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RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 7:00:31 PM   
FoxyStella


Posts: 24
Joined: 5/26/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Sounds to me like you dodged a bullet more or less. 

There are wonderful people that I've met from online - around 80 at this point.  I've met them all over the world and in many contexts.  I chat with several of them via skype, on message boards, and such.  I also know that until I can smell them, they aren't real.  In particular there are a few folks on this board that I could easily get all hot and bothered about, but let's face it... until they are standing in front of me, there's a piece missing.  I"m not saying that relationships can develop on line.  I am proud to call a couple of the gals form here as very good friends to me - one I've not even yet met!  However, I also know how important I am to them by what they DO.

Here's the thing:  people spend their time, energy, and money on what is important to them. When in doubt, I tell folks to pretend I am from Missouri - the show me state.  Nothing wrong with requiring proof.  We do it in real life all the time.  The internet is no different.  We just get caught up in the false sense of intimacy that can come around based on our own fantasies.  Nothing wrong with fantasies either!  It's just a matter of knowing what's real and what's from your brain. 

You got a really inexpensive lesson, Stella.  Good on you.  Now, you will move on while knowing what's what... if you choose to.

best wishes,
sunshine






You are so true! I guess that I sometimes forget that I actually am from the state of Missouri! Born, raised and spent 57 of my years there!! Need to remember that and not let myself and the situation get carried away......

< Message edited by FoxyStella -- 2/5/2012 7:01:52 PM >

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 7:06:40 PM   
MsLockitsKnyt


Posts: 15
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		At 1:36pm your post indicates you were not one for marriage. At 1:48 pm, your post indicates you would have married him in a heart beat. No wonder people on these forums get confused...I certainly am. Back to taking care of Ms. Lockit...

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 7:13:26 PM   
FoxyStella


Posts: 24
Joined: 5/26/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsLockitsKnyt

At 1:36pm your post indicates you were not one for marriage. At 1:48 pm, your post indicates you would have married him in a heart beat. No wonder people on these forums get confused...I certainly am. Back to taking care of Ms. Lockit...

My position is that I am not looking for nor expecting marriage. If that was something that the man would have brought to me, I would have done it for his benefit, not mine. It wouldn't have made a difference to me. That is just a piece of paper and does not get any more or less of my loyalty that would already be there.

(in reply to MsLockitsKnyt)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 7:19:59 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

My position is that I am not looking for nor expecting marriage. If that was something that the man would have brought to me, I would have done it for his benefit, not mine.
Ahhh...how noble and selfless of you.

But wait...a few posts back you wrote
quote:

ORIGINAL: FoxyStella

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Why would you have married him in a heartbeat?

Believe it or not, I cared that deeply for him. I had a connection with him that I hadn't had with anyone but one other person in my 60 years. And, unfortunately, in spite of how things turned out, that connection is still in my heart, even though in my mind I know differently.


You want to know what i think? I think you forced yourself on this man and refused to take "no" for an answer about traveling to meet him.


_____________________________

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(in reply to FoxyStella)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 7:24:52 PM   
FoxyStella


Posts: 24
Joined: 5/26/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

My position is that I am not looking for nor expecting marriage. If that was something that the man would have brought to me, I would have done it for his benefit, not mine.
Ahhh...how noble and selfless of you.

But wait...a few posts back you wrote
quote:

ORIGINAL: FoxyStella

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Why would you have married him in a heartbeat?

Believe it or not, I cared that deeply for him. I had a connection with him that I hadn't had with anyone but one other person in my 60 years. And, unfortunately, in spite of how things turned out, that connection is still in my heart, even though in my mind I know differently.


You want to know what i think? I think you forced yourself on this man and refused to take "no" for an answer about traveling to meet him.


whatever, we all have opinions and now you have voiced yours. Think what you want, makes no difference to me. I know what took place.

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 7:27:18 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

whatever, we all have opinions and now you have voiced yours. Think what you want, makes no difference to me. I know what took place.
Oh really? My dear...you have contradicted yourself so many times in so many ways here that i seriously feel you are clueless. 

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to FoxyStella)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 7:31:27 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I am sure that most men want a woman to sacrifice so very much for them that they would marry them just to please them, with no benefit to themselves. Yes, a good man will want you to do things you think mean so little and yet are so easy to do and so hard to get out of. Yes, a good man wants a woman that will do destructive things even she doesn't believe in to be that ever so amazing submissive woman giving her all.

I'm not buying what you're trying to sell here.


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to FoxyStella)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 7:37:51 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Holly,
(Good to see you by the way - I've been away, and you were away before that....)

On more than one occasion, I've had conflicting emotions about things.... and I've made some bad decisions I had to justify to myself and others...  and I've been in denial... and I've defended a position based on that denial, conflicted emotion, bad decision.  Sure sounds like what's happening here. 

That's my thought on the matter - it's a rough place to be.  I'm a give her a break mahself - it sounds like a sucky place to be.

sunshine


_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 7:40:34 PM   
FoxyStella


Posts: 24
Joined: 5/26/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Holly,
(Good to see you by the way - I've been away, and you were away before that....)

On more than one occasion, I've had conflicting emotions about things.... and I've made some bad decisions I had to justify to myself and others...  and I've been in denial... and I've defended a position based on that denial, conflicted emotion, bad decision.  Sure sounds like what's happening here. 

That's my thought on the matter - it's a rough place to be.  I'm a give her a break mahself - it sounds like a sucky place to be.

sunshine


Thanks sunshine, the haters were getting to me. I already hate that I started this post to begin with. My first and probably only post on here. I obviously need to work on getting my thoughts together before ever trying this again.......but thanks for your kind words.

< Message edited by FoxyStella -- 2/5/2012 7:42:04 PM >

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 7:44:24 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Are we haters or are we seeing mixed messages? It is one thing to fall for something... be taken advantage of and even to offer yourself in a manner that will get you taken advantage of... but to not accept accountability for your own actions and words... is a whole other matter. If you can't see your back and forth and want to think we are haters... then that would clearly fall in line with someone stuck in delusion.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to FoxyStella)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 7:49:38 PM   
FoxyStella


Posts: 24
Joined: 5/26/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Are we haters or are we seeing mixed messages? It is one thing to fall for something... be taken advantage of and even to offer yourself in a manner that will get you taken advantage of... but to not accept accountability for your own actions and words... is a whole other matter. If you can't see your back and forth and want to think we are haters... then that would clearly fall in line with someone stuck in delusion.

you are correct, you are not haters and you are seeing mixed messages. I have taken responsibility for my actions. Apparently, I am unable to explain things to you or anyone else's satisfaction. I apologize and will not be doing it again. I am back and forth because my head says one thing while my heart says the opposite. Sorry that I chose to share this with most people here........

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 7:57:05 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I would recommend a very old book called: Women who love too much.

There are many victims in the world... but one thing about a lot of victims is that they continue to victimize themselves long after the victimizer is done with them. When you realize how you play the victim so well and seem to be comfortable as a victim, you might realize how to synchronize your head and heart.

I do wish you well despite what you might think. I find it heartbreaking when a woman leads herself down a similar path to what you are traveling in life and even more so when she is of an age where these life lessons could have been learned long ago.


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to FoxyStella)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 8:02:24 PM   
FoxyStella


Posts: 24
Joined: 5/26/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I would recommend a very old book called: Women who love too much.

There are many victims in the world... but one thing about a lot of victims is that they continue to victimize themselves long after the victimizer is done with them. When you realize how you play the victim so well and seem to be comfortable as a victim, you might realize how to synchronize your head and heart.

I do wish you well despite what you might think. I find it heartbreaking when a woman leads herself down a similar path to what you are traveling in life and even more so when she is of an age where these life lessons could have been learned long ago.


Thanks for your input. I actually read that book long ago. What can I say without going into my entire history, which I see no point in doing. Coulda, woulda, shoulda.......but didn't apparently. But I am trying to live and learn, maybe not as others think that I should, but I am giving it an honest effort.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 8:30:03 PM   
Duskypearls


Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline 		Stella, take heart. We do not all learn the same lessons as others, in the same time as they do. There is no right or wrong to it, only different timing.

The heart, and it's emotions, are extremely powerful, and are prone to both use and abuse by others, intended or otherwise.

It would seem to me you are of a deep and sensitive heart, and got touched very deeply by this business of online and the written word. To some, words have very poweful effects, and if this is the case with you (as it is with me), perhaps this temporary, painful lesson with inspire you to not allow yourself to get all whipped up into a frenzy, before having a true, real-life person show their care, concern, and comittment to you. Perhaps meter out less of yourself, so that it is more in line with that which the person to whom you are giving it puts out. Not everyone will be our fit. Make those you believe may be, prove it to you, before investing so much of yourself.

You and I are older gals of another generation, and may too easily fall prey to those skilled in online manipulation or deceit. Just tuck it under your belt as an unpleasant, but necessary lesson learned. Keep your heart open, and consider yourself all the wiser now.

Good luck, my dear. Choose carefully, and properly "vet" the seemingly worthy ones. Take no one simply at their word.

(in reply to FoxyStella)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 9:02:57 PM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		Have you taken some responsibility on your side. With this statement it really sends off some alarms to me. You only knew each other online, but you were ready to get married and commit your life to him. Do you realize the odds against that being successful? Not to mention it also seems that you created something about him, that was likely fed by a need you have.

Learn from your mistakes, and improve your choices in the future. The first part is being accountable for your portion of it.

Somewhere between your perception of things, and his perception of things, will be the truth. It is a fact of the world.

I am also wondering if you felt this way from online interaction, if you blinded yourself and ignored certain things that would have indicated to you that maybe he was not as interested as you thought. We are all human and our emotions and subconscious tend to skew our perceptions of things.


quote:

ORIGINAL: FoxyStella

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Why would you have married him in a heartbeat?

Believe it or not, I cared that deeply for him. I had a connection with him that I hadn't had with anyone but one other person in my 60 years. And, unfortunately, in spite of how things turned out, that connection is still in my heart, even though in my mind I know differently. He could still be playing me if he chose to. I guess I should be glad that he called a halt to his game........



_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to FoxyStella)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/6/2012 10:07:00 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If you still haven't learned any of those life lessons, and assuming you sincerely want to change, then I recommend going to ACOA groups. A dollar in the pot is all they cost and what they will give you is beyond price.

However, you need first to acknowledge to yourself what you get by doing these things. Because you wouldn't be doing it if you weren't getting a payoff from it.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to OrionTheWolf)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/6/2012 10:39:10 AM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

You should probably insist on it in the future. It saves a lot of time. Also it is positive verification. Ive heard fucking story after story about the CM pic mishap.

Now what is the C.M. pic mishap you wonder? I'll give you three different examples.

#1 -----> Guy meets girl on interent. Guy and girl exchange pics. She likes what she sees, he likes what he sees. Guy pays for train ticket to girl to come and visit. Girl shows up, she is 50 lbs heaver than what her pic showed.

#2 ----> Guy meets girl on internet. Guy and girl exchange pics. She likes what she sees, he likes what he sees. Guy pays for train ticket to girl to come and visit. Girl shows up, she is 30 years older than what her pic showed.

but here is the best one of all.

#3-----> Guy meets girl on internet. Guy and girl exchange pics. She likes what she sees, he likes what he sees. Guy pays for train ticket to girl to come and visit. Girl shows up = guy is still looking around for her. She sent a pic of her good looking friend.

ups, I forgot:

#4-----> Guy meets girl on internet. Guy and girl exchange pics. She likes what she sees, he likes what he sees. Girl pays for flight ticket to boy to visit. Girl shows up = guy comes along in his wheelchair, which he "thought he would have mentioned"


here you go...enhanced your text

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/6/2012 10:56:52 AM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FoxyStella


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

If the guy knew before he met you that he was not interested in a relationship, and he concealed that information from you, then his culpability grows.

I have a feeling though that you already know you were kidding yourself. I am not getting a picture of this guy enthusiastically courting you. It sounds as though the guy's attitude was more like, "Sure, if you want to come out here and play with me, go ahead." He probably considered it practically a favor to you.

Many years ago, someone told me that when a guy won't meet you halfway, you know something is wrong. This was meant figuratively, not literally. However, in this case it applies literally. Others have stated that he should have been willing to come meet you (or help with the expense of you going out there).

No, it was more of a "if you really care about me you will come to me" kind of thing. He even stated that if I was closer to him that I would be the Mrs., which is something that I was not really expecting or specifically wanting


So he was using emotional language to manipulate you...

In case you ever do meet again someone online I can only advice you to toughen up...and don't believe too much too fast and not to
waste too much time in a contact with a person unless you met that person as quite frankly its not up to you to prove to him that you care about him...

Some weeks ago one guy asked me about "my phantasy for our first meet. He would have one but that would require a lot of trust but it would also be very special..."

Now...ahem...I hadn't even considered to ever meet him at that stage so realised his manipulative talk about "our meeting" as well as his bullshit about expecting trust from me towards a stranger which I never met...

well...I just replied: "I'm afraid I'm meeting people as people and not as bdsm-lust-object, therefore no phantasy required from
my side..."

And there he was gone

Seriously, critical thinking skills do help in life when reading such nonsense at times

< Message edited by Phoenixpower -- 2/6/2012 11:03:48 AM >

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to FoxyStella)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/6/2012 11:51:21 AM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		LMAO ... yup, theyre a dime a dozen !!

< Message edited by JanahX -- 2/6/2012 11:52:34 AM >

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to Phoenixpower)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/6/2012 12:27:27 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

Have you taken some responsibility on your side. With this statement it really sends off some alarms to me. You only knew each other online, but you were ready to get married and commit your life to him. Do you realize the odds against that being successful? Not to mention it also seems that you created something about him, that was likely fed by a need you have.

Learn from your mistakes, and improve your choices in the future. The first part is being accountable for your portion of it.

Somewhere between your perception of things, and his perception of things, will be the truth. It is a fact of the world.

I am also wondering if you felt this way from online interaction, if you blinded yourself and ignored certain things that would have indicated to you that maybe he was not as interested as you thought. We are all human and our emotions and subconscious tend to skew our perceptions of things.



A fabulous post. The parts I bolded are thoughts that entered my head constantly through reading this thread.

I think this mode of communication had caused many people quite a lot of heart ache. It is easy to assume too much and get caught up in the person that their words, and our assumptions, create.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to OrionTheWolf)
Profile   Post #: 80
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