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RE: Weddings - 4/4/2012 2:55:52 PM   
littlecherie


Posts: 137
Joined: 3/29/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I have a 20 year old daughter in a relationship and I'm around a lot of young couples all the time so that could be why I see it more often. Who knows but I see quite often unfortunately. I always wonder how they stay in long term relationships and I'm always warning my daughter that she really needs to take him into account sometimes. When I ask her questions about if she asked him how he felt I usually get the same answer and I've heard it from other young couples...."who cares? It's my life, not his". EErrmm...when you got into a relationship it is no longer just your life. But then again, I'm old fashioned and believe that couples need to take into account each other just like you would with your family and friends.





I don't take my family's thoughts into account, only because I am not close at all with my family. Same with friends. Master is really my only 'friend' in the sense I know it.

I have asked Master's thoughts on everything to do with the wedding and people say 'you're the bride, do what you want'. I just laugh it off, but I feel good that Master and I have a good relationship like that.

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http://anewslave.blogspot.com

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Weddings - 4/4/2012 3:00:43 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		ok then I guess I' m just confused then. Why are you having a wedding if you don't have any friends and you are not close to your family? Why not just get married at a jp or someplace with just the two of you and your witnesses? Then you won't have to worry about explaining your collar to anyone.



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Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Weddings - 4/4/2012 4:06:24 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana
Really? I'm the only one here who has a problem with exposing kids to d/s before they're mature enough to understand it?

I certainly don't. Then again, I don't think I'd have a hard time explaining what goes in my marriage accurately to pretty much any age bracket at a level appropriate to their understanding. If you're parenting skills are lacking, maybe some classes or something would help?

I'm the only one here who has a problem with giving information to kids that they shouldn't have about their parents?
Which information, exactly, should they not have? Is it that we love each other? Perhaps it's that mommy respects daddy? I'm losing track.

I'm the only one here who has a problem with putting images of female submission into young, impressionable minds?
Wow, you have some really poor opinions of submission. Are you SURE you should be hanging around subs? Is this one of those Fem Domme "all men are worms" things? Because honestly, I have no such images in my head so whatever I communicated it would be anything poor.

Shame on you all.
I am covered in shame. Or at least I would be if I thought that I was doing something wrong. You're messed up values, however, aren't really working out for me as a yardstick.


< Message edited by JeffBC -- 4/4/2012 4:11:10 PM >

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Weddings - 4/4/2012 5:03:33 PM   
littlecherie


Posts: 137
Joined: 3/29/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

ok then I guess I' m just confused then. Why are you having a wedding if you don't have any friends and you are not close to your family? Why not just get married at a jp or someplace with just the two of you and your witnesses? Then you won't have to worry about explaining your collar to anyone.





I am working on my relationship with my family. Things happened in the past, and now that I am able to forgive myself, and them, I want a relationship with my family.

This is a way for myself to try to get closer.

_____________________________

LIGHTS
(hellionsLight)

http://anewslave.blogspot.com

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Weddings - 4/4/2012 5:43:25 PM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomMeinCT


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlecherie

Just because they see it doesn't mean anything. It's the thought they have about it. If I say it's jewelry that my husband bought me, and it is a symbol of our relationship and commitment, it's the same damn thing.

I see no issue with anyone *seeing* a piece of jewelry. It's all about the meaning behind it.



quote:

I kind of like the idea of attention from my family in a 'whoa, what does that mean?' type of way. I answer all questions honestly, exactly what they asked, nothing more, nothing less. Usually that works just fine with them


So, do you want them to simply see a piece a jewelry?
Do you want them to come to some revelation at your wedding over the meaning of the collar?
Both?

I find it interesting that you didn't feel confident explaining directly what its symbolism was to your boss, but you're comfortable having family question its meaning and be willing to explain it at your wedding.



Why on earth would anyone explain the personal relationship dynamic of their significant other with their boss? Your personal life is none of anyone's business in the work place until it interferes with your job.

If my boss made a point of commenting on my choice of jewelry and how often I wear it, I would question their business ethics.

(in reply to DomMeinCT)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Weddings - 4/4/2012 5:52:52 PM   
littlecherie


Posts: 137
Joined: 3/29/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir


If my boss made a point of commenting on my choice of jewelry and how often I wear it, I would question their business ethics.


He was making conversation while a questionable group of kids were around the clothing - we had some thefts, and he was watching them with me. Asking about my necklace was a conversation he started to stand there without really having the kids nothice him.

_____________________________

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(hellionsLight)

http://anewslave.blogspot.com

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Weddings - 4/4/2012 5:59:12 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I'm not saying that all women should submit to their husbands. I'm saying that women should not feel so negative towards their significant other. I believe that women have let feminism go to their heads and that they don't look at their men as extensions of themselves and feel they can do whatever they want to do with no concern whatsoever to their men. I just see way too many women who always say "so what? What do I care what he thinks? If I want to do something, I'll do it because I want to" instead of thinking of the repercussions of their significant other. They don't take him into account and what he may want. They forget that sometimes forgoing your own wants and desires is better for a relationship when you realize it's an us and not a me and he/she. They fight all the time with him because they want it their way and their way only instead of compromising and negotiating and letting him have his way once in awhile.


I'd agree with this if it were gender neutral and left out the part about feminism.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Weddings - 4/4/2012 6:07:19 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir


If my boss made a point of commenting on my choice of jewelry and how often I wear it, I would question their business ethics.


The company I used to work for had a morality clause. If I was wearing a piece of jewelry with a BDSM connotation and they knew it, I would have been fired. They would have been perfectly within their rights to ask.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Weddings - 4/4/2012 6:10:40 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

I'm not saying that all women should submit to their husbands. I'm saying that women should not feel so negative towards their significant other. I believe that women have let feminism go to their heads and that they don't look at their men as extensions of themselves and feel they can do whatever they want to do with no concern whatsoever to their men. I just see way too many women who always say "so what? What do I care what he thinks? If I want to do something, I'll do it because I want to" instead of thinking of the repercussions of their significant other. They don't take him into account and what he may want. They forget that sometimes forgoing your own wants and desires is better for a relationship when you realize it's an us and not a me and he/she. They fight all the time with him because they want it their way and their way only instead of compromising and negotiating and letting him have his way once in awhile.


I'd agree with this if it were gender neutral and left out the part about feminism.


Me too.

littlewonder has made a sweeping indictment of women in general without any basis in fact. Since when is the typical woman so selfish and inconsiderate? Since when are men so perfect?

I get that littlewonder and her daughter disapprove of each other. I wish they wouldn't take it out on the rest of us.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Weddings - 4/4/2012 6:12:34 PM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir


If my boss made a point of commenting on my choice of jewelry and how often I wear it, I would question their business ethics.


The company I used to work for had a morality clause. If I was wearing a piece of jewelry with a BDSM connotation and they knew it, I would have been fired. They would have been perfectly within their rights to ask.



That might depend on the state you live/work in and what that job actually is.

Barring that, however, if they aren't allowed to ask certain questions about your relationships during the hiring process I can't see how it is their business afterward.

I'm not saying I flaunt our relationship in the workplace, but in many workplaces, a man commenting on a woman's clothing or jewelry could constitute sexual harassment.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Weddings - 4/4/2012 6:15:34 PM   
littlecherie


Posts: 137
Joined: 3/29/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir


I'm not saying I flaunt our relationship in the workplace, but in many workplaces, a man commenting on a woman's clothing or jewelry could constitute sexual harassment.



I see nothing wrong with saying 'oh, that's pretty' or 'oh, that necklace is new'.

But i suppose I see your point. He asked what it was, I told him it was a gift from my fiancee basically.

I see nothing 'sexual harassment' from it.



_____________________________

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(hellionsLight)

http://anewslave.blogspot.com

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Weddings - 4/4/2012 6:19:09 PM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlecherie


quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir


I'm not saying I flaunt our relationship in the workplace, but in many workplaces, a man commenting on a woman's clothing or jewelry could constitute sexual harassment.



I see nothing wrong with saying 'oh, that's pretty' or 'oh, that necklace is new'.

But i suppose I see your point. He asked what it was, I told him it was a gift from my fiancee basically.

I see nothing 'sexual harassment' from it.




I was commenting more on what Baroana was saying, about him then commenting on why you wear it every day, etc. etc.

I've seen people get disciplined by HR for what could be seemingly innocent comments.

(in reply to littlecherie)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Weddings - 4/4/2012 6:32:52 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline 		You must be confusing me with somebody else. I have not weighed in on the work discussion.

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Weddings - 4/4/2012 6:36:48 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir


If my boss made a point of commenting on my choice of jewelry and how often I wear it, I would question their business ethics.


The company I used to work for had a morality clause. If I was wearing a piece of jewelry with a BDSM connotation and they knew it, I would have been fired. They would have been perfectly within their rights to ask.



That might depend on the state you live/work in and what that job actually is.
California is an "at will employment" state. So, companies are only bound by their own company policies. If they say that they can fire fire you for something they consider immoral, they can.

quote:

Barring that, however, if they aren't allowed to ask certain questions about your relationships during the hiring process I can't see how it is their business afterward.
BDSM is illegal in most states. So, questioning you about illegal activities is within their bounds.

quote:

I'm not saying I flaunt our relationship in the workplace, but in many workplaces, a man commenting on a woman's clothing or jewelry could constitute sexual harassment.
The travel industry is 98% female. I've never had a male as my direct supervisor.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Weddings - 4/4/2012 9:32:59 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		lol...this had zero to do with me and my daughter's relationship <shrug> and yeah I know many many women who are that inconsiderate in their relationships <shrug>. I'll just leave it at that and won't comment again.

As for the op, you said you are trying to work on your relationship with your family, so imo...if that's what you're trying to do and you are wanting to wear your collar for shock and awe value at your wedding, how is that helping to get closer to your family? Seems like just the opposite to me. I think that would push them even further apart from you and possibly even to the brink of total cutoff. It's your wedding though. If that's what you want to do then so be it.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Weddings - 4/4/2012 9:44:26 PM   
domincalifornia


Posts: 88
Joined: 6/7/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlecherie

Master and I are getting married in June. I just got a really nice steel collar, and will wear it there. It may draw attention, it may not.

Would you wear a collar (whatever kind) to an event that includes all your family and friends? Would it be different if they were into the kink scene?


It's your wedding, so do what you like. Personally, I wouldn't do something like this, but that's me. I am not a big fan of public displays of BDSM, particularly if it's being thrust in the face of people who might be uncomfortable with it.

(in reply to littlecherie)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Weddings - 4/5/2012 4:01:18 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

I'm not saying that all women should submit to their husbands. I'm saying that women should not feel so negative towards their significant other. I believe that women have let feminism go to their heads and that they don't look at their men as extensions of themselves and feel they can do whatever they want to do with no concern whatsoever to their men. I just see way too many women who always say "so what? What do I care what he thinks? If I want to do something, I'll do it because I want to" instead of thinking of the repercussions of their significant other. They don't take him into account and what he may want. They forget that sometimes forgoing your own wants and desires is better for a relationship when you realize it's an us and not a me and he/she. They fight all the time with him because they want it their way and their way only instead of compromising and negotiating and letting him have his way once in awhile.


I'd agree with this if it were gender neutral and left out the part about feminism.


Agreed. I've met more men that believe it is THEY that can do whatever the hell they want, without any consideration for the women and children in their lives. Selfish pricks. Just assuming they can get off work, play on a softball league, a golf league, a pool league, a darts league, hang out at the bar before and after, spending without a care because THEY EARNED IT DAMMIT, while the little woman, who also spent a day at work, is at home helping kids with home work, shuttling kids to their extra curricular events, doing the shopping, getting dinner, getting kids bathed and off to bed, getting things ready for the following day, and maybe sees her husband for a few minutes when he drags his ass to the couch and remote with beer in hand, to fall asleep snoring. So he can get up and do it all again the next day.

How day that woman yell at him so disrespectfully...

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Weddings - 4/5/2012 6:55:26 AM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

That's pretty much it. My mother would not understand and it would just upset her, thinking she had done something to cause it. I love her too much to do that to her.


Yeah, wouldn't want her to think she caused you happiness.

Or was that "caused you to become a bad woman with wrong feelings?"

I would like to think a mother first and foremost cares if her daughter is happy, and puts the whole judging without all the facts thing near the bottom of the list of things to do, along with other disqualifiers of parenthood.  That saves the daughter the trouble of living with a (white) lie to avoid facing the reality of the absent foundation of the relationship with her mother.

Granted, it seems somewhat rude to spring your orientation during the wedding, so it might be better to take five minutes to do so earlier, like at least a few days ahead of time. Chances are one's parents don't want to know the details beyond "it's all good, it makes me happy, feel free to giggle if something seems odd, and please don't freak out without asking."

I mean, consider an LGBT couple.

A lot of parents need a moment to digest that.

I doubt anyone here would wait until the actual ceremony before telling their parents and other loved ones that the spouse to be will be same sex. And I question the sanity (or applaud the sense of humor) of anyone that would dress up their future spouse as the opposite sex to prevent confronting whatever attitidues might be an issue in this connection.

All this assumes, of course, that it's an orientation thing, and not just spice.

Personally, I just wouldn't want to be hiding anything or lying or otherwise being deceitful in front of a gaggle of guests and what powers may be, to say nothing of my Ars, when making a mutual vow of commitment. It can be a difficult subject to broach, yes. But if I can't find the courage to tackle such an obstacle, I have to forego or postpone the wedding, on account of not being ready to make an honest and transparent commitment before these people as our witnesses, or being unworthy of receiving one in return for not being able to summon that courage for something so important.

Anyone that cares about the couple or their union will be happy to accomodate them on this, once they know as much as they need to know (which may be as little as "there's going to be some things that may seem odd to you; it's our quirks, just ignore them"). Guess sometimes it's just more pleasant to pretend people care and/or accept, than to find out.

Health,
al-Aswad.


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Weddings - 4/5/2012 7:21:19 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
As for the op, you said you are trying to work on your relationship with your family, so imo...if that's what you're trying to do and you are wanting to wear your collar for shock and awe value at your wedding, how is that helping to get closer to your family? Seems like just the opposite to me. I think that would push them even further apart from you and possibly even to the brink of total cutoff.
I was thinking the same thing. You're trying to improve your relationship, but you want to do something that has the potential to make them uncomfortable around you.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Weddings - 4/8/2012 7:00:32 PM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlecherie


quote:

ORIGINAL: DomMeinCT



So, do you want them to simply see a piece a jewelry?
Do you want them to come to some revelation at your wedding over the meaning of the collar?
Both?

I find it interesting that you didn't feel confident explaining directly what its symbolism was to your boss, but you're comfortable having family question its meaning and be willing to explain it at your wedding.



That is a really good question. I want them to see a 'meaning' behind it, but I don't want them to think of it in a negative way that some people may think of when they hear 'collar'. The difference between my boss and my family is exactly that. This is my boss, and this is my family - I am closer, and care more about them than my boss.


I've bolded what I think is the fallacy in your thinking on this: You can't control what others will think or how they'll react to your collar. You're waiting to show this to them at a high-pressure, public, emotional event? And, you're hoping everyone will embrace it, or barring that, hold their peace? I don't know your family, but since you're already said later in this thread that you're rebuilding your relationship with them, your choosing to wear something that could be controversial to them - despite its positive meaning to you - could end negatively. It's your risk to take.

I'm not weighing in that you shouldn't wear the collar, but I think your expectations of others' behavior - despite how much you want them to - might not make your day as happy as you'd like (for everyone).

< Message edited by DomMeinCT -- 4/8/2012 7:02:23 PM >

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to littlecherie)
Profile   Post #: 80
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