Does Dominance Imply Order? (Full Version)

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xxblushesxx -> Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/20/2011 9:57:41 PM)

I didn't want to hi-jack the thread that started this, but I'm curious.

When I think of someone dominant, I think of someone in control of their life, their environment and all the things that go along with it. (As much as can reasonably be expected. I do expect everyone to be human and flawed...even dominants!)

Now, to me, being in control of your life implies that you would have a home where things are in order. It doesn't have to be a large house; it can be a room you rent, a trailer or a mansion, it's all the same; it's your home. It doesn't have to be perfectly sanitized and not white glove treatment, but if you want something you know where it is and you don't have to wade through a bunch of junk to get it. If someone drops in to visit, you don't have to pretend you're not home or risk being thought of as messy jessy.

I am a bit of a creative slob, and am so thankful that HM and I are together. He helps me stay organized and neat and I do appreciate it.

I've  been reading in another thread about one dom who doesn't care for his home to be too neat, and while I don't want to live in a home decorating magazine, I do like to be able to walk around barefoot and not have to be too careful not to stumble over various things lying around.

We have a menagerie of animals and also a couple of children, so...neat is relative in our home. *lol* (fuzzy mice and squeakers appear around every corner)

I know everyone lives their life the way they choose, so this is not a value judgment, I'm just curious what other people think if/when they walk into a dominant's domain? Do you expect it to be neat and fairly organized or is catch as catch can expected about as often?

If their home environment isn't at least tidy, do you wonder about their ability to control other things in their life including you? Of course, I guess an organizational sub could come in very handy for a dom who has problems keeping track of stuff like that (like I do) I know this thread will piss some people off, but almost every thread upsets someone, so...I guess I'll just go ahead and ask. (because I'm curious!)



roscho -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/20/2011 10:01:05 PM)

Your question involves a mixture of dynamics. Impossible to answer, except for what works for you at any given moment.

I can say I'd never want xxxxxx, but then the right person would come along with a large load of xxxxxxxx, and all of the sudden xxxxxxx doesn't seem like a negative.



littlewonder -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/20/2011 10:01:23 PM)

Yes. If their home is a mess, to me it's a sign that their life probably isn't all that controlled either. I know that when my life was out of control, so was my home. I had just given up on everything and therefore I lost control of my entire life.

For me personally if I'm with a dominant man, and I am [:)], I expect him to be organized, neat, tidy, likes things a certain order and Master is exactly that type of man...the only difference now is I do the cleaning for the most part so I keep everything in order now lol  [8D]



Endivius -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/20/2011 10:02:52 PM)

If you can't control your finances and your health I don't see how anyone would expect you to be responsible with thier safety, and possibly thier life. Unless ofcourse that person is comletely irresponsible and reckless themselves, in wich case I would have little to nothing to do with them.



HannahLynn -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/20/2011 10:15:11 PM)

fuck no. that's what you have a slave for, to clean the fucking place up and put everything where it belongs.



littlewonder -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/20/2011 10:20:17 PM)

but what if you didn't have a slave? Would you just let it all go and pile up and say to yourself "my next slave will clean it up"?

I can remember when I was still single and guys would send me pics of themselves. All you could see was in the background dirty clothes all over the place, unmade bed, dirty dishes all over the place. All I could think was "oh hell no!". Before I become someone's slave I need to know they still have their life in order, with or without me.




HannahLynn -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/20/2011 10:28:26 PM)

fuck no, but the place was messy and cluttered and i was always a little behind on shit. i'm not an organized type of person. i would usually do housework on saturdays, so by friday the place got looking messy. not filthy, but not neat either. well to be honest it probably never fucking would have passed muster for you. but it doesn't have a fucking thing to do with dominance, it has to do with the type of man you like. you want a dominant man who is neat and organized, that doesn't make the messy dom less fucking dominant, it just makes him messy and not your type.

this is just as daft an idea as saying doggie style is inherently dominant or that giving oral is inherently submissive. the two characteristics are utterly fucking unrelated. you may as well say dominant men are 6'+.



RexDarcy -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/20/2011 10:37:14 PM)

I hate clutter and messes. Even when I'm the only one here, things have to be clean. If a person keeps their place clean, keeping it that way doesn't take a great deal of time or effort.



xxblushesxx -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/20/2011 10:37:34 PM)

So you don't believe being in control of your life and your surroundings has anything to do with dominance?

(oh and I so agree about the messy clutter pictures! WTF are they thinking?)



MissToYouRedux -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/20/2011 10:58:04 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

So you don't believe being in control of your life and your surroundings has anything to do with dominance?



That *housekeeping to somebody else's standards* isn't a priority for some doesn't necessarily translate into not being in control of one's life. It's just another compatibility issue.

For example, personally I could care less about vacuuming. Left to my own devices I rarely get around to it. Luckily for me, helpful guys abound. [:)]



xxblushesxx -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/20/2011 11:00:33 PM)

Yeah, like I said, it isn't about a white glove clean (and to be honest I blew off the vacumming this week!) but more of a "a place for most things and most things in their place" Just a sense of order. (but ours is VERY lived in tbh)



HannahLynn -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/20/2011 11:07:29 PM)

no, its just that i don't think neatness and being organized have a fucking thing to do with being in control of my life. and "controlling my surroundings" has fuck all to do with dominance. i mean come on, are you implying all subs are fucking slobs?

the whole fucking idea is ridiculous, you are assigning dominance to a trait you find attractive. it makes as much sense as saying dominants have brown eyes, or like jazz. they are simply unrelated traits.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/20/2011 11:24:19 PM)

i don't really think they have much to do with each other. there are anal retentive Doms and subs, and there are messy Doms and subs. whether or not your house is clean really doesn't have anything to do with dominance or leadership ability.

this idea of being "totally in control of your life" manifests in all sorts of really arbitrary ways -- some people seem to think all Doms should be CEOs of fortune 500 companies, because certainly being successful in the business world means you're dominant -- but then what of all those super powerful people who submit when they get home?

some of these things CAN occur together, but they don't always have to. they're part of personality that don't really have much to do with each other. if his energy can compel me to either keep his place clean, or clean it in the first place, it doesn't matter -- the energy is what matters.



myotherself -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/20/2011 11:53:17 PM)

I read the responses so far and I did a bit of thinking (roll of drums)...

I think I am attracted to the kind of dominant who is neat and tidy and is obviously in charge of his life and his 'stuff'.

That doesn't mean that this level of control is inherently dominant - it just means that for me it is an outward display of the level of self-discipline and control that I crave. So far there is a strong correlation for me between the two areas, but then again I'm not attracted to slobs, so I have nothing really to compare it to. [:)]




gungadin09 -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/20/2011 11:57:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
If their home environment isn't at least tidy, do you wonder about their ability to control other things in their life including you?


i don't think the two have to be connected.  But for me, yes.  Very messy houses bug me, big time.

pam



xxblushesxx -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/21/2011 12:04:52 AM)

I suppose.

But I still see dominance as having control over your life. You don't have to be a CEO of a fortune 500 company; simply do the work you love to do (or work toward that as a goal) and maintain order and tranquility in your life. Chaos implies a life out of control, or out of balance. So, if your home is constantly in chaos, or if your life is constantly in chaos (not necessarily your home) how do you manage and control others?

Sorry if I keep saying the same thing. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the idea of someone trying to lead me who (seemingly to me at least) does not have control over his/her own life/environment. It could definitely be just my hangup. I'm trying my best to see the other side, but...it's not happening.

This to me isn't the same at all as saying, all dominants are tall or have dark hair. It goes deeper than that. It's more than just a personality trait also. It's how someone lives their life. I'd definitely guess that most people who are leaders in our world have this control and this drive to control these aspects of their lives, so why wouldn't those who are leaders in their own home have that as well? (although possibly to a lessor extent)

Anyway, these are just some thoughts I've had. I wouldn't expect everyone to agree with me, and I'm glad to read these other views. It's interesting to consider others' perspectives and apply them (when applicable) to my own. : )



wittynamehere -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/21/2011 12:09:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
When I think of someone dominant, I think of someone in control of their life.

I'm with you so far!

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
being in control of your life implies that you would have a home where things are in order.

You lost me. I would have said it this way:
being in control of your life implies that you would have a home where things are exactly as you want them to be.



xxblushesxx -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/21/2011 12:13:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
When I think of someone dominant, I think of someone in control of their life.

I'm with you so far!

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
being in control of your life implies that you would have a home where things are in order.

You lost me. I would have said it this way:
being in control of your life implies that you would have a home where things are exactly as you want them to be.



Interesting! But don't most people want to be able to find the black pen when they need it, and the whatzamahoozey you only use once a year? Life is frustrating when there isn't some sort of order, isn't it?

I should add that my ex had his home exactly as he wanted it to be, but unfortunately he was a hoarder, so...I didn't consider his way very dominant. (and this may be colouring my outlook on this issue)



HannahLynn -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/21/2011 12:58:33 AM)

quote:

But don't most people want to be able to find the black pen when they need it, and the whatzamahoozey you only use once a year?
yea, but that doesn't require shit has to be neat and organized, it only means you have to know where to find shit.  what is happening here is that you value order and tranquility, and you dislike fucking chaos. so you are associating an orderly person with a dominant person. some of us, however, do not value order and tranquility, we have different priorities, some of us embrace a little chaos in our lives, some of us fucking thrive on that shit. and being dominant, we seek to arrange our lives to accommodate that.

also, you say your house isn't white glove spotless and you skipped the vacuuming,  so you have a tolerance for a certain amount of messiness, well others have different messiness tolerances. some, i have a suspicion littlewonder is one, wouldn't tolerate her house the way yours is, and others, like me, you wouldn't tolerate your house the way theirs is. so again, you are attributing your preferences to dominance, you want somebody with the fucking same or higher messiness tolerance level as you, and so you equate that with dominance rather than seeing it as an issue of compatibility.

do you see how you are equating compatibility traits you find desirable with dominance.



xxblushesxx -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/21/2011 1:21:51 AM)

Maybe. I'll have to think on that one a bit. : )



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