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RE: Weddings - 3/30/2012 11:10:42 PM

RaspberryLemon

Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
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If my Master and I have a formal wedding when we get married, yes I will be wearing my collar. And as you can sort of see from my picture, it's a pretty "obvious" collar--thick, leather. It's very noticeable.

However, I wear my collar all day, everyday, everywhere. It holds a very strong personal meaning to us and it is a big part of who I am, so I don't differentiate between circumstance. I just be me and wear it because it is who I am and what I do.

Most, if not all of the people we would invite to the wedding would already have seen me wearing it and have at least a vague notion of what it means anyways. None of those people are bothered by it. If there were those who hadn't seen it or don't know, if they ask we would answer honestly. Those who would be bothered by it strongly enough for it to be a problem would not be welcome at a ceremony symbolizing the commemoration of our relationship and celebrating it with those we care about--because hey, that collar and what it means IS our relationship. I would certainly want our guests to feel welcome and comfortable, but if they are fundamentally offended by our relationship, perhaps they should not be present at a celebration of it.

I see it in the same way I would a gay couple choosing to get married: not everyone at their wedding is homosexual, but they accept and respect the couple's life and relationship--and if they don't, well...what are they doing at a wedding celebrating a relationship they cannot agree with?

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi
Do you think Grandma needs to know what you do when you're naked?

I get this, and I wholeheartedly agree with it. Flaunting your sex life is pretty inappropriate in most circumstances. But my collar and what it symbolizes is no more sexual than something symbolizing a "normal" relationship. It's not about what we do in the bedroom. It's about who we are to each other.

(in reply to delicatemasoKist)

Post #: 21

RE: Weddings - 3/31/2012 5:46:38 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

We're engaged and planning our wedding... my boi will be wearing her collar -- but she wears it every day anyway...it won't be unusual. Attendees at the wedding will vary -- those that know will know -- others may not. I think things at the wedding will be the same.. if you're a leather person, you'll find some things meaningful, if you're not, it might seem interesting...

ETA ... and while we are inviting others to our wedding -- short of craziness -- it is still our wedding, and with graciousness and our normal gift for entertaining, we'll make sure everyone enjoys it.. but its OUR wedding. We will do it the way we wish.. and wear what we want... I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable.. but I doubt anyone will. Perhaps its the fact that I'm over 50 and don't care much anymore what others might think... life is way too short

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 3/31/2012 5:55:52 AM >

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Post #: 22

RE: Weddings - 3/31/2012 6:16:11 AM

littlecherie

Posts: 137
Joined: 3/29/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: delicatemasoKist] Have a happy June! OH! and don't forget to do soething awesome for yourself a few days before kickoff... stress relief eh?

I am hoping to splurge on a 'spa moment', which I have never had :) Get my nails done and hair maybe?

We aren't putting the collar on at the *wedding*, it will just be on.

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Post #: 23

RE: Weddings - 3/31/2012 7:28:50 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlecherie

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

Why in the world would you choose to spring it on an assorted crowd at your WEDDING?

I didn't say that, did I? I said I answer questions honestly. I don't just say 'Yo, homies, check this out, I'm a slave, this is my collar, peace out bitches', lol.

So how will you word it to Gramma?

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Post #: 24

RE: Weddings - 3/31/2012 7:34:11 AM

littlecherie

Posts: 137
Joined: 3/29/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlecherie

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

Why in the world would you choose to spring it on an assorted crowd at your WEDDING?

I didn't say that, did I? I said I answer questions honestly. I don't just say 'Yo, homies, check this out, I'm a slave, this is my collar, peace out bitches', lol.

So how will you word it to Gramma?

What does she ask? "What is that around you neck?"
I'd say - it's a collar, isn't it pretty? It's handmade.

My grandmother would be fine with that.

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Post #: 25

RE: Weddings - 3/31/2012 8:57:24 AM

LoreBook

Posts: 257
Joined: 2/22/2012
Status: offline

Think of it this way. Would you be worrying about how people will react to your dress, or flowers, or veil? Its your wedding, wear what you want and concentrate on the two of you.
Congratulations and enjoy YOUR day.

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Post #: 26

RE: Weddings - 3/31/2012 9:11:15 AM

littlecherie

Posts: 137
Joined: 3/29/2012
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I'm not wearing a veil, so that isn't a worry, lol

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Post #: 27

RE: Weddings - 3/31/2012 5:28:05 PM

ChicagoAmy

Posts: 55
Joined: 6/28/2008
Status: offline

I would not. While I agree it's your special day I would think long and hard about the possibilities of making loved ones feel uncomfortable. And while it's probably a big part of your guys's life together I'm assuming it's not the reason you are getting married so I would leave it out of the wedding completely. This is just my opinion. My husband and I are very private people (none of his family, my family, or his friends know about our sex lifestyle, just a few of my close friends).

Either way, best wishes to you both!

(in reply to delicatemasoKist)

Post #: 28

RE: Weddings - 3/31/2012 8:22:09 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

Congrats!!

I would say wear what makes YOU happy. This is your day. Enjoy life!

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Post #: 29

RE: Weddings - 3/31/2012 9:49:53 PM

littlecherie

Posts: 137
Joined: 3/29/2012
Status: offline

I wore my collar to work today, nothing bad happened. That works ;)

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Post #: 30

RE: Weddings - 3/31/2012 10:09:06 PM

xXsoumisXx

Posts: 339
Joined: 7/26/2009
From: USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi
That day is to share with others and celebrate, have everyone happy and relaxed, not have them wonder what your necklace (?) is all about.
That's pretty much it. My mother would not understand and it would just upset her, thinking she had done something to cause it. I love her too much to do that to her.

Second, when we got married he put a ring on my finger. To me it's the "collar" I wear everyday in pretty much every situation.

We will marry this summer. I wanted something besides the traditional rings.. Our marriage will be more than traditional, and i wanted to honor that. I suggested some secret engravings on the weding bands, like Master and slave.
He said my wedding band will have a lock engraved inside the band. only we will know what it means, and it satisfied us both. Perfect solution!

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 31

RE: Weddings - 4/1/2012 4:49:26 AM

Kaliko

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlecherie

What does she ask? "What is that around you neck?"
I'd say - it's a collar, isn't it pretty? It's handmade.

My grandmother would be fine with that.

I don't know. It seems like you might be looking for the thrill of the shock factor. I can understand that. I enjoy, now and then, telling my friends something I've done and watching them be both appalled and curious.

As a usual matter of course, though, I will take into consideration the person I'm speaking with when I'm having a conversation - especially if I'm close to them and would like to continue having conversations with them in the future.

I think that if one is hosting an event, one should take into consideration the comfort of the guests. You're providing them (likely) with comfortable seating, food choices that align with their dietary needs. music, and a generally pleasant atmosphere. Why would you want to disrupt the experience that you've worked so hard to give to them by throwing this little bit of information in about yourself that A. they may not understand B. they might judge you for (right or wrong) C. they might feel you are somewhat dysfunctional for D. they may be completely weirded or disgusted by it. (Or choice E, they could show you their collar, as well. :)

There is a certain art to conversation. I feel you should take your partner in conversation into account and his or her feelings about the subject matter. Grammy, though she might be a horny ol' bird for all we know, probably does not want to know that about her granddaughter.

< Message edited by Kaliko -- 4/1/2012 5:01:56 AM >

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Post #: 32

RE: Weddings - 4/1/2012 10:04:21 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlecherie
Would you wear a collar (whatever kind) to an event that includes all your family and friends? Would it be different if they were into the kink scene?

Carol absolutely would not of her own accord. Such things are not really up to "her own accord" though.

And hey! CONGRATULATIONS

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Post #: 33

RE: Weddings - 4/1/2012 10:28:41 AM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlecherie

I kind of like the idea of attention from my family in a 'whoa, what does that mean?' type of way. I answer all questions honestly, exactly what they asked, nothing more, nothing less. Usually that works just fine with them :)

How about the attention from your kids and grandkids who will look at your wedding pictures decades later?

(in reply to littlecherie)

Post #: 34

RE: Weddings - 4/1/2012 11:11:56 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana
How about the attention from your kids and grandkids who will look at your wedding pictures decades later?

And see what, exactly? What horrendous thing are they going to see which will scar them for life?

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Baroana)

Post #: 35

RE: Weddings - 4/1/2012 11:58:18 AM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana
How about the attention from your kids and grandkids who will look at your wedding pictures decades later?

And see what, exactly? What horrendous thing are they going to see which will scar them for life?

If you think that a kid should see his or her parent wearing a collar in a BDSM context, then there is something wrong with you.

However, my response above was not intended to start a social or political discussion. I only wanted to bring this issue to the attention of the OP in case she had not considered it.

< Message edited by Baroana -- 4/1/2012 12:06:27 PM >

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Post #: 36

RE: Weddings - 4/1/2012 12:18:55 PM

BurntKitty

Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana
How about the attention from your kids and grandkids who will look at your wedding pictures decades later?

And see what, exactly? What horrendous thing are they going to see which will scar them for life?

If you think that a kid should see his or her parent wearing a collar in a BDSM context, then there is something wrong with you.

However, my response above was not intended to start a social or political discussion. I only wanted to bring this issue to the attention of the OP in case she had not considered it.

I disagree. Most kids looking at old pics of their parents will laugh or mention that they have the cool parents.

Cherie, congrats, have a wonderful day & rest of your life together. May this be the only "problem" you ever have to think about.

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Post #: 37

RE: Weddings - 4/1/2012 12:48:26 PM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

Really? I'm the only one here who has a problem with exposing kids to d/s before they're mature enough to understand it?

I'm the only one here who has a problem with giving information to kids that they shouldn't have about their parents?

I'm the only one here who has a problem with putting images of female submission into young, impressionable minds?

Shame on you all.

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Post #: 38

RE: Weddings - 4/1/2012 12:54:23 PM

littlecherie

Posts: 137
Joined: 3/29/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko
I don't know. It seems like you might be looking for the thrill of the shock factor. I can understand that. I enjoy, now and then, telling my friends something I've done and watching them be both appalled and curious.

You are right - I like the shock factor, When the time comes, I have no idea what I will, for sure, say or do. My boss asked me at work, as a conversation, what it was. I stuttered a bit and said it was a choker that my fiancee gave me before our wedding.

I try to be honest in everything I say and do. If asked about something, I tell them the answer to exactly what the asked, nothing more, nothing less. I would feel bad about not respecting them enough to answer honestly, but I don't want to be disrespectful by communicating it in a 'rude' or 'selfish' way just because I like the 'thrill' of it.

quote:

If you think that a kid should see his or her parent wearing a collar in a BDSM context, then there is something wrong with you.

I wear this collar everywhere. I wore it to Target today. It's not like I put a sign that said 'I love BDSM'. It's just another piece of jewelry that has a meaning just as a 'wedding band' does to me.

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Post #: 39

RE: Weddings - 4/1/2012 12:58:07 PM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlecherie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko
I don't know. It seems like you might be looking for the thrill of the shock factor. I can understand that. I enjoy, now and then, telling my friends something I've done and watching them be both appalled and curious.

You are right - I like the shock factor, When the time comes, I have no idea what I will, for sure, say or do. My boss asked me at work, as a conversation, what it was. I stuttered a bit and said it was a choker that my fiancee gave me before our wedding.

I try to be honest in everything I say and do. If asked about something, I tell them the answer to exactly what the asked, nothing more, nothing less. I would feel bad about not respecting them enough to answer honestly, but I don't want to be disrespectful by communicating it in a 'rude' or 'selfish' way just because I like the 'thrill' of it.

quote:

If you think that a kid should see his or her parent wearing a collar in a BDSM context, then there is something wrong with you.

I wear this collar everywhere. I wore it to Target today. It's not like I put a sign that said 'I love BDSM'. It's just another piece of jewelry that has a meaning just as a 'wedding band' does to me.

Don't you backpedal. You seem to be itching to come out to your family. That's between you and them.

I just was asking you to look forward a bit if you have not done so. Someday there might be children involved - your children, not random ones in Target - and that changes everything.

(in reply to littlecherie)

Post #: 40

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