Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Slaves Fetishes


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Slaves Fetishes Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Slaves Fetishes - 7/5/2011 1:03:03 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

True. I take pride in developing a catholic range of interests. :-)


What a coincidence.  Im interested in a range of Catholics.

ETA   tell me you didn't see that one coming a mile away.


Nope, I didn't! But I do like to give out 'feeders' for jokes sometimes. It's fun playing the 'straight man' in a duo, yerknow? ;-)

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to Hillwilliam)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Slaves Fetishes - 7/5/2011 1:04:05 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
I want those serving me to be happy that they are, whether they are a life partner, a playmate, or a servant. Ideally, they want ME to be happy, and we both fulfill our parts in the relationship. I say this quite a bit: D/S RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT QUID PRO QUO. You can natter on all you like about how both parties are essential, but an essential inequality of role is built into the relationship.

Part of "getting to know you" or "negotiation" or "courtship" is finding out if your kinks and foibles are compatible. I know (for instance) that someone who is a full on crossdresser would not be a good match for me. I also know that there are myriad small things that I enjoy if the other person enjoys them. There are some things that I never think of doing ever, and would have to be asked or reminded. WHY in the name of PG Tips would I use some checklist method of kink fulfillment in order to generate "submission"?

I feel exactly the same way.  One thing I can not stand is the feeling of being put upon to fulfill a certain amount of kink or specific fetishes in allotted amounts so that the pay off will be someone's submission.  In My world, it really is submit first and kink second. 


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Slaves Fetishes - 7/5/2011 1:06:29 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
Statements like yours make me sad. The day I see any part of my sex life as having to 'address' anything will be a miserable, bad, no good day.


Whoa - that's quite pessimistic, VC. It could be that if a sub becomes more submissive, she or he actually has more fun as a result. Who wouldn't want more fun? I must admit, I'm surprised not to see this idea aired a little more than it has been on this forum.


_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Slaves Fetishes - 7/5/2011 1:07:20 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Thanks, LP, sometimes posts make me ultracranky.

Here's the thing: You are submissive, or you are NOT. If you are submissive, your submission is NOT JUST IN THE BEDROOM. If your submission is tied into the variety and content of your orgasms...that is not submission. It's kinky sex, it's playing, it's bottoming, but to this old leatherlady it is NOT submission.

There is nothing wrong with just wanting to play and have a festival of kinky entertainments. I enjoy that myself now and again. To use a dessert analogy, there is Iles Flotants, and there is cheesecake. Both good, but not the same level of long lasting satisfaction.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Slaves Fetishes - 7/5/2011 1:08:28 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer


quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
Statements like yours make me sad. The day I see any part of my sex life as having to 'address' anything will be a miserable, bad, no good day.


Whoa - that's quite pessimistic, VC. It could be that if a sub becomes more submissive, she or he actually has more fun as a result. Who wouldn't want more fun? I must admit, I'm surprised not to see this idea aired a little more than it has been on this forum.




Of course, Darling, but submission does not come because I wore the pvc corset and the lace stockings. That's what makes better erections. I never confuse the two.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Slaves Fetishes - 7/5/2011 1:14:51 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
Of course, Darling, but submission does not come because I wore the pvc corset and the lace stockings. That's what makes better erections. I never confuse the two.


I don't get that. In my world, if submission didn't make me horny, I wouldn't be into it. On the other hand for me it's about a woman's attitude rather than what she wears or whatever kinks she's into.


_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Slaves Fetishes - 7/5/2011 1:15:03 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer


quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
Statements like yours make me sad. The day I see any part of my sex life as having to 'address' anything will be a miserable, bad, no good day.


Whoa - that's quite pessimistic, VC. It could be that if a sub becomes more submissive, she or he actually has more fun as a result. Who wouldn't want more fun? I must admit, I'm surprised not to see this idea aired a little more than it has been on this forum.


It's the 'address' part I'm objecting to. That's a negative word choice, along with 'deal with', 'cater to', etc. That's just not how I want my kink life, my sex life or my love life.

As to being 'more submissive', I'll ask again: what does that actually mean in this context? As a concept it's easy to throw about, but wishy-washy and ill-defined.

But trust me, Peon, my kink life is not lacking in fun.


_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.




(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Slaves Fetishes - 7/5/2011 1:18:30 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer


quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
Statements like yours make me sad. The day I see any part of my sex life as having to 'address' anything will be a miserable, bad, no good day.


Whoa - that's quite pessimistic, VC. It could be that if a sub becomes more submissive, she or he actually has more fun as a result. Who wouldn't want more fun? I must admit, I'm surprised not to see this idea aired a little more than it has been on this forum.



Actually not, in an ongoing relationship, I would hope people press each others buttons, but if it is a new person and the person tells me "You have to dress a certain way, swing from the chandelier, do a somersault backwards, whistle the theme song from Doctor Zhivago, so I can feel more submissive", I wouldn't walk away, I would run.

I think some people are submissive to their fetishes only, which is a bit different from being submissive, there's nothing wrong with it, as long as they say they are fetishists and don't pretend to be submissives, because that will lead to frustration on both sides.


_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Slaves Fetishes - 7/5/2011 1:24:48 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
As to being 'more submissive', I'll ask again: what does that actually mean in this context? As a concept it's easy to throw about, but wishy-washy and ill-defined.

But trust me, Peon, my kink life is not lacking in fun.



I have no doubt at all that your kink life is replete with the fun-stuff, VC ;-)

As for the first: the only way I can explain is by illustration with what happened to me. At one time, I had only the one kink. I picked up more as life went on. Then I came here, and was exposed to a shedload of new ones. Then I began to look at the common feelings that these different kinks gave to me. It had begun to feel like there was a central 'hub' to them - they were all roads going to the same place. The most fun came from getting to know that hub. The times I've even glimpsed it, have been way, way more than fun. Taste that, and you don't forget it and won't ever leave it alone. Maybe we're even talking about 'transcending kink' here, though that'd be to put it far more heavily and pompously than I'd like.

If that makes sense.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Slaves Fetishes - 7/5/2011 1:25:14 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I think some people are submissive to their fetishes only, which is a bit different from being submissive, there's nothing wrong with it, as long as they say they are fetishists and don't pretend to be submissives, because that will lead to frustration on both sides.



Which I believe is one of the biggest land mines in our sort of relationships. All too many times we get individuals that are focused on what turns them on and not about relationship dynamics.

Either a person is submissive, regardless of sexual thrills, or they are not. As you say, there is nothing wrong with being one or the other but the key is knowing.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Slaves Fetishes - 7/5/2011 1:30:37 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

You are submissive, or you are NOT. If you are submissive, your submission is NOT JUST IN THE BEDROOM. If your submission is tied into the variety and content of your orgasms...that is not submission. It's kinky sex, it's playing, it's bottoming, but it is NOT submission.


Can I get this stitched on a pillow, crocheted on a blanket, etched on a coffee mug, printed on a t-shirt, and made into a bumper sticker?  Could I get it stenciled on my wall, while we're about it?

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Slaves Fetishes - 7/5/2011 2:00:21 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I think some people are submissive to their fetishes only, which is a bit different from being submissive, there's nothing wrong with it, as long as they say they are fetishists and don't pretend to be submissives, because that will lead to frustration on both sides.



Maybe they are indeed submissive to their fetishes only. You've had a lot more experience of malesubs than I have, Lady C - I wouldn't know. Perhaps I fetishise a certain attitude in a woman. I don't know how to classify myself next to other malesubs because I don't know enough about them. (And I'm way past wanting to classify myself anyway.) All I'm clear about is that to call it 'superficial' or merely 'playing' would be idiotic.

Nonetheless, to re-emphasise, and notwithstanding La T's point: I certainly would not be into it unless it made me horny. I'm with those femdoms who are into D/s because it's fun, primarily, though we might all agree to a big capital 'F' on that word. To recall the comments of Lady Pact and yourself, respectively, on my 'What's Your Motivation' thread (when, to recall, we were all talking about 'hunger' versus 'fun'):

Lady Pact: "This is something that's been coming up in a few places for some of us. It's some version of optional. It really just isn't a necessity. Great when we do it, but somewhat apathetic about the whole thing when we don't. This might be why I'm less than sympathetic when folks come here and whine about how they *neeeeeeed* to play. It's just not something that controls Me."

LadyConstanze:

This

"It's cool, it's great, it's fun but I don't really "need" it, I feel better if I have it but I could also live without having it. Other things are just more important."



< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 7/5/2011 2:17:27 PM >

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Slaves Fetishes - 7/5/2011 2:21:35 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
whistle the theme song from Doctor Zhivago



And now I can't get that frigging tune out of my head.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Slaves Fetishes - 7/5/2011 2:25:35 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Lara's Theme.

this'll give the old kidney pudding a good cleanout from that:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxLAzuGtPpI&feature=related

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Slaves Fetishes - 7/5/2011 2:37:11 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		As I said, I have no problem with fetishists, they can be great fun but I want to know what I'm "getting", you know if they go on about that they are submissives but then tell me "You gotta do this, that and the other", then it's not fun anymore it feels like I'm being pressured, if they say they have this fetish, I can take it or leave it but I know what I'm getting or leaving. Compare it with food, it's great to have savory and it's great to have pudding, it's just if you're in the mood for a curry, a tiramisu won't do and the other way round, like if you invite me to your place and say you're making Chinese or Italian, and then you give me steam pudding, I'm not going to be happy.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Slaves Fetishes - 7/5/2011 2:39:25 PM   
Canaille


Posts: 65
Joined: 6/17/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

You are submissive, or you are NOT. If you are submissive, your submission is NOT JUST IN THE BEDROOM. If your submission is tied into the variety and content of your orgasms...that is not submission. It's kinky sex, it's playing, it's bottoming, but it is NOT submission.


Can I get this stitched on a pillow, crocheted on a blanket, etched on a coffee mug, printed on a t-shirt, and made into a bumper sticker?  Could I get it stenciled on my wall, while we're about it?


Count me in for the set, and add me to the LadyHibiscus fan club, please and thank you. :)


_____________________________

If you're not sure if I'm serious or cracking wise, put your money on the latter.

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Slaves Fetishes - 7/5/2011 3:55:07 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

As I said, I have no problem with fetishists, they can be great fun but I want to know what I'm "getting", you know if they go on about that they are submissives but then tell me "You gotta do this, that and the other", then it's not fun anymore it feels like I'm being pressured, if they say they have this fetish, I can take it or leave it but I know what I'm getting or leaving. Compare it with food, it's great to have savory and it's great to have pudding, it's just if you're in the mood for a curry, a tiramisu won't do and the other way round, like if you invite me to your place and say you're making Chinese or Italian, and then you give me steam pudding, I'm not going to be happy.


I'm not good on food. Firstly, I don't know what a tiramisu is but, secondly, be assured I've never seen you as a steam pudding kind of gal, Lady C. ;-)

Back to D/s: For a Domme to fit into what I want (and yep, I do get to make that demand - get used to it ;-)) she's got to have it in her to *enjoy dominating*, whatever she does. She has to have the bollocks to do what she wants, or demand it of me, and I have to see that she enjoys it, whatever 'it' is. The moment she loses that and, for instance, tries to cover it up by advancing the argument that it's all my fault because I'm not a 'true sub' is the moment I'll think, 'Yeah, right. You chickened'. On the other hand if she's honest and says, 'look, it's not in me right now, I don't feel it' - then, I'm fine. I'm a sub/vanilla switch: I'm perfectly happy doing either and/or both. I will rip the piss out of a woman but kneel at her feet the moment she develops the guts to show that she wants that from me.

A long-term partner of mine is always going to be a lover first, my best friend second and a femdom third. Though, actually, I've mostly done without the third so far, and I could probably do without it again, if need be.

All notwithstanding the fact that I always do see when women are being bitchy, small-minded, egotistical, competitive, schoolgirlish, nasty and downright silly. Which they are, often, and the regulars on this board aren't any exception. I'll still be able to see the Goddess in her, weirdly enough.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Slaves Fetishes - 7/5/2011 4:06:19 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
Maybe they are indeed submissive to their fetishes only. You've had a lot more experience of malesubs than I have, Lady C - I wouldn't know. Perhaps I fetishise a certain attitude in a woman. I don't know how to classify myself next to other malesubs because I don't know enough about them. (And I'm way past wanting to classify myself anyway.) All I'm clear about is that to call it 'superficial' or merely 'playing' would be idiotic.

Nonetheless, to re-emphasise, and notwithstanding La T's point: I certainly would not be into it unless it made me horny. I'm with those femdoms who are into D/s because it's fun, primarily, though we might all agree to a big capital 'F' on that word. To recall the comments of Lady Pact and yourself, respectively, on my 'What's Your Motivation' thread (when, to recall, we were all talking about 'hunger' versus 'fun'):

Lady Pact: "This is something that's been coming up in a few places for some of us. It's some version of optional. It really just isn't a necessity. Great when we do it, but somewhat apathetic about the whole thing when we don't. This might be why I'm less than sympathetic when folks come here and whine about how they *neeeeeeed* to play. It's just not something that controls Me."

LadyConstanze:

This

"It's cool, it's great, it's fun but I don't really "need" it, I feel better if I have it but I could also live without having it. Other things are just more important."

In this, I'm going to revert back to the old stand-by.  Play (or fetishes in this case) is something that you *do*.  The D/s part is more about who you are.  When the acts are more important than the person, that's one way to define where your interests lie.

There's nothing wrong with joint kinky wish fulfillment.  That is very much fun and I think most of us are willing to agree on that.  However, when doing so is the greatest crutch that is supporting the dynamic, it stops being fun and seems more like a demand.  The control in the dynamic takes a tilt in the wrong direction and the power is flowing the wrong way.  For example, if I feel like playing with needles, it really is clip's position to submit and receive them.  If he wants a needle scene, it's not My position to submit to giving him one.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Slaves Fetishes - 7/5/2011 5:31:12 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		And at the same time, if he asks nicely, you'll oblige at some point, I'm sure!



_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Slaves Fetishes - 7/5/2011 5:37:58 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		OK, LP, thanks.

God, I'm tired of talking about all this.



_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 80
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Slaves Fetishes Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109