Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Unread Messages


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Unread Messages Page: <<   < prev  2 3 4 [5] 6   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Unread Messages - 2/12/2012 1:46:21 PM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sundowner
My beef is with situations where:

1. The profile invites contact (Actively Seeking),
2. The writer has read the profile and is interested,
3. The writer meets any specified criteria (age, location, life goals - whatever),
4. The writer writes a personal note, and
5. The lady does not reply.

Over the years I've occasionally messaged people, in every case on the basis above. And hey - I've made friends that way; and I've had a few "thanks but no thanks" replies. "No thanks" seems to me to be so entirely reasonable I can't conceive of writing further either with abuse or with an attempt to change a mind.

(Apart from GT of course, who keeps saying no to my "kneel bitch" messages for some reason - unbelievable - so the only possible response is to explain to her that she's fake).

But I've also had occasions of no reply to a courteous letter; I find that ill-mannered in the extreme when contact was invited.

I think I stand by my hissy fit. And if you're saying above that you simply didn't reply when you received a message from someone who apparently met all your criteria but just in a dull way and you weren't interested then in my book that's ill-mannered. (Sorry DesFIP, I just love the wagging finger opportunities - doesn't mean I don't love you loads).

Experience may have taught you that often a "no thanks" may trigger abuse; well I find that distressing and I sympathise. But life is, at times, hard; good manners can help us deal with that.

just cuz someone is "actively seeking" doesnt mean she is actively seeking you.. if you are who she wanted, she would reply to your email.. its as simple as that..

Dating sites are like the phone book.. you may be listed in the white pages but that doesnt mean you have an freaking obligation to read and reply to all the unwanted and junk mail you get just cuz you have a friggin listing.. Do you respond to unwanted mail you get in your mailbox??? Dont tell me its different, cuz it isnt, the junk mailers are selling something and so are you, you are selling yourself.. hissy fit and all.. lol

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to Sundowner)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Unread Messages - 2/12/2012 3:39:59 PM   
Sundowner


Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444


Dating sites are like the phone book..

Do you respond to unwanted mail you get in your mailbox??? ...



Good point. Which gives me a problem.

My initial line would be to suggest that by listing your phone number you're at least implicitly inviting phonecalls; and if someone phones you and says hi you should at least reply, even if only to say "thank you, I already have double-glazing". Just hanging up without a word is rude.

But you're right - I don't reply to junk mail by writing back with "thanks but no thanks". Although my house doesn't have a sign outside saying "Please write to sell me stuff".

So I suppose my key distinguisher is still that crucial detail "Actively Seeking"; it does so clearly invite contact please (from those who meet your criteria). When people accept your invitation simply then to hang up without a word remains, for me, ill-mannered.



(in reply to tj444)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Unread Messages - 2/12/2012 3:43:19 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline 		I disagree. These days, we generally don't even pick up the phone for strangers.

I have abruptly hung up on telemarketers multiple times. The way I figure, no need to waste their time or mine saying anything.

(in reply to Sundowner)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Unread Messages - 2/12/2012 4:59:45 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JanMikal

I have been a member of this site for a bit; not for years, I don't think, but for a decent amount of time. For some reason, I have a number of messages that I have sent people that are labelled as 'unread'. Not 'deleted unread' or 'read and then deleted', but simply unread at all. A quick check shows that the recipient has been online recently, but there my message sits, still unread - can someone explain to me why this would be? Are there people out there who simply let unread messages sit in their boxes? I do, /really/ I do understand that subs, especially attractive female subs, get mountains of mail, but to simply let a message sit, unread, undeleted, unresponded...seems peculiar to me.

Thank you all for your replies in advance.


They're not that in to you.

(I saw that on Oprah).

(in reply to JanMikal)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Unread Messages - 2/12/2012 6:24:22 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Once again, CM does not offer the option of saying "not actively seeking". If you have a profile on the other side you have to check something in there, even if it means nothing. I chose "actively seeking friends", even though I am not seeking a thing. And even with the friends qualifier there I already have a large amount of views (way more than I thought I might), a dozen or so admirers, and 18 emails, WHICH in scrolling over them show me are looking for more than friendship, they want play time.
Just based on the forms over there no one should be pouting or insulted because someone does not read or send a reply.
It is what it is.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sundowner

So I suppose my key distinguisher is still that crucial detail "Actively Seeking"; it does so clearly invite contact please (from those who meet your criteria). When people accept your invitation simply then to hang up without a word remains, for me, ill-mannered.






_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to Sundowner)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Unread Messages - 2/12/2012 6:35:41 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Once again, CM does not offer the option of saying "not actively seeking". If you have a profile on the other side you have to check something in there, even if it means nothing.





It offers the option to leave everything blank though. That's why I have nothing in that spot if you look at my profile. I'm just here for the forums, so not seeking anything and didn't want to deal with strangers emailing me so I don't 'actively seek' even friends.


_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Unread Messages - 2/12/2012 6:52:26 PM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sundowner
My initial line would be to suggest that by listing your phone number you're at least implicitly inviting phonecalls; and if someone phones you and says hi you should at least reply, even if only to say "thank you, I already have double-glazing". Just hanging up without a word is rude.

Some people have a phone line for their internet, it may not be there to implicitly invite phonecalls.. And some places you have to pay extra to not have your number published.. so the choice is pay more or be subjected to unwanted calls.. that to me is not an invitation for every tom dick or harry to call if you dont want to be held hostage by the tel co..

I dont have a land line (havent had one for ages) so I would not be in the phone book anyway,.. most people with land lines have answering machines and just delete unwanted phone calls, they dont call them back and tell them no thanks.. I am guessing you dont either..


_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to Sundowner)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Unread Messages - 2/12/2012 6:56:12 PM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
Once again, CM does not offer the option of saying "not actively seeking". If you have a profile on the other side you have to check something in there, even if it means nothing.


It offers the option to leave everything blank though. That's why I have nothing in that spot if you look at my profile. I'm just here for the forums, so not seeking anything and didn't want to deal with strangers emailing me so I don't 'actively seek' even friends.

do guys really notice that tho? especially if they dont bother to read your profile in the first place...

personally, the best way to ward off unwanted emails if you arent actively looking is to list your age as 90!



_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Unread Messages - 2/14/2012 8:58:49 AM   
DarkHalo


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline 		All very interesting responses here.
However I do believe the answer could be in the site understanding/navigation.

Click on New Messages (or Read Mail)
Click on Mail Controls (top right side) *note to the left of this is...Bulk Mail.
Now you will see the options for routing messages to the bulk mail folder.

Unread messages from you could be pre-sorted to go to the bulk mail folder.

~Best of luck to you~



(in reply to tj444)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Unread Messages - 2/14/2012 9:13:16 AM   
DarkHalo


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline 		OK...having offered my advice here for the first time I see the little bit of info under my pic states that I have 2 posts and joined on 4/4/2007.
That's odd. The "Unread Message" response was my one and only so far and I joined on 10/7/2011..or close to that date anyway.
Hmmm...I have been here in my dreams...or possibly my nightmares? lol

How do I start a new thread and gee..the vanilla label...how harsh does it get?




(in reply to DarkHalo)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Unread Messages - 2/14/2012 9:16:17 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		Somewhere in a very distant past, there was a user who also chose DarkHalo as their id.
It must have become available again when you registered, yet the forum statistics haven't changed.

As for the ice cream cone, it will change according to your post counts. http://www.collarchat.com/m_117979/tm.htm

Welcome to Collarme!

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to DarkHalo)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Unread Messages - 2/14/2012 9:19:04 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		yeah, I did a double look at you because of that.....(and well because of other things...)

here is the posting history:  2 you and one from the halcyon days of yore.

http://www.collarchat.com/searchpro.asp?phrase=&author=darkhalo&forumid=ALL&topicreply=both&message=body&timeframe=%3E&timefilter=0&language=single&top=300&criteria=AND&minRank=0&sortMethod=d&submitbutton=+OK+

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Unread Messages - 2/14/2012 9:32:29 AM   
DarkHalo


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline 		Mnottertail~ Ha ha...as much as I care about communication I certainly cannot claim a degree. Anthropology? No.  lol


Thank you Poise~such a beautiful name!

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Unread Messages - 2/14/2012 9:43:58 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sundowner


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

...

Sorry to say this SD, but you're way off base. I've gotten email (back when I was seeking) from guys who it would appear we might be compatible from quick perusals of the profile. But there's no way to state on a profile everything you want in a person.

Sense of humor could mean an appreciation of word play. But then you get guys who believe it means the Three Stooges is the epitome of humor. Not for me.

...



My beef is with situations where:

1. The profile invites contact (Actively Seeking),
2. The writer has read the profile and is interested,
3. The writer meets any specified criteria (age, location, life goals - whatever),
4. The writer writes a personal note, and
5. The lady does not reply.

Over the years I've occasionally messaged people, in every case on the basis above. And hey - I've made friends that way; and I've had a few "thanks but no thanks" replies. "No thanks" seems to me to be so entirely reasonable I can't conceive of writing further either with abuse or with an attempt to change a mind. (Apart from GT of course, who keeps saying no to my "kneel bitch" messages for some reason - unbelievable - so the only possible response is to explain to her that she's fake).

But I've also had occasions of no reply to a courteous letter; I find that ill-mannered in the extreme when contact was invited.

I think I stand by my hissy fit. And if you're saying above that you simply didn't reply when you received a message from someone who apparently met all your criteria but just in a dull way and you weren't interested then in my book that's ill-mannered. (Sorry DesFIP, I just love the wagging finger opportunities - doesn't mean I don't love you loads).

Experience may have taught you that often a "no thanks" may trigger abuse; well I find that distressing and I sympathise. But life is, at times, hard; good manners can help us deal with that.








Your bullet points are too generic. As a woman who gets a lot of email and who also does have manners, let me clarify the above:

1. The profile invites contact (Actively Seeking), (yes, actively seeking, but not seeking just anyone)
2. The writer has read the profile and is interested, (the writer may have read the profile, but the myriad inappropriate, rude, obscene or idiotic emails from said writers indicate a lack of comprehension of what they have read)
3. The writer meets any specified criteria (age, location, life goals - whatever), (this is interpretative. when I say I want someone for a relationship, the writer interprets this to be a relationship of what he believes, without asking what I think, example: today a guy wrote me a long diatribe about how he wants me to be a limitless slave, with him and his wife, for public display, etc. etc. and my profile states I am a submissive, not into poly. See what I mean?)
4. The writer writes a personal note, and (see #4)
5. The lady does not reply. (right. this lady hovered, clicked on the email, rolled eyes, thought of telling writer off and thought better of it since he seemed very scary to me).

If anyone writes me a reasonable introduction or makes a comment on what I said in my profile or here, or gives me a compliment, anything like that, I always write back. I, like the other women have stopped saying not interested to most since they freak out upon being rejected, even if done politely.

It is a fact of life on dating sites, sometimes your manners have to be tabled because the person being replied back to normally has no manners back when getting rejected, however politely.

(in reply to Sundowner)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Unread Messages - 2/14/2012 11:42:19 AM   
JanMikal


Posts: 20
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline 		Okay. I've read through as much of this forum as I care to (the first two pages or so) and I can see that the subject has gotten WAY off track. I did NOT intend to ask

"Why do people not respond to messages?"

I understand, I truly do, that sometimes you will receive messages from people out there that you don't want to talk to. I understand that no response IS a response. I know that there are a GREAT number of (usually) men who will write sloppy, ill-mannered, rude or just plain boorish messages, and then cry when a response is not received, or if it is negative.

NOT MY QUESTION.

My question was, essentially, "Why would someone leave an unread message in their box?"

I know about cursor-ing over a message and seeing the first bit. I know about being able to see age/picture/location before you open a message. I did NOT know, actually, that messages that go to a filter-box would show as unread for eternity. But most of you have taken my original question and twisted it to the point of unrecognizabliity (if that is a word). I was not asking why people don't respond. I was not asking why people delete messages without reading. I was only asking IF there was a reason to keep a message for MONTHS at a time without either reading OR deleting it.

I thank those of you who have attempted to answer my /actual/ question with civility and kindness, however few there have been. But the hatefulness of some of your responses, your accusations at me to grow up or deal with myself or whatever...well, I am sorry you've been ill-treated or thrown around, I truly am, and I understand the motivation to react to everyone in the way that protects yourself. But as I understand it, this site (and boards) are meant for people 18+, or perhaps 21+ depending on where you live. I expected adult discourse. It's a shame I found so little of it, although I am grateful of the small bit I did find. You know who you are.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Unread Messages - 2/14/2012 11:45:45 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		well, you cant tell its in their bulk mail.   and they might never go there.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to JanMikal)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Unread Messages - 2/14/2012 11:48:08 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I have two inboxes. One for those that I MIGHT want to actually have a relationship with and another for everyone else. You are aware that you can set your preferences that way I assume.

The messages that I MIGHT want to actually read, get read first. The messages from aquaintances I will likely never meet or really get to know, second. The other mailbox, for completely no possible anything, get read last.........IF AT ALL. Sometimes I let them sit there in case I want to read them later, perhaps poke a sharp stick at them.

If it bugs the sender that I ignore them........not my problem.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to JanMikal)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Unread Messages - 2/14/2012 11:57:01 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JanMikal
But most of you have taken my original question and twisted it to the point of unrecognizabliity (if that is a word). I was not asking why people don't respond. I was not asking why people delete messages without reading. I was only asking IF there was a reason to keep a message for MONTHS at a time without either reading OR deleting it.


It's an open discussion forum. You have no control over where the discussion goes and honestly, throwing a little hissy that it went somewhere you didn't want it to go isn't endearing.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to JanMikal)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Unread Messages - 2/14/2012 12:00:29 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

I was not asking why people delete messages without reading. I was only asking IF there was a reason to keep a message for MONTHS at a time without either reading OR deleting it.


as many others have said, since page 1 I am sure, BULK MAIL. You have no way of knowing if your email has gone to their bulk box. MOST women do not check their bulk box often (I think that I only check it once a year, and then only if I KNOW I'm getting a cmail that hasn't appeard in my main mailbox)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Unread Messages - 2/14/2012 12:08:24 PM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JanMikal

But the hatefulness of some of your responses, your accusations at me to grow up or deal with myself or whatever...



Hatefulness?  Really?  Don't you think you're conflating the responses (ironically, just as you're accusing the same of others)?

Snarky, sure.  To-the-point, yes.  Direct, absolutely.  Opinionated, yup.

Hateful, no.




_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to JanMikal)
Profile   Post #: 100
Page:   <<   < prev  2 3 4 [5] 6   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Unread Messages Page: <<   < prev  2 3 4 [5] 6   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094