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RE: Feminine side - 3/22/2012 9:58:16 AM

pghays04

Posts: 86
Joined: 1/16/2012
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quote:

Well first of all, I've never felt I was less simply because I am less inclined to spill my guts (figuratively of course). If anything, I might at times, have a bit of a shallow ego trip and feel like I am more. I often get frustrated with people that seem, to ME, weaker. I won't elaborate on that, as it is irrelevant.

However, none of that AT ALL, means I haven't any empathy. If anything, I might be even MORE empathetic than the average person. I feel people's shit very very strongly which is likely why I've had to wall myself up from people, to a degree, to maintain my own energy levels. I can't give everything I have to everyone. I cannot allow other people's crap to sap me. I have to be careful to moderate who gets what and when.

That's basically what I in my own fumbling way I have been trying to say. I think the lack of understanding of the meaning of empathy MIGHT reside rather with the one who decided I wasn't safe to be with because I have no empathy.

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RE: Feminine side - 3/22/2012 10:19:58 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Exactly! If we had no empathy there would be no reason for people to come to us with their stuff. No one would feel they could trust us or depend on us.

And I don't think anyone would call us cold!

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RE: Feminine side - 3/22/2012 10:31:44 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

I know that you, Hibbie, are warm and yummy!! ;) (is it July yet?)

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RE: Feminine side - 3/22/2012 10:52:06 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pghays04

That's basically what I in my own fumbling way I have been trying to say. I think the lack of understanding of the meaning of empathy MIGHT reside rather with the one who decided I wasn't safe to be with because I have no empathy.

BINGO!!!!!

And you have got to remember, YOU are NOT responsible for that person's ignorance. If they are educable then do so, if it even matters to you, otherwise ignore and move on. Hang with a smarter crew.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Feminine side - 3/22/2012 10:53:48 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Exactly! If we had no empathy there would be no reason for people to come to us with their stuff. No one would feel they could trust us or depend on us.

And I don't think anyone would call us cold!

My hormones usually guarantee the opposite.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Feminine side - 3/22/2012 5:06:19 PM

kittycake

Posts: 42
Joined: 3/1/2012
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Should a guy be in touch with his feelings?
Of course. People should be in touch with their feelings; else something is lacking.

That said, I don't think too many traits are inherently masculine or feminine. I'm very much female, and I don't cry in public. I broke my knee playing basketball, and other than gritting my teeth and clenching my fists, I didn't make a fuss. I tend to be fairly stoic in public. My Sir is the same. Does that mean we don't cry? Absolutely not. I sob and cry at lots of things when I'm with him, and he is comfortable crying in front of me if he needs to. The fact that he is comfortable enough with himself to cry in front of me is far more "manly" in my opinion.

Do I want him to run around in a skirt and panties? No (although he has nice legs!), I don't. But having empathy, being gentle when needed and other "feminine" qualities? Yes please.

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RE: Feminine side - 3/22/2012 6:16:05 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pghays04
Sorry but I just can't find where I said I was not receptive to their emotions, quite the opposite, I like being supportive to other people. For me it is easier and more productive to deal with internal issues internally. A girl's needs and emotions are external issues that I deal with like most other people. I don't see how that makes me dangerous or less of a person.

You don't get it. If you don't share with me, then you don't trust me. You don't believe I'm smart enough to offer help, you don't believe I'll be there if you need to lean on someone.

If that's how you think of me, then I will reciprocate. I won't trust you. I won't share with you when I'm in need of help. And I sure as hell don't believe you'll be there when I need you.

You get what you give. When what you give is outside only, then you don't deserve knowledge of anyone else's inner self.

So what's left? Someone to go to the movies with? I've got Netflix so no thanks. Someone to have sex with? Sorry, I've got a vibrator.

Having sex with someone who I cannot be emotionally intimate with is cold. I'd rather not have it at all if those are my choices. And as I said, if you aren't capable of being emotionally intimate with me, then I won't be that with you. In which case, I'll take the vibrator.

My father is 85 years old. He has always been emotionally closed off. As a result two wives left him, another serious relationship ended over the same issue. And his children and grandchildren are dutiful, not loving. He never gave love so now that he wants it, he doesn't have anyone who can give it. When he dies, there won't be anyone crying for him. And that's sad. Worse is that he brought it all on himself.

Is this how you see your end? If not, then it is never too late to make changes. I understand that because your family, including your parents always depended on you, that as a result you never felt you could depend on them. In fact, I'm betting that on the few times you did ask for help, you were refused and told to grow up.

Because you internalized that to mean that it isn't safe for you to ever reach out to another, since you don't believe they will be there, you had a woman who did love you and you killed her love.

I strongly urge you to go do the hardest job a person ever can, opening up the pain from the past and letting it out so that wound can heal finally. It isn't too late. Good luck.

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