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RE: How many Dominants share their subs - 5/18/2006 6:32:59 AM

Ceyx

Posts: 89
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline

I don't share my girl. I'm possessive to the verge of vice, and I don't want her serving anyone else in any capacity. She's respectful and polite, but I've laid it down as a rule that she need not, and indeed should not, be obedient to others. There have been situations in which I have instructed her to do something for another person, but the impulse has always come from me.

(in reply to WhiteRadiance)

Post #: 41

RE: How many Dominants share their subs - 5/18/2006 6:51:36 AM

WhiteRadiance

Posts: 247
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I want to thank you all for the input! What a wonderful, diverse group of people! :) I am also very possessive of my boy. I allow him to assist others, per my instruction, but as Ceyx says, he is not expected to OBEY them. his obedience is to me.
On the other hand, I find it refreshing and wonderful that there are those who do share what they love... One thing about this thread- it is clear that the subs ARE valued highly!

(in reply to Ceyx)

Post #: 42

RE: How many Dominants share their subs - 5/18/2006 7:37:20 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
This is something negotiated in terms of limits for a D/s relationship.

Possessiveness and sharing is something that is negotiated in all relationships, and has nothing to do with BDSM. Those who are liberal enough to accept BDSM as a normal and healthy sexual practice might also accept other "out of the norm" sexual practices (such as sharing). Yet the BDSM has nothing to do with the sharing.

quote:

So no, it is not all about whether a dom will share or not. Some doms will share some of their subs/slaves, but not other sub/slaves also. So they may have a sharing spirit in one dynamic but not the other.

That has not been my experience. In my expereince, those who like to share, do so. Those who do not like to share, do not.

quote:

I am glad he thinks as some others on this board think... whats His is His... and if I become His I will appreciate it.

Sounds like you have the beginning of a solid relationship.

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 43

RE: How many Dominants share their subs - 5/18/2006 8:23:10 AM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRadiance

Here is a question for both Dominants and submissives. Dom/mes, do you share your subs? Subs, do you serve your Master or Mistresses friends, and if so, in what capacity?

I do not know about anyone else here, but I quite often get mail from "subs" who want do anything for me (and my girlfriends) pleasure. lol Some submissives (term used loosly here) seem to want to "serve" anyone who is present. Is this commonly done? Who does it, and why?

I will allow my sub to serve my friends in a non-sexual capacity. Am I a minority? How do others feel about this issue?

In an ideal world, it would be wonderful to practice sharing one's slaves with others, be they friends, peers or even paying customers. The problem I have with sharing what is mine involves the obvious health concerns of multiple sexual access. If I could be assured the ones making use of my girl were clean and disease-free, I would be more than willing to be generous and spread the joy of what is mine.

As for non-sexual service to another, I have no worries in assigning this, and have done so in the past.

(in reply to WhiteRadiance)

Post #: 44

RE: How many Dominants share their subs - 5/18/2006 9:12:40 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

WOW… great topic! Thank you.

This is something I’ve thought a great deal about. I have never been a ‘swinger’…and this (sexual) sharing seems much like swinging to me. Were I to belong to another, I’d hope he was of the opinion some others here; that I belong to him and that he had no interest in sharing me in that way. Having said that, I have great interest in a Poly household; a closed Poly household…go figure.

I nearly said..."I’d hope he was of the opinion some others here; that I belong to him and am too valuable to him to have interest in sharing me in that way." Of course, those who DO share, do so without any lessening of the other's worth. I see that. Thank you again.

This is how I feel about it, others may have different needs, wants and kinks; ain’t life grand?

(in reply to WhiteRadiance)

Post #: 45

RE: How many Dominants share their subs - 5/18/2006 9:28:15 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee
I have never been a ‘swinger’…and this (sexual) sharing seems much like swinging to me.

Swinging is very different from being ordered to service others sexually. The motivations, emotions and process of it is completely different.

Of course one can be a swinger AND be a slave to be loaned out for sexual usage. There's nothing exclusive to either. But they aren't the same at all.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 46

RE: How many Dominants share their subs - 5/18/2006 9:32:51 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

WOW… great topic! Thank you.

This is something I’ve thought a great deal about. I have never been a ‘swinger’…and this (sexual) sharing seems much like swinging to me. Were I to belong to another, I’d hope he was of the opinion some others here; that I belong to him and that he had no interest in sharing me in that way. Having said that, I have great interest in a Poly household; a closed Poly household…go figure.

I find it very interesting that even though the OP specified non-sexual sharing that many relies assume it is sexual.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 47

RE: How many Dominants share their subs - 5/18/2006 9:58:33 AM

Proprietrix

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

I come from a lifestyle background in which all submissives and slaves tried to make themselves as available as possible to serve all Masters and Mistresses. "Serve" in this sense, meant refilling drinks, carrying bags, opening doors, etc... It did not mean "serve" in the sense of S&M play or sexual activity. During that time, I was a stay-at-home submissive and my Dominant worked.

I have many memories of him telling me over breakfast "Today, you are going out to Ms. X's house and helping out. She has some men working on her roof. Make yourself usefull to her and her workers in whatever capacity she or they need." Now, when he said this, I knew that I might be hauling shingles, or preparing drinks for the workers, or helping Ms. X clean house from where the workmen would get the carpet dirty, or whatever. I knew Ms. X and I knew my Dominant trusted her to watch out for my well-being while in her care, and that she would not ask me to do anything questionable. As a symbol of the transferrance of power for the day, he would hook the leash to the collar around my neck. When I arrived at her house, she would unhook the leash and hang it by the front door. When he showed up to get me, she would hand him the leash.

He would do this sort of sharing with me often. Sending me to a party early to help prepare. Letting me know that I'd be babysitting for another D/s couple. Having me do a workshop. Telling me to volunteer at a demo. Etc... And the other Dominants we knew, would do the same with theirs.

That was an exclusive group of *friends*, not just a hodgepodge group of *lifestylists*. We all knew one another well. We did family things together. We had BBQs. We went to one another's houses often. We went out to eat together. Our kids played together. Under all the lifestyle activity, and all the play, and all the individual relationships, there was friendship and trust among the group.

Now fast forward to the here and now.... I no longer have that "family" in the lifestyle. What I have now is acquaintences that come and go, who might or might not do WIITWD as a 'lifestyle' or maybe a hobby. I have munch groups comprised of a few regulars and a bunch of total strangers. I don't know their families because they aren't out. Velcro collars are all the fad. I meet maybe one or two people every 2-3 years that take "the 24/7 M/s lifestyle" seriously.
I'm extremely hestitant to loan out any of my submissives to anyone nowdays. I'm not saying I wouldn't. But it would rarely happen because I don't have those strong connections in the lifestyle like I used to.

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 48

RE: How many Dominants share their subs - 5/18/2006 10:45:56 AM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline

ginawithaB,

So i asked my Master about His intentions for not sharing in terms of me having a fellow sub around, and this was His response:

Its not the fact that someone else would be derriving pleasure from me per say by helping me assist Him that He wants to prevent. Its the fact that i had requested this slavery, and to make my service to Him any less would be "simply unfair to you My love"

He said He also didnt want me to feel like i was competing to preform better services [boy does He know me well

]

i am sure He had a few more sentences on the subject but i hadnt written His reply down.

< Message edited by mixielicous -- 5/18/2006 10:52:13 AM >

_____________________________

"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

(in reply to Proprietrix)

Post #: 49

RE: How many Dominants share their subs - 5/18/2006 10:54:40 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous
Its not the fact that someone else would be derriving pleasure from me per say by helping me assist Him that He wants to prevent. Its the fact that i had requested this slavery, and to make my service to Him any less would be "simply unfair to you My love"

I'm sorry but I have no idea what that means. Can you try and clarify?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 50

RE: How many Dominants share their subs - 5/18/2006 10:55:22 AM

SweetEscravo

Posts: 193
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline

I've always wanted to be "lent out" if you will to a dominant friend of a master, although I have not yet had the experience. It works for some people and not for others.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 51

RE: How many Dominants share their subs - 5/18/2006 11:14:26 AM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous
Its not the fact that someone else would be derriving pleasure from me per say by helping me assist Him that He wants to prevent. Its the fact that i had requested this slavery, and to make my service to Him any less would be "simply unfair to you My love"

I'm sorry but I have no idea what that means. Can you try and clarify?

but of course [i apologize words often do not leave my mind correctly]

so, it began with her asking me why i couldnt have a sub assisting me in serving Him, He replies no on all counts and she asked why.

[i am paraphrasing of course]

my servitude, it is what brings me pleasure. it is my way of thanking Him for all He has given me. If another were to assist in my tasks, it would reduce my ...[looking for right word].... job i guess. i asked to serve, and so shall i, alone. to have it be any other way wouldnt be right..

better? i can try again?

_____________________________

"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 52

RE: How many Dominants share their subs - 5/18/2006 11:20:15 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear LuckyAlbatross, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I do agree with your post, to which "swinging" and "slave sex" are two different things.

Although, I was of the times when "Swingers" magazines had many "BDSM" bedroom individuals advertize; it was the merge of such that often throws people off. Of course, if it stays in the bedroom--that is just kinky sex, swingers with a kinky twist.

However, in the dynamic of D/s and M/s, I agree there is a degree of trust in a relationship that harbors 'possessiveness' and no desire to share the slave/submissive. However, should the relationship between a M/s and or D/s; the trust in the relationship affords the opportunity for a slave/submissive to venture out on their own and be guided by the trust the owners have bestowed on them. Thus sharing the slave with the community per se, such as doing grunt labor, helping with parties and interaction with other people, domiants can share the pride and praises when their slave/submissive shows in what capacity the service takes on.

I also am concerned by the degree of "sharing," as well. Sexually, there is so much out there, that people need to be careful. So many infections, diseases and such. So, sexually restricted and unshared I can happily agree to. But, I am equally concerned by the so closely held and iscolated, that they are denied access of information, skills, knowledge, friendships and networking. Sharing slaves with others, gives them exposure to other things and, most of all sharing their advice, wisdom, experiences and skills with other slaves.

It must be a reflective thought on individuals in the dominant capacity, if they wish to be jailers or what. Trust is an earned state. However, if we dominants keep asking for trust of our slaves/submissives and yet, we do not invest the same trust in them, what consequences will that manifest? Just a thought--

Will we become in our slave's/submissive's eye, an example of do as I say but, don't do as I do. Just a thought--

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 53

RE: How many Dominants share their subs - 5/18/2006 11:25:03 AM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

Depends on how you want to define the word share. Chris and I both play with others; however neither of us has sex with any others.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to WhiteRadiance)

Post #: 54

RE: How many Dominants share their subs - 5/18/2006 11:32:58 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous
my servitude, it is what brings me pleasure. it is my way of thanking Him for all He has given me. If another were to assist in my tasks, it would reduce my ...[looking for right word].... job i guess. i asked to serve, and so shall i, alone. to have it be any other way wouldnt be right..

better? i can try again?

I get what you mean now, so thanks.

And it's very common. I've accidentally made more than a few submissives teeth clench when I "presumed" to get their doms drinks and clean up after them. (Of course the fact that I was doing that for EVERYONE and trying to be a gracious guest/host didn't matter- it was THEIR dom and that was for THEM to do).

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 55

RE: How many Dominants share their subs - 5/18/2006 11:40:09 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

...Sharing slaves with others, gives them exposure to other things and, most of all sharing their advice, wisdom, experiences and skills with other slaves.

ahhhhhhhhh... very interesting and a different angle for me. You always make me think, LadyH.

Thank you

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 56

RE: How many Dominants share their subs - 5/18/2006 12:38:13 PM

MasterRoissey

Posts: 40
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline

while I would never fault anyone for drinking a bottle of a rare and exquisite wine by themselves...I personally enjoy sharing things that I treasure with good friends occassionally.

(in reply to WhiteRadiance)

Post #: 57

RE: How many Dominants share their subs - 5/18/2006 12:38:19 PM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

And it's very common. I've accidentally made more than a few submissives teeth clench when I "presumed" to get their doms drinks and clean up after them. (Of course the fact that I was doing that for EVERYONE and trying to be a gracious guest/host didn't matter- it was THEIR dom and that was for THEM to do).

Have had a similar experience, so i got used to asking permission before bringing or getting anything, so as not to offend.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 58

RE: How many Dominants share their subs - 5/18/2006 12:43:11 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub
Have had a similar experience, so i got used to asking permission before bringing or getting anything, so as not to offend.

Nope not me. It's not my job to memorize everyone's relationship dynamics and I was raised that it's just the polite thing to do. I've also seen doms who were polite enough to get drinks for people and clean up. It's just a mature, nice type of person thing to do. Their subs should realize it's the polite thing to do to simply accept it gracefully or be quicker to the punch. If their doms don't have a problem with it, why should the slaves?

It's always struck me as a rather odd form of posession on the part of the sub. Understandable, and oddly romantic, but still weird.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 59

RE: How many Dominants share their subs - 5/18/2006 8:14:55 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee
I have never been a ‘swinger’…and this (sexual) sharing seems much like swinging to me.

Swinging is very different from being ordered to service others sexually. The motivations, emotions and process of it is completely different.

Of course one can be a swinger AND be a slave to be loaned out for sexual usage. There's nothing exclusive to either. But they aren't the same at all.

yes, yes, yes and yes.

We're not part of the swinger community (in fact I've asked questions about it) but we -are- invovled with people with whom we are purely sexually invovled with without BDSM at all.

The dynamic is -so- much different when we are invovled with them. While I'm -always- my Owners, with them our sexual exploration is for the mutual pleasure of the four of us. We interact of our own volition and to the degree that we are comfortable.

In an s&m setting, particularly if I'm shy or the Owner is asking me to do something that I wouldn't do on my own, the dynamic is entirely different. I am there to be useful. While I may instigate actions, I'm much more likely to wait on dirrection such that I don't overstep my bounds.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 60

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