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Does contrast enhance power exchange? - 9/25/2011 11:18:17 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline 		I made a point in another thread, and very few people openly supported or expressed agreement with it, so I wanted to discuss it further to see if anyone else reacts in the same way that I do.

In that other thread, I commented that "IMO, power exchange is more potent when the actual power differential is greater." 

I was specifically talking about my experience in submitting to a much younger Domme.  I noted that it wasn't the fact that she was young and hot that made the relationship exciting.  Rather, it was the fact that she was young enough to be my daughter.  In a vanilla sense, I was older, wiser, better educated, wealthier, and more powerful than her.  In the eyes of society, I probably looked like her dad.  Or her boss. Or someone who should be in authority over her. This contrast in our ages made the dynamic more potent for me.  Likewise, she said that dominating someone much older, and far more powerful (in the vanilla world) than she was had a similar effect on her.  We described it as being similar to how a teenage Domme would feel if the school principal were actually her sub/slave.  And likewise, how he would feel submitting to one of his students.  (Please, no pedophile comments).

I gave another example as well.  I postulated that a petite (5'0", 102 lbs.) woman might feel an analogous sensation of enhanced power exchange if she were dominating a 6'5", 235 lb., muscular submissive man.  Their size differential might make the D/s more potent than if he were a 5'8" pudgy guy.

Another examples might be how you would feel if you owned a sub/slave who was much more wealthier.  For example, a CEO, or a successful lawyer or doctor.  Another example might be if you owned a sub/slave who was much smarter than you are.  For example, a college professor.  For some, contrasts in race may have a similar effect.

These are just a few examples to serve as thought starters.  I don't want to steer the conversation, or limit anyone's creativity in thinking up examples.  So please don't think that these are the only situations that apply. 

My question is to both subs/slaves and Dommes/Doms/Masters/Mistresses.  Are there physical or personal characteristics where greater contrast enhances the potency/energy/eroticism of your power exchange?  If so, what are those characteristics, and how does the contrast make you feel or enhance your experience?

(Note:  The one characteristic that I would like to exclude is extreme physical beauty.  Most women would love to own, or be owned by, Brad Pitt.  And most men would love to own, or be owned by, Eva Mendes or Megan Fox.  That goes without saying, so let's exclude extreme physical attractiveness from this discussion..)

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 9/25/2011 11:21:16 PM >
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RE: Does contrast enhance power exchange? - 9/26/2011 12:30:00 AM   
Arpig


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Status: offline 		Not really to me, but I can understand how it could, especially from the sub-side of the equation.

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RE: Does contrast enhance power exchange? - 9/26/2011 1:53:40 AM   
Awareness


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Status: offline 		  What you're proposing is foreign to me.  Sexual polarity enhances sexual interplay.  The contrast between the two - regardless of power dynamics - is what drives the desire to fuck.  Ever noticed how androgynous couple seem more like friends than lovers?

A feminine woman provokes the desire to take her, not await her pleasure.  Megan Fox would require an attitude adjustment, including learning to keep her fucking mouth shut.  Eva Mendes is vastly preferable.

Interplay between masculine Dom and feminine sub is accentuated by the fact that the power imbalance is real.  That ultimately, it's only restraint that keeps her safe.  You could probably approximate the same through edge play, but that reality of dominance through physical presence accentuates the sexual polarity.  There's nothing quite like grabbing a sub by her hair and seeing her neck arch as she trances.


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RE: Does contrast enhance power exchange? - 9/26/2011 1:59:22 AM   
Arpig


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Status: offline 		You really get off on hair pulling and arching necks don't you?

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RE: Does contrast enhance power exchange? - 9/26/2011 2:41:41 AM   
LillyBoPeep


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

Sexual polarity enhances sexual interplay. 
<snip>

Interplay between masculine Dom and feminine sub is accentuated by the fact that the power imbalance is real.  That ultimately, it's only restraint that keeps her safe.



i had a thread a while back that eventually reached this conclusion (i'd actually never heard the "sexual polarity" phrase until Awareness used it; i think it sums things up nicely, for me anyway). the thread was questioning why people like the traits that they do; what traits get them to respond, etc. (it was not supposed to be a height thread. =p)

a huge amount of sexual polarity + mental compatibility = awesome as far as i'm concerned.
the contrast between me and someone who is physically much bigger and stronger than i am strengthens the sexual aspects, feeling physically intimidated is something i realize i actually kinda get off on.
i've always been attracted to men like this, especially with typical masculine traits like scruffiness or beards, or who work with their hands, etc. things like that because to me it sets up a very real, definite, if only physical, power dynamic.
in my last relationship, when we started exploring body punching, we were laying in bed and i balled up his hand and started lightly tapping parts of my body. he got a funny smile on his face when i started tapping my face with his fist, and i joked "if you actually did punch me, you could probably break my jaw." somehow that acknowledgment turned us both on. =p he was a 6'5" mountain man sorta fella, to contrast with my 5' girliness.
my Top friend is a similar type of guy; much bigger/taller, ridiculously strong, facial hair, can fix basically anything with an engine, etc. he can literally hold me down with his finger and he laughs while i struggle. that is awesome. hahaha =p

the mental bits of that come from elsewhere, though. if the mental part is stronger than the physical part, i will go with the mental, and it changes the way i perceive an interaction in which the physical polarity is less. but from a purely physical/sexual standpoint, yeah -- contrast really does enhance power exchange, at least for me.
it is somehow really interesting to imagine that it's only his character that really keeps me safe because i'd never win in a physical altercation.


< Message edited by LillyBoPeep -- 9/26/2011 2:42:47 AM >

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RE: Does contrast enhance power exchange? - 9/26/2011 2:52:39 AM   
RaspberryLemon


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Status: offline 		I can agree that a big contrast in power can enhance things... But for me, it isn't "backwards" (powerful person becomes sub to a significantly less powerful person) like you are saying.

It makes me feel more "in my place" as a pet/slave to know that my Master's "power" in contrast to me is very real. The potency of his dominance is created purely through who he is as a person. He's bigger than me, stronger than me (mentally and physically,) more confident than me, braver than me, more experienced in the world. He is an intimidating-looking 6'3" trained killer and I am just a girl--I pale in comparison. And this contrast is part of what compels me to submit to him. I love the fact that my Master is more than capable of easily overpowering me under any circumstance.

To submit to someone "less powerful" than I would simply be an insult and is not an attractive idea at all. I would never do it.

(Edited for clarity.)


< Message edited by RaspberryLemon -- 9/26/2011 2:57:44 AM >

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RE: Does contrast enhance power exchange? - 9/26/2011 3:08:18 AM   
AdorkableAiley


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Status: offline 		To me it is when the Dom is much stronger, for some reason being held down by one of his arms while the other does what it wants... I guess its the demonstration of raw power, but I find it very hot.


Ailey

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RE: Does contrast enhance power exchange? - 9/26/2011 3:42:38 AM   
Rochsub2009


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

Not really to me, but I can understand how it could, especially from the sub-side of the equation.


Arpig,
Perhaps you're right.  Perhaps certain conditions promote enhanced greater submission, but the opposite is not true from the dominant party's perspective.

I did think that there would be some traits that would cause a similar effect for a Dom/Domme, but perhaps I'm wrong.  We'll just have to see how this thread plays out.

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RE: Does contrast enhance power exchange? - 9/26/2011 3:49:32 AM   
Rochsub2009


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

What you're proposing is foreign to me.  Sexual polarity enhances sexual interplay.  The contrast between the two - regardless of power dynamics - is what drives the desire to fuck.  Ever noticed how androgynous couple seem more like friends than lovers?

A feminine woman provokes the desire to take her, not await her pleasure.  Megan Fox would require an attitude adjustment, including learning to keep her fucking mouth shut.  Eva Mendes is vastly preferable.



Awareness,
I think you may have inadvertently supported my point.

Despite saying that the concept is foreign to you, you then go on to say that sexual polarity does it for you.  You then say that Megan Fox wouldn't suit you (unless she got an attitude adjustment).

So what your saying is that the contrast between femininity and masculinity what triggers if for you.  You even used the term "polarity", which implies that there is a contrast.

I don't want to put words in your mouth, so please correct me if I'm wrong.  But I'm interpreting your answer to mean that femininity is the variable that enhances your D/s dynamic.  The more feminine the woman, the more powerful your sense of dominance.  And thus, and woman who you don't perceive to be feminine (e.g. Megan Fox) would serve as a detractor to your "high", despite her obvious physical beauty.

Does that make sense?  Am I interpreting you correctly?

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RE: Does contrast enhance power exchange? - 9/26/2011 3:59:53 AM   
Rochsub2009


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

a huge amount of sexual polarity + mental compatibility = awesome as far as i'm concerned.
the contrast between me and someone who is physically much bigger and stronger than i am strengthens the sexual aspects, feeling physically intimidated is something i realize i actually kinda get off on.



I completely get this.  It is very similar to the analogy of the petite woman dominating the very tall, strong man.  Only in reverse.  For you, the fact that he's much bigger, and much stronger, gets your juices flowing.  Literally. 

quote:


i've always been attracted to men like this, especially with typical masculine traits like scruffiness or beards, or who work with their hands, etc.


I completely get this.  It sounds like you're in the same boat as Awareness.  The contrast between your femininity and the Dom's masculinity is what enhances your D/s dynamic. 

You listed very classic "masculine" traits like beards and working with their hands.  I'll bet their are probably certain professions that would turn you on too.  Perhaps lumberjacks, or policemen.  Or firefighters.  Or soldiers.  Those are all classic "masculine" roles.  Am I right?

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RE: Does contrast enhance power exchange? - 9/26/2011 4:08:43 AM   
Rochsub2009


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RaspberryLemon

I can agree that a big contrast in power can enhance things... But for me, it isn't "backwards" (powerful person becomes sub to a significantly less powerful person) like you are saying.

It makes me feel more "in my place" as a pet/slave to know that my Master's "power" in contrast to me is very real. The potency of his dominance is created purely through who he is as a person. He's bigger than me, stronger than me (mentally and physically,) more confident than me, braver than me, more experienced in the world. He is an intimidating-looking 6'3" trained killer and I am just a girl--I pale in comparison. And this contrast is part of what compels me to submit to him. I love the fact that my Master is more than capable of easily overpowering me under any circumstance.


RL,
I completely get this.  Based on the first fiew response, I'm starting to think that this is going to be a recurring theme in male Dom/female sub dynamics.


quote:


To submit to someone "less powerful" than I would simply be an insult and is not an attractive idea at all. I would never do it.


I completely understand this sentiment.  And I can see how you would view it as insulting.  However, from a male sub perspective, I see it very differently.

Many readers may have never tried to place themselves in the shoes of a male sub.  For us, we are usually (but not always) bigger and stronger than the females who dominate us.  So the "insult" that you described is not there.  In fact, I have the exact opposite response.  There is something about submitting to a petite Domme that enhances the D/s dynamic for me, rather than detracting from it as you described.

I'll be curious to see if any other male subs feel a similar enhancement when submitting to a very petite Domme.

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RE: Does contrast enhance power exchange? - 9/26/2011 4:15:42 AM   
Rochsub2009


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AdorkableAiley

To me it is when the Dom is much stronger, for some reason being held down by one of his arms while the other does what it wants... I guess its the demonstration of raw power, but I find it very hot.



Hmmmmm, looks like we're starting to see a recurring theme here.  This is the same contrast that Lilly described.  It's also essentially what Awareness described, only from the female perspective.

I think that before this thread is over, we're going to hear others chime in who have the same reaction to raw male strength.  In fact, this classic "masculine/feminine polarity" (as Awareness described it) may be the most primal of all the areas of contrast.  But I'll wait to hear what others have to say before drawing that conclusion.

One thing that I'm really anxious to hear is how lesbian or gay couples see this.  Are their any traits/qualities that have a similar effect on them, despite there being no classic male/female contrast in the relationship? 

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RE: Does contrast enhance power exchange? - 9/26/2011 4:21:51 AM   
LillyBoPeep


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Status: offline 		i don't know if it's necessarily about professions. soldiers, firefighters, and people like this of any gender impress me with their bravery.
at one time, i seriously considered and took steps towards joining the air force (later i chose not to, but i regret that actually), and i'm not terribly masculine, so i don't really see the job as being masculine. i like to engage people who do very different things from what i do just because it's such a different world/different experiences, etc. i want to know about what's going on in my car, and i'm fascinated by other people who know a car inside and out.
i don't know that i see things like that, or say, doing outdoorsy things like hiking, as necessarily masculine. to me, it's more to do with a person's energy and how it relates to your own. a man who works in an office or one who has artistic tastes can have just as strong of a masculine presence as one who fights people for a living.

so it's not so much professions, on the most basic level, it's mostly about contrasting energy and physical traits. that said, most lumberjacks i've seen are pretty hot. =p


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RE: Does contrast enhance power exchange? - 9/26/2011 4:30:22 AM   
HieroV


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Status: offline 		I'll have to give some thought to this - but one story to share.

I once saw a a 5' domme put a 6' tall male sub through his paces in a public play space. She was a white woman cute blond with a little girls voice as she teased him and told him what to do. The guy looked like a body builder and was black - very alpha male - leather pants, bare chested - huge collar around his neck - a wicked branding on his left arm.

Very hot scene - she did very elaborate rope bondage on him. The contrast on whom you would have thought in the vanilla world to be in charge (and who was really in charge in that moment) was amazing.

I talked to him aftward and said that it was very cool that he was ok to be open about his submission. He smiled and he shared - "I'm sorry - I'm a little high right now." The domme made sure he drank from a botle of water and playfully encouraged two male onlookers to watch over him, help him to a chair and make sure he was ok. ("He's so big and if he falls on me I am afraid he'll crush me.")


< Message edited by HieroV -- 9/26/2011 4:31:02 AM >

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RE: Does contrast enhance power exchange? - 9/26/2011 4:31:49 AM   
AdorkableAiley


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: AdorkableAiley

To me it is when the Dom is much stronger, for some reason being held down by one of his arms while the other does what it wants... I guess its the demonstration of raw power, but I find it very hot.



Hmmmmm, looks like we're starting to see a recurring theme here.  This is the same contrast that Lilly described.  It's also essentially what Awareness described, only from the female perspective.

I think that before this thread is over, we're going to hear others chime in who have the same reaction to raw male strength.  In fact, this classic "masculine/feminine polarity" (as Awareness described it) may be the most primal of all the areas of contrast.  But I'll wait to hear what others have to say before drawing that conclusion.

One thing that I'm really anxious to hear is how lesbian or gay couples see this.  Are their any traits/qualities that have a similar effect on them, despite there being no classic male/female contrast in the relationship? 



That is exactly it! You said it far better than my sleep deprived mind could come up with.

Ailey the sleepy sub

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RE: Does contrast enhance power exchange? - 9/26/2011 4:34:42 AM   
LillyBoPeep


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

I think that before this thread is over, we're going to hear others chime in who have the same reaction to raw male strength.  In fact, this classic "masculine/feminine polarity" (as Awareness described it) may be the most primal of all the areas of contrast.  But I'll wait to hear what others have to say before drawing that conclusion.

One thing that I'm really anxious to hear is how lesbian or gay couples see this.  Are their any traits/qualities that have a similar effect on them, despite there being no classic male/female contrast in the relationship? 



nicely put, Rochsub. ^_^ i think you're right

i'm also curious to see how this works (if it works at all) in same sex couples.


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RE: Does contrast enhance power exchange? - 9/26/2011 4:36:09 AM   
Rochsub2009


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Status: offline 		HieroV,
Great story!!!  That IS hot.  Moreover, it's exactly the type of situation that I'm referring to. 

There were multiple elements at work that may have fallen into the category that I'm talking about.  The height element.  The physical strength element.  The race element.  All of them could have done it by themselves.  But when mixed together, it sounds like it resulted in a totally hot scene. 

Thank you for sharing that.  That was an excellent example.


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RE: Does contrast enhance power exchange? - 9/26/2011 4:55:14 AM   
crazyml


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Status: offline 		Hmm, I do get Awareness's POV, but I'm not at all sure that for me it's about gender (although I identify as hetero), or about raw physical strength.

For me power exchange is more potent when the transition in power is greater, so - I get a far greater rush from dominating an assertive, (sheesh - I could also say "dominant") woman because her transition into submission is greater than it would be if she were innately submissive.

So the delta isn't necessarily between her and I, it's between non-sub her and sub-her.

So... Getting a super feisty, assertive, intelligent chick to remove her panties in a restaurant (which is a pretty tame example of p/e generally) is hotter than getting an out and out sub to take a super hard spanking and beg for more.





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RE: Does contrast enhance power exchange? - 9/26/2011 4:59:07 AM   
LillyBoPeep


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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

So... Getting a super feisty, assertive, intelligent chick



a lot of the sub women i know are like this. =p there's nothing about being submissive that means you also can't be fiesty, assertive, and intelligent.


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RE: Does contrast enhance power exchange? - 9/26/2011 5:04:41 AM   
crazyml


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

So... Getting a super feisty, assertive, intelligent chick



a lot of the sub women i know are like this. =p there's nothing about being submissive that means you also can't be fiesty, assertive, and intelligent.



Oh crikey, I totally agree - nothing wrong with being a super feisty, assertive, powerful, intelligent woman and at the same time being sub. Goodness no.

And yes, a lot of the sub women I get on with are just like this!


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