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Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:15:18 PM

slaveloser69

Posts: 44
Joined: 3/5/2011
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Hi all,

I'm a 23 year old male in a new vanilla relationship with a girl (about a few months now).. She is totally vanilla and not into bdsm.. And I feel since I stopped actively seeking a Mistress and attempted to run away from my desires and be vanilla I have kind of lost my sex drive.. When we are getting intimate I find myself thinking of humiliation and bdsm. I am not going to cheat and serve a mistress or anything like that, but would it be cheating/bad if I perhaps paid and talked to say a financial domme, as in one i would never actually meet? just one to pay and talk online to so i am still somewhat involved with bdsm but not getting intimate with another woman, or is that just straight up wrong?

Also-- different subject kind of BUT.. the sex was good, but a few days ago-- she was playing with my dick like grabbing it and teasing it and said we couldn't have sex (because my dog was in the room long story).. anyway, then she decided we would have sex and I came in literally 5 seconds.. after that I felt like I wasn't a good lover.. and now i'm having a problem getting it up.. and when I fianlly do, I put the condom on and I'm going in and out of her and I don't stay hard and she says she doesn't feel anything.. So , I take the condom off.. and then I cum very quickly because it feels so good.. any thoughts on this?

Post #: 1

RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:18:08 PM

Fornica

Posts: 2986
Status: offline

I don't know, is it?
If my partner entered into anything like what you're describing, with another woman, hooker/domme/whatever...I'd freak the fuck out.
If you're doing it behind your partners back, in my book its cheating. There are various degrees (emotionally, physically, etc)...but at the end of the day, it's deception, no?
Is there a reason you can't talk to your gf about this?

< Message edited by Fornica -- 1/26/2012 6:19:24 PM >

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RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:20:47 PM

DBWhiskey

Posts: 65
Joined: 1/21/2012
Status: offline

For questions like this I tend to just say what I think my girlfriend would think: Fuck yeah it's cheating.

(in reply to Fornica)

Post #: 3

RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:21:54 PM

slaveloser69

Posts: 44
Joined: 3/5/2011
Status: offline

yes there is a reason.. we've only been newly in a relationship.. so i figure she'll freak out and maybe leave me

(in reply to Fornica)

Post #: 4

RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:23:02 PM

SomeCdnGuy

Posts: 45
Joined: 1/24/2012
Status: offline

quote:

If you're doing it behind your partners back, in my book its cheating.

Exactamundo!

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RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:23:20 PM

servantforuse

Posts: 6363
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline

My suggestion to the OP is get away from your vanilla relationship and do so ASAP. Your feelings for this lifestyle will never go away.

(in reply to DBWhiskey)

Post #: 6

RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:23:36 PM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
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Ask yourself this question: If my girlfriend found out, would she be upset due to the action (and not just that I was hiding it from her)?

If the answer is yes, then it's cheating.

(in reply to DBWhiskey)

Post #: 7

RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:27:43 PM

lostinmyownmind

Posts: 56
Joined: 8/31/2011
Status: offline

If the vanilla relationship isn't fulfilling for you, then you need to get out of it.
Let me ask you this, how would YOU feel if it were your girlfriend in your place?

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Post #: 8

RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:28:35 PM

slaveloser69

Posts: 44
Joined: 3/5/2011
Status: offline

ok.. i won't do it then, thanks i get it

(in reply to lostinmyownmind)

Post #: 9

RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:33:43 PM

SomeCdnGuy

Posts: 45
Joined: 1/24/2012
Status: offline

Probably a good idea.

Another good idea is to talk to her about your wants and desires regarding humiliation and so on.

_____________________________

Dammit I'm mad

is

Dammit I'm mad

spelled backwards.

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Post #: 10

RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:35:02 PM

slaveloser69

Posts: 44
Joined: 3/5/2011
Status: offline

^ that my friend seems like it would be a quickkkkkkkkkkkkk way to end the relationship. "hey i love it when u say my dick is small" ..."uhh what?"

(in reply to SomeCdnGuy)

Post #: 11

RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:35:17 PM

Kaliko

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
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Well, regarding your first question, I guess I am to make the assumption that you two are exclusive? If you haven't promised exclusivity, then I'd say it's not an issue.

Assuming you have, though, then yes, it's cheating. I'm all for a man I'm with looking at whatever images, movies, etc. he wants to, but if there starts to be any interaction...real interaction, not just talking about the subject of sex but actual phone or internet sex talk...that's when it enters a different level. Personally, if my man said to me that he wants to engage in erotic conversation with others, I'd help him dial and leave the room to give him privacy. She may be fine with it, for all you know. (Likely not, though...don't go spilling the beans on my account.)

As far as your second question, perhaps if you are searching for humiliation you are maybe making up situations for yourself that would give you some similar types of responses? Just a thought. Maybe you're putting her into that dominant position, especially after she denied you sex because the dog was in the room. Perhaps you're trying to extend the feeling.

And finally, regarding your other post, if you are worried about her freaking out and leaving you, then that may be for the best. If you're at the point where you are having sex, assuming exclusively, with each other but you can't share a little kinky fantasy with her or can't talk with her about physical issues that may affect your sex life without her freaking out, then you are likely not compatible and you will be stifling those desires of yours for some time to come. Break the kink out early, I say.

< Message edited by Kaliko -- 1/26/2012 6:37:51 PM >

(in reply to slaveloser69)

Post #: 12

RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:37:53 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

of course it is.. for all the reasons other folks have mentioned... really, if you need to ask the question, maybe you should rethink your commitment to the relationship you're in

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Post #: 13

RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:38:20 PM

slaveloser69

Posts: 44
Joined: 3/5/2011
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Ok.. so tell her?

(in reply to Kaliko)

Post #: 14

RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:38:58 PM

Kaliko

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveloser69

^ that my friend seems like it would be a quickkkkkkkkkkkkk way to end the relationship. "hey i love it when u say my dick is small" ..."uhh what?"

There are ways to go about it.

(in reply to slaveloser69)

Post #: 15

RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:40:22 PM

Kaliko

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveloser69

Ok.. so tell her?

Well, more specifically, were I you I would read the responses you receive, consider your feelings for her, and then make your own decision.

(in reply to slaveloser69)

Post #: 16

RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:42:48 PM

slaveloser69

Posts: 44
Joined: 3/5/2011
Status: offline

like what ways to go about it? and I have read my responses.. and im not going to cheat.. but i want to know what to do and how

(in reply to Kaliko)

Post #: 17

RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:45:56 PM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

How well do you like this girl, and with that said Do you ACTUALLY know she isnt into BDSM?

Always can have the talk.

(in reply to Kaliko)

Post #: 18

RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:47:44 PM

kjade

Posts: 39
Joined: 1/23/2012
Status: offline

Put the shoe on the other foot, step back and pretend you are her. Would it hurt you if she did it to you? That's your answer. Unless you have a mutual agreement where you invite a third party, swing , allow a domm ect then you are probably cheating. Have you considered having a heart to heart and discussing your past and what you desire now?

(in reply to slaveloser69)

Post #: 19

RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:50:02 PM

slaveloser69

Posts: 44
Joined: 3/5/2011
Status: offline

^ ok.. im NOT going to cheat on her and talk to another woman in any sort of form, i get it! Im thinking what to do now.. and no I haven't talked to her about it.. just a little.. but she has told me she likes a man in control..

(in reply to kjade)

Post #: 20

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