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RE: Casual Play and D/s - 5/11/2006 1:12:19 PM   
Kedikat


Posts: 680
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline 		I find I do not wish to take a sub as far, if it is just play. It is enjoyable to a point, but leaves Me frustrated. Emotional connection always inspires Me to be more Dominant.
I desire to do nastier things to one I care about more. Doing the same things to one who is just a playmate feels fake, lacks depth. Passion for the act alone is so much less than real connection and passion between the ones doing it.


(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Casual Play and D/s - 5/11/2006 1:12:57 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRadiance

quote:

ORIGINAL: BrutalAntipathy

Casual play is what I scornfully refer to as weekend ass slappers. I don't see them as lifestyle D/s, but more like vanilla with sprinkles. When someone starts talking about a " scene ", I automatically assign them to this category. Actors play in scenes, and actors are role players.  Just my opinion, but i'm sticking to it.


BRAVO!  Well said!


I have to agree here. To me there is a huge difference between D/s and BDSM are two totally different things. Casual play, in my eyes, would fall under BDSM. There is nothing casual about BDSM, in MNSHO.
 
Jewel

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(in reply to WhiteRadiance)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Casual Play and D/s - 5/11/2006 1:16:41 PM   
LadyJC


Posts: 111
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline 		Although I understand where a lot of people are coming from. However, I've played casuaully with people at a party before. That doesn't mean I'm just a weekend player. It means I'm enjoying the scene and I like to get out there, I happened to meet someone who wanted to play, and I happened to at this have a need to beat someone. Does that mean I'm fake because I don't have a 24/7 sub. Not to me, I'm still looking.
To me it's like casual dating, just looking for the right partner, trying to mesh with people and finding out who I'm compatible with.
Lady JC

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Casual Play and D/s - 5/11/2006 1:24:44 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Although I have never liked the the term scene either. I see a few a little off base here. But think what you will. But casual play allows some to get more experiance in certain areas of play and service. When others do their "casual play" .... others don't have to worry about starting off with someone who would want to call the law at the simple sight of a flogger or cane. (Though that might be what others fetishes and or kink are all about)

As to the OP..... not a damn thing wrong with casual play..... casual play is just the same as casual sex in vanilla (Damn I hate that word just as much) You're gonna play around with a few before you decided what brings you to desiring just one.. (or if you're poly... the many..) Where is Spock when you need him?... LOL

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Casual Play and D/s - 5/11/2006 1:54:28 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirei

I've seen casual play people that have better lifestyle relationships than so called real lifestylers.  Casual play, like d/s, m/s, b/d, scene, play, are all just terms used to describe things.  Most people use these terms to define what it means for them...they may not be right.  Look at what the terms liberal and conservative really mean?  yet we use them to mean totally different things today.  So I just think that we are seeing the same things happening in almost ever area in life.  Stuff that was purely geek terms, are now computer savy, or some such thing.
One should remember take such things with a grain of salt, then throw it over your shoulder and say, "well that may for them, but its not for me and how I would define it".  simple and easy.

Koneko  



BRAVO!  Well said!
 
 
Having said that, I also agree with what truesub4u said…and have had similar experiences.  I have learned sooooo much about myself and submission playing with Dominant friends.  I enjoy ‘casual’ play with people with whom I have a ‘relationship’ of sorts.  This relationship may or may not be sexual…just like our play.  I don’t have sexual contact with more than half of the Dominants I’ve played with.

Of course, everything is much more intimate, much more intense, much more sexual and the Power Exchange is deeper with some.  I’m a strong believer in ‘kicking tires’; both sexually and with regard to D/s …or M/s or B/d or any other aspect of BDSM one can come up with.   This has nothing to do with being a ‘swinger’ or sleeping with lots of people…I’m pretty selective with both who I sleep with and who I play with; but I do consider ‘casual play’ an important part of getting to know someone.  

Just me and my 2 cents worth…  



< Message edited by Bearlee -- 5/11/2006 2:06:10 PM >

(in reply to Kirei)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Casual Play and D/s - 5/11/2006 2:00:01 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kedikat

I find I do not wish to take a sub as far, if it is just play. It is enjoyable to a point, but leaves Me frustrated. Emotional connection always inspires Me to be more Dominant.
I desire to do nastier things to one I care about more. Doing the same things to one who is just a playmate feels fake, lacks depth. Passion for the act alone is so much less than real connection and passion between the ones doing it.


I agree with you regarding several points.  I too can play with a casual partner and enjoy it immensely.  However, an emotional connection does seem to inspire more of the dominant part of my nature and this spills over into non-play (though not to the extent it would with someone that I was more deeply involved with).

I also crave doing nastier and/or more intimate (at least as I define it) things but I prefer to do them with someone that I am more deeply involved with.  That does not mean that I cannot have a very hot scene with a casual partner...I have.  It just means that for me, the deeper the connection, so too the deeper the play.

I know there are some that are wondering O.K....how deep do you consider deep and how much of an emotional connection before you would want to do this and etc. and etc..  All I can say is that it varies.  I met one submissive at a club one night through a dominant female friend.  We sat and conversed for about 2 hours and then spent 1/2 hour discussing ins and outs (so to speak) of the scene that we wanted to enjoy together.  We then enjoyed the scene.  The dominant that introduced her to me was my submissive at one time and we have gotten together several times for scenes.  She has never lost her feeling of submission to me though it is not 24/7 nor is our Master/submissive relationship still going on.  It ended when she decided that she identified with most things in a dominant manner.  Is it casual with her?  Yes.  Is there more of an emotional connection than with the submissive I played with that night?  Yes.  The levels are complex and given that, if I were to rely on only those relationships where there had to be a definite promise of a LTR, I would have much less experience...both at play and at D/s...then I have now.

Some seem to find it easy to find a LT partner and hold on.  That's great!  For some of us...due to circumstances such as location, the size of the community we live in, the jobs we have, other commitments we have, etc., etc....it is not that easy.  And then there are those of us who felt that we were in a LTR to someone deeply committed to us that ended when their world changed.  Does that mean we should stop "casually" playing and/or stop engaging in an advisory, dominant role to those who look to us for such?  I don't think so...and I don't consider myself a "weekender" (as someone referred to us)because I look at it this way.

(in reply to Kedikat)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Casual Play and D/s - 5/11/2006 2:01:14 PM   
scratchingpost


Posts: 231
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		I think it depends on the person and their views on such things for Me in particular, . I have found that I can only submit to Master M  (to all others I top) however, I am a masochist and enjoy playing wtih others to get a "masochistic fix" from time to time. This casual play is not submission but simply a physical release and recreational activity.

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(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Casual Play and D/s - 5/11/2006 2:02:09 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have a question for everyone! I was wondering what people felt about casual play and D/s? Do you feel that someone is submitting their power to you if you are just casually playing? And do subs feel they are really submitting if it is a casual play scene? I was just curious if people felt causal play is really D/s.. Or is it just play? I would assume that there will be many different answers to this as there are people who respond, I was just wondering how people felt about this.


It varies with the people that i play with. There are some that i play with, that i am strictly bottoming to, i do not sense any real submission there and i do not feel any power exchange, because i feel firmly in control. i do that for the sensation.

There are others that i play with, still casual in that there is no collared relationship and none possible in the future where i do feel a real power exchange and my need to submit is being met. In those times, He is firmly in control. And although what we mostly do is play sessions from time to time (though i do help clean HIs house and make the meals when i am there), we are not "players -- playing roles". He is 24/7 in the lifestyle with 2 girls in His home and i am seeking an eventual 24/7 position. i have just not found it yet, and this meets my need for additional training and the need to submit.

So my answer is, it depends on the dynamics in each pairing.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Casual Play and D/s - 5/11/2006 2:05:55 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I was wondering what people felt about casual play and D/s? Do you feel that someone is submitting their power to you if you are just casually playing? And do subs feel they are really submitting if it is a casual play scene? I was just curious if people felt causal play is really D/s.. Or is it just play?


julia,
Anything that I do with beth is not "casual" but can be playful. We LOVE to play! Anything that involves another party or parties is casual, but it may or may not be "play". I enjoy both.

Everyone will have there own personal experiences in mind and their own personal definition of "play" and "casual". I agree that "play" infers acting, but I use it in the context of fun. Including fun as often as possible is essential to maintain a long and dynamic ongoing relationship. You should have as much fun with each other as possible, and "playing" is having fun! Including others, casually, or more intimately if the mutual desire is there, is an experience to be enjoyed. Sometimes something planned as "casual" and "playful" takes you on a journey through experiences that you never anticipated.

I don't know how anyone can say they've never played casually. How do you go directly to intimacy without having some fun play time together? Whether you are compatible long term, plan to be long term, have a desire or no desire to be long term; you won't know that until you've shared some experiences together and had a little fun. I'd represent every "lifestyle" experience I had prior to beth was "casual"; inclusive of those with an ex-wife. But that's for another thread. But all those experiences and play, and the use of toys and props were great learning experiences.

We seek opportunities to learn more, have fun, and to share some experience that is new for one or, ideally, both of us. As the result of "casual play" we've shared experiences in things like Japanese Rope Bondage and wax play; that were fun. We've shown some less experience people various toys and their use, and have had others do the same for us. Some, if they were there, may not see some of these experiences as "casual" but our actions,and more important, our minds/emotions were processing the sensations in a different manner than when we are intimate.

It's difficult to represent the difference in words, but this describes is best. I enjoy the sensations experienced with others, I enjoy the sensational with beth.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Casual Play and D/s - 5/11/2006 2:25:13 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

....I don't know how anyone can say they've never played casually. How do you go directly to intimacy without having some fun play time together? Whether you are compatible long term, plan to be long term, have a desire or no desire to be long term; you won't know that until you've shared some experiences together and had a little fun.   



Awwwwww Sir, you said it so much better than I!!!    

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Casual Play and D/s - 5/11/2006 2:35:26 PM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		For me, I can both bottom in casual play and submit for a specific time with a casual partner.  By that I mean sometimes I might very specifically discuss something we are going to do together with me having lots of precise input on the way it will happen.  I am the receiver, so I am bottoming.

Other times I may submit -- give over the authority of what will happen to the other person, within some limits. When the scene or session ends, the authority they have ends as well.

Still other times I might have an ongoing authority dynamic with a semi regular partner -- beyond casual play partners but not quite moving into a comitted long-term partner.

I think casual play can be "really D/s" (although I wonder about defining that) or it can be just play as well.  And both are good.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Casual Play and D/s - 5/11/2006 3:06:13 PM   
ArchangelMichael


Posts: 243
Joined: 8/21/2004
From: New Orleans, LA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BrutalAntipathy

Casual play is what I scornfully refer to as weekend ass slappers. I don't see them as lifestyle D/s, but more like vanilla with sprinkles. When someone starts talking about a " scene ", I automatically assign them to this category. Actors play in scenes, and actors are role players.  Just my opinion, but i'm sticking to it.


So, to you, there's no middle ground? Anyone who isn't lifestyle D/s is just vanilla with sprinkles? What about the people who are die-hard S&M, but don't do D/s? Is that vanilla with sprinkles?


_____________________________

"Open up your mind; Let your fantasies unwind." -The Phantom, Phantom of the Opera

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -Toulouse-Lautrec, Moulin Rouge

(in reply to BrutalAntipathy)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Casual Play and D/s - 5/11/2006 3:17:38 PM   
ArchangelMichael


Posts: 243
Joined: 8/21/2004
From: New Orleans, LA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aurora31

I am curently looking for a 24/7 LTR with out much luck in finding the right match for me. If it were not for "causual play" or "scening" I would have absoultly no r/t experiance. Does this make me any less lifestyle D/s M/s I do not think so. I know who I am and what I seek and will not settle for less. One of these days I will find that LTR that I seek. Until then "causul play" and "scening" give me valuable experiance and the opertunity to fulfill my need to submit even if only on a temporary basis,

aurora


I agree with you 100%, aurora. I've done a lot of casual play in order to learn and experience new things. I have also done a lot of play (topping and bottoming)  within my past relationships. I do consider myself a lifestyler as BDSM is a very important part of who I am. My  involvelement in it has shaped who I am as a person.


_____________________________

"Open up your mind; Let your fantasies unwind." -The Phantom, Phantom of the Opera

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -Toulouse-Lautrec, Moulin Rouge

(in reply to aurora31)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Casual Play and D/s - 5/11/2006 3:20:19 PM   
BrutalAntipathy


Posts: 412
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArchangelMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: BrutalAntipathy

Casual play is what I scornfully refer to as weekend ass slappers. I don't see them as lifestyle D/s, but more like vanilla with sprinkles. When someone starts talking about a " scene ", I automatically assign them to this category. Actors play in scenes, and actors are role players.  Just my opinion, but i'm sticking to it.


So, to you, there's no middle ground? Anyone who isn't lifestyle D/s is just vanilla with sprinkles? What about the people who are die-hard S&M, but don't do D/s? Is that vanilla with sprinkles?



If they hang up the whip, change back into their street clothes, and the power exchange ends at the dungeon door, then yes, they are vanilla with sprinkles. From my perspective of course.

(in reply to ArchangelMichael)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Casual Play and D/s - 5/11/2006 3:22:46 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: spankmepink11

Isn't wonderful that we do not have to rely on others to define us. 


Agreed, we each determine who we are and where our lives are headed. I play casually and have a D/s relationship and if people want to think of me as as *ass slapper* all I can say is fine, and I'm damn good at it.  
As long as me and mine are happy, the heck with everyone else.

~Lashra

(in reply to spankmepink11)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Casual Play and D/s - 5/11/2006 3:39:56 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BrutalAntipathy

Casual play is what I scornfully refer to as weekend ass slappers. I don't see them as lifestyle D/s, but more like vanilla with sprinkles. When someone starts talking about a " scene ", I automatically assign them to this category. Actors play in scenes, and actors are role players.  Just my opinion, but i'm sticking to it.


That scorn is what I refer to as the "Kinkier Than Thou" attitude.

Being oriented to D/s rather than S/M does not automatically make me a better person.  I have had friends in the leather community who are cheerful sadists or masochists with little or no interest in D/s.  Some of these friends are absolutely amazing people, with multiple academic degrees and the capacity for endlessly fascinating conversation.  If I was a fundamentally insecure person looking desperately for ways to make myself feel superior to others, I suppose I could go around scorning them because their sexual/BDSM orientations and personal interests happen to be different from my own.  But that would say a lot more about me as a human being than it would about them.

I could also go around making value judgements about heterosexual vs homosexual, black vs white, Jewish vs Christian, etc.  But in my experience, going around singing the "My way's better than your way/My way's better than yours" song is a complete waste of time and energy and rarely has any good results. 

If you choose to, you can spend a lot of time looking down your nose at people for a very wide range of arbitrary reasons, and in consequence you will miss out on getting to know and respect some really worthwhile human beings. I would much rather celebrate and appreciate the diversity within our leather community.  YMMV.

(in reply to BrutalAntipathy)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Casual Play and D/s - 5/11/2006 3:41:59 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline 		... shrug... ain't worth it

< Message edited by JohnWarren -- 5/11/2006 3:42:51 PM >

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(in reply to BrutalAntipathy)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Casual Play and D/s - 5/11/2006 3:51:51 PM   
BrutalAntipathy


Posts: 412
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

quote:

ORIGINAL: BrutalAntipathy

Casual play is what I scornfully refer to as weekend ass slappers. I don't see them as lifestyle D/s, but more like vanilla with sprinkles. When someone starts talking about a " scene ", I automatically assign them to this category. Actors play in scenes, and actors are role players.  Just my opinion, but i'm sticking to it.


That scorn is what I refer to as the "Kinkier Than Thou" attitude.

Being oriented to D/s rather than S/M does not automatically make me a better person.  I have had friends in the leather community who are cheerful sadists or masochists with little or no interest in D/s.  Some of these friends are absolutely amazing people, with multiple academic degrees and the capacity for endlessly fascinating conversation.  If I was a fundamentally insecure person looking desperately for ways to make myself feel superior to others, I suppose I could go around scorning them because their sexual/BDSM orientations and personal interests happen to be different from my own.  But that would say a lot more about me as a human being than it would about them.

I could also go around making value judgements about heterosexual vs homosexual, black vs white, Jewish vs Christian, etc.  But in my experience, going around singing the "My way's better than your way/My way's better than yours" song is a complete waste of time and energy and rarely has any good results. 

If you choose to, you can spend a lot of time looking down your nose at people for a very wide range of arbitrary reasons, and in consequence you will miss out on getting to know and respect some really worthwhile human beings. I would much rather celebrate and appreciate the diversity within our leather community.  YMMV.



People judge one another on a daily basis. It is a part of who and what we are. Those that claim to not be judgmental are judgmental liars. In not denying the fact that I judge others, I am being less " Kinkier than thou " than the ones that judge but claim not to. 
 
 If it is wrong to voice our opinion on something, then each and every one of us needs to stop posting here.

(in reply to Najakcharmer)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Casual Play and D/s - 5/11/2006 3:55:17 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BrutalAntipathy

Casual play is what I scornfully refer to as weekend ass slappers. I don't see them as lifestyle D/s, but more like vanilla with sprinkles. When someone starts talking about a " scene ", I automatically assign them to this category. Actors play in scenes, and actors are role players.  Just my opinion, but i'm sticking to it.


So, a race car driver who only races on weekends is actually a pedestrian? 

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to BrutalAntipathy)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Casual Play and D/s - 5/11/2006 4:06:41 PM   
BrutalAntipathy


Posts: 412
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

ORIGINAL: BrutalAntipathy

Casual play is what I scornfully refer to as weekend ass slappers. I don't see them as lifestyle D/s, but more like vanilla with sprinkles. When someone starts talking about a " scene ", I automatically assign them to this category. Actors play in scenes, and actors are role players.  Just my opinion, but i'm sticking to it.


So, a race car driver who only races on weekends is actually a pedestrian? 


Is racing a lifestyle?

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 40
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