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RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/21/2011 10:32:38 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		As you know, when you are a working person, or you have a large social network (some knowing and some not) this creates other sorts of pressure.

It is why it would not be feasible for me to live with lots of things out of my control.... or the biggest reason, but I am pretty happy with my life as it is presently, who knows, if I ever get into another relationship where my partner wanted lots of control and it felt right, it might work better than I think.

I try not to predict the future, even though I am fairly certain it wouldn't work, life has a way of making a liar out of me...

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/21/2011 10:49:13 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

As you know, when you are a working person, or you have a large social network (some knowing and some not) this creates other sorts of pressure.


Alandra and I work in the same office and to our knowledge, there isn't anyone at the office who knows about our poly relationship (except our eldest daughter who fills in sometimes) For the most part, they see me as a single female and in the beginning there was an unspoken expectation that I socialize like the other single females in the office. It didn't happen and slowly they came to accept that I am part of a family even though it isn't something they understand.

On the other hand, with my job come certain social expectations with clients. I was required to go out to lunch one day and he was not available. Since it was a need for work, I went and he had no issues with the decision. Client's will often bake for the office or bring in baked goods (often reads weekly and sometimes daily). When I starting noticing the issues it could cause, we discussed it and if a client brings what he considers "junk food" I can accept it without seeking his permission every time.

Knight's Kyra

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/21/2011 10:52:34 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Over the years, I have seen the opinion expressed that if the master/dominant (pick your label) requires the slave/submissive to ask permission for various things then the dominant has to make themselves available to grant that permission or have a scenario in place in case they can't answer.

For the sake of clarity, lets assume that the permissions are not required for needs, so the s-type is not physically, mentally or emotionally at risk with the permission not being granted.

If the s-type asks permission for something, is the d-type expected/required to answer? What if he doesn't answer or is too busy?


Knight's Kyra



I never assumed that he could answer me immediately. He worked, and so did I, different schedules sometimes. So I would ask... if it was a want, I waited. If it was a need, I would bite the bit, take the lead and do what had to be done. Later, he was informed of what happened (because he always asked anyways) and if he deemed a punishment was necessary (which rarely happened) then that is what happened.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/21/2011 10:57:11 PM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline 		i have one basic rule regarding permission. if i don't fucking say yes. assume a no.

however like heather said, there isn't a lot of things she needs permission for. this is because i am not into that fucking sort of dynamic, i make restrictions where i see them needed, but not for the fucking sake of controlling. the other reason is because when i'm at work i can't fucking well be reached. she can leave a message and i'll get it, but unless its an emergency i can't get back to her til my next break.

and the restrictions are also somewhat conditional. some are quite fucking firm, some are not, some are firm sometimes and not others. a couple of examples

she's not to go out to movies or parties or lunch without permission. there are two people who are exceptions to this, she can go out with them pretty much whenever the fuck she wants as long as it doesn't take away from my time with her. if its going to cut into my time, then it doesn't matter who its with she needs my fucking ok.

another is sweets. she's fucking diabetic, so she needs permission for these at all times. however, if her blood sugar is low, she doesn't need to ask permission, she is fucking well required to have them.

when i make a rule like this (or any rule actually) she's allowed, and encouraged, to ask as many questions as she fucking wants to make sure we both agree on what the rule is and how the fuck it is being applied. if later on she thinks of something else she she wants fucking clarified, she asks. i really fucking hate misunderstandings and 'but i thought you meant" so i have no fucking issue with explaining what the fuck it is i want or mean.

and like she said, if its some sort of fucking emergency that we never thought of, she just uses her fucking head and does whatever she needs to. if i think she shouldn't have fucking done some restricted or forbidden thing under whatever the circumstances were and she did, then i'll deal with that however seems fucking appropriate.

_____________________________

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fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/21/2011 11:01:48 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

On the other hand, with my job come certain social expectations with clients. I was required to go out to lunch one day and he was not available. Since it was a need for work, I went and he had no issues with the decision. Client's will often bake for the office or bring in baked goods (often reads weekly and sometimes daily). When I starting noticing the issues it could cause, we discussed it and if a client brings what he considers "junk food" I can accept it without seeking his permission every time.

Knight's Kyra


This is something that would work for me I suppose. I know that when I go to conferences, people have to check in with mates, etc, or when I am working late, people check with their mates ( I work late often)... there is a lot of writing and creativity in my life, which in some ways isn't conducive to schedules, etc... it is just finding someone who is like me in that regard, or admires what it is that I do with my life and wants to help me have that creative space to work in... which is as much mental as it is physical. I do not know if that makes sense or not.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/21/2011 11:07:10 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		this is an extremely interesting thread!

I'm in a new M/s relationship and, although we're taking things slowly, at some point in the fairly near future the idea of asking permissions will rear its head and we'll have to figure out a way to make it work for us (we both want this, btw).

I will direct the Boss over to this thread and I'm sure it will make life a lot easier for both of us. Thanks everyone!

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/21/2011 11:42:21 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance
You the dominant are demanding this control over the submissives life, YOU not the submissive, shes doing her job as YOUR sub to follow YOUR rules. YOU put YOURSELF in this situation not anyone but YOU...

If you want the control its your responsibility to maintain the control If you dont want the responsibility of the control, dont request the control. If you dont want her being upset or feel like your not living up to your end of the agreement, then be a responsible Dominant and respond as necessary, In a timely fashion... Or remove the restrictions that require you the additional work.


QFT.

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/21/2011 11:50:59 PM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline 		you see julia, that's why you fucking discuss the rule, and why the discussion is open ended. if i make some fucking rule that you think is likely to interfere with your work, then you bring that up. and its dealt with.

_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/21/2011 11:54:21 PM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline 		sorry syl, but its not true. think of it in the context of work. your fucking boss makes loads of rules, there's all sorts of fucking things you need permission to do, but you don't expect him to be available all day long to answer your fucking questions do you?

_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/22/2011 12:26:27 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

If he doesn't answer, then I use my best judgment.
However, by now I'm pretty adept at knowing what he would want me to do.


I think most of us get a feel for what our partner will get really upset about and what they won't after the relationship is established. It becomes easier to know what is okay and what isn't as time goes on. I think that is why M/s relationships can get easier in time, from reading people who have been doing it for years... its knowing each other, really.


I think that's fair comment. It's also why being *restricted* isn't the same in practrise as it appears to be in *consideration*.

agirl


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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/22/2011 12:40:03 AM   
NefertariReborn


Posts: 381
Status: offline 		You have a certain way with the word fuck and all it's forms. Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck.  If I weren't incredibly tired I'd be thinking about Fucking after reading your posts.  I'll read them again later to see if it has any effect when I'm alert. 


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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/22/2011 12:44:32 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

sorry syl, but its not true. think of it in the context of work. your fucking boss makes loads of rules, there's all sorts of fucking things you need permission to do, but you don't expect him to be available all day long to answer your fucking questions do you?


Actually yes my boss is it doesnt matter if i have to call him 15 times in the middle of the night. If he isnt clear, or im not sure of what i need to do, I pick up the phone and call. If not i make a judgement call and we talk about it when he gets in in the morning. But im not going to risk my job because hes deciding hes lazy.

If you are making rules and or regulations you need to be available when those rules or regulations are changed. Otherwise why make the rules...? Its a two way street.

My boss knows that if i have a project i dont understand im going to call, why? Because its the type of person i am. Its HIS job to make sure the projects instructions are clear and easy to follow. If he doesnt he has the repercussions of it not, which is my calling him at 3:30 saying Um boss, What exactly do you want me to do?

If i need the president of the company at 4 am, I call, If i need anyone at all in this company for any reason. I have numbers to call.

Why because my company realizes that they need to be available if they are requiring certain things, like our company to be 24/7 They need an employee here. That employee is myself. If i dont feel safe in the building I call the VP of the company whos the closest person and he wakes up puts on pants (albeit pjs) and comes in and checks out whats going on


_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to HannahLynHeather)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/22/2011 12:57:09 AM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline
quote:

Actually yes my boss is it doesnt matter if i have to call him 15 times in the middle of the night.
no offense, but why the fuck did he hire you if you need to call him that fucking often? you clearly don't know your fucking job.

quote:

If not i make a judgement call and we talk about it when he gets in in the morning.
bingo buckwheat! if the situation isn't fucking covered in the explanation you do your best to figure out what the boss wants. same fucking thing.

quote:

If you are making rules and or regulations you need to be available when those rules or regulations are changed.
no shit sherlock, but nobody's talking about changing rules. we're talking about asking permission to do something. where did you get the changing rules shit from?




_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/22/2011 1:07:22 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

quote:

no offense, but why the fuck did he hire you if you need to call him that fucking often? you clearly don't know your fucking job.
Wow, you know how to do something the first time completely perfectly? I do Network engineering, meaning if I FUCK UP, I can take up to 600 customers out of service for their phones and internet. My boss would prefer I call and ask instead of fuck up and break the entire network... Which will take 5 times as long to fix then the phone call... Its not that im incompetent, its that if its new im going to ask more questions. Ask me to stress test a circuit i can do it in my sleep, ask me to reprogram the router a customers site, im going to ask a lot of questions. Why? One i do daily, one I do maybe once every few months.

quote:

bingo buckwheat! if the situation isn't fucking covered in the explanation you do your best to figure out what the boss wants. same fucking thing.
Actually NO, You dont not when doing your best to figure it out can have greater repercussions then calling and asking. You need to understand not every situation is cut and dry nor does it fit in your life. In my job, If i mess up, i could be taking down an entire hospitals network of phones and internet, I could be taking down red cross centers who authorize transplants. Not everything is just useless and has no repercussions, im not making sandwiches in a deli, or stocking shelves in a supermarket. What I do can have serious repercussions such us loosing a client because I killed someone, all because I was too proud to pick up the phone and ask.

quote:

no shit sherlock, but nobody's talking about changing rules. we're talking about asking permission to do something. where did you get the changing rules shit from?
You dont think that You must ask permission to do X isnt a rule? News flash it is. And If I have to ask 15 times about something, I see that as a discussion of changing that rule.. Why? Because its not working.

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to HannahLynHeather)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/22/2011 1:18:18 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

On the other hand, with my job come certain social expectations with clients. I was required to go out to lunch one day and he was not available. Since it was a need for work, I went and he had no issues with the decision. Client's will often bake for the office or bring in baked goods (often reads weekly and sometimes daily). When I starting noticing the issues it could cause, we discussed it and if a client brings what he considers "junk food" I can accept it without seeking his permission every time.

Knight's Kyra


This is something that would work for me I suppose. I know that when I go to conferences, people have to check in with mates, etc, or when I am working late, people check with their mates ( I work late often)... there is a lot of writing and creativity in my life, which in some ways isn't conducive to schedules, etc... it is just finding someone who is like me in that regard, or admires what it is that I do with my life and wants to help me have that creative space to work in... which is as much mental as it is physical. I do not know if that makes sense or not.


Julia, with all seriousness, it makes perfect sense......All that matters is having someone that *sees* you and all the things that make you, you. And likes it. They don't even need to help you, per se, they just need to see it and understand it's importance.  Everything leads on from that.

It all seemed so simple before I came here....lol.

We have a *loose*regime for daily contact...... which means we both have *stuff* that you can't always regulate....but have a structure.( 'Cos we like each other, we're soppy like that)

And when something goes tit's up, such as my daughter having (yet another) stroke last week......we simply do what we can. He's not interested in eliciting my attention when I've got important situations to sort out. Quite the opposite, it's more a case of * forget everything, just look after HER and get back to me when you can*.

I'm quite surprised that there's such an impression of difficulty when it comes to being *owned*.

agirl






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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/22/2011 1:32:55 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

sorry syl, but its not true. think of it in the context of work. your fucking boss makes loads of rules, there's all sorts of fucking things you need permission to do, but you don't expect him to be available all day long to answer your fucking questions do you?


In all fairness Hannah, you really can't equate personal relationships to working ones. There's a VAGUE similarity at best.

agirl


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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/22/2011 1:48:34 AM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline 		look, the work example was a fucking example. so i'm not going to argue about your fucking job. suffice to say if i needed a network engineer to cover the night shift and the work has such serious fucking repercussions, then i would have hired somebody who knew how to do the fucking job, and that would include reprogramming a fucking router without having their hand held.

quote:

You dont think that You must ask permission to do X isnt a rule? News flash it is. And If I have to ask 15 times about something, I see that as a discussion of changing that rule.. Why? Because its not working.
that's fucking breathtaking bit of illogical reasoning. by your reasoning, if heather asked me 15 times if she could break her fucking diet restrictions by having a candy bar that my rule that she needs to ask isn't working? christ in a cupcake child, it means the exact fucking opposite, it means the fucking rule is working to perfection. if she's asking that often to do something i don't want her to do then its a damned good thing i made it a fucking rule, otherwise she'd be doing it all the fucking time.

and if your talking about at work, then it only means you're in way over your fucking head.

< Message edited by HannahLynHeather -- 6/22/2011 1:49:33 AM >

_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/22/2011 1:53:45 AM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline
quote:

I'm quite surprised that there's such an impression of difficulty when it comes to being *owned*.
Me too. It's really very easy when you live it.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/22/2011 1:56:32 AM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline 		yeah, it was a crappy example. no argument there.

_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/22/2011 2:03:20 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

quote:

I'm quite surprised that there's such an impression of difficulty when it comes to being *owned*.

Me too. It's really very easy when you live it.


Yes, it is. Well, it's most certainly a lot easier than many posts suggest :)

It's like a lot of things..... the *thought* of it tends to get based on all the worst scenarios, the worst outcomes.

I often think.* Damnnnnnnnnnation, if I can do it, it can't be THAT hard??*...grin

agirl




_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 40
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