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RE: Feminine side - 3/21/2012 2:45:34 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pghays04

Hello Ladies,
I have never dated a submissive kind of woman so I don't know if you all feel the same as vanilla women about things like " a guy needs to be in touch with his feminine side" or "men should be more feminine". I never could understand why a straight woman would feel that way. Was it just all those wimmins magazines they read or something they can't help? Do submissive women feel that way too? *please say no*


Submissive women are still women.
Apparently you have missed the chapter in the book that explains how women are all different, with different wants, needs and desires and who have different tastes in male (or female) partners.

My Master is a natural leader.
He is dominant.
He is masculine.

When we had to take my cat to the vet's to be put to sleep, we cried together.

I am glad that you seem to know who you are, but with your question, it makes me wonder if you really know anything about women, submissive or not.

Good luck finding what you think you are looking for; I think you will need it.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to pghays04)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Feminine side - 3/21/2012 2:45:46 PM   
pghays04


Posts: 86
Joined: 1/16/2012
Status: offline 		How do you get someone's post to be inside a box on your post?

(in reply to pghays04)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Feminine side - 3/21/2012 2:47:37 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pghays04
But if I have to hear another quote or another relationship quiz from a magazine, well good grief.

I have never dated a woman who drew wisdom from the pages of Cosmopolitan magazine. If some woman brought such a quiz to me as anything other than a bit of humor our relationship would probably be over simply because I demand more awareness out of my partners than that.

But still, that changes very little about the emotional availability thing. If I was looking for ways to hurt someone who cared about me, somewhere right near the top of the list would be "not allowing them to see my pain".


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to pghays04)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Feminine side - 3/21/2012 2:48:07 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pghays04

Hay Jeff,
They are always trying to get you to be "softer" and "share your feelings" and "it's OK to cry when you're hurt" general nonsense like that. What I would consider MY feminine side is what I'm looking for here so I can get in touch with her.


Please explain the difference between you and a rock.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to pghays04)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Feminine side - 3/21/2012 2:50:19 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: pghays04
But if I have to hear another quote or another relationship quiz from a magazine, well good grief.

I have never dated a woman who drew wisdom from the pages of Cosmopolitan magazine. If some woman brought such a quiz to me as anything other than a bit of humor our relationship would probably be over simply because I demand more awareness out of my partners than that.

But still, that changes very little about the emotional availability thing. If I was looking for ways to hurt someone who cared about me, somewhere right near the top of the list would be "not allowing them to see my pain".



I was questioning the Cosmo thing also. If that is a problem the OP is having, then I am going to suggest there is one common denominator all of those women share.

As far as emotional availability, I can only echo what Jeff has so eloquently written.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Feminine side - 3/21/2012 2:51:30 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pghays04

How do you get someone's post to be inside a box on your post?


You hit the quote button on the right.


_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to pghays04)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Feminine side - 3/21/2012 2:54:20 PM   
pghays04


Posts: 86
Joined: 1/16/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ


quote:

ORIGINAL: pghays04

How do you get someone's post to be inside a box on your post?


You hit the quote button on the right.


Thanks

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Feminine side - 3/21/2012 2:57:24 PM   
pghays04


Posts: 86
Joined: 1/16/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven


quote:

ORIGINAL: pghays04

Hay Jeff,
They are always trying to get you to be "softer" and "share your feelings" and "it's OK to cry when you're hurt" general nonsense like that. What I would consider MY feminine side is what I'm looking for here so I can get in touch with her.


Please explain the difference between you and a rock.

Well Steven, the difference is I have feelings, I just feel they are mine to deal with instead of burdening the people I love.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Feminine side - 3/21/2012 3:06:14 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pghays04

Well Steven, the difference is I have feelings, I just feel they are mine to deal with instead of burdening the people I love.

So, you believe that expressing your feelings makes you feminine and is a burden to the person you love?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to pghays04)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Feminine side - 3/21/2012 3:06:51 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pghays04

Hay Lizi,
I can see how I blew it in wording my question. No intention of insulting anyone. Sans the bon-bons, I couldn't count the number of times a girl I was dating would come to me with a relationship test from a magazine to find out if we were compatible or our relationship needed to be fixed. Maybe in the 30 years since I was single things have changed. But if I have to hear another quote or another relationship quiz from a magazine, well good grief.

I can only speak for myself, I don't want a feminine man. I love men for the creatures that they are, they dont' need to be more like me to please me, I like them as being different from me. I like men for their directness, their problem-solving, their luscious manly scent, the way that they look different and feel different. I like seeing their minds travel different paths then mine does, I love seeing their priorities and take on a situation. Men are amazing. To me, they need to be a man. If a man has emotional openness as part of his makeup he's still a man to me and a desirable one as I'd consider that to be a healthy, manly, quality.

That paragraph is how I would want a woman to feel. It's just backwards to what I have dealt with.


Thank you for coming back to say you can understand how the wording of your OP was offensive.

I have to say if this has happened to you so often that the women you were involved with were rather immature, then I'd suggest to try to change the type of women that you date. I have read a women's magazine only when there isn't anything else in the dentist's office waiting room, and that type of publication makes me gag. Since you say this was 30 years ago then maybe you won't run into this particular thing anymore as the pool of possible women for you should be older and will probably know more definitively what they want in a partner. I wouldn't want to hear quotes or quizzes tossed at me either, and probably wouldn't find much in common with a man like that - I would find someone who suited me better.

Can I ask you something? Are you saying here in your various postings on this thread that you're apprehensive in getting out into the dating world again because you hated feeling back then like you were supposed to be something you weren't? That these women were telling you with the quizzes and articles that you 'should' be a certain way and you knew that it wasn't for you; you didn't like it that they didn't accept you for yourself and in fact wanted you to be different? That you should change to suit their idea of what they wanted? If so, that's entirely different from where I thought you were going with your first post. I would appreciate knowing if what i just wrote here is more of what you were aiming for...

(in reply to pghays04)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Feminine side - 3/21/2012 3:09:21 PM   
pghays04


Posts: 86
Joined: 1/16/2012
Status: offline 		Expressing feelings of fear, worry and things like that, yes. Feelings of love and happiness and things like that, no.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Feminine side - 3/21/2012 3:11:56 PM   
pghays04


Posts: 86
Joined: 1/16/2012
Status: offline
quote:

Can I ask you something? Are you saying here in your various postings on this thread that you're apprehensive in getting out into the dating world again because you hated feeling back then like you were supposed to be something you weren't? That these women were telling you with the quizzes and articles that you 'should' be a certain way and you knew that it wasn't for you; you didn't like it that they didn't accept you for yourself and in fact wanted you to be different? That you should change to suit their idea of what they wanted? If so, that's entirely different from where I thought you were going with your first post. I would appreciate knowing if what i just wrote here is more of what you were aiming for...

I should have had you write the op for me.

(in reply to pghays04)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Feminine side - 3/21/2012 3:14:08 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: pghays04
Was it just all those wimmins magazines they read or something they can't help?


Gee, the condescension is just charming....

In answer to your question, I happen to like men that don't feel that something "feminine" threatens their masculinity.



This
Am I the only one that cracked up at the wimmens magazines thing? In my head I heard it in the voice of a friend, who would say something like that. With a big ass drawl.

Blame the porch, but it made me laugh.


gawd I hate the quote thingies sometimes.


< Message edited by JstAnotherSub -- 3/21/2012 3:16:20 PM >

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Feminine side - 3/21/2012 3:30:18 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pghays04
Expressing feelings of fear, worry and things like that, yes. Feelings of love and happiness and things like that, no.

Well, I can sympathize with that... but a little bit of discrimination is called for rather than a huge, sweeping black brush.

Yes, it's true. A good leader does not share everything with those that are following them. One needs look at the information to be shared and weigh it's likely impact. There are many things that I don't share with Carol because, honestly, it'd do nothing but cause her to spin in her seat.

HOWEVER, it gets shared if:


  • She'll be able to help... even if the only help she can offer is a blowjob.
  • It's something which is significantly troubling me. At some point the imperative to share with my life partner and allow her to carry a share of the load overrides the imperatives of good leadership. Obviously, the question of what is and is not "significantly troubling" needs some inspection.
  • It's something which may be disastrous. She has a right to know if the world as she knows it is about to end (think foreclosure on the house, etc.)


I fully understand that it's my job to protect Carol. I fully get it that just randomly blurting out every little thing that troubles me isn't going to make for a calm, happy woman. I understand that as the leader it's my job to put some sort of sense of order on the chaos that is reality. But Carol is also my life partner... my goto person when the going gets tough. When the shit hits the fan, she's the one who's got my back. I need to also allow her to do that job.

Have you thought for a moment how YOU would feel if someone you loved was hurting terribly and you could see it but they refused to discuss it with you? Would that be a service to you? I'm guessing not.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to pghays04)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Feminine side - 3/21/2012 3:33:07 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pghays04

quote:

Can I ask you something? Are you saying here in your various postings on this thread that you're apprehensive in getting out into the dating world again because you hated feeling back then like you were supposed to be something you weren't? That these women were telling you with the quizzes and articles that you 'should' be a certain way and you knew that it wasn't for you; you didn't like it that they didn't accept you for yourself and in fact wanted you to be different? That you should change to suit their idea of what they wanted? If so, that's entirely different from where I thought you were going with your first post. I would appreciate knowing if what i just wrote here is more of what you were aiming for...

I should have had you write the op for me.



Lol, something about how you were sticking around on the thread after seeing how the responses were going told me you weren't as clueless as it seemed. Most of the 'one true way' people post and run never to come back.

Ok, so let's change things up then.
If I were you, I'd think long and hard about what you want in a partner at this stage of things. Sounds like a given, but it gives you a road map to get to where you want to be. For myself, I set out the qualities that I was looking for and went forth to find them. It was mentioned by several people that the common denominator in your past experiences was you - that's something to think about. You chose those women, your age might have had something to do with it, or there was something about them that appealed to you at the time, but you are in control of who you are with- make sure it's someone who would find the idea of wanting you to change to fit an ideal or something that you are not to be repulsive.

You are who you are, make sure it's out there, and search out people who like what they see when they look at you. It's more a question of finding the right fit then a question of if all women want to change their men to be something different like putting clothes on a doll. Look for a woman with emotional depth and richness, someone who has a basic understanding about accepting others for who they are, and who wants someone with the qualities that you have to offer. So much of the time what we say on these forums comes down to the right match of people and being true to yourself...I have to say this thread isn't any different from the standard fare, lol.

I's also like to say, whenever I see results of the quizzy things posted on the profiles/journals on the other side it makes me want to hurl. Just as many men as women post those things too btw...
The quizzes and song lyrics, bleah I mean find something original to say about yourself.

< Message edited by lizi -- 3/21/2012 3:36:37 PM >

(in reply to pghays04)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Feminine side - 3/21/2012 3:37:28 PM   
pghays04


Posts: 86
Joined: 1/16/2012
Status: offline
quote:

Have you thought for a moment how YOU would feel if someone you loved was hurting terribly and you could see it but they refused to discuss it with you? Would that be a service to you? I'm guessing not.
Not really. Since I was about 10 my brothers and cousins came to me when they had things bothering them. After about 25 my Mom and my Dad would also. When things were bothering me I would figure out how to deal with it. Or talk to the Pastor if it got really bad.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Feminine side - 3/21/2012 3:40:35 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		It sounds to me like you're not ready to share your life with another and therefore not ready for a long term committed relationship. You may want to really think long and hard about what you are seeking.

If you really do want a serious relationship then you need to come to terms with your emotions and communication skills with others, maybe see a therapist or spiritual counselor if it's difficult for you and find out why and how you can overcome that.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Feminine side - 3/21/2012 3:42:05 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pghays04
Not really. Since I was about 10 my brothers and cousins came to me when they had things bothering them. After about 25 my Mom and my Dad would also. When things were bothering me I would figure out how to deal with it. Or talk to the Pastor if it got really bad.

Well, I see where you're coming from. But honestly, why bother with a relationship at all if you're going to go the whole self-reliant route? It seems to me you can't have it both ways. If you want to be the rock of Gibraltar and stand all by yourself then do so. If you want to partner with someone else, then you're going to need to consider what the word "partner" means. I don't think there is a right or wrong here, but I DO think there's an element of "pick a square".

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to pghays04)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Feminine side - 3/21/2012 3:42:38 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC


I fully understand that it's my job to protect Carol. I fully get it that just randomly blurting out every little thing that troubles me isn't going to make for a calm, happy woman. I understand that as the leader it's my job to put some sort of sense of order on the chaos that is reality. But Carol is also my life partner... my goto person when the going gets tough. When the shit hits the fan, she's the one who's got my back. I need to also allow her to do that job.

Have you thought for a moment how YOU would feel if someone you loved was hurting terribly and you could see it but they refused to discuss it with you? Would that be a service to you? I'm guessing not.



Exactly. I'm the person that has to deal with his stress. I need to know, so I can help or at least not make things worse. Part two of this is that he and I have different logic patterns and strengths. Sharing problems with me presents him with a different view and sometimes a different solution. I'm not some delicate flower that needs to be hidden from all the strife in the world.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Feminine side - 3/21/2012 3:53:06 PM   
pghays04


Posts: 86
Joined: 1/16/2012
Status: offline
quote:

If you want to partner with someone else, then you're going to need to consider what the word "partner" means. I don't think there is a right or wrong here, but I DO think there's an element of "pick a square".
Looks like we figured it out. I am more looking for a companion than a partner.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 40
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