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Need a Master's advice...... - 2/4/2012 2:55:34 PM   
FoxyStella


Posts: 24
Joined: 5/26/2011
Status: offline 		I am very new to this, so bear with me. I just spent $800 to travel to NJ to see a Dom from NY that I had had an online relationship with for 2 years. After spending a short hour and a half with me in the 3 days that I was there, I received a text saying that I was a good potential slave, just not for him. Not even a phone call, much less being man enough to tell me in person. Am I wrong for expecting more, at least a face-to-face dump? I'm so hurt behind this. Is this typical of all "domly" behavior? If so, how can I ever trust another Dom who acts in a similar manner? I know, I know, I was stupid to go all the way up there, but he said come, and after 6 months, I got loans to finance my trip. I'm ready to call all of this lifestyle quits because of him, and that's not fair to me...any thoughts will be appreciated. Try to keep the humiliation to a minimum, he humiliated me enough at it is. I'm just trying to get some understanding here.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/4/2012 2:58:37 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		did you guys ever see each other on cam before meeting?

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to FoxyStella)
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RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/4/2012 2:59:49 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		Don't blame him for your poor judgement.
Not all men who are dominant are like this.
You should have insisted on at least meeting half way so that he incurred some of the expenses.
Common sense goes a long way and you were lucky that he even showed up for an hour and a half.
Next time....look local and make the man be the one that goes out of his way to meet you.

_____________________________



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RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/4/2012 3:02:06 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		Let's change the focus somewhat and take out the kink.

So you got to know someone online and there was chemistry. That's easy to do online. So you decided to meet to see if there was a potential relationship there. It didn't work (at least for him) and he took the coward's way out and dumped you by text.

It's got nothing to do with kink, and everything to do with mutual attraction and chemistry. If it's not there, it's not there.

I have chatted online and become very fond of guys online. Then we've met and it's all a big 'meh', and we both go home a little bit sadder and a little bit wiser.

Next time, do not commit to anyone until you've met in person. All the skype, text and phone calls can't replace an actual face-to-face meeting.

It seems like you're a nice person who over-invested in a potential relationship. We live and we learn. Use this as a learning experience and next time don't get invested too heavily.

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There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to FoxyStella)
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RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/4/2012 3:02:37 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		There are a lot of really good guys out there in the community, so please don't give up.

There's always a risk that when you meet face to face, the spark just won't be there. That said, I think he behaved like a dick. Even if the spark wasn't there, you've clearly been friendly for the last 2 years. The very least he could have done is told you face to face and then treated you like a friend visiting for the weekend.

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to FoxyStella)
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RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/4/2012 3:04:59 PM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		It is sad that happened to you but i would chalk it up to a lesson learned, though I admit a costly one.
If you do have a LDR online again then when it's time to meet i would say either he comes to you and you finance half, you go to him and he finances halfor meet in the middle, then you are both "invested".

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Lead me not into temptation... I can find the way all by myself!

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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/4/2012 3:15:04 PM   
MistrixMsE


Posts: 198
Joined: 1/3/2010
From: Chicago, USA - Touring Internationally
Status: offline 		My 2 cents... meet half way, on neutral ground in the future should you go that route again. That way everyone is equally invested, and it encourages both parties to at least spend enough time to establish chemistry or connection in person one way or the other before its over. Plan for separate rooms should you do that though.. so if it seems wrong/is a bad fit, you do have somewhere to escape to.

_____________________________

Sadist with a sense of humor... your predicament amuses me.

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RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/4/2012 3:23:13 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		Someone said on another thread, until you meet them, they are a stranger. I think a killing could be made needle-pointing that on pillows.

Don't invest 2 years with someone you do not know. Good luck.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to FoxyStella)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/4/2012 3:35:54 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I'm having a difficult time understanding your post and profile. I almost feel like your words head in one direction and then you switch directions. It seems you are sending off mixed messages or maybe the fine line is in the details?

You say you are new to this, your profile was started nearly a year ago, you have been involved with an online dom for two years, you have experienced a lot of fakes and those not serious and you wonder if this lifestyle is worth your trouble and in the next breath are saying it is a mind blowing experience and worth it. What really seals the deal on confusion or mixed messages is that you state you are willing to invest your money in it all and now... are upset that you took out loans for a dead beat you should have known was a dead beat when he simply told you to come and didn't offer any way to prevent you going out on a limb with loans to accomplish that.

I am not here to try to humiliate you, but really, if you are this confusing in print and do confusing things... there is a problem more than a dickhead that led you on.

Could you clear some of this up? Which is it? You are new or have been involved for two years? Had lots of fakes before that two years or recently? You see where and why I might be going there with these questions?


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/4/2012 3:38:24 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		this ^^^^^

BINGO -----> and Lockit, you hit the bullseye once again.

also shes 60, how is it that you dont know better by now? Do you get out of the house much?

< Message edited by JanahX -- 2/4/2012 3:39:58 PM >

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/4/2012 3:43:59 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Sorry about what happened, that sucks. It seems as though you invested a lot into your expectations of what he was like rather than reality. We've all done that, it's a learning experience.

Dominants are people, they're pretty much the same kinds of people you run into every day. Attributing mythical properties to them isn't really fair to either of you. I'm sure they try to be worthy of our admiration and respect, but in the end they're people who have faults like the rest of us. Coming here to find yourself a man who is above others isn't really ever going to work. It's like when guys come here to find those loose, horny, unselective, hordes of women just waiting to be their submissives because they'll take anyone, and then they find out that submissive women are just like most other women in the world, and they aren't generally more loose or more horny and they've got standards too. Leave the knights (and the loose women) in the story books.

That being said he was a dick with how he broke it to you and I'm sure you didn't see that coming. Some people don't even get the text, so be glad I guess that at least you know. I'm surprised you footed the entire bill for the visit, as the others suggested if there is a next time try to balance out the costs with the two of you.

Why online? Go for someone in your area. Online fosters a false sense of intimacy I think and it's very unfulfilling. Go for someone you can see and touch. Meet fairly quickly to be sure you're both interested and build from there.

(in reply to FoxyStella)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/4/2012 4:05:07 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		What are you complaining about?  The $800, the fact that you needed loans to afford it, the fact that he is a Dom, the fact that he didn't tell you in person, or something else?

I'd be more pissed off about the two years that ended up being wasted.

Try looking local to you, and good luck.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/4/2012 4:18:45 PM   
gypsycowgirl


Posts: 6
Joined: 11/30/2009
Status: offline 		It's hurtful when online friendships end in real life "no chemistry" texts and no attempts to pay for part of your expenses.

I'm sure you're smart enough to see what went wrong and prevent it in the future. Treat it as a late-life learning experience and change your meeting policies accordingly. It has no other meaning.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/4/2012 4:35:19 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		Sorry. He was a jerk. Dom or sub, kinky or vanilla, some guys are just jerks.

I wish it was more cosmic and complicated, but it isn't.

(in reply to gypsycowgirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/4/2012 4:43:11 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		Im stuck on the financial ignorance of taking out loans to meet someone from online.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to AnimusRex)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/4/2012 4:48:18 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		I can't speak for anyone else but I'd be a whole lot more upset about the lost 2(!!??!!) years than $800.
Money comes and goes, time...it just goes.


I gotta ask, it ain't like NJ and NY are far apart-2 years is a ridiculous time to wait to meet.
And $800 seems high, how much can bus fare and a nights lodging (one night cuz if it don't work, you just jet) at a cheap hotel cost?
Odoriferous scents are wafting from the Norwegian states...

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to AnimusRex)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/4/2012 5:01:32 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		wait.....I used to live near Jersey and would take a train from Jersey to NY alllll the time. If he lived in or around NYC you just jump on a metro train for about oh....5 bucks.

If he lived elsewhere in NY I still can't see how it was more than a couple hundred dollars. 800? Dear, either you're not very good with money or you're extremely naive and easily conned for your age. You may want to start thinking about having a caretaker, someone that can help you out with things. I'm really not trying to be rude or anything, I'm being serious.



_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/4/2012 5:05:17 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		She is from TN. He lives in NY and it sounds like they were to meet in NJ.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/4/2012 5:10:54 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		whered the OP go?

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/4/2012 5:18:28 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

She is from TN. He lives in NY and it sounds like they were to meet in NJ.


Ahhh, my bad.
Still though, right now Travelocity will get ya from Chattanooga to NYC with hotel for $422.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 20
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