of weighing up the products and the associated pros and cons is simply not a match for me. I envisage that futher down the line such a person would lead only to a stale relationship like most relationships of normality where two people follow the norm, particularly the Western model of style over substance, and seek and find only rare glimpses of meaning.

Given a choice of: a) the usual type of relationship driven by a lack of desire to move beyond accepted wisdom and the outer world or b) remaining on my own and seeking substitute meaning through learning as much as I can about myself and the world, then I would opt for b each and every time.

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

Presentation is my statement. What he does with it is his to decide.



That's an interesting poit of view. Think I need to give this one more thought before replying. I'll send you a PM on this one at some point.

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

Thank you for the compliment. my controlled nature is very misleading. But in my mind passion is a sort of intimation that i don't share with the masses.



We're like minded.

Order in the outer world; self-expression in the inner world.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: exclusivity - 4/22/2011 4:33:02 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

Quite right, too. Practicalities, finances and cultural differences all need to be taken care of, and you're wise to make these primary considerations. I could manage those aspects quite easily. The burden for me would be leaving my immediate family behind - not sure that that would be something I'd want on my conscience.


Greetings NorthernGent,

i do not assess the dominant persona in the early stages, but take note of the man and what that involves. It is the constant that i'll always be subject to and one i must be able to live with no matter what. As such, practical concerns regarding lifestyle are at the forefront of my thoughts. i look for self sufficient persons that are responsible and capable of thriving in a healthy fashion irrespective of partnership. Since relocation is not an issue for me, i must be very particular about the company i entertain.

Unfortunately, many gentleman aren't seeking a companion; but a codependent living arrangement which alleviates domestic duties that's intentionally mislabeled to mask his laziness. This includes the requisite smattering of slap and tickle and some makeshift commands thrown in for good measure. The popular idea of 'mastery' does not coincide with my beliefs. i look for tangible demonstrations of effective leadership and a willingness to address deficiencies without provocation.

As for your family, is it possible that you're getting ahead of yourself in the assumption that a departure is required? If leaving is not an option, then i trust you have the capacity to provide a convincing argument why your home is the best environment for both. In short, make her hungry and bring her to you. :)

quote:

In my mind, illogical though it may seem to others, anyone approaching a relationship from a point of view of weighing up the products and the associated pros and cons is simply not a match for me. I envisage that further down the line such a person would lead only to a stale relationship like most relationships of normality where two people follow the norm, particularly the Western model of style over substance, and seek and find only rare glimpses of meaning.


If i answer this i'll reveal too much. Suffice to say there are rare specimens that don't go through the rigors most endure. They possess a certain savoire faire; an aura if you will that negates these things. We simply click.

quote:

Given a choice of: a) the usual type of relationship driven by a lack of desire to move beyond accepted wisdom and the outer world or b) remaining on my own and seeking substitute meaning through learning as much as I can about myself and the world, then I would opt for b each and every time.


The first approach is reminiscent of the safe route some take that i cannot abide. Stability is fine but it's an empty existence when passion and adventure are absent.

quote:

That's an interesting poit of view. Think I need to give this one more thought before replying. I'll send you a PM on this one at some point.


Very well. i didn't want to unpack it. i can't tell everything. i look forward to your response. :)

quote:

We're like minded.

Order in the outer world; self-expression in the inner world.


Control breeds discipline and is an excellent gatekeeper as well. It draws and repels without great expense.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: exclusivity - 4/22/2011 6:25:36 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

Can't win 'em all, and there are definitely people out there who have taken worse turns than yours :-)


Oh absolutely, and that's not a race I'd like to win, anyway.

quote:


The Stoic reference wasn't intended to be a claim of remaining indifferent to pain and pleasure (I doubt there are many running round here with that attitude!), more one of their belief that happiness came from knowing the right thing to do in any given circumstance, and chasing after success was an irrelevance to them (this was really my point when I mentioned grabbing the bull by the horns).

I understand where you were coming from now; thanks for the clarity. 

quote:


I see your point, though, and I've certainly been in a situation where I've not been actively seeking but a chance encounter has led to me 'grabbing the bull by the horns' so to speak. Plus, circumstances can change things: work can get in the way for one. I've always felt the need to have a well-established career before setting up home with someone.


I agree that's a good philosophy to have.  Best to have ones own ducks in a row before bringing in additional responsibilities.  In my case, we both happened to be at just the right place in life to be compatible with each other.  Had we met sooner we likely wouldn't have "clicked." 

quote:


Yeah, sounds wise to me. No real pressure, just see what happens.


It allowed things to just flow naturally, and we enjoyed that.  No pressure at all.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 103
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