Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: The Lifestyle is.....and other pervasive myths.


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: The Lifestyle is.....and other pervasive myths. Page: <<   < prev  4 5 [6] 7 8   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: The Lifestyle is.....and other pervasive myths. - 6/2/2006 6:47:05 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		[/quote]
To paraphrase, you are saying "All Ds lifestylers fall under the vanilla lifestyle umbrella"?
[/quote]

To me, the term "Ds lifestylers" is an oxymoron, therefore I cant answer that in the absolute way that you have framed it.  I think all people who practice Ds/Ms in their relationships live at least a partially "vanilla" lifestyle..unless of course, they never leave the house. 

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: The Lifestyle is.....and other pervasive myths. - 6/2/2006 6:47:54 AM   
angelface183


Posts: 688
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

 To me a Ds relationship is an intimate personal authority dynamic based on the personal choices of those involved. 


Does that not apply to ALL intimate personal relationships?  Are we really that different from vanilla relationships in that sense?

_____________________________

"...... all that, a bag of chips AND a pickle!!!"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: The Lifestyle is.....and other pervasive myths. - 6/2/2006 6:51:01 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelface183
Does that not apply to ALL intimate personal relationships?  Are we really that different from vanilla relationships in that sense?

Except for the authority dynamic part- nope we're not really that different at all.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to angelface183)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: The Lifestyle is.....and other pervasive myths. - 6/2/2006 6:51:12 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
In *my* definition, if you really wanted to see lifestyle dominance and submission, check out the females in Iran.


To me that's not a "Ds relationship" that's simply cultural norms operating with a sexist interpretation of authority.

To me a Ds relationship is an intimate personal authority dynamic based on the personal choices of those involved.  That authority dynamic can and does operate wherever the person is or is not- it's not dependent upon how anyone else views the relationship and it's not dependent on how the slave acts or doesn't act.


For US, yes it is based on choices.  For them it is not....it is their lifestyle.  Ds in its most basic form is defined as dominance and submission.  The females in those countires are dominated.  that is in fact Ds.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: The Lifestyle is.....and other pervasive myths. - 6/2/2006 6:51:15 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
I guess its all about how we define lifestyle.  I live the american lifestyle, but choose a Ds foundation in my personal relationship with a man. In *my* definition, if you really wanted to see lifestyle dominance and submission, check out the females in Iran.
 "Lifestyle Ds" can be found in those type countries.  THATS a lifestyle. It applies across the board, not just when you choose to be in a Ms/Ds relationship. Its the law of the land...the way they live...their "lifestyle".     Maybe we just define lifestyle differently and its another case of semantics.  
 


Ah, I think that I see where the disconnect in our lines of thought lies. I don't see what is happening to the females in Iran as Dominance and submission. That is oppression. I don't see anything remotely submissive about oppression or submission to the will of another because there simply is no other option. Just because someone is submitting because they are oppressed does not make them submissive....it makes them survivors.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: The Lifestyle is.....and other pervasive myths. - 6/2/2006 6:51:31 AM   
irishbynature


Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline 		This is an excellent topic brought up by mistoferin and one that should be reposted from time to time for those of us who once fell of the "Myths"

_____________________________


What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller


(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: The Lifestyle is.....and other pervasive myths. - 6/2/2006 6:53:14 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
To me, the term "Ds lifestylers" is an oxymoron, therefore I cant answer that in the absolute way that you have framed it.  I think all people who practice Ds/Ms in their relationships live at least a partially "vanilla" lifestyle..unless of course, they never leave the house. 

I don't consider what I DO to be "living a vanilla lifestyle."

Do I do all the things that vanillas do?  Yes.

That doesn't mean a) I am vanilla or b) I live my life as a vanilla (someone like my sister) does.

First you say that a Ds lifestyle is what's going on in Iran and now you say it's not an actual sensible concept at all?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: The Lifestyle is.....and other pervasive myths. - 6/2/2006 6:54:20 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelface183
Does that not apply to ALL intimate personal relationships?  Are we really that different from vanilla relationships in that sense?

Except for the authority dynamic part- nope we're not really that different at all.


Which was my point from the start.  we dont live different lifestyles than those who do not have an "authority dymanic" ,

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: The Lifestyle is.....and other pervasive myths. - 6/2/2006 6:55:25 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
For US, yes it is based on choices.  For them it is not....it is their lifestyle.  Ds in its most basic form is defined as dominance and submission.  The females in those countires are dominated.  that is in fact Ds.

No, being dominated does not make a person "a submissive" in a Ds sense, nor does dominating make a person "a dominant."  If you're taking that perspective, then every single person in the world is a switch.

Dominance and submission are not the same as being "a dominant" or being "a submissive" in the Ds sense.





_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: The Lifestyle is.....and other pervasive myths. - 6/2/2006 7:00:19 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
To me, the term "Ds lifestylers" is an oxymoron, therefore I cant answer that in the absolute way that you have framed it.  I think all people who practice Ds/Ms in their relationships live at least a partially "vanilla" lifestyle..unless of course, they never leave the house. 

I don't consider what I DO to be "living a vanilla lifestyle."

Do I do all the things that vanillas do?  Yes.

That doesn't mean a) I am vanilla or b) I live my life as a vanilla (someone like my sister) does.

First you say that a Ds lifestyle is what's going on in Iran and now you say it's not an actual sensible concept at all?


There are many *forms* of Ds.  Ranging from bdsm relationships to even vanilla marriage.  When you dissect the actual meaning of dominance and submission it can be applied to all types of things and all different types of relationships ie..boss/employee, parent/child, husband/wife.  I do not advocate the from of Ds practiced in Iran.  Again, I am going to steer it back to the original point, which was the use of the term *Lifestyle*.   And apparently we all have a different perspective on what the word means. I

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: The Lifestyle is.....and other pervasive myths. - 6/2/2006 7:03:35 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
I guess its all about how we define lifestyle.  I live the american lifestyle, but choose a Ds foundation in my personal relationship with a man. In *my* definition, if you really wanted to see lifestyle dominance and submission, check out the females in Iran.
 "Lifestyle Ds" can be found in those type countries.  THATS a lifestyle. It applies across the board, not just when you choose to be in a Ms/Ds relationship. Its the law of the land...the way they live...their "lifestyle".     Maybe we just define lifestyle differently and its another case of semantics.  
 


Ah, I think that I see where the disconnect in our lines of thought lies. I don't see what is happening to the females in Iran as Dominance and submission. That is oppression. I don't see anything remotely submissive about oppression or submission to the will of another because there simply is no other option. Just because someone is submitting because they are oppressed does not make them submissive....it makes them survivors.


They are *dominated* byy the males in the culture..Yes its oppressive, but in its most *basic* sense, it is lifestyle dominance.  One we dont agree with, but its their "lifestyle". 

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: The Lifestyle is.....and other pervasive myths. - 6/2/2006 7:04:43 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
 I do not advocate the from of Ds practiced in Iran. 


Please marieToo, as I stated in my last post, what is practiced in Iran is NOT D/s. To compare it even in the most vague sense to what it is that we do is offensive. As I said in my last post....that is oppression....blatant....undeniable oppression.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: The Lifestyle is.....and other pervasive myths. - 6/2/2006 7:08:27 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

You make a few quick rotten tomato throws and then rush out of the theater.


LA, lol you kill me sometimes. I love this!

_____________________________





(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: The Lifestyle is.....and other pervasive myths. - 6/2/2006 7:10:12 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
They are *dominated* byy the males in the culture..Yes its oppressive, but in its most *basic* sense, it is lifestyle dominance.  One we dont agree with, but its their "lifestyle". 


marie...that is like saying that the slavery that was practiced in this country was a lifestyle.....or that it was Dominant and submissive in nature. The people in Iran, just like the slaves that were here have/had NO choice....they are not living a lifestyle, they are simply surviving. If you want to call it something, call it tyranny and oppression....but it is NOT Dominance and submission.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 6/2/2006 7:11:21 AM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: The Lifestyle is.....and other pervasive myths. - 6/2/2006 7:13:01 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
 I do not advocate the from of Ds practiced in Iran. 


Please marieToo, as I stated in my last post, what is practiced in Iran is NOT D/s. To compare it even in the most vague sense to what it is that we do is offensive. As I said in my last post....that is oppression....blatant....undeniable oppression.


Please do not feel offended.  That is not my intention.  The meaning of the words dominance and submission if you look them up will not have anything next to them about Masters and slaves. or BDSM.  I used that to make an example of the way *I* define a lifestyle.  If you choose to be offended by a difference of opinion, there is nothing I can do about that. 

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: The Lifestyle is.....and other pervasive myths. - 6/2/2006 7:18:32 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
They are *dominated* byy the males in the culture..Yes its oppressive, but in its most *basic* sense, it is lifestyle dominance.  One we dont agree with, but its their "lifestyle". 


marie...that is like saying that the slavery that was practiced in this country was a lifestyle.....or that it was Dominant and submissive in nature. The people in Iran, just like the slaves that were here have/had NO choice....they are not living a lifestyle, they are simply surviving. If you want to call it something, call it tyranny and oppression....but it is NOT Dominance and submission.


Again, it was used as an example of how I define the term "living a lifestyle", in hopes that you could better understand it's use in the context of my post.This has gone off in so many different tangents, all of them with everyone pontificating their own personal labels and description of their own lives, and none of which have been able to examine the point that I am trying to make without  personalizing it. 

< Message edited by marieToo -- 6/2/2006 7:19:16 AM >

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: The Lifestyle is.....and other pervasive myths. - 6/2/2006 7:23:26 AM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
For US, yes it is based on choices.  For them it is not....it is their lifestyle.  Ds in its most basic form is defined as dominance and submission.  The females in those countires are dominated.  that is in fact Ds.

No, being dominated does not make a person "a submissive" in a Ds sense, nor does dominating make a person "a dominant."  If you're taking that perspective, then every single person in the world is a switch.


That doesnt even come close to what I said. 

< Message edited by marieToo -- 6/2/2006 7:48:36 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: The Lifestyle is.....and other pervasive myths. - 6/2/2006 7:33:39 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

I wonder how many dominants would introduce their "slave" as their slave at a company picnic, or a holiday dinner with family. 

 
I did. I had no problem introducing Brian as my submissive. There were times my friends were extremely judgemental and made no qualms in saying right out how they felt about it, but for the most part, those who love me accepted Brian in my life. I never made it my problem, if they didnt like it, that was their problem.

_____________________________





(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: The Lifestyle is.....and other pervasive myths. - 6/2/2006 7:35:04 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

Please do not feel offended.  That is not my intention.  The meaning of the words dominance and submission if you look them up will not have anything next to them about Masters and slaves. or BDSM.  I used that to make an example of the way *I* define a lifestyle.  If you choose to be offended by a difference of opinion, there is nothing I can do about that. 


Well first, I'm not offended. I said that the wording was offensive, which I am sure it would be to many. It takes an awful lot to offend me though.

I really don't think we are all that far off. I think that maybe the Iran analogy was not necessarily the best but.....

In looking up the words in the dictionary, you are correct in that they have different meanings than what we generally apply within the context of what it is that we do. But the thread is ABOUT what it is that we do, so therefore those standard dictionary meanings don't relate that well. This thread is about contradicting the common myths found within our frame of reference, and within THAT frame of reference a 24/7 lifestyle as it applies here is possible. The point that I was trying to make is that when people hear 24/7 they somehow think that people who state that they live that way "play" all the time or live naked and in service. That is the myth that I am trying to dispel.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: The Lifestyle is.....and other pervasive myths. - 6/2/2006 7:42:53 AM   
angelface183


Posts: 688
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

 when people hear 24/7 they somehow think that people who state that they live that way "play" all the time or live naked and in service.


gotta tell you though erin, when He is here, I prefer to be in collar and cuffs.  Sure I put clothes on over them if we go out, but I disrobe almost immediately upon return.  Hopefully before he has asked me to.  Personally I do not care what people think about what it is that I do with my Master.  Whether or not it fits someone's definition or perpetutates a myth, it works for us, whatever it is.

_____________________________

"...... all that, a bag of chips AND a pickle!!!"

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 120
Page:   <<   < prev  4 5 [6] 7 8   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: The Lifestyle is.....and other pervasive myths. Page: <<   < prev  4 5 [6] 7 8   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109