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RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 12:11:44 PM

FoxyStella

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Joined: 5/26/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Don't blame him for your poor judgement.
Not all men who are dominant are like this.
You should have insisted on at least meeting half way so that he incurred some of the expenses.
Common sense goes a long way and you were lucky that he even showed up for an hour and a half.
Next time....look local and make the man be the one that goes out of his way to meet you.

So true, thanks for your comments and I will continue to live and hopefully learn.........

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Post #: 41

RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 12:17:47 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
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From: Washington, DC area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FoxyStella

Anyway, it is what it is. I am searching for a Dom who is willing and patient enough to lead me through this lifestyle. I have gotten so much input and advice. Some of it not very kind, but then it was a stupid thing for me to do and an even more stupid thing to ever post. I don't blame him for not wanting the relationship. But I do blame him for knowing that before I made the trip. He just wanted to see if I was stupid enough to actually make the effort, I guess. It was venting more so than anything else.

Don't know if that clears it up for you or not......I hope so. I am earnestly wanting this type of relationship. I just have to be wiser in the future with whatever comes up.........thanks for your input

Why do you need someone to lead you through this? You're old enough to do it yourself.. one is a hell of a lot more appealing if they show some independence and initiative. Don't depend on someone else for this... do it yourself... I'll bet you can find all kinds of people and things to learn about if you got out and didn't make trips elsewhere.

I know others won't agree but I've always figured if you can find a soulmate however many miles away from home, you're also likely to find one at home...

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Post #: 42

RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 12:18:39 PM

JanahX

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You should probably insist on it in the future. It saves a lot of time. Also it is positive verification. Ive heard fucking story after story about the CM pic mishap.

Now what is the C.M. pic mishap you wonder? I'll give you three different examples.

#1 -----> Guy meets girl on interent. Guy and girl exchange pics. She likes what she sees, he likes what he sees. Guy pays for train ticket to girl to come and visit. Girl shows up, she is 50 lbs heaver than what her pic showed.

#2 ----> Guy meets girl on internet. Guy and girl exchange pics. She likes what she sees, he likes what he sees. Guy pays for train ticket to girl to come and visit. Girl shows up, she is 30 years older than what her pic showed.

but here is the best one of all.

#3-----> Guy meets girl on internet. Guy and girl exchange pics. She likes what she sees, he likes what he sees. Guy pays for train ticket to girl to come and visit. Girl shows up = guy is still looking around for her. She sent a pic of her good looking friend.

< Message edited by JanahX -- 2/5/2012 12:19:12 PM >

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Post #: 43

RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 12:23:21 PM

FoxyStella

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LOL........no, I never present myself as anything other than what I am. I don't want anyone to have any surprises when I show up.......

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Post #: 44

RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 12:27:03 PM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FoxyStella

LOL........no, I never present myself as anything other than what I am. I don't want anyone to have any surprises when I show up.......

Best way to be.

I'd say write it up as experience and hey, on the plus side it's freed you up to find a guy right for you/

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Post #: 45

RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 12:29:06 PM

FoxyStella

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quote:

ORIGINAL: amaidiamond

quote:

ORIGINAL: FoxyStella

LOL........no, I never present myself as anything other than what I am. I don't want anyone to have any surprises when I show up.......

Best way to be.

I'd say write it up as experience and hey, on the plus side it's freed you up to find a guy right for you/

So true, thanks for the support. Live and learn (hopefully) lol

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Post #: 46

RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 12:33:28 PM

FoxyStella

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

There are a lot of really good guys out there in the community, so please don't give up.

There's always a risk that when you meet face to face, the spark just won't be there. That said, I think he behaved like a dick. Even if the spark wasn't there, you've clearly been friendly for the last 2 years. The very least he could have done is told you face to face and then treated you like a friend visiting for the weekend.

Thanks, Oside! I wouldn't have lost respect for him as a man and as a person if he had handled it differently. But, it is what it is, moving on. I think I'm going to have to get off the computer and do some real time interaction in the community........hard for me, I'm kinda shy, but we'll see......thank you so much for your input and support

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Post #: 47

RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 12:38:40 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FoxyStella

No, we didn't cam but we both had very current pictures of ourselves and he was just like his picture, as I was. No problem with someone not being what they purported to be physically.....

While this is true, it still doesn't cover the fact that things just dont' work in real life some times. You can look at a picture that is absolutely representational all day long and it'll never tell you how you will react to that person in real life. I think skype or camming is closer to life but it's still not the same, still it's something to keep in mind.

I think when you got around to meeting it didn't do it for him, unfortunately and that stinks but you can only know that by meeting. Seriously, I'd go for people that live close by or not at all.

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Post #: 48

RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 12:40:49 PM

FoxyStella

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

quote:

ORIGINAL: FoxyStella

No, we didn't cam but we both had very current pictures of ourselves and he was just like his picture, as I was. No problem with someone not being what they purported to be physically.....

While this is true, it still doesn't cover the fact that things just dont' work in real life some times. You can look at a picture that is absolutely representational all day long and it'll never tell you how you will react to that person in real life. I think skype or camming is closer to life but it's still not the same, still it's something to keep in mind.

I think when you got around to meeting it didn't do it for him, unfortunately and that stinks but you can only know that by meeting. Seriously, I'd go for people that live close by or not at all.

Yeah, lesson learned, thanks lizi.........

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Post #: 49

RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 12:46:06 PM

xXLithiumXx

Posts: 723
Joined: 9/2/2008
From: Hell, Kentucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

There are a lot of really good guys out there in the community, so please don't give up.

There's always a risk that when you meet face to face, the spark just won't be there. That said, I think he behaved like a dick. Even if the spark wasn't there, you've clearly been friendly for the last 2 years. The very least he could have done is told you face to face and then treated you like a friend visiting for the weekend.

This.

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Post #: 50

RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 12:51:08 PM

Baroana

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If the guy knew before he met you that he was not interested in a relationship, and he concealed that information from you, then his culpability grows.

I have a feeling though that you already know you were kidding yourself. I am not getting a picture of this guy enthusiastically courting you. It sounds as though the guy's attitude was more like, "Sure, if you want to come out here and play with me, go ahead." He probably considered it practically a favor to you.

Many years ago, someone told me that when a guy won't meet you halfway, you know something is wrong. This was meant figuratively, not literally. However, in this case it applies literally. Others have stated that he should have been willing to come meet you (or help with the expense of you going out there).

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RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 12:57:26 PM

FoxyStella

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

If the guy knew before he met you that he was not interested in a relationship, and he concealed that information from you, then his culpability grows.

I have a feeling though that you already know you were kidding yourself. I am not getting a picture of this guy enthusiastically courting you. It sounds as though the guy's attitude was more like, "Sure, if you want to come out here and play with me, go ahead." He probably considered it practically a favor to you.

Many years ago, someone told me that when a guy won't meet you halfway, you know something is wrong. This was meant figuratively, not literally. However, in this case it applies literally. Others have stated that he should have been willing to come meet you (or help with the expense of you going out there).

No, it was more of a "if you really care about me you will come to me" kind of thing. He even stated that if I was closer to him that I would be the Mrs., which is something that I was not really expecting or specifically wanting. I've been married twice and wasn't looking for a 3rd. It was much more intense than just a "come on up here if you want" type of thing. But, finding culpability is a moot point now. I have wasted too much time and energy at this stage of the game. I'm ready to accept it as a learning experience and move on.......

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Post #: 52

RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 1:29:47 PM

Baroana

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Then he is a fraud after all. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

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Post #: 53

RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 1:36:26 PM

FoxyStella

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Joined: 5/26/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

Then he is a fraud after all. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Yes, it was much more intense. Even when I saw him in NJ, he was asking me if I could see myself living there with him. Then to get the text saying that I just wasn't for him, it threw me for a loop. I'm not your normal woman my age. They say (and I don't know who they might be) that most women my age are looking for marriage. Well, I'm not really the one for that. Too easy to get into and too hard to get out of.......LOL I just wish that he had handled it differently so that we could have remained friends as we were in the beginning. Now, I wouldn't trust him to tell me that the sky was blue........

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Post #: 54

RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 1:45:13 PM

Baroana

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It could be that he wanted to marry you for money, and he figured that it was no longer worth the effort trying to convince you to do it.

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Post #: 55

RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 1:48:54 PM

FoxyStella

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

It could be that he wanted to marry you for money, and he figured that it was no longer worth the effort trying to convince you to do it.

nope, that can't be it, because I would have married him in a heartbeat. And I don't have any money and he knew that. That's why it was so hurtful that he would have me spend what I did to come to him. I don't know, all I know is that he isn't deserving of any more of my time or energy........broken hearts will heal in time.........

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Post #: 56

RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 4:40:38 PM

JstAnotherSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FoxyStella

quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

It could be that he wanted to marry you for money, and he figured that it was no longer worth the effort trying to convince you to do it.

nope, that can't be it, because I would have married him in a heartbeat. And I don't have any money and he knew that. That's why it was so hurtful that he would have me spend what I did to come to him. I don't know, all I know is that he isn't deserving of any more of my time or energy........broken hearts will heal in time.........

Please tell me you left out a "not" in that bolded part.

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Post #: 57

RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 6:21:30 PM

Lockit

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Why would you have married him in a heartbeat?

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Post #: 58

RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 6:39:13 PM

FoxyStella

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Why would you have married him in a heartbeat?

Believe it or not, I cared that deeply for him. I had a connection with him that I hadn't had with anyone but one other person in my 60 years. And, unfortunately, in spite of how things turned out, that connection is still in my heart, even though in my mind I know differently. He could still be playing me if he chose to. I guess I should be glad that he called a halt to his game........

< Message edited by FoxyStella -- 2/5/2012 6:44:55 PM >

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RE: Need a Master's advice...... - 2/5/2012 6:56:12 PM

sunshinemiss

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Sounds to me like you dodged a bullet more or less.

There are wonderful people that I've met from online - around 80 at this point. I've met them all over the world and in many contexts. I chat with several of them via skype, on message boards, and such. I also know that until I can smell them, they aren't real. In particular there are a few folks on this board that I could easily get all hot and bothered about, but let's face it... until they are standing in front of me, there's a piece missing. I"m not saying that relationships can develop on line. I am proud to call a couple of the gals form here as very good friends to me - one I've not even yet met! However, I also know how important I am to them by what they DO.

Here's the thing: people spend their time, energy, and money on what is important to them. When in doubt, I tell folks to pretend I am from Missouri - the show me state. Nothing wrong with requiring proof. We do it in real life all the time. The internet is no different. We just get caught up in the false sense of intimacy that can come around based on our own fantasies. Nothing wrong with fantasies either! It's just a matter of knowing what's real and what's from your brain.

You got a really inexpensive lesson, Stella. Good on you. Now, you will move on while knowing what's what... if you choose to.

best wishes,
sunshine

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