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RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/22/2011 10:34:08 AM

HannahLynHeather

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quote:

maybe I should think of being a slave!!!!

on u neez b4 me bich!

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RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/22/2011 10:43:38 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

quote:

maybe I should think of being a slave!!!!
on u neez b4 me bich!

fuck you.. you didn't answer the phone when I called!!!!!! I need to find a real Master!!!! that will be at my beck and call!!!!

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 122

RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/22/2011 10:44:33 AM

tazzygirl

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Its about time you figured that out!!!

I have higher hopes for you now.

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RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/22/2011 10:45:07 AM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
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quote:

So I wait. In fact I've learned to just hold off asking until I know I can have his attention. It's frustrating at times but I get over it and wait. I don't feel uncared about or discounted because he's paying attention to something else over me.

I know exactly what you mean. I'm not supposed to bother Hanners if she's reading or listening to music. Those are her "me" times. It's not that I absolutely can't but it had better be for a good reason. When we're in the car, if she's quiet, then I have to actively get her attention if I want to talk. It means she's concentrating on the road and thinking, she wont notice me. We've worked out a signal, I squeeze her thigh, she notices that and knows I want her attention. There's no rule about it, but I try not to disturb her at those times.

Its very much like tazzy said, my wants are mine, and Hanners can deal with them in whatever way suits her <luckily for me she usually chooses to indulge them, but she doesn't always, nor do I expect her to>

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RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/22/2011 10:46:27 AM

tazzygirl

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lol

I asked him once why he ignored my requests. He simply said... "because I can. Its good for you to wait sometimes." And he was right.

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Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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Post #: 125

RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/22/2011 10:46:39 AM

Wolf2Bear

Posts: 3204
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

....For the sake of clarity, lets assume that the permissions are not required for needs, so the s-type is not physically, mentally or emotionally at risk with the permission not being granted.

If the s-type asks permission for something, is the d-type expected/required to answer? What if he doesn't answer or is too busy?

Knight's Kyra

In the dynamic I have now, the stipulation I am to conduct myself, when it comes to "wants" is to make sure that the "want" is a "want" on my part. If Sir is not nearby to directly ask then I am act as if I was asking him verbally and to use my judgment, based on my knowledge of how he would respond, before acting.

I really don't expect him to answer my requests and I presume that he will, when and if, he feels like granting said request. Sir is not one to micromanage and he absolutely hates when any of his subs run to him for every little requests though he does expect us to inform him. Yes myself and his other subs are in service to him and at the same time, he expects us to have the ability to think and use the brains in our heads to be able to distinguish when it is necessary to ask or to use our own judgment. As to Sir being too busy to respond in a timely fashion, I fully understand that his job requires travelling out of town 4-5 days each week and being part of a large poly leather family, his time is limited and that is taken into consideration; I do not expect to be given an answer ASAP because of this.

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RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/22/2011 11:07:20 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

lol

I asked him once why he ignored my requests. He simply said... "because I can. Its good for you to wait sometimes." And he was right.

I think that is an excellent point that might apply to many people in many situations. Even myself.

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Post #: 127

RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/22/2011 11:20:24 AM

LadyHibiscus

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The more rules, the more rules that have to be enforced. I know folks who have to ask for permission to use the loo. I am figuring they are allowed to use their own judgement when Mr Domly is not around, and it's more of a "where's she at" issue while they are together, not sure. Maybe they have to call in from work and hold it. Another has to ask if she can have a cocktail if she is out with friends. So she has to freakin CALL if she wants a margarita. If he doesn't pick up the phone, it's iced tea for her!

In my world, this shit BAFFLES me. If I have a rule, there is a reason for it, not a whimsical desire for control, OR some way to tether my servants to me. I do not want my subs to smoke. Yeah, no smoking without permission while with me, and there is a set schedule for smoking elsewhere. Utter "want". I have had a diabetic sub in the past, and there were issues surrounding food. Guiding health. If we are out at an event, and you want to go somewhere, yeah, ASK. I don't want to be in the position of wondering where you are, or having to find you. I trust that anyone serving me will want to make me happy, and represent me well. They know what I expect, and ideally, just do it~ Or not :)

One of the awesomest submissive women I know (Parade wave!) just KNOWS what her master wants. She is totally wired to please him. If the situation is iffy, she errs on the side of caution and does what HE would want her to do. Genius! No pestering him with "may I?", no wondering what to do.

When you're working with kids, a group of employees, volunteers, any herd of cats, you can go insane and and lay out dozens of controls, or you can choose what is IMPORTANT. Everyone will have a different set of "important", of course.

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RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/22/2011 11:42:15 AM

thishereboi

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Have I told you lately how totally awesome I think you are?

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RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/22/2011 12:07:29 PM

LadyHibiscus

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~~~adores THB~~

Sadly Not A Lesbian Hib

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RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/22/2011 1:04:59 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

sorry syl, but its not true. think of it in the context of work. your fucking boss makes loads of rules, there's all sorts of fucking things you need permission to do, but you don't expect him to be available all day long to answer your fucking questions do you?

As a matter of fact, yes, I do. That's why corporations develop policy manuals and employee handbooks, hold training seminars, and why there are multiple levels of management. The policy manual/handbook is the first level of "availability". If the answer wasn't covered in training and isn't in the policy manual/employee handbook, then the next step is to ask my immediate supervisor. If necessary, the question goes all the way up the chain of command to the CEO, but that's rare.

As time goes by, I can usually surmise how my supervisor will answer based on past experiences. The questions become fewer and farther between, but I still expect any questions I have to be answered in a timely fashion. I expect it to take more than two minutes but I also expect something better than "whenever my boss feels like it, if ever." That's unprofessional and I would either be going over my supervisor's head or I would find another job with a better supervisor.

In a D/s (M/s) dynamic, there's (usually) only one dominant. If s/he wants to establish a lot of rules, then s/he has the option of developing a policy manual and conducting training sessions but, ultimately, s/he has to be available to answer questions. That's the responsible thing to do. If s/he doesn't want to answer questions, then s/he needs to reevaluate the number of rules put in place.

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RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/23/2011 6:30:27 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

The more rules, the more rules that have to be enforced. I know folks who have to ask for permission to use the loo. I am figuring they are allowed to use their own judgment when Mr Domly is not around, and it's more of a "where's she at" issue while they are together, not sure. Maybe they have to call in from work and hold it. Another has to ask if she can have a cocktail if she is out with friends. So she has to freakin CALL if she wants a margarita. If he doesn't pick up the phone, it's iced tea for her!

In my world, this shit BAFFLES me. If I have a rule, there is a reason for it, not a whimsical desire for control.

Why is a desire for control whimsical? Maybe they just find it hot.

As a sub, I can do a lot of anticipatory service and he enjoys that but I don't get anything from it. I get more of a rush from being given an order. For the relationship to work for both of us, we both must get our needs met. So although I do a lot of stuff without being told to, sometimes I wait for him to tell me. Simply because that feeds my needs.

It's not whimsical to need to feel his control. It's as authentic as anything else. It doesn't work for you, Hib, but it works for a lot of us.

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RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/23/2011 10:55:06 AM

LadyHibiscus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

The more rules, the more rules that have to be enforced. I know folks who have to ask for permission to use the loo. I am figuring they are allowed to use their own judgment when Mr Domly is not around, and it's more of a "where's she at" issue while they are together, not sure. Maybe they have to call in from work and hold it. Another has to ask if she can have a cocktail if she is out with friends. So she has to freakin CALL if she wants a margarita. If he doesn't pick up the phone, it's iced tea for her!

In my world, this shit BAFFLES me. If I have a rule, there is a reason for it, not a whimsical desire for control.

Why is a desire for control whimsical? Maybe they just find it hot.

As a sub, I can do a lot of anticipatory service and he enjoys that but I don't get anything from it. I get more of a rush from being given an order. For the relationship to work for both of us, we both must get our needs met. So although I do a lot of stuff without being told to, sometimes I wait for him to tell me. Simply because that feeds my needs.

It's not whimsical to need to feel his control. It's as authentic as anything else. It doesn't work for you, Hib, but it works for a lot of us.

That was me not being clear, Des, thanks for pointing that out!

I did not mean whimsical in a pejorative fashion,either.

I don't mean the desire for control is whimsical--I am a dominant, after all! What I was referring to is the kinds of rules that are the "because I can" stuff, that serve no purpose but to show that one party is obedient to the other--an extremely valid purpose!--but don't serve to streamline life, make health better, whatever. Ephemeral stuff! They are the glue in some relationships, but too much work for ME.

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RE: Seeking Permissions - 6/23/2011 11:05:48 AM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

That was me not being clear, Des, thanks for pointing that out! I did not mean whimsical in a pejorative fashion,either.

I don't mean the desire for control is whimsical--I am a dominant, after all! What I was referring to is the kinds of rules that are the "because I can" stuff, that serve no purpose but to show that one party is obedient to the other--an extremely valid purpose!--but don't serve to streamline life, make health better, whatever. Ephemeral stuff! They are the glue in some relationships, but too much work for ME.

Got it. And yes, a dominant who is capricious and changes rules daily is not one I can respect. But for playtime, it's hot. And the occasional oddity for just that minute to show me he's in control is good too.

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