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RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:54:09 PM   
Kaliko


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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveloser69

like what ways to go about it? and I have read my responses.. and im not going to cheat.. but i want to know what to do and how


If you mean how to break out the kink to her...

(I think I like that term - "break out the kink" - did I just make that up or is that not anything new?) ...

These days I'm a little more sure-footed in my desires so I tend to just tell it like ripping off a band aid and wait to see if there's any intrigue or just disgust. More often than not it's intrigue, but men are dogs that way. :)

I have in the past, though, had some fun with it. My former partner and I loved to write, and we would write stories for each other and try to outdo each other with how twisted we could get with it. That was a safe way to explore each other's desires without saying "Will you do this to me?"

It doesn't have to be writing...maybe just any sort of activity that would put the topic before you without any pressure on her (or you) to act on it.

(in reply to slaveloser69)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:55:00 PM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		Hun she might be into it and not even know it if she likes a guy in control. I was 42 before I knew. I would talk to her, what would it hurt? SHe isnt keeping your wood choppin the way it is. So not much to lose really. Might turn out great!

(in reply to slaveloser69)
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RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:55:45 PM   
Kaliko


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Joined: 9/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveloser69

^ ok.. im NOT going to cheat on her and talk to another woman in any sort of form, i get it! Im thinking what to do now.. and no I haven't talked to her about it.. just a little.. but she has told me she likes a man in control..



Oh. Well then...being a self-identified male slave, you may find that difficult.

(in reply to slaveloser69)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:59:06 PM   
kjade


Posts: 39
Joined: 1/23/2012
Status: offline 		I'm sorry if anything that I said offended you. I was just trying to say that there are boundaries and unless you set them a lot of things can be misconstrued (especially if you haven't been completely upfront and honest about your desires) I know that it's hard to tell someone things about you that can make you look weird in their eyes but in the end either A. You stay in the same boat and you are unsatisfied and as a result she is as well b. your lay it on the table and you find out she has a freaky side that she hid and you branch on it or c. She is freaked out and leaves in which case she is probably not your soulmate in the long run. Relationships are built on honesty, communication and trust.

(in reply to slaveloser69)
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RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 6:59:47 PM   
SomeCdnGuy


Posts: 45
Joined: 1/24/2012
Status: offline 		I nominate that for Understatement of the Week!

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RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 7:00:35 PM   
kjade


Posts: 39
Joined: 1/23/2012
Status: offline 		If she has expressed that leans towards a bit of wanting a domm maybe you could role play for her wants and express your wants as well and see if she can role play for you?

(in reply to slaveloser69)
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RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 7:03:28 PM   
slaveloser69


Posts: 44
Joined: 3/5/2011
Status: offline 		Chatterbox-

So, when I see her.. and we're having sex sometimes she gets mad when i cun quickly.. or doesn't always feel me when im in her.. maybe tell say something on the lines of egging her on, telling her to be mean or something like that..?

(in reply to chatterbox24)
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RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 7:10:41 PM   
Kaliko


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Joined: 9/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveloser69

Chatterbox-

So, when I see her.. and we're having sex sometimes she gets mad when i cun quickly.. or doesn't always feel me when im in her.. maybe tell say something on the lines of egging her on, telling her to be mean or something like that..?



Hmmm.

(in reply to slaveloser69)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 7:13:54 PM   
chatterbox24


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Joined: 1/22/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveloser69

Chatterbox-

So, when I see her.. and we're having sex sometimes she gets mad when i cun quickly.. or doesn't always feel me when im in her.. maybe tell say something on the lines of egging her on, telling her to be mean or something like that..?


Tell her to smack and grab your ass, whatever it takes for you. SHe wants YOU TO TELL HEr. she already hinted she likes a man in control.

(in reply to slaveloser69)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 7:15:54 PM   
Fornica


Posts: 2986
Status: offline 		I'd have to say no to that.
Best to talk when you're clothed, in my nsho.
One time, when I was being "intimate" with a boyfriend (I was fairly young, and wasn't 100% comfortable being "out" with my bisexuality), he was going down on me and said something like "I love pussy" or "I love eating pussy" and I moaned "me tooooo".
He stopped and stood up so fast, and was totally horrified.

I had to finish myself off.

Moral of the story being..ah fuck. I don't even know. Talk not in the moment! That.

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(in reply to Kaliko)
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RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 7:19:01 PM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
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Status: offline 		  See, now I would have found that shit hot.

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RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 7:23:17 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Fornica

I'd have to say no to that.
Best to talk when you're clothed, in my nsho.
One time, when I was being "intimate" with a boyfriend (I was fairly young, and wasn't 100% comfortable being "out" with my bisexuality), he was going down on me and said something like "I love pussy" or "I love eating pussy" and I moaned "me tooooo".
He stopped and stood up so fast, and was totally horrified.

I had to finish myself off.

Moral of the story being..ah fuck. I don't even know. Talk not in the moment! That.


Yes, that's what I meant. An activity that's not sexual at the moment, but about sex. (Hmm..maybe it's just me that does a whole lot of sex-related stuff without having sex. I'll have to ponder that one.)

I don't spring anything on anyone in the middle of sex. It's always before. Unless I just come up with it - then I can't help it.

ETA and when I say I just tend to say it all and see what happens, I mean before sex as well. You know, like over coffee. Because honestly...I'm not even going to have sex with someone unless I know he's at least a little bit freaky.


< Message edited by Kaliko -- 1/26/2012 7:29:49 PM >

(in reply to Fornica)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 7:24:53 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Dang it you guys!! I could have had a great new customer. Y'all suck. *pouts*
OP, I wouldn't suggest you ask your gf to do sph unless she knows and understands what it is. (unless you want to lose her)
She's probably (right now) trying to think up ways to make you feel ok about it. *lol*
Personally, I look at phone sex, and /or going to a strip club, more as naughty entertainment, but not cheating.
With cheating, (imo) there is a possibility of your love going off with another.
99/100 in strip clubs and phone sex, that's NEVER gonna happen.


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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 7:32:06 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I am fine with porn and strip clubs, but not phone sex. If he wants phone sex, he had better be calling ME.

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 7:34:53 PM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		I know if my (ex) dom would have told me what he was going to do to me after we met it would have scared me and I wouldnt have shown up. I had an idea he was different but it wasnt completely explained in depth. But when he did what he did it was FREAKING HOT HOT HOT. So a bit of surprise can be a great element.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 7:36:52 PM   
Alida


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/7/2005
Status: offline 		break it in slowly. But yeah, damn straight talk about it. Don't get stuck in a relationship that won't satisfy either of you.

Find a movie and watch it and then talk about it. There's a start.

I asked every guy I was serious about to tie me up. I married the only one who did.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 7:41:07 PM   
NocturnalStalker


Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline 		Alternatively you could always hit it and quit it after a few times.  Let the nice guy she meets in a few years sort that out.

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 7:42:28 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline 		OP dude, the condom thing...

Why is the condom there? For birth control? For STI prevention? KEEP THE CONDOM ON if either/both of these is an issue.

As to your vanilla/kink match: someone said it will keep rearing its kinky head and my guess is...it will. So give her a chance to understand what drives you and either participate or decide it's not her cup of tea. Isn't there a book called 'When Someone You Love Is Kinky?' Folks here recommend it all the time.

In the past when meeting men I'm attracted to of unknown lifestyle affiliation, I've brought it up this way: "Ummm, while we're getting acquainted here I need to tell you this teensy, tiny little thing about me..."

And then I say I'm a domme and ask if there are any questions.

Edit: 'cuz I grammar policed myself.

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 1/26/2012 7:51:47 PM >

(in reply to slaveloser69)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 7:51:51 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveloser69

Chatterbox-

So, when I see her.. and we're having sex sometimes she gets mad when i cun quickly.. or doesn't always feel me when im in her.. maybe tell say something on the lines of egging her on, telling her to be mean or something like that..?


Uh tell her your her for my pleasure. Now shut the fuck up and suck me hard again.

BadOne


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(in reply to slaveloser69)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Is this cheating? AND .. - 1/26/2012 7:55:48 PM   
Epytropos


Posts: 699
Joined: 7/23/2011
Status: offline 		Does it need to be? You're deceiving your partner and developing intimacy with another person. Whether or not it's cheating is irrelevant.

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They're only words. Don't dwell on them. They never mean what you think.

I speak only of My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

(in reply to slaveloser69)
Profile   Post #: 40
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