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Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/9/2011 8:50:13 PM   
sweetlilcute


Posts: 26
Joined: 5/9/2011
Status: offline 		Now, first off wish to say that i only entered this relationship to learn more about the lifestyle and myself. It was not meant to be a long term thing (unless you count multiple years as long term as i am kind of starting to do).
i petitioned for my Master a little more than a year ago. He did not tell me i'd up being poly with His Wife. However, once she saw how serious i was and how much He was growing fond of me and liked me, She all of a sudden took an interest in getting to know me. She said she really wanted to be involved in O/our relationship. i at first was really excited as i am extremely bi and she is a Domme and well i didn't mind. She said she wanted to get to know me. Except it grew to be known that she loved to control the situation and show that she was always number and the wife. And, i thought it was always kind of stupid because i NEVER wanted to be married to my Master or be His wife or have a relationship like that.. i always WANTED her to be first. i went above and beyond to show i respected their relationship and marriage ALWAYS.

Turns out though she bullies me and always guilts me that i don't respect their marriage or relationship.. for things that i don't even understand why it's not me respecting their marriage. It's like she was pulling things out of her ass to say. For instance 5 mins before i went to a party (and if i went to a party i always went with them.. i always slept over at their house that night)... that's the way it had been for a year. Well, i randomly get a call after i've started out telling me that they want me to meet them there and then go back to my dorm room. So i was like well, ok, but it seemed odd since that had never happened before. i asked them what i did wrong they said nothing... i asked them if it was anything to do with me... and they said no they were just tired and wanted to relax "it's not about you.." (i later got accused of being selfish by the way also just for having a worry which i found fairly legitimate). Well, He wasn't too tired to do intense scenes and stay there till 2am at night. Oh, ya, they left me drunk in my car also. i also don't understand because i spend so much time servicing them and cleaning their house doing everything i can to make their lives better. He says that their home is my home as i am His precious slave... yet i guess they can't relax with me there?

Anways, this week is dead week before finals. i have a lot to do. i told Him (as He guilt me tripped me the friday before because my Dad had a heart attack and i got drunk and He wouldn't text back so i was thinking Master was mad or leaving me ...Well He almost left me for thinking that and considers it a slap in the face that i worry He might leave me since He's stuck with me ... that's another whole ordeal or why i don't fully trust He will stay) ...ANYWAYS to make that better i asked if i could come and clean their house this Wed. Well, that takes about 3-4 hours to do a good job they have a decent sized house. Well, i told Him i might have to go and come back later as i had to reschedule my doctor appointment for Wed and He goes thats fine... then asks me if i could take care of their dog Wed and Thursday... well i told Him i could feed their dog Wed as i will be there, but Thursday i have class till 4:10 so earliest i could get there is 4:45 to feed their dog (keep in mind i live 30 mins away from them). He goes ya that would be great and too bad i can't stay over because the dog will be lonely. i tell Him i am sorry but i just have a lot going on its finals next week. Not to mention when i stay at their place its takes a lot of gas money and i have to buy my food since i can't eat at the cafe... to spend the night at His house which He considers a privilege it's a BIG burden on me. But, i've been happy to do it to service Him.

Well His Wife's b-day is this Saturday. i don't spend much time with Him so the weekends where i come on Saturday and stay over mean the world to me. Well i wondered because of that other night if i was going to get kicked out. Well He tells me that Yes it will just be a party on Saturday and then i will leave, thanks for understanding.
First off...Thanks for understanding what?

i mean i just cried because i feel... that i do everything for Them. i care for their dog, i take care of their house, i clean their house (all of whcih i am doing this week)... i make it nice for them and yet they don't want me spending the night? They say that they love me and care about me and W/we are like family, but yet wouldn't You want someone to stay the night to celebrate with You especially someone who does all that for You?

He told me yesterday we will have to plan a time when i am out for the summer. So W/we planned the 22 that i can sleepover. But, to be honest, He doesn't text me much, if i text Him too much He gets mad ... i try to do everything for them... and getting to spend one night.... when i barely even talk to Him or get attention... what exactly is that suppose to make up for? my friends say that He makes a night like that so i don't leave... he knows how to manipulate me...

if i tell Him my feelings He will say i am being selfish, or call me a bitch even... if i get frustrated and try to explain it to Him.

i just don't know what to do? Am i asking too much? My friends say they treat me like shit... yet He took my virginity and i have a connection with Him and when He dominates me and gives me attention i LOVE it. But, yet this really hurts how i am treated.... am i in the wrong? i service them to make them happy... to get attention... to be able to spend time with Him.

i feel like i am giving and giving and giving... and at some point they have to give a little more than they do back... or maybe i am asking for too much? i don't know. i just feel like i try to be/do everything for Him... and then what? i get kicked out at the end of the party like any normal guest? i am so confused.
If i could get some of Your thoughts???
By the way O/our relationship was i learn about M/s half time and have a regular college life. So it's not a live in situation. But, being a Master to Him is being involved in my life and caring for me also..as a mentor also so it's not SUPPOSE to be just a play thing. Right now i feel kind of .... like... well i serve and serve and serve and i am LUCKY if i get attention or time with my own Master even, and that just is breaking me. But, W/we use to have training sessions like once a week for two weeks and spend some of the weekends together. But, now i feel He almost takes me for granted... i don't feel appreciated for all i do and it hurts because all i want is some attention from my Master who i love and worship...
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/9/2011 9:28:21 PM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline 		Hi,

Being taken for granted is the death of any relationship (except parent-child).

Although I had a tough time understanding all of what you wrote, especially about feeding the dog and so on, it sounds like the wife is not really into poly. The wife is sabotaging your relationship with your "master". If you agree with my observation, you'd better get out. And fast. This is a relationship between three people, one of whom doesn't want you there. You shouldn't have to prove your loyalty to her all the time. You shouldn't have to prove your devotion to him all the time, either.

Concentrate on your studies. You should spend time learning about yourself in more productive, fulfilling ways. You want to service people? Go volunteer for folks who really need it. Tutor children, be a CASA, visit nursing homes, coach youth sports, be a big sister.... Get your service desires satisfied without the kink, and maybe you'll actually learn something about yourself without all the pain.

When you're ready for a BDSM relationship be very selective--looking for someone who will also enrich you in some way.

January

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




(in reply to sweetlilcute)
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RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/9/2011 10:02:39 PM   
sweetlilcute


Posts: 26
Joined: 5/9/2011
Status: offline 		IT's a lot ...so it's kind of jumbled in my head. i feel a lot of hurt and anger. Thanks for the advice. i crave to be a slave though and learn M/s i just wish it was with someone who gave me attention and care back...consistently not just when its convenient for them. i don't know.

she tells me that she loves me and cares about me... but i just don't know....

i'd assume that a real poly relationship i wouldn't get kicked out or not able to spend the night with them when that's all i get to do to see them like once or twice a month.. so not being able to spend that night after i serve so much...it begins to start to hurt.

(in reply to January)
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RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/9/2011 10:09:28 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		Hate to tell you this... but the wife is the priority... you are the option... an option she is wanting to get rid of.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to sweetlilcute)
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RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/9/2011 10:12:08 PM   
sweetlilcute


Posts: 26
Joined: 5/9/2011
Status: offline 		i never wanted to be a priority though. And..He telsl me she wants me and she says she does even and sometimes she has been extremely caring towards me even... but then some of her actions don't show that. So its just confusing.



(in reply to tazzygirl)
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RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/9/2011 10:23:42 PM   
NocturnalStalker


Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline 		Pick up your phone, and text this;

"I'm out.  Later." 

Then never answer back.  You just did a good thing for yourself.  


_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to sweetlilcute)
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RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/9/2011 10:46:31 PM   
sweetlilcute


Posts: 26
Joined: 5/9/2011
Status: offline 		So...i am right that i am being treated badly?...

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/9/2011 10:54:07 PM   
sweetlilcute


Posts: 26
Joined: 5/9/2011
Status: offline 		But, He has impacted my life in very positive ways also. And she has been very nice at times also...
it's not all bad
But... these bad instances... i am starting to think the cons outweigh the pros... as i feel i am treated badly sometimes but if i go to them i get told i am selfish or being a bitch...so it makes me wonder if i am really just being selfish or immature or stupid OR are they really treating me badly?


so i really don't know.

(in reply to sweetlilcute)
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RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/9/2011 11:28:16 PM   
NocturnalStalker


Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetlilcute

But, He has impacted my life in very positive ways also. And she has been very nice at times also...
it's not all bad
But... these bad instances... i am starting to think the cons outweigh the pros... as i feel i am treated badly sometimes but if i go to them i get told i am selfish or being a bitch...so it makes me wonder if i am really just being selfish or immature or stupid OR are they really treating me badly?


so i really don't know.


It looks like you're being strung along.  He'll give you three negatives and then one positive. 

You could get better.  Don't sell yourself short.


_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to sweetlilcute)
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RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/9/2011 11:36:29 PM   
sweetlilcute


Posts: 26
Joined: 5/9/2011
Status: offline 		Yeah, that's how He is... guess its manipulation ...

But He tells me He tells me those negatives to make me better... but they just hurt me.

But ya... He will do like 3 negative things that really hurt and then i'll just try to forget about it because he will do one really nice thing.

So i just don't know

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)
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RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/9/2011 11:38:12 PM   
sweetlilcute


Posts: 26
Joined: 5/9/2011
Status: offline 		Maybe i am being stupid that it hurts so much that they don't want me to spend the night when that's practically the only attention and time i get from Him ... but i just feel like i work hard for it and maybe deserve it? it sucks doing everything for someone and them not giving you what you want back... or anything back... for that matter. Especailly since He's barely been able to text or talk at all...

(in reply to sweetlilcute)
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RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/9/2011 11:48:10 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetlilcute

i asked them if it was anything to do with me... and they said no they were just tired and wanted to relax "it's not about you.."
Well His Wife's b-day is this Saturday. He tells me that Yes it will just be a party on Saturday and then i will leave, thanks for understanding.
First off...Thanks for understanding what?



The portions I quoted really say a lot about you.  You claim you put their relationship first, but when they want a night to themselves to relax, you pout.  If he doesn't text you constantly, you pout.  And then you expect to spend the night when you know it's his wife's birthday but when he says no you pout.  Wow, that's seriously selfish. 
 
Couples need time together to bond.  It sounds like you've been taking up all of his weekends.  Maybe his wife just wanted a Saturday night alone with her husband.  Did you ever think of that?  And why would you even think you'd be spending the night on her birthday?  That's her special day and she should get to spend it however she likes.  You got an invitation to her party, so clearly she wanted to spend time with you, but I'm sure she also wanted to have a romantic evening with her husband afterward.  How is she going to do that with you hanging around?
 
You sound incredibly needy.  In his place, I'm sure I'd have a lot less patience with your drama.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to sweetlilcute)
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RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/9/2011 11:50:26 PM   
NocturnalStalker


Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetlilcute

Maybe i am being stupid that it hurts so much that they don't want me to spend the night when that's practically the only attention and time i get from Him ... but i just feel like i work hard for it and maybe deserve it? it sucks doing everything for someone and them not giving you what you want back... or anything back... for that matter. Especailly since He's barely been able to text or talk at all...


You're going to get a lot of advice here telling you to sit down and speak with him thoroughly about how you feel to try and salvage something but let me tell you that you can't turn a spade into a club.  Right now, you're that "wild ride at the amusement park" while his wife is where he'll end up at the end of the day.  Do you want to constantly be silver? 

If I was to wager a guess, I would say it is more your desire to be with someone that is keeping you with him more than anything.  You're young, probably good-looking, you can get on just fine finding someone that is actually an adult.  You have an idea of what you want, so go out there and grab it.

The longer you stay in, the more tangled up you become. 


_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to sweetlilcute)
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RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/9/2011 11:53:57 PM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		its not selfish to have needs, nor is it selfish to have wants. Needs should be met no matter what the relationship dynamic, if they arent being met then a discussion needs to be had, if they arent being met after that discussion its time to leave.

From what I get from the posts youve made:
The wife or Master never has to clean
They never have to pay for a dog sitter
They get a personal assistant free of charge
a Maid free of charge.

And all they have to do for all of the above is every now and again throw a scrap or two of positive attention and no matter What they do in between those times, they can manipulate their way out of by blaming it all on you...

Hmmm Id kick him in the nuts and slap her across the face and say " Sorry douche-in-twatwaffles, Im worth more then this shit..."

But then im a bit of a brat....


_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to sweetlilcute)
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RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/10/2011 12:16:02 AM   
sweetlilcute


Posts: 26
Joined: 5/9/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetlilcute

i asked them if it was anything to do with me... and they said no they were just tired and wanted to relax "it's not about you.."
Well His Wife's b-day is this Saturday. He tells me that Yes it will just be a party on Saturday and then i will leave, thanks for understanding.
First off...Thanks for understanding what?



The portions I quoted really say a lot about you.  You claim you put their relationship first, but when they want a night to themselves to relax, you pout.  If he doesn't text you constantly, you pout.  And then you expect to spend the night when you know it's his wife's birthday but when he says no you pout.  Wow, that's seriously selfish. 
 
Couples need time together to bond.  It sounds like you've been taking up all of his weekends.  Maybe his wife just wanted a Saturday night alone with her husband.  Did you ever think of that?  And why would you even think you'd be spending the night on her birthday?  That's her special day and she should get to spend it however she likes.  You got an invitation to her party, so clearly she wanted to spend time with you, but I'm sure she also wanted to have a romantic evening with her husband afterward.  How is she going to do that with you hanging around?
 
You sound incredibly needy.  In his place, I'm sure I'd have a lot less patience with your drama.




i spend ONE night at his house a month IF i am lucky....... guess that says i am needy and selfish?...
i do respect their marriage... they spend every day together, lol ... every weekend together. i am beginning to wonder if there is even time for me at all within their marriage.

i don't constantly need to text... but i would like him to somewhat be in my life at times *shrug*

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
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RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/10/2011 12:17:53 AM   
sweetlilcute


Posts: 26
Joined: 5/9/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetlilcute

Maybe i am being stupid that it hurts so much that they don't want me to spend the night when that's practically the only attention and time i get from Him ... but i just feel like i work hard for it and maybe deserve it? it sucks doing everything for someone and them not giving you what you want back... or anything back... for that matter. Especailly since He's barely been able to text or talk at all...


You're going to get a lot of advice here telling you to sit down and speak with him thoroughly about how you feel to try and salvage something but let me tell you that you can't turn a spade into a club.  Right now, you're that "wild ride at the amusement park" while his wife is where he'll end up at the end of the day.  Do you want to constantly be silver? 

If I was to wager a guess, I would say it is more your desire to be with someone that is keeping you with him more than anything.  You're young, probably good-looking, you can get on just fine finding someone that is actually an adult.  You have an idea of what you want, so go out there and grab it.

The longer you stay in, the more tangled up you become. 



i agree... and he took my virginity so do feel a bit... connected in that respect cutting the cord is hard. i just want to be treated well.

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/10/2011 12:20:50 AM   
sweetlilcute


Posts: 26
Joined: 5/9/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

its not selfish to have needs, nor is it selfish to have wants. Needs should be met no matter what the relationship dynamic, if they arent being met then a discussion needs to be had, if they arent being met after that discussion its time to leave.

From what I get from the posts youve made:
The wife or Master never has to clean
They never have to pay for a dog sitter
They get a personal assistant free of charge
a Maid free of charge.

And all they have to do for all of the above is every now and again throw a scrap or two of positive attention and no matter What they do in between those times, they can manipulate their way out of by blaming it all on you...

Hmmm Id kick him in the nuts and slap her across the face and say " Sorry douche-in-twatwaffles, Im worth more then this shit..."

But then im a bit of a brat....



That's basically how it feels....yes.... and it hurts. But i am glad to know other people can see it from what i say and that this is a bit unfair...
i just wish cutting the cord was easy. i wish i didn't like His domination so much...when He actually has time for me or wants to pay any attention to me whatsoever. just a sucky situation. But, do feel glad that i am not getting my feelings hurt over nothing and i am indeed feeling them for a valid reason- that i don't get treated very well.

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/10/2011 12:25:16 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		SR, she is a slave... or so her profile says... and that does change things. If she was a submissive, then it would be about her too.

sweetlilcute... you are 20 years old. Thats not a dig, sweety... hell, I wish I were 20 again (sometimes). Are you sure you are really a slave? Think about that carefully.

A slave has no choice in acceptance... she either accepts or she walks. you have no bargaining power... its his way or the highway. Right now, he wants it his way. And if that means more time with the wife, then that is what it means.

You want to serve, and you are thrilled that they toss you scraps of attention. But, in all honesty, you do not sound like a slave. And that isnt a bad thing. But a year into the relationship and you are upset that he doesnt have time for you. Problem is, you being a slave, he doesnt have to make time for you, as unfair as that may sound.

I could sugar coat this and tell you... yeah... he is being a dick.. run! But, in all honesty, he is being himself, and wanting time for himself, and you are complaining that he doesnt wish to spend his time with you. As his slave, that is not for you to question how he spends his time.

You do all these things for him... and its great that you are... but you sound like you are expecting attention in return. Its alright to ask for that attention... but as a slave, you do not have the right to expect it.

Personally, I would peg you as a submissive. And, again, thats not a bad thing. I just think your relationship isnt to the "slave" level yet, and from what you have said, it never will be.

Also, dont forget, the wife is the priority, and he will give to her before you. thats the reality you say you understand... so I dont see the reason why you are upset that they wish a night alone.

I suggest you take some of this time away from them to really reflect upon your path in the lifestyle. Each has its good points, and its drawbacks.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/10/2011 12:29:07 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		The thing is, there will be a hundred if not a thousands more like him. There will be someone who can dominate you and fulfill your needs just like you want them fulfilled. You dont need to settle just because he took your virginity.

It was probably really special and so meaningful.. but hes a douche and hes going to continue to use you. Unless you put a stop to it.


Dont believe me? Tell him you cant come clean tomorrow, or watch the dog, that your final had to be rescheduled and you need to study or you will fail. I Bet you cash money that he yells at you for it, tells you your being selfish and a horrible submissive that you dont deserve him and his wive, and that he will punish you for not doing so...

put your foot down, stop being a free service and care more about yourself and your needs because they are important...And until you make them a priority your going to continue being used.


_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to sweetlilcute)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/10/2011 12:34:37 AM   
sweetlilcute


Posts: 26
Joined: 5/9/2011
Status: offline 		It'd be one thing if i always spent time with them... so asking for one night a fucking month is asking for too much?

Ya... well i am a slave that still deserves respect you could say. Everyone has a different opinion about slaves vs. subs by the way and the differences.

And, yes i do things to please them...and i don't mind giving and giving and giving and not getting anything in return... but when i keep givinggivinggivinggivinggivinggiving... at SOME point there has to be something in return as that is NORMAL for ANY human.

a slave cannot be a slave if it doesn't have a Master... if the Master pays no attention to it... if He doesn't spend time with it... to me ... there are responsibilities on BOTH ends, period.

An M/s relationship is still a relationship.... seems to me He wants me there for parties to show me off because how i look and act... yet when the time comes to actually be with me or spend time with me... its like i feel beyond lucky and beyond surprised to GET any time with Him.. my OWN Master... for some reason i don't think that's right.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 20
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